My Beautiful Buddy Boy

[labblab]

The faith they place in us does feel like an awesome responsibilty, doesn't it...

Perhaps another way to look at it, though, is that Buddy was spared the human fear and dread of that which is to come. When they proceed so willingly, surely it must be because they are not afraid? And so we are the ones who carry that burden on their behalf. That is our sacrifice because we love them so. I don't believe Barkis was afraid that day, nor was Buddy. They trusted us to do what we thought best for them. And so we did, Kathy. So we did.

[Budsters Mom]

If course you are both right ladies, but I still feel really sad. I took my loving and trusting little heart dog and ended his life. My head tells me that I did the right thing for Buddy, but my heart is not so sure.

[lulusmom]

Kathy, it wasn't just your head that was telling you to set Buddy free of his pain. Your heart was probably speaking louder than your head was that day. The decisions we make for our babies are not sterile, based only on common sense. Our decisions come from our heart, which is where we hold this amazing love and compassion for our pups, and sometimes we don't even know how deep that love is until we are confronted with having to make one of the most awful decisions of our life. It's normal to second guess yourself but I know that in time, you will be able to look back on that day and know in that big heart of yours, that you made the right decision for your beloved Buddy.

Hugs,
Glynda

[Trish]

Awww Kathy, I have just tried writing this note to you about 3 times and can't quite get it right, but this made me feel sad you felt like that. They do follow us anywhere and we are the lucky ones they have such love for us to do that. You did the right thing, regardless of what your heart or head was telling you then or even now. You had a choice and you chose to put your Buddy to rest in comfort while he waits for you to meet him at the bridge. I am so sorry I made you feel bad xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[Budsters Mom]

You didn't make me feel bad Trish. When I read you post on Flynn's thread you were just voicing your concern and feelings at the time. Yes, they will happily follow us anywhere and everywhere, even to their own own deaths. This forum is a safe place to voice those concerns and to find people who understand. It isn't your fault that my mind went elsewhere with your comment because that is exactly what I did. I lead Buddy to his demise and he went happily. Happily to follow me anywhere just to be with me. This is not your problem Trish. It is mine. The grief if losing Buddy comes in waves. This is just another one. xxxxxx

[molly muffin]

Kathy, I really don't think that there is anyone who has had to do what you did, who doesn't at some point or many points, end up revisiting it and wondering and feeling guilt over it.
I always said that Tasha would let me know when she was ready. In a way she did but the way she didn't is that I always said, but Tasha is still happy, she wags her tail if you even look at her, she loves people and wants to be right there in your lap, even when she could barely stand to have her skin touched, but she was happy. Still I made that decision, because her eyes said, it hurts to stand up, it hurts to lay dow. She couldn't stand to walk outside and would pee everywhere. (quite a bit for a golden) And still her tail would wag and she would crawl into my lap, all 60lbs of her. But I did make that decision. She loved to go the vets, thought it was a real joy to be there and was never scared. She went in happily to her own demise, tail wagging, and head rubs by all and I held her head and looked into her eyes until she was no longer there in her body. Sorry, that is as much as I can actually say right now as the tears stream down my face.

Kathy, there are many who have felt what you feel now and will in the future. It is normal and you are not alone. I don't want you to think of it as a problem, it is just what it is, a terrible time came in your and Buddy's life, and you had to make the decision. If not then, maybe later. Those last few weeks though, took a terrible toll on you and on Buddy and it wasn't easy. There were very good reasons that you made the decision when you did.

Super big hugs!
Sharlene

[Trish]

Yes and more super big hugs from me too... you are such a lovely person Kathy and have been such a support to me, I am very honoured to have your friendship I hope these waves of emotion will go from the crashing of big rollers on the shore to a more gentle ebbing as time goes by, your Buddy is still bringing us all joy as we remember his fun ways and thinking of him always brings a smile to my face xxxxxx

[Budsters Mom]

AWWWW Trish, we've been through much together and I am honored to call you my friend also. You and Flynny will always have a special place in my heart.

AWWW Sharlene, it took a lot to share Tasha's story with me. Thank you. You don't have to say anymore, because I know how it went. I stayed with Buddy also until he was no longer there and told him to go get the lizards. I then was left alone with him on that cold, exam table to say goodbye. Leaving him there was heartbreaking. I couldn't even go home afterwards because my folks had begged me not to take him and I couldn't face them. I sat and cried my heart out in my car for hours, then walked the mall, before eventually going home. So yes, I can imagine how your story ended.

[Budsters Mom]

Christmas is actually going to arrive without you here. How is that possible? Love you and miss you tons. xxxxx

[Trish]

And we will get through it together Kathy xxxxxxxxxx