Buddy, The Mighty Lizard Hunter - Suspected Pituitary Macro Tumor

Ladies,
I am not strong enough to do this!:( I am having a very hard functioning as it is. Once I go forward with this decision, I will have to go though the torture of watching Buddy deteriorate quickly before my eyes. This is going to rip my heart to shreds. I know that some of you have done it and survived, but I'm not as strong as you and Buddy is all that I have. Without him, I have no reason to go on. There will be nothing left. Signing off.....

Hugs,
Kathy

Oh sweet Kathy, you are pushed to the max right now, with no sleep and so much to shoulder. But please know this one thing: being here is not about being strong all by yourself. It is about leaning on others for support when we are too scared or weak to go on by ourselves. You absolutely need to conserve your strength for Buddy and yourself right now. So do take as much of a break from posting as you need to. But even though you may not be exchanging words with us, we are still beaming you comfort from across the miles, Kathy. And we are carrying you along with us in our hearts. You and Buddy are not alone, and never will be.

Sending hugs and hugs and more hugs.

Kathy,
This is a terrible situation for you and I don't think anyone here would expect to feel any differently, it makes me cry just thinking about what you're going through...but you are not doing anything today. Today things are okay and you don't have to project what will happen tomorrow or one week from now....one day at a time. I know it is easier said than done but you don't have to decide anything right here and now. If and when you have to go forward with a decision the right thing will be evident at the right time and that is not now. Nothing about what you're dealing with easy, like you said it's the hardest thing ever but don't get ahead of yourself, you're not doing anything today.
I know you are feeling very much alone but you're not. We are all here for you and for Buddy.
No one can predict what will happen so go day by day and try not to weigh yourself down with these terrible thoughts. Your heart is heavy right now but you will get through.
Sending you a big hug... Barbara

Kathy, I'm so sorry. :( I know I can only send you virtual hugs, but they are full of heart felt sentiment of caring for you and Buddy. This sucks.

HUGS
Sharlene

We aren't going anywhere. We will always be here to lend an ear, send you encouragement, give you hugs, just know you dont have to be alone ever. Do what is best for you and for Buddy but we will always, always be here for you both, no matter what.

Choices for others are hard. I had to make some hard choices for my elderly mother. Do I give her the best quality of life now, knowing that later on, there will be no money left and harder choices will come or do I allow her to reside in a safe place where she can always stay but I know her life will not be the same quality and that she will go down hill? Everyone has a different way of looking at things. There is no right or wrong answer, it is what is best for you and Buddy.

I chose to give Mom a good quality of life now and deal with the hard choice if and when it comes. My brother did not agree. I have never looked back or regretted my decision nor do I think I ever will. For me quality of life trumps quantity if I have to chose. Doesnt mean I'm right and others are wrong.

You look at boths sides and follow your heart.

Addy,
Yes, I realize that a lot of you have to make hard decisions also, and have your share of problems. I have both my elderly parents living with me and I know how trying that can be at times. I also believe that the quality of life is more important than the quantity. It doesn't make it any easier though. Thanks for being there.:)

Hugs,
Kathy

Well this sucks the kumara! (NZ saying but very apt here :)) I am so sorry to read all of this Kathy. If this indeed is what is going on then I sincerely hope any progression is at a snail's pace and you have a lot of time left with the Budster until you have to make any of those awful decisions.

I wish I knew the answer on how to enjoy the times we have left with our super pups without all the worry about the future, I admire those that can live in the day. Even when my doggy is good I seem to have an evil niggle lurking at the back of my mind about what is too come, I can even project myself into the time when I do have to make myself make those awful decisions and get all sad and panicky. Honestly, the little white vans should be lined up outside my house!! When I get like that I really do have give myself a swift mental uppercut and say STOP THAT.. he is still here!!!!!!!!!!! There is time for feeling this sadness when it is time, but not now.. I need to enjoy him and keep making happy memories... make him feel safe and loved and not show him his Mum is a potential mental health patient!! I don't know really and I am not saying you do any of that, but I do :rolleyes:, I am rabbiting on here but anticipatory grief is such an insidious monster so if anyone has any good tips to keep it at bay I would be most appreciative, I think a lot of us would :)

