Re: Loss
Dear Jill,
There are no words that will take away this pain, no amount of time, nothing. It will be part of you from now on. My adult daughter was suddenly taken so I understand the agony you are experiencing today. When I got "the call", all I remember is screaming, "NONONONONO...." then not much of anything else for nearly 2 years. I simply existed, moving thru life but never participating. Even after being awakened from that stupor I kept my grief around me as tightly bound as armor for a long time. That screaming is still close after almost 9 years, and at times I feel it trying well up and out of me again and again and again.
And you know what? I let the screams come; the screams, the tears, the hitching breath - all that agony I allow to come. Why? Because my child is worth every second of it. Because it is one of the few ways I can honor her today. Because it cleanses my Soul and brings her closer to me. Because I can then see her more clearly in the eyes of her sons. Because of love - a love that cannot die regardless. We are conditioned to see grief as a negative but it can become a vehicle for wondrous things...if we let it.
Cry, scream, do whatever you need to do to get thru this moment. Don't push the grief down, thinking it will destroy you. Let it cleanse your Soul and carry you out of the abyss. Hold those precious memories of all the good times close; in time they will sustain you when you think you cannot take one more step. Find the small things that bring you peace and joy, and do them often. And know you are never alone.
Hugs,
Leslie
"May you know that absence is full of tender presence and that nothing is ever lost or forgotten." John O'Donahue, "Eternal Echoes"
Death is not a changing of worlds as most imagine, as much as the walls of this world infinitely expanding.