Lena, Teacup Poodle w/ adrenal tumor - Lena is now an angel

[Budsters Mom]

You are exhausted. You need rest and time to process all that has occured.

Quality of life is a huge consideration for many of us. It was my ONLY consideration when it came to my Buddy. I was determined that he would not suffer. Although I knew that releasing him would devastate me and break my heart, my decision had to be what was best for him.

Only you can determine what is reasonable/fair when it comes to Lena's care and how much she's able to handle. For now, I'm glad that she's home and you're able to spend some precious time together.

Hugs,
Kathy

I'm wondering if this is fair to her

[Joan2517]

I had to rush Lena back to the Emergency Clinic late last night, she just could not breath right. They rushed her right in again and put her in the tank. Dr. suggested looking for a cardiologist in the morning, which was just a few hours away by that time. I went in to kiss her goodnight and tell her how much I loved her before I left her there for another night.

They called me at 5:00 to tell me she was in cardiac arrest and did I want them to keep working on her to give me time to get there, but I couldn't let her suffer, so I told them to put her to sleep. I wasn't with her at the end and I am devastated...I promised her I wouldn't let her die alone, my dog of my heart.

When I went to get my precious, I just sat with her, kissed her again and again, told her how much I loved her and how sorry I was that I hadn't been there. Then I took her home and held her until my vet's office opened so that they could send her out to be cremated.

My other dogs all got a chance to say goodbye and I held her and walked her around the house and the yard...all her favorite spots, everywhere where I will continue to see her.

The house is so quiet, the others seem to be being especially good. My big boy, Gabe keeps coming over and putting his paw on me and just looking at me. He checks on me every hour or so. He seemed the most upset after seeing her and just lay by the back door.

The thought of never seeing her or holding her again is so painful. The past 2 nights without her in bed with us have been awful. I have been sleeping most of the afternoon. Every time I wake up and remember that she's gone, I have to go back to sleep where she is still with me.

I should have stayed there last night or had them put her to sleep while I was there, but I wanted to believe she would come home like she did yesterday. I hope she wasn't afraid at the end and waiting for me...this will be something I will always be kicking myself for. I feel I failed her, the dog of my heart, my precious angel, my third child.

[lulusmom]

Joan, I am so terribly sorry for your loss. I know how difficult it was for you to make the decision to let her go. Sometimes sparing their pain and suffering outweighs our need to be there to hold them when they leave this world. You may not have been there but I'm convinced it was your face Lena saw as she crossed over. Don't doubt that because you were her world.

Godspeed sweet Lena.

[Renee]

Oh Joan, how my heart breaks for you. Every time I have logged in today, I have dreaded checking your thread, fearing this would be coming.

I am so very, very sorry you weren't there with her, but please be kind to yourself.

Sail on fast and free precious Lena.

[labblab]

Oh Joan. I am sorry beyond words. I know your heart is broken into pieces. But I do believe that Glynda has spoken the truth. You did not need to be physically present for Lena to feel cradled in your love. You made the decision that was best for her, at your own expense. Precious, precious little girl. She has always been your angel, and now she has truly earned her angel wings.

Sending you hugs of peace and comfort,
Marianne

[Budsters Mom]

I am so very sorry for your loss.

Fly feel angel Lena, fly free!

Big hugs,
Kathy

[molly muffin]

Oh no! I just got home from work and saw this. The tears are flooding. I just can't imagine how you feel right now. I'm so so sorry Joan.
My heart cries for you.

[My sweet Ginger]

Oh Joan,
This is such devastating news as I was so hoping Lena will pull through this. I'm so sorry that she had to suffer her last few days but I'm glad she got to come home and spent her last day with you. I'm sure she was very happy to see you again.

My baby came home today and that was what I did too. I showed her our front yard where we went out many times every day and night for years and she'd smell the grass while walking around. We also walked around all over the house where she'd walked around for hours and hours. It's still not the same but she's home with me and I know with me is where she'd want to be the most.

Let the tears come out. Don't try to hold it as that is most natural thing to do when we lose our dearly loved ones. Right now I'm trying to remember my baby's healthy years rather than sick ones but surprisingly it is not that easy because I've spent last three years so focused on her sickness and much diminished state of mind and health. Those healthy days seem sooo far away. I hope you have many, many happy and healthy memories of Lena and you together. But right now let the tears come down. I do think it will take some time for us to be able to remember our good times together with a smile on our face but I believe we will one day get there.
I also promised to my baby that I will be with her for her last moments and that still hurts me so much but for Lena you had to do what was best for her at the time as we'd never want them to suffer. You gave her the final gift that only you could give. I know it doesn't really help to ease your pain but I hope you know that Lena is free of any pain now and whole again. I'm so sorry Joan. Big hugs, Song.

[Joan2517]

Thank you...I just couldn't post all day, I didn't want to see it in writing. My husband and children had to post to Facebook as I just could not. I texted family members this morning as I was totally incoherent. I still have to call my best friend, but I will probably only get one word out before she won't be able to understand a single thing I say.

[Joan2517]

Oh Joan,
This is such devastating news as I was so hoping Lena will pull through this. I'm so sorry that she had to suffer her last few days but I'm glad she got to come home and spent her last day with you. I'm sure she was very happy to see you again.

My baby came home today and that was what I did too. I showed her our front yard where we went out many times every day and night for years and she'd smell the grass while walking around. We also walked around all over the house where she'd walked around for hours and hours. It's still not the same but she's home with me and I know with me is where she'd want to be the most.

Let the tears come out. Don't try to hold it as that is most natural thing to do when we lose our dearly loved ones. Right now I'm trying to remember my baby's healthy years rather than sick ones but surprisingly it is not that easy because I've spent last three years so focused on her sickness and much diminished state of mind and health. Those healthy days seem sooo far away. I hope you have many, many happy and healthy memories of Lena and you together. But right now let the tears come down. I do think it will take some time for us to be able to remember our good times together with a smile on our face but I believe we will one day get there.
I also promised to my baby that I will be with her for her last moments and that still hurts me so much but for Lena you had to do what was best for her at the time as we'd never want them to suffer. You gave her the final gift that only you could give. I know it doesn't really help to ease your pain but I hope you know that Lena is free of any pain now and whole again. I'm so sorry Joan. Big hugs, Song.

Thank you, Song...I thought I was the only one who would something like that...I was afraid it meant I was really losing it.