Apollo,missing you,1 year, 5 months

[apollo6]

My sweet boy,missing you,and wishing I could hold you again. I have pictures of you everywhere. I keep on thinking about leaving the forum. But this is where Ican talk about you. It brings back,joy, pain,and sorrow. Thinking how much you endured at the end. So many little things that just you and I did, miss you so much,over two years.
Ariel is such the opposite of you, so much fear and anxiety to overcome. When you were dying I was dealing with the house fire,now with Ariel,I am dealing with closing the business,selling the building,and Doug's,health issues:heart and lung disease, and helping Mom. I just could use a break. I did go to a yoga class the other day to help calm me. You don't know what an inpack you had on my life,my little warrior.
Sonja

[jas77450]

Happy belated birthday Apollo!!!Run free!

[apollo6]

Thank you for the birthday wishes.
I can not believe over two years and I still feel like I should have done more, been more attuned to what was happening to you. Baby boy,I miss you ever day. This sums it
"We Remember Them....
In the rising of the sun and in it's going down...
In the blowing of the wind and in the chill of winter....
In the rustling of leaves and in the beauty of autumn...
In the beginning of the year and when it's ends.....
When we are weary and in need of strength....
When we are lost and sick at heart.....
When we have joys we yearn to share....
So long as we live,they too shall live for they are part of us.
We Remeber them!
Love my sweet boy
Sonja

[addy]

love and hugs Sonja.

Missing Apollo and Zoe too. Holidays are going to be hard.

[jas77450]

That was so sweet Sonja, take care of yourself too, a lot going on. I've read your entire thread, you were a wonderful mom to Apollo and did all you could. That said,we still feel like it's never enough because we love them so much.
Hugs to you and pats for Apollo!

[addy]

Dear Sweet Apollo- try to send Mom a hummingbird for the holidays or some reminder of your presence. She needs that.

And don't let Zoe do anything goofy like wanting fancy new digs for the two of you.

Thinking of you and Apollo, Sonja with much love.

[apollo6]

Thank you all. Will post tomorrow. Zoe if you want fancy digs you make sure Apollo gets it for you little princess.
Sonja

[apollo6]

This is the best way to describe the stages of grief I have my baby boy. This is from a magazine article :
Post Grief:
MISSING HIM AGAIN
He has been gone for two years and I'm OK he does not live in my head anymore he lives in my heart yet sometimes
unexpectedly I feel I am back to just before he died
I miss him I'm hurting I feel disoriented desperately wishing him
back I remember all that I have lost that I will never have again
it has been over two years since he died but it feels like yesterday.

SOMETHING HAS CHANGED.
Something has changed I used to dread to coming home in the evening to silent, empty rooms feeling so terribly alone
tonight for the first time I looked forward to some quiet time
in my quiet home after a busy day sitting down to read my mail
check my computer sitting down with a book sitting alone
without feeling lonely something has changed.

HEALING
When one is in the middle of pain it is impossible to envisage
a time without it yet that time comes unexpectedly surprising me
by its suddenness from the agonizingly slow healing to a world
of brighter colors to a lighter step to being whole again there is an old saying that when someone you love dies, the main difference is that he or she is no longer outside of you, he or she is inside
I have incorporated him I am poorer for the lack of his physical presence but I am richer by his continuing to exist in me.
by Natasha Josefowitz. Ph.d. -LA JOLLA VILLAGE NEWS.
to you my little angel
always in my heart
love Sonja

[addy]

That was beautiful dear sister in battle, thank you for sharing it.

Thinking of you and I know our Apollo and Zoe are together, watching over us and Ariel and Koko.

Remember then with joy not just tears.

Love you

[milosmom]

just catching up around here ladies...i know our pups are all healthy cheerful running and playing on the other side of the rainbow...we will all be together with our furbabies again......this is what keeps me going...xoxox to all patty (milo)meka xoxox