New here, and unsure what to do...?

[Jade]

Hi Jade,

Sorry your sweet girl is having such a tough time. I think stopping the Vetoryl is a good idea. At her age the constant vet visits and pokes and prods are a bit much. I am sure she would appreciate not have to face that any more at all. Letting the cortisol rise can also help with her arthritis and may help with the appetite. If it does not help with the appetite, then I would say there is the sign you are looking for. My little Chi that passed in Dec, who was not a cush pup, had one thing left that brought her joy - food. When the day came that she turned her nose up at food I knew that was the sign she was ready to move on. My Squirt also stopped eating and drinking - I would syringe food or water into her mouth and they would just roll back out. She had had enough. She was a cush pup, 16+ at the time, and I had stopped her treatment the year before. Whatever you decide we will be here with you. Know that whatever you decide is the right decision - no decision made from a place of love is wrong.

Hugs,
Leslie

Dear Leslie, thank you for your advice! This really helps me structure what I need to do....I was feeling and thinking a mess - just overwhelmed. She has been off the Vetoryl for a couple of days - she actually started spitting it out last week, in addition to her other pills, which was unusual for her - normally she would just gobble it up in food. Anyway, now I think there may have been a reason for that. So I will see if her appetite and arthritis pain improve - and just as you said, if her appetite doesn't improve enough, that will be our sign. She has lost so much weight, she can't go much longer not eating - she is down to 11 lbs now, and the vet didn't want her any lower than 14. To think when she was healthy she was 18 - she was such a little torpedo. You know, it's hard for me to remember the old days - literally hard because so much has happened in life since then, for me and for her, but also to think back of the happier days just makes me too sad. It will be a long time before I can think about old times. Anyway, back to the topic - if her appetite improves enough, but her arthritis does not, then I may ask for stronger arthritis meds that they had been holding off on for Cushings. If arthritis improves due to her natural cortisol, great. Then, next week, I'll see what the eye doctor says. If her vision isn't coming back, then that will tell me it is time. If there is further chance for improvement - IF my dog is feeling better and eating better just from being off the Vetoryl, then I may do more eye treatment. But I"m not sure.... Furthermore.....I don't want to wait until there is a medical emergency to have to drag her off to the ER for euthanasia. My hope and plan is to arrange for the vet to come to my home, so it does need to be somewhat peaceful, planned out, not an emergency situation, so that may be sooner rather than later. I just feel like I have run out of whatever "fluid" it takes to maintain a steady and logical and patient course of endurance. My tank has begun to sputter. And it's such an awful decision to decide when to euthanize your own baby. It's bad enough that I'm fairly certain I don't even want any more pets. I know that sounds drastic, but I just don't think I can deal with it emotionally again for a long time. I don't even know when I can stand to think of my good memories with my dog. I've been through some terrible, rocky life situations with this dog - for 12 years. Her dying is going to bring up so much confusion is going to bring up all of the awful things I've run away from in my past, but also will make me sad for all the wonderful things I enjoyed with my dog in the past that are now gone forever.

[Bobo09]

Hi, i just wanted to say what a rough time you and your dog have had.

I just wanted to share my experience with losing my first two bichons.
The first was almost 15yrs old, was incontinent, pretty much deaf and blind plus doggy dementia. She still went out short walk each day. It was really tough watching her pace back and forward, washing her and her beds and eventually i felt her quality of life was so poor i took her to the vet. I felt so guilty afterwards had i done it too soon but when i looked back at photos she was so frail i really think i kept her going too long.
When the next bichon was diagnosed with chronic kidney failure i knew in my mind i would not let her suffer and prolong her life. When she started to go downhill, you could smell the toxins building up i made my decision, made sure it was her regular vet and we enjoyed a few last days together. I never felt guilty. I knew i had made the correct decision for her and stopped her from getting worse and suffering.
One of my current dogs has cushings and despite being on medication is still showing all the symptoms. If i felt her quality of life was poor i would make the decision. I would rather help them by ending their suffering than live a miserable life.

Its still sad even without the guilt dont get me wrong but all the great memories help you through when its time.

