Dad of Lulu - sweet Lulu has crossed The Bridge

[LabDad]

I wake up refreshed, mind blank (slate cleaned) at peace. I have fewer things to do when I get up, even though Nellie (one of our cats) follows me down, and I usually slice some ham for her.

But I am sad but not unhappy! I am happy that Lulu is at peace and happy for the great times we have had.

[Squirt's Mom]

That extra time that we no longer need to devote to activities that had become such a part of our daily routines is difficult to deal with at times. The actions become ingrained to such a degree we find ourselves starting the routines even after they are not required. After Tasha was gone, I was stunned by all the things I didn't have to do and at loose ends with all that extra time on my hands. It's been 2 1/2 months and I continue to fall into the routines established with Tash but it is getting easier. I hope your days bring many happy memories and with those memories, healing for your Heart and Soul.

Hugs,
Leslie and the gang

[LabDad]

Thanks Leslie,

I tried to get my wife to go down the road 10 miles, to Mom's Kitchen, in small town Memphis, MI a quaint little restaurant. Mom is from Yugoslavia and has had the place for at least 10 or 15 years too. Very nice lady, and has down the town well with this place. I also suggested Mancino's of Port Huron, as we have a gift certificate for grinders.

I told her at least we should go up to West Branch later this spring to celebrate me getting this job, I hope to get. I really want to do that, with or without a new girl. But to much depression right now. Not really good, but I hope it gets better. It's hard.

Lot's of good memories we have too. I could put them together for her in a 15 minute memorial presentation too, but it's too early for me to do this yet, though I think I will start to sort out the images and videos I have. It all depends on this job, and it's certainly not a sure thing.

[Squirt's Mom]

She, and you, have lost a child. Nothing can begin to describe that depth of pain. Please let your wife know that we are here for her as well; should she ever want to talk, we would be honored to listen.

Hugs,
Leslie and the gang

[LabDad]

Thank you Leslie, I told Moo that and said she could even create her own logon if she wanted.

[LabDad]

It's our anniversary, but we have a quiet one at home, the first time in seven years. We weren't going out anyway, and I feel good that we are at home, less vulnerable to aches of being away where are girl would be. Just watching some tv and have laptop in the dining room, tv two rooms straight to my right side, so I can hear and see when I need to. We both are okay with this tonight.

One thing I read I believe in the grieving book is if you normally get up and do what I do and walk in the morning, and that included your dog, like I did with Lulu, is to do something else. I think anyway that is what I read.

Robin asks you to define your relationship to your pet. What did Lulu mean to me she asks? How did I show my love for her? I can tell you that I rewarded her with treats often, not always good for weight control. But I used to just give her a hug and just hold her.

Then Robin asks you to describe how your pet (Lulu for me) love you back? I know partly when I went to the living room, my favorite room to read, that she would come in and lie down at my feet. I could lay my feet on her at times as a foot warmer, which I sometimes did.

Then finally 'what did we provide for each other'?

[labblab]

I know your anniversary evening was spent differently than you might have wished or expected, but it is still a milestone to be celebrated if even in a quieter way. So I send you and Moo my belated best wishes!

Thank you so much for all the grieving tips. I have been thinking about them myself, and the memories and feelings that they bring up for me. The suggestion about changing your routine is an interesting one. There are definitely some ways in which that would be helpful to me, since I am a person who can be easily caught up and almost paralyzed in my own thoughts and worries. So changing some routines after a loss would be a help, I think. But sticking to some routines actually turned out to be a release for me. Especially going for walks.

When I wrote to you earlier with the poem, it brought back memories of so many walks taken both when my Barkis was physically beside me and also times when he was not. Walking the dogs is probably one of the very best parts of the day for me, because it gets me going, it gets me out in nature, and it allows me to see the world through their eyes (and noses!). I have two girls now, but at the time we had Barkis, he was our only child. So after he was gone, I had nobody to walk with (physically). And those were among the times of day when I missed him the most. But somehow that seemed like a routine I needed to keep. It hurt me so badly to walk without him, but I also felt closest to him then. On those first mornings, I actually took his collar in my hand and walked around the lake, tears pouring down my face. I must have looked like a crazy woman. But it felt really important to me to honor our routine, and I would call his spirit to join me. And after many days, slowly the walking got easier and it was at those times that I still felt the closest to Barkis. Long story short, we unexpectedly ended up getting our Peg after only a couple of months, so I did not have many solo walks after all. But as I say, that was a routine that I needed to keep up, regardless.

I apologize for making this reply about "me, me, me!" But the things you are writing are very helpful to me, too, and so it is a privilege (and a comfort) for me to have a chance to share some of my thoughts, too.

Once again, sending my best wishes to you and Moo today,
Marianne

[LabDad]

I am oscillating through the grieving book. But that's okay. I did a couple of exercises spending about five minutes on these two.

What is the most important quality in a pet? Why? I mentioned compansionship, because a dog may be loyal or fickle but to me when my dog enjoys being around me and I enjoy being around my dog, that is just as important as loyality.

What are the benefits of having an animal companion? I mentioned not ever being lonely, walking companion, traveling as we did, and of course they can be great watch dogs, and even protectors.

[LabDad]

But sticking to some routines actually turned out to be a release for me. Especially going for walks.

When I wrote to you earlier with the poem, it brought back memories of so many walks taken both when my Barkis was physically beside me and also times when he was not. Walking the dogs is probably one of the very best parts of the day for me, because it gets me going, it gets me out in nature, and it allows me to see the world through their eyes (and noses!). I have two girls now, but at the time we had Barkis, he was our only child. So after he was gone, I had nobody to walk with (physically). And those were among the times of day when I missed him the most. But somehow that seemed like a routine I needed to keep. It hurt me so badly to walk without him, but I also felt closest to him then. On those first mornings, I actually took his collar in my hand and walked around the lake, tears pouring down my face.

Once again, sending my best wishes to you and Moo today,
Marianne

I am definitely going to continue to walk. And I like the collar idea. One place we used to walk though 20 minutes away was around a river, park the county bought, now a bit more built up, but the route about 3 miles took about an hour to do. I think we may have done part of this last year, but not sure, but for sure in 2011. So I think I will do that walk once myself. I don't know if the snow has melted enough off the trails, but I think it is doable with boots right now. I know it will make me sad, but I think that it would be therapeutic. I might even take my step-dad's cannon he gave me, as it takes excellent professional shots. I have pictures of Lulu walking it.

Marianne, don't worry about writing on my thread, there will be lots of text on it anyway from this grieving book, plus I plan to supplement it from another website, as I think it needs some refinement.

[LabDad]

I am behind in my grieving reading and writing. So I will continue on, haven't answered these myself.

What are the challenges involved with having an animal companion?

How do you know which animal is right for you?

Who was your first pet. Describe this pet. Well my first pet was our cat Sandy, born when my sister was born, and was four when I was born. Sandy was a male neutered cat. We lived in Detroit, the cat came from my grandmother and uncle's home 30 miles north in Romeo. We would move closer to the country just south of Romeo. Our mostly outdoor cat Sandy came with us. She was sandy colored, I have some B & W photos of Sandy. (Maybe I will post some of our pets later.) He was soft. We never had another pet with Sandy unless it was our parakeet. Sandy lived a good long life, about 15 years old when she developed a bloating and we left him with our vet in Romeo but mom told me after we came back from a short vacation, that the vet had put him to sleep.