Fella,
I know you would hate to see Mommy so upset.I think that's why your heart stopped just as I was heading up the hill to the hospital to see you.I was right there my baby,just down the hall,a few doors away.I hope loving hands held you as you took your last breath.I hope you knew your mommy was there.It hurts so much my boy not to have you here with us.

I'm so glad we had our special time last week,just you and I.We saw the pretty mountains and lakes,we went to the beach,sat in the gardens,and after that acupunture,you slept like a baby the whole ride home.I never knew that would be our last week together,

I don't know what happened Fella.I just know I miss you terribly.Mommy can't believe you're gone.You were loved SO much!!I feel like you felt betrayed by me when you woke up from that surgery.I beg you my little Fella,give mommy a sign that you understood,that you knew why I did it,that you died feeling loved by me.I loved you every second of everyday of your life.That surgery was supposed to heal you.I chose it BECAUSE I love you,but yet I lost you.I'm so hurt and confused.I always knew you knew just how much you meant to me,until NOW.I love you my little boy.