But I do know that coming on here and rationalising it all out and getting input from the wise angels that have often been there, done that is invaluable to me. So you do what is right for you and thank the lord we are all different in how we handle things and there is no wrong or right way. NEVER feel bad for posting anything you think is going to be too sad, this is the real world here Kathy we are not here because we have healthy dogs!! We celebrate the good and commiserate with the not so good but we are all big girls and boys and can handle it. We will be marching by your side through thick and thin!!!

Kathy, I hope your day goes well today with your wee man, I think he looks great as a dinosaur (they are just big lizards aren't they!!) very fitting costume for our mighty lizard hunter!! Oh gawd, it is a long post isn't it and I have been trying so hard to cut them down :eek::rolleyes::D:rolleyes::eek:

Trish xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

sweetie, it is damn hard and the rest of us are not really brave at all, we are usually scared half to death in constant fear of what tomorrow will bring for our Cush pups.

my point to my story is that everyone will look at things differently but the right answer is in your heart where the love flows freely for your Buddy and he knows that.

Anticipatory grief can drive us crazy, Trish is so right. Kathy, you have to take care of you to keep it at bay. If you have to take some sleep aid to sleep then start doing it, because I am going to hound you about it and I dont care if you get mad at me. ;) We care about you and Buddy.

Dang, will have Kim come on every night and write a lullaby for you if we have to- well, maybe I should not volunteer Kim for every night, we can take turns.

Put it in the drawer now for the rest of the weekend. Lock it and dont open it up.

(((((((((((BIG HUGS))))))))))))))))

Trish,
The time has come for me to make that decision. I can't continue to live in not today land, or I'll do it tomorrow. Buddy neuro function has deteriorated considerably in the last couple of months. Tests have proven that. The decision has to come now as to whether I continue to Trilostane or stop it. Letting the cortisol rise could slow the tumor significantly and keep him on his feet longer. Naomi has been trying that with Frasier. It will most likely cause Buddy's Cushing symptoms to return. His stomach was very upset when he started Trilostane. It took more than a week to settle it. His allergies went haywire when his cortisol dropped. I have finally gotten a handle on that. If I stop the trilo, we will be back where we started and that was not a comfortable place for Buddy. So I do need to make that decision now. Reducing, not stopping the trilo is another option. Yes Trish, I am familiar with those white vans. They have been circling my block for the past several days.:eek:;)

Addy,
I expect no less from you!;) I have already figured out that you are going to continue to nag me to sleep and I am trying. I did manage to nap for about an hour this afternoon when I knew Buddy was stable. Mel had just sent me a few PM's and had worked her magic. ;):)Sleep deprivation is taking a toll on me. I hurt everywhere and have no energy. My brain is also mush and I'm over emotional. I know all of these things already. Yes, Kim's lullaby was adorably sweet. I will admit that. :) I am not a pill popper. That is so not my thing.

Thank you Angels,
Kathy

Dear Kathy,
Like many others, my heart hurts for you and Buddy. Just follow your heart, and know you will do what is in the best interest of Buddy. It looks like you still have a plan of things to try which still gives hope.
I know you will love on him while you can.

Oh Kathy, my heart hurts for you and your little Buddy....Before Simba I had a dog named Belle, she was beautiful, the best dog ever but she was born with a bad leg, that couldn't be fixed so after seeing many vets and trying all these different things one night she told me she wanted to go home, so I let her go...I was at peace with my decision but did a terrible thing, I gave her to someone I knew at the vet and said plz take care of this, cuz I couldn't do it...it still makes me sick that I didn't at least hold her while she went, but I needed to remember her alive, so it's all I could do...Before she died I got Simba, he helped me through the grief, and Belle loved him like she gave birth too him or something, kinda weird I know but Belle was fixed so she never got to be Mom, so having Sim made Belle happy...her last days were spent happy and content, so I know when I have to make the decision, that Belle will be waiting for her puppy Simba. This cushings has taken alot away from Simba and me, but it also has brought us closer, and has given me strength I never knew I had....I know when it's Simba's time to go I will feed him the most expensive steak I can find, take him for a long ride with the windows down, and hopefully find some dog park so he can sniff all the poo he wants and when thats done and he is tired I will sit outside or in the car and let him sleep on my lap, and then hand over just a paw to the vet, thats all she will get until he goes on to meet Belle......( my plan anyways ) but until then it's one day at a time....
You can do this too, we all can, and we are all in this together, there is strength in numbers, so hold our hands, we are here for you....sending hugs and prayers.....

