I do not think I could handle putting up Zoe's tree. Actually, I know I cant do it. I had hoped we could go away for Christmas with Koko but now I have this never ending cough and hubby has a medical procedure coming up mid December so we cant get away.

I thought really hard about maybe putting up Zoe's tree but decorating it with my antique ornaments rather than her beautiful birds. Then I realized I would have to lock Koko up in the kitchen again as I would be too worried leaving him home alone with a tree filled with glass ornaments.

So now I guess I will just stop planning anything, live in the moment and go with the flow, whatever I do.

I am so dreading Thanksgiving without Zoe barking at the table and being so excited. I try to banish the thoughts from my mind and just not think about it. Sort of going through the motions without too much thinking involved.

Firsts are hard.