iatrogenic Calcinosis Cutis - Severe Condition (Andy crossed The Bridge 6/08)

[Squirt's Mom]

Oh, honey, you did nothing wrong, nothing to merit feeling guilty. No matter how much we read or are told by others who have been thru the "same" thing, we are not medical professionals. And when our babies are sick, we have to trust those who are. Hindsight is always perfect but only because we are armed with knowledge of the future - that changes our perspective a great deal.

You did nothing except love your boy and do everything in your power to help him get better. No matter what he faced, you were there with him to fight right by his side. Your love was the most important factor in Andy's care and I know he never lacked for that. Many, many times, that love is all we non-professionals can contribute yet it is the most powerful of medicines so I know you alone gave Andy more timGrieve than anything else could have. Time filled with happiness and security. There is nothing more important that you could have possibly done and that leaves no room for guilt.

Grieve, reach out to help others, get angry if it helps - but no guilt, honey. The loss is hard enough to bear without the added burden of undeserved guilt...I know....

Hugs,
Leslie and the gang

[andysmom]

Thank you. I think I'm finally to the point where I'm willing to feel the pain of loss. Until now I haven't looked at this with my emotions on my sleeve.

Because of all the kind words and encouragement I've received from the members, I feel I'm in a place that understands what I'm going thru, maybe even better than I know. So far I've described and felt surgically what happened, unable to face my emotions. I'm beginning to feel I don't have to back away because I have the safety net here.

Truly, for the first time I'm willing to experience my emotions and begin working thru them. Compiling data about IC and writing Andys story is my way of telling Andy that what he went thru matters.

It's a good thing.

[Squirt's Mom]

Those emotions will lead you to a place where you can truly begin to heal. The anguish is part of the journey and the deepest portion of that valley, so from there you can start to rise toward acceptance. Guilt's job is to keep us in that valley and prevent us from climbing above it....and I can tell you, it can drag us back down even when we have crested the mountain.

Your love for Andy gives you every right to feel these tough, draining emotions for without that love, there would be no pain. The more we love, the greater the potential for pain but the pain is never the greater of the two - love always wins out and, with time, will bring you joy in your memories. The depth of these emotions is simply an expression of the depth of your love for Andy.

Kahlil Gibran, The Prophet, speaks of sorrow as drilling a well in our souls. The deeper our sorrow, the deeper the well. As sorrow recedes, we find the well it left behind is now capable of holding more joy, more compassion, more empathy.

Honey, you are safe here; your emotions are safe here; your memories are safe here. You do not walk through this valley alone. We are here anytime, if it is only to listen. And I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that Andy is right beside you, too. He knows that one day you will see him there and know that he is alright now, healthy, free from pain, and still loving you as always.

Hugs,
Leslie and the gang

[littleone1]

I am so sorry for your loss. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

[andysmom]

Thank you all for your heart felt replies. It truly is comforting to know I'n not alone.

Today I picked up all of Andys medical records related to this problem. It is very reassuring to see in print how hard I fought for Andy all along the way till I was frantic at the end. Since then things got mixed up in my mind and guilt really set in. I guess they'll always be some degree of guilt.

I feel more at peace knowing I did do everything I could to help him.

[andysmom]

Check out Andys photo album, there's lots of cool pics

PHOTOS

Moderator's Note: I have merged your new posts concerning Andy's pics into Andy's original thread.

[Squirt's Mom]

Those pics are great! Andy was obviously well loved and had a wonderful life full of adventure. He was a big boy, huh? No doubt he was very happy. Thank you so much for sharing these with us!

I hope you are finding more moments of peace as the days pass, more confidence that you really did do all you could for him...in fact, you did much more than many would ever even consider. What a wonderful life he had with you!

Hugs,
Leslie and the gang

[Casey's Mom]

So sorry to read of your loss of Andy. The poor boy, you truly did all that you could and in the end you gave him the most precious gift and freed him of his pain.

Love and hugs,

[andysmom]

Andy passed away 6/08/2011. Thanks for the nice post. Andy is missed by so many. Check out Andys photo album. They're not in the right order and can't change that so scroll down thru them.

Kathy

[MBK]

Dear Kathy -

I am so sorry for your loss. Words seem inadequate but the people here truly understand the attachment we all have with our dogs and we truly share your grief. Andy surely knew he was loved and that you did everything possible for him. I looked at his pictures and he was such a handsome, big guy! And, very clearly loved. Greyson, sure is a cutie, too!

I hope your heart heals so that you remember the good days you shared with Andy.