My sweet beagle Maia passed away last week

[Ninjasteve]

Forgot to mention her ultrasound did say no spleenic masses found. And what was odd is how Joan said with her Lena who had the clots..she had bluish gums.. Maia didn't..they were still pink when we left the house anyhow. No fluid around the heart..and none around her lungs..just fluid in her lungs and then cardiac arrest of course. Can't find out how to add pic. Will need to try again later.

[labblab]

Gosh, I’m so sorry about your little squirrel! That is so sad to have two losses so close together. Life can just be so hard sometimes.

Yes, we’ve had a number of Cushpups who have taken meloxicam without any problems, and in fact, it’s one of the newer NSAIDS that we recommend here since it’s supposed to have a safer profile in terms of unwanted side effects. So if you had asked us about it here, we would have supported your going ahead and trying it. I hope knowing that may give you at least a little peace of mind.

And that’ll be great if you do add a picture. Once you do, we can also add that (or any picture of your choice) as a link to the line we can create for Maia on our memorial thread.

[labblab]

Also, take a look at this FAQs page for tips about adding pictures. Hopefully it will help.

https://www.k9cushings.com/forum/faq...3_user_profile

[Ninjasteve]

Well that is good to know for sure..and unfortunately you just never know with stuff..what works great for others doesn't always work great for you. Any others on cbd too? She was on that for quite some time..I bet at least a year..the other thing I get concerned about is I read she should have had a washout between her aspirin regiment and the meloxicam for a minimum of 5 to 7 or 10 days..then I say well let's say she had an ulcer..and it perforated.. I can't see it killing her that fast. Like I said..no vomiting or anything..I mean she had the drool but..also I clicked on that link and then clicked on profile pic and it said I don't have permission for anything �� lol maybe because I'm using my mobile phone?

[Ninjasteve]

Hey there..so I tried again to upload a pic when I clicked on the link you sent and it's telling me I don't have privileges to do it? ☹️ Just an fyi.. I'm a little better this morning I guess...we went to watch my nephew play baseball last night and when Maia was around we would come home and she would bark her head off because she missed us..and that's gone and eerily quiet now..that will really take time to get use to 😭 the landing of our stairs is matted down from her laying on them alot..brings me a smile yet sadness. As much as I'm glad she isn't suffering with the health issues she had..I am being selfish to say I would do anything to have her back even with those issues again and how she was. Ugh I forgot to ask..maybe it's happened with alot of the other cush pups..but did their eye sight and or hearing seem to have gone really.bad.and pretty quickly? Hers did...got to the point where I would have a treat in my hand and would toss it would hit the floor and she wouldn't even know it was on the floor..I had to really show her etc.
So sad..I don't think she was blind though. Thanks again for being there. Still struggling..but getting a tad bit easier. I read what you wrote to my wife last night and couldn't even hardly finish it..was bawling my eyes out. She said she doesn't know how I can do this..says it great and all for the support but that she would be reliving everything again..but everyone is different too.

[Squirt's Mom]

Hi Steve,

First I am so sorry for the loss of your precious Maia. They are our children and there is no pain like the loss of a child. We do understand what you are going thru and I want you to know it is normal.

My Squirt, my Sweet Bebe, my Beloved heart-n-soul had to leave this life in May of 2014 and I still cry often missing her. She literally saved my life when my adult daughter passed and I wasn't sure I could survive with both of my baby girls gone. For weeks on end I walked around my house screaming uncontrollably after Squirt passed. All the pain of losing my daughter came roaring up fresh all over again to join in the new agony of losing Squirt. It was interminable hell. But in time I learned to breath again without a scream escaping, I learned to move again without falling to my knees in anguish, I learned to live again second by second by second.

With Squirt I knew her time had come; she was a little over 16 years old and old age finally won. But the pain of that loss was still excruciating and I still second guessed myself; did I rush this decision? was there something, anything, more I could have done? was there something, anything, I shouldn't have done? what if.....? maybe.....? I find myself asking those questions sometimes still today, 6 years later.

