Apollo,missing you,1 year, 5 months

[apollo6]

My little Angel it is 1 year 8 months since you passed and I grieve you every day. I miss you every day. The grief hits me out of no where and I think about the beautiful life,joy,love,courage ,support,laughter you gave me. But I want you back. One more lick, one more hug.
I know you orchestrated me adopting Arial,and he has helped me with my grief. You were so calm,proud,brave. You endured so much the last year,fought so hard and I could not save you. It still haunts me about putting you on the poisons-ivermectin,the strongest dosage of Advantage to fight the mange and the skin infections when they were making you more sick.I kept asking about your intentional issues,why didn't the vets listen to me. I had to ask for the ultra sound to find out after one month about the lesions maybe being cancer and reading that the poison they told me to give you may have caused it. Forgive baby!! Thyroid medications, being told to take you off the Trilostane to increase your cortisol to fight the infections, the muscle wasting,the intentional lesions. oh God why did you have to suffer. I cry when I read about other fur balls going through this awful disease, why don't they find a cure?
I still feel it is the vaccines,the medicines which have steroids in them and the prednisone they give that causes Cushing's,but it is such a complicated disease,who knows.
Mommy misses you every day. I cry a little less, but the lose will always be there. You blessed me with your life,love,joy. Always in my heart.
Love Mommy