[Squirt's Mom]

For much of my Squirt's last months we walked around the yard and field behind the house, me carrying her and talking. Like you, looking back thru the years when she was healthy was so difficult for me but I firmly believe she understood when I talked to her and that somewhere inside she held the same memories I did in spite of her dementia. So we walked and talked about the things we had done, the many road trips we had taken, the places we had been, the people we had met and the ones who had always been a constant in her life, the food she loved, what she was like as a puppy, and anything else that came to mind. We went to visit the places that were close by she had enjoyed and to see the people, like my brother Mark, whom she adored. We talked a lot about her Sissy, my daughter, who loved Squirt almost as much as I...and vice versa. Until Squirt's last day, foggy mind and all, I could ask, "Where's Sissy?" and Squirt would perk up and look around for her. And every time it both broke my heart and soothed my Soul. You see, my daughter passed away suddenly in 2006 and Squirt was the one who kept me from following her. Without my Sweet Bebe by my side, I would have chosen to leave this life and be with my child again. But Squirt needed me and gave me purpose again. The very idea of having to wake up without either of my girls was unbearable but in the spring of 2014 I knew that day was very, very close. For Squirt's sake I had to be strong, I had to put her first, locking my pain and fear away for the time being. So we walked and talked day after day after day. Tears were shed but I refused to break - my Sweet Bebe still needed me. Today, 4 1/2 years later I still cry for Squirt and miss her terribly but I wouldn't trade those last few months for anything - they are among my most cherished memories. So do what you need and are able to do to make the time you have with your sweet baby as priceless as possible. She does understand not only your spoken words but those words you can't find a way to voice... and she understands much more than you might believe.

Don't hesitate to talk to us here. We have been where you are, some of us more than once - or twice - and we do understand. We are here for you as much as for your precious girl.

Hugs,
Leslie

[Jade]

Hi, i just wanted to say what a rough time you and your dog have had.

I just wanted to share my experience with losing my first two bichons.
The first was almost 15yrs old, was incontinent, pretty much deaf and blind plus doggy dementia. She still went out short walk each day. It was really tough watching her pace back and forward, washing her and her beds and eventually i felt her quality of life was so poor i took her to the vet. I felt so guilty afterwards had i done it too soon but when i looked back at photos she was so frail i really think i kept her going too long.
When the next bichon was diagnosed with chronic kidney failure i knew in my mind i would not let her suffer and prolong her life. When she started to go downhill, you could smell the toxins building up i made my decision, made sure it was her regular vet and we enjoyed a few last days together. I never felt guilty. I knew i had made the correct decision for her and stopped her from getting worse and suffering.
One of my current dogs has cushings and despite being on medication is still showing all the symptoms. If i felt her quality of life was poor i would make the decision. I would rather help them by ending their suffering than live a miserable life.

Its still sad even without the guilt dont get me wrong but all the great memories help you through when its time.

Dear Bobo09, I have been meaning to reply, I have just been so busy with the ups and downs of my dog. I wanted to say this post has been very helpful to me, thank you for taking the time to share it!

[Jade]

For much of my Squirt's last months we walked around the yard and field behind the house, me carrying her and talking. Like you, looking back thru the years when she was healthy was so difficult for me but I firmly believe she understood when I talked to her and that somewhere inside she held the same memories I did in spite of her dementia. So we walked and talked about the things we had done, the many road trips we had taken, the places we had been, the people we had met and the ones who had always been a constant in her life, the food she loved, what she was like as a puppy, and anything else that came to mind. We went to visit the places that were close by she had enjoyed and to see the people, like my brother Mark, whom she adored. We talked a lot about her Sissy, my daughter, who loved Squirt almost as much as I...and vice versa. Until Squirt's last day, foggy mind and all, I could ask, "Where's Sissy?" and Squirt would perk up and look around for her. And every time it both broke my heart and soothed my Soul. You see, my daughter passed away suddenly in 2006 and Squirt was the one who kept me from following her. Without my Sweet Bebe by my side, I would have chosen to leave this life and be with my child again. But Squirt needed me and gave me purpose again. The very idea of having to wake up without either of my girls was unbearable but in the spring of 2014 I knew that day was very, very close. For Squirt's sake I had to be strong, I had to put her first, locking my pain and fear away for the time being. So we walked and talked day after day after day. Tears were shed but I refused to break - my Sweet Bebe still needed me. Today, 4 1/2 years later I still cry for Squirt and miss her terribly but I wouldn't trade those last few months for anything - they are among my most cherished memories. So do what you need and are able to do to make the time you have with your sweet baby as priceless as possible. She does understand not only your spoken words but those words you can't find a way to voice... and she understands much more than you might believe.