Just wanted you to know i am thinking of you. Hope you are sleeping now and that when you wake up it isn't as humid so the wee man can get back to catching lizards

Sending more hugs.

Mel
Xxxxxx

Kathy, you and Buddy are in my thoughts and prayers too. Sending huge, loving, and soothing hugs, Lori

Mel,
We don't get much humidity here. Most of out heat is dry heat. It was too warm for Buddy to hunt today, but no complaints. The weather here is just about perfect year round. ;) There will be other days to hunt. Even the lizards deserve a day of rest occasionally.:D
You guys are all too good to be true! Thanks for all of your love and support. :)

Hugs,
Kathy

Kathy:
Just wondering if you had given any thought to the prednisone and still giving some Trilo? That is a possibility, although it is easy for us to say. I just thought this would control the tumor growth, and still give him some relief from the Cushings symptoms. I may be facing some real difficulties also when the Dr. gets back to me after seeing Tipper's video. It is hard for me to believe I had a strong , muscular, beautiful girl, that I took care of so well, and this happened to her. I see some people that tie their dogs out on a chain and leave them there. I have spent 11 1/2 years giving exceptional care to Tipper and this comes along. Go figure! It just seems so unfair, but life is like that. I know what you mean about Buddy being you reason to live. That is Tipper and I. I have no family so she is my family. I cannot imagine walking in your shoes. All of the wonderful people on here are right beside you though. Your sweet Buddy is a darling. It will be good for you to have a break away from school, so you can have special time with Buddy. I am praying every day for you both, and Tipper is praying for Buddy to forge on. God Bless you both
Patti

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Budster's Mom

Yes Trish, I am familiar with those white vans. They have been circling my block for the past several days.:eek:;)

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Well they better send a big one as we all coming with you!! :eek::D:eek: Have a good day sweet, glad to hear you had a little nap. xxxxxxx

Kathy
I am just getting caught up now as I was on a week long field trip on the white van!:eek:.I am so sorry that you are going through this tough decision with Buddy.I"m praying that maybe the vet will come up with some other options that maybe you hadn't considered.I hope that Buddy is having a good day.I know too well the feeling of not wanting to go on and feeling our little furbabies are all we have.I think that's why I've always had two.When I lose one,another one still needs me.

You have been spreading your sunshine and have been an enormous support to so many others here,myself included.I too am surrounded by family members who think "its just a dog" and that does occasionaly compound my grief.Just as Buddy led you here,I am eternally grateful that Fella led me here as I don't know what I would have done without all the angels!I hope you feel our love from across the miles and know that we are all praying for you and your boy.Big hugs to you and Buddy and I hope is up to lizard catching today.:).
Patty

Just popping in to let you know, am thinking of you and Buddy this morning. Hope you got some rest. It's tough making decisions and getting the mind working on just adrenalin. I too hope that a balance can be found to allow Buddy to go forward with a good quality life and you too.
Hugs,
Sharlene and Molly Muffin

Thanks guys,
Buddy is doing fine this today. He is acting a little lazy, but then so am I.;) No head tremors for 8 days now. Their pattern seems to be about every nine or 10 days. Buddy has only had that one bout of reactive hypoglycemia where he all of a sudden started walking like he was drunk and had difficulty staying up on his feet. He has since been eating smaller amounts more often per doctor's orders. It is cooler today. A perfect day for a lizard hunt!:D