When my little bauble, Trinket, died it was a situation similar to your Maia's. Trink had numerous health issues, including COPD, but she was a tough itty bitty thing and took everything in stride like a champ. But those last 10 days were awful. We went to see one of her vets or the other just about every day hoping they could figure out what was wrong, why was she so miserable. They never did. When the day came that I finally admitted to myself it was time to release her, it was too late. She died an agonizing death on the way to the vet's clinic. A necropsy, animal autopsy, showed that her death was caused by an inguinal hernia. A more painful death is hard to imagine and I carry more guilt over her than I do over all my other babies who have passed. Guilt is a normal part of the grieving process but the guilt I carry over my itty bitty bauble, Trinket, is enormous. I've tried blaming her vets who missed that hernia all that time but it doesn't work....*I* was the one who kept asking her to give a little more, to hang on a little longer and all because I had convinced myself that she didn't want to leave just yet. The truth was I didn't want her to leave just yet. In my selfish asking I caused her immeasurable agony and I don't know that I will ever be able to lay that guilt down even for a little bit.

I had heard it said that it is better to let them go a day early than a day late. I thought I understood what that meant but I didn't, not until Trinket. Now I understand deep in my Soul what that means and it is a lesson Trink taught me I will never, ever forget.

You had done all you could for Maia. Asking those questions will help you get thru these first terrible days but the answers may never come...and if they do you may wish they hadn't. I wish I was still wondering what caused Trinket's death and caused her to be so miserable those last 10 days or so, but I do know. Maia knows you did all you could and that everything you did for her was out of the depth of love you carry for her. That is hard to accept...I know but in my Soul I know Trink feels the same way. We just have to find a way to believe that even if it is fleeting and infrequently achieved.

I can tell you are a great parent or you wouldn't be here talking to us, you wouldn't have gone to the lengths you did for your sweet baby girl. So don't forget that in your grief. There is only one rule to grieving - do no harm. There are no time limits, no other dos or don'ts, no right way or wrong way. Our grief is a way of honoring the love we shared with our babies. So many are incapable of knowing that kind of love so you and I and others here are blessed because we do know, we have had that kind of love and are capable of having it again in spite of the pain we will carry for the rest of our lives. We are a special people, don't forget that.

I'm glad you found us and feel comfortable sharing your pain with us. Know we are here anytime you need to talk, scream, vent, cry, whatever. You are among your tribe here.

My deepest sympathies to you and your wife,
Leslie

[Ninjasteve]

Well that means alot to me.. truly appreciate it and my condolences to you and Trink as well!! It is sad and you feel defeated when the end result happens despite all you have done..and it's human nature for sure when you bash yourself wondering what else you could or should have done ☹️�� I kick myself for not taking her earlier to the Dr to investigate her weird breathing and tiring out sooner and her mobility issues sooner..but again I chalked it up as the cushing's and probably COPD or calcification of herungs and she hadn't gone on a walk in maybe two months or so..and so I figured with the muscle wasting and her disease and the bad arthritis that's why she was getting worse..and maybe that was so..but it's also been hot and humid here and she loved being in the air conditioner house too..so here I was.. expectations high..summer coming to an end..gonna get cooler.. finally going with an NSAID..she will get better now and I can start walking her etc..and nope gone..just heart breaking..I know she knew we loved her and did all we could based on what we knew..and I know she was an older pup...almost 15 is a great age of course..we always want more time though. Ugh.. I keep saying she isn't coughing anymore..no more pain etc.. but I'm just being selfish because I want her back badly. Our bed is empty..no more hearing her snoring or breathing funny at times or moving around in different positions. Pure emptiness...we do have two cats and guinea pigs and a couple pet squirrels but still not the same at all..I was more bonded to her than my wife actually...not that she didn't love her or anything..just how it was..my pup went through quite a bit..blew both her ACL back in 2015..cost 2500 for one knee..we did the worst one and said we can't do the other..so we did crate rest and time and she healed up pretty good overall..and then the cushing symptoms came..so in all honesty we got like almost 5 years out of her with no actual medicine to treat it..just the lignans and melatonin..her symptoms did get a little worse these last months probably but wasn't super bad. Was going to have retested but he didn't have a test kit at the time and we talked about I think trilostane but then there are more testing etc..I said I would think about it and get back to him..but again her symptoms weren't aweful..she did get more restless at night but then I think the melatonin kicked in because she would zonk out lol I'm.not kidding with ya either..on the weekends we would go to bed between 10 and 11 and they would sleep right through to 930 or 10..no accidents in bed or anything..weird lol never got us up etc..I think she was just increasingly more and more tired too for a while.. copd or pulmonary hypertension and or heart disease with cushing's I can only assume best the hell out of ya...funny thing she never lost alot of her hair either..towards the end she was losing it more..like it looked shingly and I could pull out clumps..her coat looked dull too...but overall she still had plenty. Her skin was thinner too. Another weird thing is in the mornings she was pretty good..not panting really and the symptoms weren't bad at all except for the heavier drinking in the end now..but as the day progressed she got worse and worse.
By evening she was pretty crappy.with the panting and hunger etc..not sure anyone else experienced that? Maybe she had atypical kind because as I said the lignans melatonin combo did do well for her overall..thanks.agin for being there for me..glad I found yas

