Apollo,missing you,1 year, 5 months

[apollo6]

Apollo, Mommy misses you so much. Saturdays, and nights are the hardest. We had whip cream Saturdays,you'd sit on my lap, every night I gave a little apple before we went to bed. Everyone said you had such big soulful eyes. Why couldn't I save you. You loved when I would lay on the couch,you would lye on my stomach,just look at me and let out a sigh.
I struggle with overwhelming guilt at time. Why couldn't I save you. This horrible disease ravished your beautiful body. Seeing you fight so hard ,so much courage. I wish you could have told me what you were going through. It has been 1 year 8 months almost two years and I realize I will always miss you. Someday we will be together in heaven.
But like Addy and sweet Zoe, we had so many beautiful years, love ,joy, fun and yes the sadness. But I need to remember how I was blessed for almost 14 years with having you in my life. As my vet said, an old soul in a young body. You were my teacher.

Such a little dog took such a big piece of me when he died. My regal,proud,stubborn,smart,loving,beautiful little boy.
Love your mommy

[apollo6]

My little Angel it is 1 year 8 months since you passed and I grieve you every day. I miss you every day. The grief hits me out of no where and I think about the beautiful life,joy,love,courage ,support,laughter you gave me. But I want you back. One more lick, one more hug.
I know you orchestrated me adopting Arial,and he has helped me with my grief. You were so calm,proud,brave. You endured so much the last year,fought so hard and I could not save you. It still haunts me about putting you on the poisons-ivermectin,the strongest dosage of Advantage to fight the mange and the skin infections when they were making you more sick.I kept asking about your intentional issues,why didn't the vets listen to me. I had to ask for the ultra sound to find out after one month about the lesions maybe being cancer and reading that the poison they told me to give you may have caused it. Forgive baby!! Thyroid medications, being told to take you off the Trilostane to increase your cortisol to fight the infections, the muscle wasting,the intentional lesions. oh God why did you have to suffer. I cry when I read about other fur balls going through this awful disease, why don't they find a cure?
I still feel it is the vaccines,the medicines which have steroids in them and the prednisone they give that causes Cushing's,but it is such a complicated disease,who knows.
Mommy misses you every day. I cry a little less, but the lose will always be there. You blessed me with your life,love,joy. Always in my heart.
Love Mommy

[apollo6]

My sweet angel, I am lost without you. You kept me going so many times. What am I supposed to do without you. You were my rock, my foundation now I feel so lost. Life just gets harder.
Love your Mommy
If love could have kept you alive you would still be here.
my Angel warrior.

[addy]

I think I want to picture Mary Beth's Ali and Zoe running after Apollo in beautiful green meadows and the three of the them having a grand old time together, hanging out waiting for us to one day arrive and be reunited. What a grand party that will be dear Sonja.

I think the stages of our lives makes the losses harder and the pain last longer. I think our aging moms make us face our own aging and losses and potential losses seem to be swimming all around us.

So here I am dearest first friend to hold you close, to tell you how much I care and to wipe away your tears after we both have a good cry together.

Never to be forgotton Sonja, always here with us, I clutch my locket to my heart as I pause while typing this and feel your presence and Zoe's and Apollo's too.

I hope they get really big Easter Baskets in Heaven

[apollo6]

Thank you, smiling picturing the three of them running free, having fun,lapping up all the good treats, snuggling together and what a party we all will have in heaven. And yes it is hard seeing our mothers age before us,realizing every moment we have with them is precious.
Just like with Zoe and Apollo,knowing time was running out for them and feeling so helpless to help.
My sister warrior to our Angel warriors,we love and miss you.
Sonja

[apollo6]

My Apollo,almost two years missing you everyday. I told Daddy the last vacation and fun I had was almost 10 years ago with you and Karma at Monterey,Ca. We laughed and had so much fun with you.
Daddy said he could not go back there yet because the memories would make him cry.
I feel I medicated you to death, with all the medications that were supposed to help.
Why hasn't the medical field come up with a cure and prevention of Cushing's
You endured so much the last year. My Angel always in my thoughts
Love Mommy

[apollo6]

My Little Boy always in my Heart,always on my mind. Almost two years and still wishing I could have you back. You are every where.
I still feel that I let you down. I love you so much.
Mom ,my little Angel

[addy]

gentle hugs my tears fall with yours, oh how to lose the feeling we let them down, oh how to have them both even for just a moment.

dear friend, we always remember, we always love, we never forget

[apollo6]

My little boy it is almost two years since you passed and I will always have what I call Apollo days,when I miss you so much and the tears just flow. Like Addy. How could 10 lbs. of fur impact my life the way you did. I love Arial, but it is not the deep love I have for you. Daddy and I talked about the day by Seaport Village how you ran so fast after Karma no one could believe that two dachies could run so fast. You were having so much fun, you both looked like two little race horses. I wished I had filmed you. I pray every day to feel your presence. Some days I can talk about the joy you gave me. Then the darkness comes in-the cushing- and I question all the medications you we're put on. I could not stop the muscle wasting,the skin infection got so big, the intestinal problems that I kept on questioning. My little Angel, to hold you one more time, to kiss your sweet face,only in my dreams. The guilt comes out of no where, the what if? the could of,would have,trying to accept. I am blessed with having had you in my life. Love always
Always on my mind,always in my heart.
Your Mom Sonja

[apollo6]

My little Angel, having one of those Apollo days. Reading what Addy wrote and others helps. Almost two years and I still cry for you. We tried so hard ,you and me to beat this awful disease,but it got you at the end. I would fight for you all over again without hesitation .
Like Zoe. , Apollo you and I would dance,have our Saturday morning whip cream. You were so smart,so sweet,everyone liked you, very stingy with your kisses, did not want to go for walks,you bossed me around,if I was sad,you would lick my tears, demand belly rubs, every night you would wait for your bedtime snack, apples . I miss you so much. I don't know why but I read a few pages of before and when you died. You were such a part of me,you gave me courage to fly again when I for awhile was afraid too. I would reach down and touch you to reassure me. I held you often. You had a mind of your own. I just loved looking at your beautiful face. This disease sucked the life out of us. But during all of it I and you had some moments of joy, and always love. I still have a lot of guilt, like I could have saved you. I keep blaming my self for picking on the skin infections, I wanted the poison out of you. I know the vet said you lived longer because of me than another owner would not have done as much for you. I still remember when he held you lovingly in his arms and said what a sweet beautiful soul you are ,one of a kind,special. You taught me so much. I needed to get this out. I don't cry as much and can talk about the fun,loving times and joy you gave me. You were the first dog I ever had. You taught me well. My holistic vet,said you were born an old soul. Mommies little Angel.
Love always
It will take me a lifetime to heal,I will always miss you.