Lena, Teacup Poodle w/ adrenal tumor - Lena is now an angel

[onlyg]

Hi Joan. I would like share a story with you. Maggie was my husbands pride and joy. When he was home, I didn't exist in her eyes. She followed him around everywhere and only laid on his lap when we relaxed at night. When my husband passed, Maggie went into a depression that lasted for months. She would just eat, sleep and sit by the garage door waiting for him to come home. She was usually really energetic and loved to play with her brother and toys but that all stopped. When I took her to the vet the vet explained to me that dogs understand death more then somebody just suddenly missing. If I had brought her to the funeral home to say goodbye, she would have not have gone through that terrible depression. So you did the greatest thing when you brought Lena home and allowed them to say their goodbyes! They will miss her but they will understand the loss better. Hope this helps! You're in my thoughts and prayers.
G - Maggies mom

[Joan2517]

Hi Joan. I would like share a story with you. Maggie was my husbands pride and joy. When he was home, I didn't exist in her eyes. She followed him around everywhere and only laid on his lap when we relaxed at night. When my husband passed, Maggie went into a depression that lasted for months. She would just eat, sleep and sit by the garage door waiting for him to come home. She was usually really energetic and loved to play with her brother and toys but that all stopped. When I took her to the vet the vet explained to me that dogs understand death more then somebody just suddenly missing. If I had brought her to the funeral home to say goodbye, she would have not have gone through that terrible depression. So you did the greatest thing when you brought Lena home and allowed them to say their goodbyes! They will miss her but they will understand the loss better. Hope this helps! You're in my thoughts and prayers.
G - Maggies mom

Aww, poor Maggie...I'm sorry. I wish I could just accept it like they do.

I am tortured thinking that I should have stayed and been there when she started arresting, or had them put her down right away. She was reaching for me from the tank, and when I opened it she kept licking me and kept trying to get into my arms, and I don't remember if I picked her up or not. I think I was afraid to because of all the trouble she was having breathing.

I am so afraid that she felt like I abandoned her and it's paralyzing me with sadness today.

[onlyg]

I truly believe that if you had to make the decision, you would have always second guessed that maybe she could have pulled through. She took that decision from you so you wouldn't have to feel that guilt. She knew you would be devastated so she waited for you to leave before she gave up the fight. Dogs always unselfishly love us and she unselfishly loved you till the end. I hope you can somehow find peace in knowing that she did that for you! I know how paralyzed with sadness you are right now and that is okay. You suffered a great loss but please don't let guilt invade that sadness. She was so blessed to have you as her mom and you gave her 15 great years and didn't give up on her when she got sick. You did everything you could have possibly done. She is smiling down on you right now bragging to all the other doggy angels about how good she had it! Big hugs to you and remember she will always be there in your heart until you meet again!

[Joan2517]

Thank you, I am trying to believe that. I'm trying not to second guess myself, but it is so, so hard. I just want my baby girl back.

I have to go back to work on Monday, and act like a grown-up and be professional, but I am so afraid that I will just cry...I still can't stop, I don't really want to stop. I miss her so much.

This is the only place I can express how much I am hurting. I know that everyone who knows me, knows how much Lena meant to me. The joke was always that no one wanted to be around me if anything ever happened to her. No one has abandoned me (yet), but there are just a few who will continue to let me cry.

[Amanda's Mom]

Joan, I just checked in today and read about Lena. I am so very sorry and I know how deep your grief is. My Amanda (also a poodle) had adrenal surgery 16 months ago. She has advanced heart disease and I am thankful for every day she is still with us. Amanda has been hospitalized several times now for CHF the last only a few weeks ago. It is so hard to have to leave them there but they need the continuous drip lasix and the oxygen. Please don't second guess yourself. Being at home listening to them cough, watching them struggle to breathe is like torture. I know you want your baby girl back. And who can blame you for crying. You are so filled with overwhelming sadness. You loved Lena with all your heart and nothing can fill the void she has left. You will have your baby again one day. Until then take what consolation you can in knowing how much you loved each other and how you fought to keep her healthy and happy. She is healthy again now, and one day she will run to her mommy's arms as you are both filled with joy! I will hold you and Lena in my heart and thoughts!

Claire
(Amanda's Mom)

[Joan2517]

Thank you, Claire...your kind words help. I hope Amanda improves and I was thankful for every day since her diagnosis. I think I knew because of her age that this wasn't going to give me as much time with her as I wanted.

Joan

[Roxie]

So sorry for your loss! I just came back here to see how the other pups were doing and was very saddened to see this. Hang in there and know you did everything you could do for her! Sending thoughts and prayers your way!

[Joan2517]

Thank you for your kind words. Today will be my first day back to work. I am dreading it. I was lucky to have the weekend to mourn, but it went by too fast. I hate to leave my other guys today, they have been such a comfort to me...surrounding me with warm bodies and nudges and kisses. It helped to have them to wrap my arms around and cry on.

Coming home and not having Lena at the door with all of them is going to hurt so much. She has always been the first one I look forward to seeing.

But I don't know how I would've been able to leave this morning if she were still here, worrying that she might throw another clot and not be able to breath while I was at work. So maybe things have gone the way they were supposed to.

I will miss her every second of every day...my sweet, precious Lee.

[onlyg]

Thinking of you today!! I know how difficult it is for you going back to work. I am praying for you to have the strength to make it through. Just remember to take one day at a time!

[Joan2517]

Thinking of you today!! I know how difficult it is for you going back to work. I am praying for you to have the strength to make it through. Just remember to take one day at a time!

I'm so busy catching up, it is not as bad as I thought it was going to be. And to make everything even more complicated, my 7 year old grandson in in the hospital. He has Chronic Granulomatous Disease and is fighting something that the doctors at Cohen's Childrens' Center have not been able to figure out yet.

He just got back from the NIH in Bethesda on Thursday where he was supposed to have a colonoscopy, but they couldn't do it because he had a fever. So they had to come home and the fever got worse and he has to be admitted to the hospital if his temperature reaches a certain point.

This has been a hell of a week for all of us!