I am feeling much better this morning. The white vans have turned on to the next block, so there must be a problem over there!:D Yes, I got some sleep last night, about 4 hours. I finally cried myself out, so I'm ready to pick up the pieces and move on. I have also pretty much made up my mind as far as what I think would be best for Buddy. I am waiting to hear what the doctors come up with. I am leaning toward keeping him on the Trilo and adding prednisone. The trilo remaining to control his Cushings symptoms, while the prednisone goes to work on the tumor. I did a lot of reading and that's a pretty new concept, so I don't know if the docs will go for it. I am better now that I have have a viable plan in my mind. Enough crying, panic, and insanity. It is time to more forth.

Hugs,
Kathy

Work countdown.........
13 Work Days til Summer Break!:D

My IMS did mention using pred and vetoryl together but Tia had cc so decided against it. Am sure if they are suggesting that as a course of action over here that it should be an option for you.

One day at a time, good news he hasn't had any more head tremors, long may that last.

Woo hoo for summer break makes me jealous :D

Hope some lizards come out to play today but that none end up in the graveyard :D

Big hug to you and kisses to the wee hunter

Mel
Xxxxxx

Kathy or Mel, have you found any published info re: the trilo and predisone combo? I'd love to actually read something something official. I mentioned it because I remembered it being suggested in the past (especially in conjunction with lymphoma treatment for one of our Cushpups here). But as I say, I've never read the formal rationale or dosing suggestions and would love to find something about it.

I'm so glad Buddy is ready to launch back into the hunt! :)

Marianne

Marianne,
I have been reading many articles trying to make sense of it all. Most of them were being read in the middle the night when I couldn't sleep and my brain power was diminished. I did find the Trilo and Predisone combination and the theory behind it discussed in a couple of places. Most of the articles either recommended no treatment, or laser treatment. Surgery is not an option at this time. Laser treatment was not recommended if the dog was already showing neuro signs, as they probably would not live long enough to finish treatment. Macro-tumors are aggressive. As for the Trilostane and Prednisone combination, it has been tried as a last ditch effort to slow down the tumor's growth. I don't remember reading about dosages. I'm sorry that I don't have links for you to read. I should have thought to bookmark those pages. If I find anything as I continue to read, I will bookmark them for you. Nothing read was encouraging. It is very odd that I can discuss this now from a research point of view and not get emotional. The research had helped me see the bigger picture and information is power.

Hugs,
Kathy

I was just looking as I never kept any info. Can't find anything about combined treatment. Can find bits about pred treatment on its own. Will keep looking.

I did stumble across this

http://dogaware.com/articles/newscushingssurgery.html

I know the link mentions surgery but if you scroll right to the bottom it says they are trailing a new oral drug to shrink the tumour. Might be worth asking a bit more about this

Big hug

Mel
Xxxxxxx

So glad to hear that Buddy is doing a little better today, and you too:)

Kathy, that's perfectly OK that you didn't bookmark anything. This is something that I've wanted to research, myself, for a while. So I'll take a look when I have some free time.

Another thought just struck me, though. I don't know whether you are near L.A., but you might want to consider arranging a consultation with Dr. David Bruyette at the West L.A. VCA Hospital. He is a nationally-known Cushing's expert, and has pioneered experimental canine pituitary surgery in conjunction with UCLA surgeons at Cedars Sinai. In fact, one of our very own members here was the first dog to have successful surgery performed under Dr. Bruyette's oversight in order to debulk a debilitating macrotumor. Even if surgery is not an option for you and Buddy, I'm willing to bet that Dr. Bruyette is extremely knowledgeable re: any other cutting edge macrotumor treatment options available in southern California. I'd think his feedback re: medication manipulation would also be very valuable.

Just a thought, but maybe once school is out and you have more freedom of time, you might wish to schedule an appointment with Dr. Bruyette. As far as we know, he maintains a regular clinical practice. And even if you can't arrange to see him personally, perhaps he'd be willing to consult with your vet via phone or email.