Don't hesitate to talk to us here. We have been where you are, some of us more than once - or twice - and we do understand. We are here for you as much as for your precious girl.

Hugs,
Leslie

Dear Leslie,

I have also been meaning to reply to this, but so caught up with the care of my dog. Thank you for sharing this - it is very helpful and a true testament to how special our dogs really are. I am glad your dog helped you so much - they are our angels. Mine is gone now. She went very up and down not just with the eye problem that was taking so long to heal, if at all, and might have still left her mostly blind in addition to deaf, but her neurological and arthritis issues, and the enclosure we had to keep her in - just all the weariness of her life. She was such a trooper, but just over the past few days, I noticed a decline beginning, a new turn...and I gave her permission to go, and she seemed to really begin the process of letting go at that point. It all happened quite quickly, but we chose to have her put down now rather than too late, while she was definitely struggling, but still had her dignity. She was very peaceful through the whole process, and the vet who came to our home was incredible - she really helped us. So hard to believe that she is gone, a whole era of my life - she saw me through SO many hard and shifting times, then the past 5 years had been good for us both in terms of living situation. She was so changed by the end - not because her spirit was any different, but she had so many limitations compared to when she was healthier, and all of that strength was going towards simply things like standing long enough to eat or trying to sit down. So we felt it was time - we were adamant we didn't want her to decline any further to paralysis or further musculo-skeletal/neurological discomfort. Just can't believe she is gone! My life will feel empty for quite some time. I adopted her 12 years ago.

[labblab]

Dear Jade,

Thank you so much for returning and allowing us to join you in closing this final chapter to your sweet girl’s life. Please know how very sorry I am for your loss. Clearly, her life and companionship was an enormous gift and a blessing to you. And what a wonderful mom you were to her. You worked so hard to give her the best life possible, and you released her spirit when living in this world became just too much to ask of her tired old body. No doggie could ask for a better home or more loving stewardship.

We surely understand, though, the enormous hole that’s now left behind in your own life. Please know we’ll welcome you back at any time, now or in the future, should you wish to talk about how you’re doing. We will always be here to listen to any thoughts or stories you may wish to share. And if it would give you any comfort at all, it would be our privilege to add your girl to our special memorial thread if you care to share her name and date of passing.

https://www.k9cushings.com/forum/sho...Left-Us-(2019)

However, regardless of whether or not she’s entered on the memorial thread, we’ll always join you to honor here right here on the thread you created for her, yourself, out of your love for her. We know how sad and difficult it will be for you to enter this new year without her. But her brave story will always remain here as a testament to her life and her sweet spirit.

I send my sincere sympathy and warmest wishes to you on this New Year’s Day, always in loving memory of your precious girl.

Marianne

[Squirt's Mom]

Dear Jade,

There is no doubt in my mind you did the right thing by your precious girl. Thanks to you, she is now able to see clearly and run freely once again. I know she is so very grateful for this final gift and that she is watching over you now just as you did her for so many years. I firmly believe we will be with our babies again one day when our jobs here on earth are done. When it is our turn to cross that Bridge they will be there to greet us tails wagging furiously, jumping about wildly with joy. From that day on we will never be parted again.

For now, grieve as long as you need in any way that you need. There is only one rule to grieving - do no harm. I don't think I will ever stop grieving my Squirt or many others who have gone ahead but that's ok. Every tear I shed honors the loves we shared and continue to share. Please know we are here if you need to talk...we DO understand.

My deepest sympathies,
Leslie

A Parting Prayer
by Brandy Duckworth

Dear Lord, please open your gates
and call St. Francis
to come escort this beloved companion
across the Rainbow Bridge.

Assign her to a place of honor,
for she has been a faithful servant
and has always done her best to please me.

Bless the hands that send her to you,
for they are doing so in love and compassion,
freeing her from pain and suffering.

Grant me the strength not to dwell on my loss.
Help me remember the details of her life
with the love she has shown me.
And grant me the courage to honor her
by sharing those memories with others.

Let her remember me as well
and let her know that I will always love her.
And when it's my time to pass over into your paradise,
please allow her to accompany those
who will bring me home.

Thank you, Lord,
for the gift of her companionship
and for the time we've had together.

And thank you, Lord,
for granting me the strength
to give her to you now.

Amen.