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Thread: Lena, Teacup Poodle w/ adrenal tumor - Lena is now an angel

  1. #451
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    Default Re: Lena, Teacup Poodle w/ adrenal tumor - Lena is now an angel

    Our one year anniversary is coming up. I was rereading some of the poems you have on Lena's thread. Just heart ripping.
    Sharlene and the late great diva - Molly muffin (always missed and never forgotten)

  2. #452
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    Default Re: Lena, Teacup Poodle w/ adrenal tumor - Lena is now an angel

    That first one is so hard, Sharlene. It seems like everything leads up to it and then it's there. The good thing is that it is usually the end of the "firsts".

    Those poems are mostly from Leslie. They are heartbreaking, but beautiful at the same time. Whenever she posts them on someone's thread, I copy and paste to mine...this way I know where they are.

    I still miss Lee every day. I can't believe I have any tears left, but I do. I was looking at pictures of her last night and I can't believe how bad she looked in 2015 before we knew what was wrong. It didn't register with me then. I only saw my beautiful girl.

    But I think that is probably what was bothering me without realizing it. She was declining and my heart and mind wouldn't accept it, even though I was seeing it happen.
    Joan, mom to my Angel Lena, Doree, Gable, Cooper, Angel Phoenix and now Sibble.

  3. #453
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    Default Re: Lena, Teacup Poodle w/ adrenal tumor - Lena is now an angel

    Joan, I well understand how you feel. It has been almost a year and 10 months since my baby had to leave me. I don't know where the tears come from , but they are always there. Some days a few, others fall as a flooding rain. I also look at pictures of my baby' s last year. Like you, I can now see how she declined and how sad she looked. But again like you, I did not see it at that time. My heart and mind would not let me either. To me, she was still the most beautiful baby in the world. The sweetest. And in her little body the little golden heart beat the same. The beat of love. Hugs to you Joan.
    Last edited by mommyslittlegirl; 09-08-2017 at 12:16 PM. Reason: correction

  4. #454
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    Default Re: Lena, Teacup Poodle w/ adrenal tumor - Lena is now an angel

    Hugs to you too, Dawn. Isn't it funny that we only see what we want to see.

    We hit the year and a half mark on August 19, another hard day.

    That sad look, that's what I saw in her eyes, but then she would look away. It was like she knew and didn't want me to see, or she saw the same thing in mine. I know that I will never stop missing her, she was so much a part of me.

    Sibbie is a great distraction, and I do love her, Doree and my boys, but none of them can fill the hole that Lena's leaving left me with. I just have to keep living with it.

    My grandson, Josh, doesn't understand how I can love Sibbie and still miss Lena so much. He's only 9 and I have tried explaining, but he's too young to understand. Their plan was to get Sibbie, I would fall in love with her and I would stop being sad. He doesn't understand why it didn't work. Then he questions my love for the others, and the ones who died before and after Lee. I get a headache defending myself! LOL!
    Joan, mom to my Angel Lena, Doree, Gable, Cooper, Angel Phoenix and now Sibble.

  5. #455
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    Default Re: Lena, Teacup Poodle w/ adrenal tumor - Lena is now an angel

    Merry Christmas, my precious angel. Our second Christmas apart. This year it was easier for everyone to talk about you, they thought I would be okay, and I was in front of them, but there were a few times where I just cried and cried...in the shower; in the morning before anyone got up; putting your ornaments on the tree; in bed at night. It still feels wrong.

    I miss you every day, Lee. I always will. I don't miss you any less, I'm just getting used to missing you.

    Sibbie had such a good time this year. She was so excited by everything. Then she was so wiped out that she fell sound asleep in Jeremy's lap and didn't move. This morning she tore into her stocking trying to get her toys out. Doree got a new sweater and some treats, Cooper got a new toy and treats, and Gable got a toy and a huge doggie cookie that he finished in about a minute. They had a good Christmas. I hope you were watching. Sibbie had fun helping Jeremy open his presents, shredding the wrappings (like you used to) and completely wearing herself out again. She's sound asleep in the big chair right now. She didn't watch the lights on the tree with me like we used to do after everyone left last night. And you weren't here to watch me wrap for the next day and I decided I really didn't feel like it. So I just talked to you and watched the tree by myself until I fell asleep.

    I'm glad it's over...I'm so tired. I only started the shortbreads last week and none of them stayed in the kitchen with me, another change. You kept guard for 14 years and now it's just one more thing to miss.

    I love you, Lena...my sweet precious angel child. Now and forever. Mommy will always love you.
    Joan, mom to my Angel Lena, Doree, Gable, Cooper, Angel Phoenix and now Sibble.

  6. #456
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    Default Re: Lena, Teacup Poodle w/ adrenal tumor - Lena is now an angel

    Dearest Joan, tons of hugs being sent your way.

  7. #457
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    Default Re: Lena, Teacup Poodle w/ adrenal tumor - Lena is now an angel

    Thank you, Lori, same hugs back at you!
    Joan, mom to my Angel Lena, Doree, Gable, Cooper, Angel Phoenix and now Sibble.

  8. #458
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    Default Re: Lena, Teacup Poodle w/ adrenal tumor - Lena is now an angel

    Aww Joan , I understand how you felt. Christmas is no longer the same without our babies. But we have so many beautiful memories of the Christmas past. I like reading about your precious Lena . Sending hugs and best wishes for the New Year .

  9. #459
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    Default Re: Lena, Teacup Poodle w/ adrenal tumor - Lena is now an angel

    I missed Christmas Joan, but sending you big hugs. I didn't even take out the decorations or put up a tree this year. Probably good thing as I would have been a wreck again because molly wasn't there laying in her spot under the tree. It's never the same is it. We just have to make new traditions and honor the cherished memories of past years.
    Sharlene and the late great diva - Molly muffin (always missed and never forgotten)

  10. #460
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    Default Re: Lena, Teacup Poodle w/ adrenal tumor - Lena is now an angel

    Same to you, Dawn!
    Joan, mom to my Angel Lena, Doree, Gable, Cooper, Angel Phoenix and now Sibble.

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