[Ninjasteve]

So I have been struggling a little today.. went a to a nearby zoo today.. trying to get my mind off things..and of course been thinking about my Maia girl alot..I made a mistake digging more tonight about the medicine and unfortunately came across a sheltie forum...it's really the only thing I have been able to find..I know I should not keep digging looking to blame the meds.. anyhow read where this person's sheltie had dental surgery.. apparently had an enlarged heart for a while..the vet gave it metacam after the surgery.. was doing ok though..on the 4th day was.having some issues chewing and pain..so gave it half a dose... was doing good still...she talked to her vet/friend..and decided to give the other half of the dose..the second half was given two.hours after the first..and a little later it passed out..and passed away
..so now I'm really concerned this pushed her into what happened..I know that even if it was proven that it's not my fault.. I didn't realize she had heart problem..as I said earlier we figured she had COPD and really the only concern I had all along was her liver..and hoping the NSAID wouldn't hurt it etc..
Ugh this sucks. But again it was only one case I read about it..but it does say that animals with heart disease or liver or kidney disease should not get it or should be given with caution. So I guess what I'm asking to everyone and anyone out there is..anyone have or had.their dog on Meloxicam with an enlarged heart or heart disease? And of course as I said before she was older with health issues too so who knows how much longer she had as well.. because apparently it looked as if she had heart disease that went undiagnosed anyhow. Thanks again everyone for the support... i do appreciate it. It's been a struggle but I am getting better in alot of areas. Hope your all having a great weekend!

[Joan2517]

I went through this too...trying to find someone or something to blame, including myself. I think it is a stage of grief. Marianne was the one who talked me down. I still feel like I should have known more and done more, but Lena is gone and I can't get her back no matter what the reason was. What I did learn was not to rely completely on my vet; that I should do my own research; trust my gut; and not rush into something without checking all the facts.

If I did not have this forum and the wonderful friends I have here, I am sure that my Gable would not still be alive today. I check everything with them first. They may not be vets, but they have done a lot more research and are much more knowledgeable than many vets. And I know more than I did when Lena was diagnosed.

Grief has a way of making us question everything...it will never go away, but it will get better.

[Ninjasteve]

Thanks I def appreciate it..that post was from 10years and it's the only thing I have found. I know I need to stop looking to try and blame it because in the end she is gone and nothing will change it. �� Her vet has been great with her and would do whatever we wished. He never mentioned the meloxicam..I did because she was just in bad.shape with the mobility that I figured she should get an.nsaid at this point..I said it's not fair to see her struggling to get around..If I had to bet..she had bone on bone in her knees..she.blew out her ACL's about 5 years ago and I'm sure she had nothing left because.when I watched.her walk you could see them move against each other and she would basically limp at every step and her front left limb she would hold out as she struggled to walk..so I said enough she needs real help ☹️ and again with the heart disease she apparently had who knows if this was the beginning of the end too.. but like you said we beat ourselves up for choices we made or didn't make. And maybe there are answers I really don't want ugh. Miss her so much..2 weeks ago she was still.with us and had her first dose and was.fine..who would've thought she would.be gone in just over 24 hours. Thanks for the reply
..really hoping someone can let me know if.they had theirs on an NSAID with a heart issue? You know if anyone has? Just odd it was 2 doses though.