Dear Janis,

If you can, go to ACC and just talk to them. Take Bud with you and ya'll just see what the specialists think. Then you have a bit more info which may provide the answers you need. Have you talked with anyone from the cancer forums? Did anyone have any experience similar to Mira's story to share?

Oh, I wish there were words to help you understand that you are not failing your baby girl in any way. To emotionally fail Mira you would have to walk away from her and erase her from your heart, never looking back. You are right by her side instead, holding her, hugging her, kissing her, and doing all you can to keep her comfortable and happy as she can be.

I can only imagine the helplessness you are feeling. It is this feeling of helplessness that fuels guilt; we always feel there HAS to be something we can do, there HAS to be something we are missing, there HAS to be something somewhere but we are simply unable to find it...we aren't smart enough, strong enough. So we feel as if we are failing and the guilt begins to eat us alive. Which makes us feel even more helpless, and hopeless. A terrible, horrifying cycle which we cannot stop and we become lost in the vortex.

But, you know what? Not all humans are capable of feeling these emotions, of finding themselves in this vicious cycle, because they can't comprehend the depth of love required in order for our souls to reach such a state of despair. To shed a single tear for a "dumb animal" is beyond their comprehension! How small and empty and cold their souls must be.

You and I and everyone here have been blessed; we were giving souls capable of holding love beyond measure. Each and everyone of us knows when we first fall in love with our furbabies that one day we will face the pain of losing them, of waking up one morning to find their physical place beside us forever empty. Yet we take them into our homes and hearts willingly, gladly, with joy, and we love them completely every single day we are given to share with them.

You love Mira and, Janis, love never fails.

Hugs,
Leslie and the girls - always