Hello All!

[gpgscott]

Beth,

Sask is right.

You don't have to go out and find a new one right away, but your legacy to the boy's is to honor the boy's. This may be by taking in more pups or otherwise.

So, for me right now; I say come and go as you please. Grieve for, and with us. We are all grieveing for you right now.

No demands. Just know we are all here, and we are many.

Scott

[maggiebeagle]

All of us wish we could do something to help you directly but that just isn't possible. I've found a local Basset rescue and I plan to make a donation to honor the bond between you and Bailey and Scooter. Every pup deserves the chance to have a great Mom like you.

[forscooter]

Virginia, you made me cry....but instead of sad tears..happy ones. What a beautiful thing to do! I would love that! I can think of no better way to honor the boys then to do the same...and I think I will! So thank you!

I am not sure, and I know I have said this before, I would take in another...I'm not sure my heart can take it anymore, but I do want to get involved more in rescue and was even speaking to my sister a few months back about maybe doing foster work after Bailey passed. Of course, I am nowhere near ready right now for this but it is something I do have tucked away for the future....especially for senior dogs that no one really wants. They always break my heart the most. Bailey was too old and set in his ways to ever allow it...but Baby Pallie loves anything furry. It's the humans she is terrified of...

Steph, I came to tell you that yes, you are right. The interesting thing is that before Bailey passed, and as Baby Pallie grew, and grows, my friend and I remarked how she actually does some of the same quirky things as both Bailey and Scooter. Although she never knew Scooter, perhaps she knew him through Bailey. They are odd little things...but things that were unique to each boy. So, yes this makes perfect sense that Bailey, and even Scoobie, remains here with me through her. And it gives me peace to think that way...

and I am eating my own words...as I have said so many times that if you cannot hold love, how can it be contained...how can a physical body hold it then? So how can love stop it? It can't...it just can't....

and if Bailey is in my soul, which he is, then he is never further than my own heart...

It was another horrible, long day but I tried very hard to force myself to feel better....I hate feeling down bc it just isn't me, I don't like it...I had a brief moment where I could manage a smile and a conversation, it's just it all seems so forced right now. I know Bailey wouldn't want me to be sad, he always got sad if I was sad...and that wasn't Bailey...he was happy, and smiling, and bright...

so I came home and I threw myself on the floor with Baby Pallie and Allo, gave them both lots of love, got full of dog and cat hair in my work clothes (like I even care) and played...and then Baby Pallie started to cry looking for Bailey and my heart sank again. It's like it's bad enough how I feel...and then my heart breaks for them... neither of them are "right" yet either...so I hurt for me, I hurt for them, I hurt for my son who is trying to be the one taking care of me...so the pain is quadrupled....

And before I hog the whole forum, I will end now by saying that all your posts, everyone of you, and I mean this truly, help me. So please, it isn't that I don't want to respond to you each individually, it's just I would take the whole forum up.

I am going to try as hard as I can to think about Bailey still being here...in me, in Baby Pallie, and even in Allo...and try to think of all the good things he gave and left me and still gives me...bc you are right, that is what he would want me to do...and I will try.

Thank you all from my heart....thank you....
Love and hugs, Beth

[littleone1]

Hi Beth,

You are going to be okay. You've just taken a giant step forward in the healing process. Everyday will be a little better from now on for all of you.

[Casey's Mom]

Thank you for posting Beth, I was worried about you - I can just imagine you getting fur all over your work clothes! Pallie may be crying for you, not Bailey. Although I am sure she misses him I think she knows your heart is breaking and wants to make it better.

Love and many hugs,

[sunimist]

Baby steps Bethy dear. You don't have to rush it. As has been said...1 minute, 1 hour, 1 day at a time.

More big (((hugs)) and continuing love.

Shelba

[ladysmom06]

Dear Beth,

Thinking of you and sending tons of love and hugs.

[forscooter]

Hi....No, not rushing it....woke up this morning just as sad as I have been...just trying to reframe things in my head. Work is closed bc of the weather so I am staying to myself today, working in the house, and feeling as I feel. I miss him so much, so so much...every day is like the ones before...
Love and hugs, Beth

[labblab]

Hi Beth,

Just checking in to see whether you guys are still house-bound? Staying home right now is probably a double-edged sword. It sounds like a relief to just be by yourself without any demands made of you. But at the same time, there's probably no single place where you miss Bailey more than in the home that you two shared...

How is baby Pallie doing with the snow????

Marianne

[forscooter]

Marianne,

Thank you...after much and then much more shoveling I finally broke through the wall of snow. I did get out for a little while. Being in the house, you are right, is both a curse and a blessing...and I was off again today. Being home without him, without his physical self, is very painful. It comes in stabs now, the constant pain is starting to lift a little, but I get caught in these "moments"....and then I fall apart. Today is the first day, so far, I haven't cried. I woke up this morning curled up with Baby Pallie and Allo and just stayed there for the longest time. I hate feeding them in the morning, not bc I don't want them to eat, but bc there is one less bowl to fill. It amazes me too though how much less water I am refilling...

However, I refinished some kitchen cabinets and that helped. I either clean or do a project to keep myself occupied and also work out the emotions. It's just what I do. Like my mom. So, in some ways bc I could do the physical work it helped me to work out some of what I was feeling, if this makes sense.

I am more at peace with the decision, and I know it was the right thing to do. It is the physical absence that still haunts me so. I don't think this house will ever feel "right"....it just is so empty without him...no matter how much noise I make with Baby Pallie...it just isn't the same.

I kept going in circles of "maybe I should have...." but then I am reminding myself of the reality of the situation. I spent a lot of time looking at pics just as recently as 2006-7 and I saw what a change happened over that relatively short period of time...and then I compare last year to ones taken right before he died...he looked like he aged 50 years. It caught me.

After he passed and I kissed him and petted him I felt how little of him there was left compared to what he was....he was always such a muscular, big basset and had turned into almost nothing in comparison. So I think of these things and it helps, and a friend helped point out the reality of his current situation and that helped a great deal...

but this house and my heart long for him so much...I don't know if this one is ever going to really heal....

Much love and many hugs, Beth