Lena, Teacup Poodle w/ adrenal tumor - Lena is now an angel

[labblab]

Awwwww Joan, unanswered questions are the worst, that's for sure.

What excuse is the vet giving you for not providing the ultrasound report? Although there really isn't any excuse for making you wait for a year!

If it gives you any comfort, though, it probably was a moot point as to whether there was actually an adrenal tumor present as opposed to the Cushing's being pituitary in origin. Trilostane is a recommended treatment for either form of the disease, and her cortisol level was being monitored via ACTH testing. So either way, probably nothing about her treatment would have changed. That's still no excuse for you not being able to find out the facts, but maybe it will give you some peace about the results -- no matter what they were.

Marianne

[molly muffin]

Really, no excuse for not having the report. It should be in her file. Period.

hugs

[Joan2517]

They said they can't find it...I'm just so afraid that she didn't have Cushing's and was misdiagnosed. I keep seeing how if anything else is going on, there might be another reason for the cortisol to be high and I'm so afraid that I rushed into treatment and wound up making her last days uncomfortable, to say the least. I know they have to keep records for three years after death and it just upsets me, to the point i want to scream, that they don't have this ONE thing i need to have some closure.

I just want to know I did the right thing. My vet said "we'll give her a pill and she'll be fine". Well, that didn't happen. He should've told me at her age, the damage was already done and to let her go in peace. He never said anything about prednisone and what to watch for.

That's why I am so reluctant to have Gabe tested. I don't want to make a mistake.

I miss Lee so much and I just couldn't bear it if I thought I made the wrong decisions for her.

As you can see, I'm having a Lena day....

[molly muffin]

Those days happen Joan. (lena days) I think it is always hard to not look back and wonder and second guess ourselves with could we have done this or that instead.
The issue with that is that you don't know for sure that "instead" might have been worse, none of us will ever know and that is the damned if you do and damned if you don't that we live with.

I think, in the end, what you have to hold on to, is that, you loved Lena and always did the best for her based upon the knowledge you had at that time. What you know today, you might not have had knowledge of at the time of a decision. We sometimes forget that, especially as you become even more knowledgable over time.
(did that make sense?) I hope so, it sounded like i was all over the place.

[Joan2517]

No, it makes sense, Sharlene...I just want her back. I think it's this time of year. This is when we got her, that 1 1/2lb of fluff...that baby who needed me....and who plopped into my heart right away, and is still there.

On this site, you all understand. In my "real" world, they don't. I should be over it by now, gotten past it, moved on....

Some days, I can't...and this is one of them. My baby is gone, how on earth can I accept that??

[Whiskey's Mom]

Joan I can totally relate to everything you say, and to The responses from Sharlene and Marianne, too. Just like you, I have a lot of unanswered questions about Whiskeys true diagnosis but right or wrong, we both did all we could based on what we knew at the time. Sharlene put it perfectly- that "instead" could have been much worse. We loved our babies and always will, and we want them back. Don't get me wrong-I love all animals, but why do elephants and parrots have such long life spans, & not dogs? So unfair.

[labblab]

Dear Joan,

I know there's probably nothing that anybody can say that will change your doubts and regrets about Lena's Cushing's treatment. But I decided to look back through your thread one more time, and having done so, I think that Sharlene was so wise in what she's just written -- that there's simply no way to know how things would have turned out had you travelled a different path. And truly, things might have been even worse. This is how you described Lena when you first joined us.

She has had symptoms for about a year, I think. They didn't happen all at once, but crept up. The panting, not wanting to cuddle anymore, peeing in the house, slipping on the wood floors, not climbing stairs anymore, drinking a lot of water, eating like crazy; the potbelly, warts, an eye infection, her tail didn't poof after grooming anymore; she was always hot, when she used to love to lounge around on the deck and soak up the sun. Some I went to the vet for, but the rest I thought was just her age.

Goodness, little Lena had so many symptoms of Cushing's, and these were all problems that were robbing her of any decent quality of life . Honestly, I don't see how not treating her for Cushing's would have been a viable option for you, Joan. You listed above the outward signs, but we also know that she was suffering from internal Cushing's problems such as high blood pressure which carries so many risks for heart, kidneys, vision, etc. In the end, the vets believe it was a clot or cardiac emergency that prompted her respiratory failure. If so, these are symptoms of the disease and not of the treatment.