Marianne

I think he is the one trailing the drug I just linked too :)

Good job, Mel!!! And yes, indeed, that is Dr. Bruyette and "our" own beloved Lucy who is pictured! :) :) :)

I'll try to come back later and post a direct link to her thread. Dr. Bruyette is actually a registered member here and added a few informational replies a couple of years ago. Unfortunately, he has not been posting recently.

Marianne,
I live San Diego County. LA is about a three hour drive in very heavy traffic. I could drive up the night before and spend the night somewhere nearby, then drive home after the appointment, when the traffic is lighter. I don't know if Dr. Bruyette would see Buddy without getting an MRI first and that's $3500 at the Specialty Hospital. I'll run this by our vet after he has conferred with the neurosurgeon. Maybe I can get my vet to contact Dr. Bruyette. If he can arrange an appointment for a consultation, I will find a way to make it happen. There is no way that I could afford the surgery though. Thanks.

Kathy

I definitely understand about the cost of the surgery. The combined costs of an MRI and radiation were daunting to us, and were a big factor as to why we didn't press for further diagnostics for Barkis.

If nothing else, though, I'm thinking it might be helpful for one of your vets to ask Dr. B about the trilo/predisone question. I'd be curious as to his feedback on that one.

Vicki (Scoops mom) is in email contact with Dr. B and he has answered her questions and continues to do so.
So that is an option. I read a good review of radiation therapy results too. Doccy is doing the trial at University of Florida right?
I think having a plan is one of those things that really helps. Until you come up with something, anything to feel like you can move forward. Well, it drives me nuts anyway. :)

Hugs,
Sharlene

Hey, I am so much better today!:) I am able to discuss this stuff without falling apart!!!!:). I absolutely know that Buddy's prognosis is bleak, but making him comfortable for the duration is what is important. Right now Buddy is yapping his brains out because a Lizard just scurried under the fence and he can't get to it! I am sitting out in the backyard with my IPad watching this drama unfold. I can't help but smile!:D My little, wobbly, Cush dog, who face plants regularly, is always the hunter!:D He is not giving up and isn't crying about it, so I shouldn't either. ;)

Hey Marianne,
How about flying out to San Diego and riding with Buddy and I to LA to see Dr. B? You'd know all the right questions to ask!:)

Hugs,
Kathy

Sharlene,
Could you get Dr. B's email address from Scoops's mom for me? That would be great if you could. I would like to ask him about the Trilo and prednisone combo for drug treatment for a Macro.

Thanks,
Hugs,
Kathy

Hey Kathy, Vicki may have an additional email addy for Dr. B, but here's a link with his bio and an email contact.

http://m.vcahospitals.com/west-los-a...bruyette/28374

(And I would love, love to head out your way :o :). I lived in West Hollywood for a couple of years during the '70s, but never made it down to San Diego although I always wanted to...)

Thanks Marianne,
Hugs,
Kathy

I think you are doing great Kathy!! :) You and Buddy both.

I think I'd be the same as you if this were molly we were talking about. In fact I'm sure of it. Just knowing how much I cried at the diagnosis of cushings is a pretty good sign of that.

I did find this one David.Bruyette@VCAHospitals.com
I'll see if that is what Vicki is using

Hugs,
Sharlene

LOL Marianne were typing at the same time. I think it is the one Vicki is using, but I've asked her just to be sure.

Sharlene

Thanks Sharlene,
I have never been one to stay down for long. I am too ornery for that!:D Once I get beyond the processing stage of a problem, I am usually okay. It's the initial devastation that is a killer. :eek: :eek::eek:I'm sure that I will be visiting that place of insanity again, when it comes to the time that I have to let Buddy go. In the meantime, we continue to plow on! Thanks for all of the help and support angels.:)

Hugs,
Kathy

Kathy, Check your visitor messages. I sent you info about Dr. B

Thank you so much Vicki :) I posted a message on your thread, so you would be sure to get it.
Hugs to you and belly rub for Your precious fur baby,

Kathy