Apollo,missing you,1 year, 5 months

[apollo6]

Baby Boy
Played your favorite music box the other day, hoping I could feel your presence. Such a little dog , was my best friend, companion.
Today a humming bird starting making a nest on the wind chime, you and I looked at in the morning in the spring. My angel is it a sign from you saying, Mom , I am doing fine? It has been over 1 year and 7 months and I still can not bring myself to throw many of your things away. Not today. Why would I not expect this grief to linger still when you were such a big part of my life. Every once in awhile it comes out of no where. I tell your daddy when it hits, I am having an Apollo day.
Good night my angel.
Hugs Mom

[apollo6]

I miss you so much. 1year 8 months. I will always keep you in my heart and soul. I still am struggling with guilt,the what if,could have,should have. So many loses on the forum lately,saddens me even more. I still have not been able to throw some of your things away. The nights are the worst. Forgive me baby. The one comfort is the picture of you August 18'2012. You looked right into my eyes and it seemed like you were still enjoying life. Baby there are days I struggle and just say,I am having an Apollo day. I am looking at a picture of you as a baby,such joy such love. Even right to end you were beautiful to me.
Love mommy

[addy]

Im here with you Sonja, you are not alone. I care.

[apollo6]

Dear Apollo
It has been one year 7 months. I miss you every day. We talk about you at the park, how regal, proud, and smart you were. My angel , I struggle still with guilt, how I feel I let you down, the last month was hard on you. You tried so hard while your body was failing you. The love so strong. The vet said you were not in pain the last month. But deep inside I think you were and I should have done something. God do I love and miss you.
My little angel
love your Mommy

[Trese]

Dear Sonja.
I have read your posts and after losing my little Bondo on February 18th, the pain is so fresh and so heart-breaking.....I feel your pain, also.

You sound like you and Apollo were so close and it takes a brave person to let our little ones go. I am sure you did everything you could do to make his last days here with you peaceful and calm. I find great comfort in the poem...THE RAINBOW BRIDGE. I can just picture my Bondo in a nice green meadow with the sun on his belly, fresh water for him and all sorts of good food. I KNOW he will be waiting for me and that gives me great comfort. It is funny that people say....oh, you can get another puppy but, I know, it will not be the same as Bondo. Will it be different????? Yes. We have not made that decision yet but I know we will get another doggy as we are dog people.

What the new little one will be to us, I don't know. I read other people's posts, I read cards people have sent to me, I know it was his time to go but the bottom line is.......I just want him back.

I hope all the good times with Apollo fill your head and make your heart not hurt as much. night to you.

[apollo6]

Apollo, Mommy misses you so much. Saturdays, and nights are the hardest. We had whip cream Saturdays,you'd sit on my lap, every night I gave a little apple before we went to bed. Everyone said you had such big soulful eyes. Why couldn't I save you. You loved when I would lay on the couch,you would lye on my stomach,just look at me and let out a sigh.
I struggle with overwhelming guilt at time. Why couldn't I save you. This horrible disease ravished your beautiful body. Seeing you fight so hard ,so much courage. I wish you could have told me what you were going through. It has been 1 year 8 months almost two years and I realize I will always miss you. Someday we will be together in heaven.
But like Addy and sweet Zoe, we had so many beautiful years, love ,joy, fun and yes the sadness. But I need to remember how I was blessed for almost 14 years with having you in my life. As my vet said, an old soul in a young body. You were my teacher.

Such a little dog took such a big piece of me when he died. My regal,proud,stubborn,smart,loving,beautiful little boy.
Love your mommy

[apollo6]

My little Angel it is 1 year 8 months since you passed and I grieve you every day. I miss you every day. The grief hits me out of no where and I think about the beautiful life,joy,love,courage ,support,laughter you gave me. But I want you back. One more lick, one more hug.
I know you orchestrated me adopting Arial,and he has helped me with my grief. You were so calm,proud,brave. You endured so much the last year,fought so hard and I could not save you. It still haunts me about putting you on the poisons-ivermectin,the strongest dosage of Advantage to fight the mange and the skin infections when they were making you more sick.I kept asking about your intentional issues,why didn't the vets listen to me. I had to ask for the ultra sound to find out after one month about the lesions maybe being cancer and reading that the poison they told me to give you may have caused it. Forgive baby!! Thyroid medications, being told to take you off the Trilostane to increase your cortisol to fight the infections, the muscle wasting,the intentional lesions. oh God why did you have to suffer. I cry when I read about other fur balls going through this awful disease, why don't they find a cure?
I still feel it is the vaccines,the medicines which have steroids in them and the prednisone they give that causes Cushing's,but it is such a complicated disease,who knows.
Mommy misses you every day. I cry a little less, but the lose will always be there. You blessed me with your life,love,joy. Always in my heart.
Love Mommy

[kanga]

Also sending my #HUGS

[addy]

Love you,my sister, I think yes, it will always hurt, kind of a forever hurt we have, broken hearts that can't heal.

Forever dogs and forever hurt. The joy was so great, so awesome, guess the lasting hurt has to be so bad, the love was so blissful.

Hugs

[addy]

Hi Sonja,
Stoppped by and saw updates on our Apollo’s thread.
Red strollers, hummingbirds, doxy themed anything are just a few triggers that always bring back memories of our handsome, proud boy.
All the memories are held so dear.
My best wishes for a wonderful Thanksgiving. I am sure Zoe and Apollo are feasting away, while watching over us. Zoe is probably hogging the turkey legs!