I truly do not believe the trilostane was the basis for Lena's problems. Even if we somehow hypothesize that she wasn't truly Cushinoid, she did suffer from abnormally elevated cortisol and that is not a healthy situation on a chronic basis. So taking medication to lower the cortisol would still help to lessen the risks of high blood pressure, clots, etc. Trilostane is even used to treat certain conditions that don't involve elevated cortisol at all.

So in my heart of hearts, I believe you did the right thing by treating her, Joan, and Cushing's or not, I do not believe the trilostane was the culprit here. Instead of the medication, I believe it was a clot, or her lungs, or her heart, and the end might have come even sooner had you not worked as you did to get the cortisol lowered.

Of course you know I'm not a vet, so this is only my personal opinion after following Lena's journey alongside you. But I just felt I had to write these words in the hope they may help you release some part of the guilt you are carrying. I don't believe you made a mistake, Joan. You are a wonderful, loving mom and you gave Lena the best chance that was within your power to grant her. I remain so deeply sorry that she just could not be healed.

[Budsters Mom]

It really is quite simple and oh so hard at the same time. We all do what we are able with the knowledge and resources we have at the time. It's odd, but I don't go back and relive what I could have done differently with Buddy. I did not let him suffer. That's what he would have wanted. You did your very best for Lena. That's what we all do for our pups. Our heart dogs break our hearts and they don't heal quickly, but maybe they aren't meant to.

Kathy

[Joan2517]

Dear Joan,

I know there's probably nothing that anybody can say that will change your doubts and regrets about Lena's Cushing's treatment. But I decided to look back through your thread one more time, and having done so, I think that Sharlene was so wise in what she's just written -- that there's simply no way to know how things would have turned out had you travelled a different path. And truly, things might have been even worse. This is how you described Lena when you first joined us.



Goodness, little Lena had so many symptoms of Cushing's, and these were all problems that were robbing her of any decent quality of life . Honestly, I don't see how not treating her for Cushing's would have been a viable option for you, Joan. You listed above the outward signs, but we also know that she was suffering from internal Cushing's problems such as high blood pressure which carries so many risks for heart, kidneys, vision, etc. In the end, the vets believe it was a clot or cardiac emergency that prompted her respiratory failure. If so, these are symptoms of the disease and not of the treatment.

I truly do not believe the trilostane was the basis for Lena's problems. Even if we somehow hypothesize that she wasn't truly Cushinoid, she did suffer from abnormally elevated cortisol and that is not a healthy situation on a chronic basis. So taking medication to lower the cortisol would still help to lessen the risks of high blood pressure, clots, etc. Trilostane is even used to treat certain conditions that don't involve elevated cortisol at all.

So in my heart of hearts, I believe you did the right thing by treating her, Joan, and Cushing's or not, I do not believe the trilostane was the culprit here. Instead of the medication, I believe it was a clot, or her lungs, or her heart, and the end might have come even sooner had you not worked as you did to get the cortisol lowered.

Of course you know I'm not a vet, so this is only my personal opinion after following Lena's journey alongside you. But I just felt I had to write these words in the hope they may help you release some part of the guilt you are carrying. I don't believe you made a mistake, Joan. You are a wonderful, loving mom and you gave Lena the best chance that was within your power to grant her. I remain so deeply sorry that she just could not be healed.

Awwww...Thank you, Marianne...for taking the time to reread her thread again and tell me your thoughts. Every time we lose another one here, it just brings me back and I start questioning myself all over again.

Your opinion, and all of the others who are so knowledgeable, do give me some peace...and I really do appreciate it.

[Joan2517]

It really is quite simple and oh so hard at the same time. We all do what we are able with the knowledge and resources we have at the time. It's odd, but I don't go back and relive what I could have done differently with Buddy. I did not let him suffer. That's what he would have wanted. You did your very best for Lena. That's what we all do for our pups. Our heart dogs break our hearts and they don't heal quickly, but maybe they aren't meant to.

Kathy

Thanks, Kathy...maybe they aren't meant to.