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Thread: 10 year old female beagle just diagnosed with Cushings - Ginger has passed

  1. #271
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    Mar 2009
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    rural central ARK
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    Default Re: 10 year old female beagle just diagnosed with Cushings

    Oh, Colleen, I sit here with tears streaming down my face. Thru your words I can feel what you did that day because I felt the same the day I realized Squirt had taken all she could, that it was time to let my Sweet Bebe be free. You know it's the right thing, you know this in a place so deep inside that you've never even been aware that place existed until the moment when that realization hits. And oh how it hurts. So badly that you think, "ok...this is the worst", but it's not. The worst is when you have to face that first minute, first second, without that precious presence in your world. And then it hurts so bad you're lost completely, you don't know what to do or if you can do. Times passes somehow but the pain doesn't stop; the agony grows beyond your wildest imaginings. Then one day a thought crosses your mind about your sweet baby and a smile tugs at the corners of your mouth and suddenly you realize that memory brought a sense of pleasure instead of immediate pain and more tears. In the times after, you find you are able to smile a bit more often at the memories you hold so close and then one night you close your eyes to sleep and it hits you - you didn't cry or scream all day. So you cry because you didn't. But those tears are different, in a way they are healing because you now know you will go on, you will survive. Oh, the pain isn't gone, it may never be gone, but you now know it's not going to take you with it. That day will come, I promise. You may still sob 7 years later but that day is in your future. Until then, grieve as you need, cry as you need, scream as you need. Just know you will heal enough to smile again.

    Hugs,
    Leslie
    "May you know that absence is full of tender presence and that nothing is ever lost or forgotten." John O'Donahue, "Eternal Echoes"

    Death is not a changing of worlds as most imagine, as much as the walls of this world infinitely expanding.

  2. #272
    Join Date
    Mar 2014
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    Colorado Springs,Co
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    210

    Default Re: 10 year old female beagle just diagnosed with Cushings

    Thank you for your words... I know it will come..

  3. #273
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    Mar 2014
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    Colorado Springs,Co
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    210

    Default Re: 10 year old female beagle just diagnosed with Cushings

    So many doubts, regrets..
    Did I miss something? Did I do all I could?
    All these years I could help her, take care of her, fix things..
    ...but not this last one... ����������

  4. #274
    Join Date
    Jan 2016
    Location
    Glen Cove, NY
    Posts
    1,889

    Default Re: 10 year old female beagle just diagnosed with Cushings

    Same here...five years later. I still wonder, go over it all, wish I had known more. I loved Lee more than anything, and I wasn't with her when she died...that still kills me. I don't think any answers will change the way I feel. I did everything I could with what I knew then...that's all we can do. They know how much we love them.
    Joan, mom to my Angel Lena, Angel Gable, Angel Phoenix, Angel Doree, Cooper, and now Sibble.

  5. #275
    Join Date
    Mar 2014
    Location
    Colorado Springs,Co
    Posts
    210

    Default Re: 10 year old female beagle just diagnosed with Cushings

    I am so sorry for your loss. I know folks on her really understand the loss, grief, sadness. That helps so much to connect with others who get it.
    Yes, they know how much we love them, that is a comfort.
    I think no matter what the circumstances, we will always wonder, regret... I think that is just human nature.
    Tomorrow it will be 4 weeks.. I am still in denial at times.
    The missing them is probably the hardest. Just wanting to hold them, kiss them, pet them, stroke their ears. Tell them mom loves you so much. Tell them what a good girl you are... to feel her snuggle against me at night..
    It is just an echoing emptiness.

  6. #276
    Join Date
    Mar 2009
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    rural central ARK
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    14,444

    Default Re: 10 year old female beagle just diagnosed with Cushings

    Last week I was driving down the road on my way to the grocery store when a little yellow dog with wild hair ran across the road up ahead of me. In a matter of a millisecond I thought "Squirt!", "What is she doing out here?", "How did she get out?!" "Did I leave the door open and the gate open?!" "She looks so dirty!" "How long has she been running around?" "She's gone......she's gone.....she's gone...." and I had to pull over in a parking lot to sob for a while. My heart so wanted to believe it was her that I ran thru all those thoughts before it hit me that she's gone. And she's been gone almost 7 years. I also "saw" my adult daughter last week and those same sort of thoughts ran thru my mind before realizing once again that she's also gone and has been since 2006. Some things are just too dear to let go and too painful to hold onto. I will never let go of them and it's too painful to accept that they are gone.

    But I know those "sightings" wouldn't impact me as they did if the love I hold wasn't a strong as it is, as it always will be. I also know that I will see my girls again one day and that until I can they are together as they once were, taking care of each other, enjoying each other again. If I couldn't believe these things I don't think I could face one more minute, not one.

    Your sweet Ginger is there watching you and loving you just as my girls are watching and loving me. So for now we have to carry on in spite of the pain we carry. But we do so knowing this is not forever, knowing we will be with them again one day.

    Hugs,
    Leslie
    "May you know that absence is full of tender presence and that nothing is ever lost or forgotten." John O'Donahue, "Eternal Echoes"

    Death is not a changing of worlds as most imagine, as much as the walls of this world infinitely expanding.

  7. #277
    Join Date
    Mar 2014
    Location
    Colorado Springs,Co
    Posts
    210

    Default Re: 10 year old female beagle just diagnosed with Cushings

    I so agree. I have to hold on to that hope of a warm reunion or I could not go on either. I have yet to make it through a day without crying.
    Last edited by gingerbread; 04-25-2021 at 01:40 AM.

  8. #278
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    Mar 2014
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    Colorado Springs,Co
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    Default Re: 10 year old female beagle just diagnosed with Cushings

    You went through so much in your little life baby. You battled first Cushing's disease, then Addison's disease, slowly loosing your eyesight, over all weakness in your back legs from the Addison's. Changing medication, diets... you were so strong, so brave, so trusting... You fought so hard and momma's so proud to have shared your life... You taught me so much...miss you always. ❤❤����������

  9. #279
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Location
    Georgia
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    15,071

    Default Re: 10 year old female beagle just diagnosed with Cushings

    Isn’t it amazing and so humbling to witness the bravery of our furbabies in the face of their illnesses? Ginger was such a good, brave girl. And I have been moved to tears by the bravery of my dogs, too, as they have soldiered on through illness and pain. Unlike us humans, no complaints and no asking for pity. Until the moment they leave us, they confront each day on its own terms — doing their best and trying their hardest. What a lesson for us two-leggeds, if only we could embrace it for ourselves.

    My sweet Lab Luna is now nearly 13, with stiff and undoubtedly painful legs. We lovingly call her the “wide-tracker” now because of her waddling gait on our short daily walks. We know her legs and hips have to be hurting her, but she still jumps for joy *every* morning in anticipation of our leisurely jaunts up-and-down our street. She pretty much collapses for the day after we return. But by the next morning, she can hardly wait to head out again. There’s nothing that pleases us more than seeing her paddling and pumping her legs while she’s sacked out on the couch — surely, in her dreams, once again she’s running as fast as the wind. And when the day comes that she leaves us, that’s the only thing that can bring us any comfort at all. The hope and belief that her spirit will be totally whole and healthy and pain-free once again and forever. That is my hope for my doggies and for Ginger, as well. They are such brave souls, and always will be. No complaints, only love. Our precious angels.

    Marianne

  10. #280
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    Mar 2014
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    Colorado Springs,Co
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    210

    Default Re: 10 year old female beagle just diagnosed with Cushings

    That is my hope and and belief as well. Ginger taught us so very much about love, patience, not judging..
    The very heart of her is much better, much bigger than anyone I ever knew.

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