Hello All!

[gpgscott]

Yes, Sue and Lynne,

You missed it because it was originally posted with the kitty stuff in EE and it was just merged.

Please let us know Beth. You know we are all very concerned and care for you and your family deeply.

Scott

[forscooter]

Thank you all so much! Of course, Allo started wheezing a little today so I have one eye on him....hoping it is just the rapid change in weather and we will be back to "normal" tomorrow....

Bailey had a mixed day...Last night was hard. He woke me at 2am to go out, then got in bed with me (which isn't so easy anymore bc he care barely lift any of his weight), and then moaned for a long while. He was right in my face which is also not like him. At 4:30am we were up again, him unable to get down on his own so off the bed I lifted him...went out again and peed for I think 5 minutes straight, and then he cried constantly for about 20 minutes at least. Yesterday, he stood blankly in the living room crying for a spell too...just standing there. This is where my heart gets pulled.

Today, he slept through most of it and then he started playing outside with Baby Pallie! Came in and went right back to sleep. His gait is definitely off, not sure if it is the arthritis or the mass on his side, or a combo...but my son remarked, "It looks like he can't walk right". So my heart sank again bc I have noticed the same thing. HE always had the arthritic leg but this is more of a purposeful lifting of his legs, not quite high-stepping it but sort of...

I go between he still has good moments....and then we have these crying spells and I begin to doubt myself...it is so back and forth. He usually loves having his ears cleaned and last night he crept away from me. The belly rubs last night were met with indifference and this morning met with happy groans....this is where I am so torn. Up down up down up down...

I told myself this morning when I was feeling so down that I have to call the vet on Wednesday with a report about the phenobarb anyway...so I will put off anything until then...the phenobarb is adding to the lethargy and urination and thirst...but without it, he is jerking all over the place...so I kind of feel like I am in the situation of "pick your evil"....and on top of that, "how happy is he really?" This is what I need to explain to the vet and figure out.

I don't think he is quite ready yet...but do I wait until he can't walk, or eat, or drink? Just when does a life become not "dog worthy" which I constantly keep in mind as Saskia said and Leslie reminded me...is it before the pain and sickness become so bad they are miserable, or do you spare them of that, but then are you making the call too soon if there are still happy times? When do you say "when"? I know these are questions we have all struggled with, either with our own pups or trying to help others, and I am still struggling...

So, I think my plan is to wait and talk to the vet bc he knows me so well and he has taken care of Bail since he was 3 months old...and take the next few days and try to find out what my heart says...what I think his quality of life really is...I just don't know how else to handle it. I don't want to end his life too early, but I also don't want the point of it to be mostly discomfort just bc I want him here...AAACKKKK!!! I HATE THIS SO MUCH!!!! I'd like to say "someone tell me what to do", but I know you can't. I just have to see and think and talk and think and see....

Thank you thank you thank you....I do know we never would have made it this far without you....
Love and hugs, Beth, Bailey, always Scoobie

[littleone1]

Beth,

I'm so sorry for what you are going through. I'm sure it is very difficult on you. Even though you're not sure of what to do at this time, I'm sure you'll know when the time comes.

Please take care. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

[maggiebeagle]

I understand what you are going through because we were there last month with Maggie. We didn't realize until she was gone just how much of our life was taken up with doing things for her or to her. Not that I regret any of it. We had finally decided that her life was not longer "dog worthy" when the decision was taken taken out of our hands.
I'll keep you in my prayers.
Virginia and Angel Maggie

[zoesmom]

Beth - I can totally understand the ups and downs. We, too, have been there with the Zo lately. It's walking that fine line of when is it enough or is it too soon. It's a quandry - and a painful one at times. If only they could talk. Sending lots of cyber hugs to you and your crew. Sue

[frijole]

Dear Beth, Oh friend I know how you feel. I am having those moments as well and I just pray that I don't have to make any decisions and that if I have to it will be very clear. It is hard. Hang in there and know you aren't alone. Hugs, Kim, Haley and Annie

[Casey's Mom]

Beth, your love for your Bailey is so strong, he knows. Please be at peace with yourself and love and enjoy him for today.

Love and hugs,

[Franklin'sMum]

Dear Beth,

Thinking of you, and sending hugs (((hugs))) your way. Sweetie, just know we're here for you.

Jane and Franklin xx

[forscooter]

Thank you all so very much!

Bailey seemed to have a better day yesterday, a little more alert and up and around. I did notice that his left front leg is sometimes "pigeon-toed" and I think that is what is affecting his gait. It's from that large mass on this chest and left side throwing off his leg. I felt a little better because he was up wagging his tail more, but he is having a tough time getting started today.

I have to go back to work tomorrow and am having separation pangs leaving all of them, but especially him. Hopefully, I can run home midday and check on him. Plus the dr wants me to start back slowly so I should be leaving early too.

So, I am grateful for the better day...but did notice the eyes are still without their usual spark. I am just taking it day-by-day the best I can, hoping for good days, and preparing for the not-so-good and waiting to know when enough is enough. I hope to get a better feel for things when I can talk to the vet.

I have decided to keep him with the phenobarb bc he does need that for his comfort and the drinking and peeing, while still comes in big spurts is not as bad as it was..so hopefully he is adjusting somewhat to that. I hope that continues to decrease bc that was big concern that I "fixed" one thing but created another. If I can keep him comfortable, then I will stop worrying every two seconds if this is the right thing....that's all I want. And then I will take whatever time he gives me.

I hope today too is a better day once he gets going. I hope we are on the right path to comfort and just a little more time....

Love and hugs and so many thanks from deep in my heart to all of you!
Beth, Bailey and always Scoobie

[ladysmom06]

Dear Beth,

Hugs and Love being sent to you my friend.