Apollo,missing you,1 year, 5 months

[apollo6]

Baby boy,tried to light a candle for you today. I am still struggling with your lose. God ,I miss you so much. I try to have a little humor feeling you are looking down from heaven watching me. But I still want you back. I prayed every day for a miracle your last month,tried every ointment on your skin infection,worried so much about the intestinal issues. Why didn't the vets address the stomach issues. Baby boy, it is 1 year,7 months and I am still struggling with guilt.Why couldn't I save you. Your last few days,I was angry,frustrated ,feeling so helpless,knowing we lost the battle,holding onto every second I had with you,crying. I was trying to get food and water down you,when I should have been comforting you. In your last few seconds you reached your head out to me and I held you as you let out a sigh.I need to believe this was your way of showing me ,I love you Mom. Baby you were my world. I am struggling with your little brother the total opposite of you. You calmed me, I have to
ease Arial's fears and anxiety. He gets these anxiety attaches out of no where and I try to comfort him. You were one of a kind,regal,loving,stubborn,smart,brave,courageous. Missing you,my love.
Your mom
Sonja