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Thread: Apollo,missing you,1 year, 5 months

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  1. #1
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    Default Apollo,missing you,1 year, 5 months

    Dear Apollo
    It has taken me a while to write this to you.
    I came to this site to save you, I stay a while longer to save me. Every time I read we lost another baby , I cried, and thanked God it was not you. I dreaded when that day would come. Even when we would go to the park, people would say they never saw such a loving bond as was between us. I know you are still with me, because I wear the locket with your hair close to my heart and hold it often.
    When you died I stopped breathing. I'm still trying to breath.
    Doug said he didn't think he would have been as brave and strong as you were. You tried so hard for me.
    I have so much guilt and grief still. You ,not me were the teacher. I never had a dog before and it was you who taught me so much. Because of you I loved animals even more, tried to enjoy the moments, little joys. My vet said you were born an old man. All the vets and techs who took care of you said you were one of the best patients they had, so sweet and loving. August 24,2012, at the vet's when he said you were dying , it would not be long and he prayed I would not have to make that decision for you, he held you so loving in his arms and kissed your precious little head, while Doug and I were crying. Then on Sept 9th, 2012, I felt distressed all the day, decided to go over to Mom's. While she was holding you , you reached out with your head for me, I grabbed you as fast as I could and you let out your last breath. I screamed so loud and broke down.
    I went back on my notes and never realized how much you endured. I kept blaming myself for putting you on the Ivermectin, then the Advantage Plus, then so many antibiotics to try so hard to fix you, when I should have been trying to help you. All those drugs, with the TRilostane did not do you any good. And for months telling the vets there is something wrong with your intestines.
    My Cushing babies, you were not born with Cushing's. I feel the combination vaccines and so many of the drugs given disrupt your immune system. My sweet Apollo, I try to look at the loving and fun times we had. There were so many. You comforted me, loved me, made me laugh and yes cry and supported me. I would care for you again in a heart beat.
    Thank all of you for supporting me and not judging me.
    Hugs Sonja and Angel Apollo
    Last edited by apollo6; 01-25-2014 at 04:28 PM.

  2. #2
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    Default Re: Apollo,missing you,1 year, 5 months

    Having a hard time lately. Didn't know if I should write. Yesterday I opened a drawer and pulled out your file,with all the notes, reports,etc. I thought I could throw them away, but my little Angel,Apollo, all the pain came flooding back,the constant tests,the drugs,the vet visits,what you went through and I broke down,put everything back. Then I throw away an unopened special shampoo I had bought for you skin infection. Maybe it was just too much for me to handle. Not today,when I am ready. I miss you so much my little man. I am still broken. 1 year 7 months, I can not believe it. I am still grieving.
    Zoe's lose has effected more than I realize. She was our little warrior fighting on for all of us.
    You brought me so much love,support,licked my tears when ever I was sad,looked into my soul so often. Our bond will never break. When my time comes I will have my ashes and yours set free together .
    Love you
    Sonja
    Last edited by apollo6; 03-19-2014 at 11:52 AM.

  3. #3
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    Default Re: Apollo,missing you,1 year, 5 months

    Love you Sonja. Seding many hugs to you and know that I care very deeply.
    love,
    addy, zoe and koko


    My little dog - a heartbeat at my feet. ~Edith Wharton

    Memory is the power to gather roses in the winter

  4. #4
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    Default Re: Apollo,missing you,1 year, 5 months

    Baby boy,tried to light a candle for you today. I am still struggling with your lose. God ,I miss you so much. I try to have a little humor feeling you are looking down from heaven watching me. But I still want you back. I prayed every day for a miracle your last month,tried every ointment on your skin infection,worried so much about the intestinal issues. Why didn't the vets address the stomach issues. Baby boy, it is 1 year,7 months and I am still struggling with guilt.Why couldn't I save you. Your last few days,I was angry,frustrated ,feeling so helpless,knowing we lost the battle,holding onto every second I had with you,crying. I was trying to get food and water down you,when I should have been comforting you. In your last few seconds you reached your head out to me and I held you as you let out a sigh.I need to believe this was your way of showing me ,I love you Mom. Baby you were my world. I am struggling with your little brother the total opposite of you. You calmed me, I have to
    ease Arial's fears and anxiety. He gets these anxiety attaches out of no where and I try to comfort him. You were one of a kind,regal,loving,stubborn,smart,brave,courageous. Missing you,my love.
    Your mom
    Sonja
    Last edited by apollo6; 03-24-2014 at 01:18 PM.

  5. #5
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    Default Re: Apollo,missing you,1 year, 5 months

    (((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))0
    love,
    addy, zoe and koko


    My little dog - a heartbeat at my feet. ~Edith Wharton

    Memory is the power to gather roses in the winter

  6. #6
    Join Date
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    Default Re: Apollo,missing you,1 year, 5 months

    Baby Boy
    Played your favorite music box the other day, hoping I could feel your presence. Such a little dog , was my best friend, companion.
    Today a humming bird starting making a nest on the wind chime, you and I looked at in the morning in the spring. My angel is it a sign from you saying, Mom , I am doing fine? It has been over 1 year and 7 months and I still can not bring myself to throw many of your things away. Not today. Why would I not expect this grief to linger still when you were such a big part of my life. Every once in awhile it comes out of no where. I tell your daddy when it hits, I am having an Apollo day.
    Good night my angel.
    Hugs Mom

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