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Thread: Holidays can be hard...

  1. #491
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
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    Georgia
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    15,097

    Default Re: Holidays can be hard...

    Oh Joan. Iím crying, too, right alongside you. Iíll come back again when I can see straight and I can form some words. They totally escape me now. Iím so very sorry for you and your husband. I know what a special sweet companion Doree was to him. My husband is taking Lunaís loss so hard too. Itís just so hard for us all.

    And Colleen, thank goodness youíve been here and you *were* able to write. What you wrote is so perfect and so true. And once again your poem touches my own heart so deeply. Thank you, thank you, thank you for all of this. And especially for your hugs. Iím needing hugs so desperately right now, and I can feel yours coming straight to my heart from across the miles.

    Love to you both,
    Marianne

  2. #492
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    Default Re: Holidays can be hard...

    Well, Joan, Iím back but still minus the ability to think of words to convey how truly sorry I am about Doree. How sorry I am about everything. I know youíve had so many heartaches and challenges during these past months, and so many holidays clouded. Itís just not fair and my heart aches for you.

    Itís an especially hard morning for me, too. Iím looking at the Christmas tree lights for the last time. Today weíll take the tree down and drive it over to be recycled into mulch. I know it makes no sense at all, but it feels like Iíll be saying another final goodby to Luna. We had bought the tree while she was still alive but had not yet put it up. We almost didnít have the heart to put it up afterwards, but we did. And we both ended up feeling so grateful that we did. The twinkling lights cheered us so much during the dark early mornings and the late evenings. The one cheery thing about the empty house. But this evening the house will be dark again, and I think it will feel like really saying goodbye to her a last time, too. Iíve got a lump in my throat already and Iíve only just gotten up. I miss her so much. So much.

    Well, my goal in writing this morning was to try to say something of comfort to you. And here I am, going on about myself again. I guess if thereís any truth to ďmisery loves company,Ē at least Iíve got the ďcompanyĒ part covered for you. Please know that I am indeed thinking of you right alongside me during these tough days. On this cold January morning, Iím sending my hugs and warmest thoughts flying northward to you, my dear friend.

  3. #493
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    Jan 2016
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    Glen Cove, NY
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    Default Re: Holidays can be hard...

    Yes, I know...I don't want to take ours down, not that Doree noticed it anyway. Luckily it's an artificial one and I can keep it up for as long as I want. The poor little girl was in so much pain. I am so glad that he finally agreed to give her some peace.

    And you are a comfort to me, Marianne, you always have been.

    Cooper had blood work done Friday. He's gaining weight, drinking a lot, constantly hungry...and guess what? It looks like it might be Cushing's AGAIN. I'm still processing...what are the odds of having three different dogs, three different breeds, and Cushing's. ALK 1966, ALT 226. The vet wanted to do the LDDT, but I can't afford all the testing and meds this time around. I'm not even sure it's really Cushing's. He's always been hyper and nuts, so I'm going to put him on a diet, start walking him to get the weight down, and see if it makes a difference. He's almost 15 and the stress of taking him to the vet for testing (on both of us) would be too much.

    Like I said, still processing...

    I miss my big beautiful boy, and I miss Lena. I'm still in Doree mode, thinking I have to check on her, listening for her to move around in the playpen, trying to decide what to make her for dinner to get her to eat. Then I remember I don't have to do any of that anymore, and my blood pressure goes back down, and I feel guilty because it's a relief. The stress of watching her get worse and knowing that she must've been in agony, was so hard, but he wouldn't see it and he didn't want her to go.

    I've been having a hard time getting my thoughts together to put here. It's like they're swirling around in my head and just won't land (LOL). Everything is changing, and I don't like change.

    Thank God the holidays are over...but I'm still not taking down the tree ...

    Love you!
    Joan, mom to my Angel Lena, Angel Gable, Angel Phoenix, Angel Doree, Cooper, and now Sibble.

  4. #494
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    Default Re: Holidays can be hard...

    Oh Joan. Cooper and Cushingís??? I. Canít. Even.

    I totally understand your thoughts about him, especially at his age. Iíll keep my fingers crossed that you can get some improvement through weight loss. And I also totally understand the conflict of Doree mode. Itís the same for me. I still instinctively catch myself checking the clock at Lunaís mealtimes, and timing when I should be trying to get her down the ramp to the yard. We went to a friendís house for dinner last night ó our first social outing since she died. For the first time in what feels like forever, I didnít have to stress over struggling to get her out to pee beforehand and we didnít have to watch the clock to head home by a certain time. We stayed late and I didnít check the time once. That was a genuine relief and the change made me realize just how much stress Iíve been under for so long now. But of course, then the trade-off was coming home to the empty house. That was not good at all, and so it goes.

    Anyway, please keep us updated about Cooper. And in the meantime, Iíll be repeating NOT Cushingís, NOT Cushingís NOT Cushingís, over and over againÖ

  5. #495
    Join Date
    Jan 2016
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    Glen Cove, NY
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    Default Re: Holidays can be hard...

    LOL! That's my mantra, too. And I totally understand the feelings about Luna.

    I hate to say it, but I think the Facebook group killed this forum. I had to stop looking at it because there were just too many people, too many responses, too many deaths, and it just wasn't personal, at least for me.

    This forum kept me sane when I was going to lose it, and you are responsible for that, Marianne. I already responded on your other post, so you know how I feel.

    Go forth and enjoy your time with your husband....

    Love, Joan
    Joan, mom to my Angel Lena, Angel Gable, Angel Phoenix, Angel Doree, Cooper, and now Sibble.

  6. #496
    Join Date
    Mar 2014
    Location
    Colorado Springs,Co
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    213

    Default Re: Holidays can be hard...

    Hello Joan and Marianne,
    I am catching up in the posts and my heart aches for both of you. I totally get where you both are emotionally. I still go through the same thoughts with Ginger. Listening for her, wondering what to fix her that she will eat, rushing home to see her, only to stop myself, and let the tears fall remembering she is not here. I have none of that to do and my heart aches to do it all over again, but do it better, love her deeper, be patient much more often. To right the wrongs I feel where I failed her. My precious little girl. I too struggled about the Christmas tree... we only have a table top one, but I, (we) decided after saying goodbye to Ging March 2021, that since she loved the tree, used it as a night light that it will stay up year round with only the ornaments that are hers, the one empty chair for my dad and the small twinkling lights that helped light her way to the kitchen for her food and water. Not a day goes by, probably not even an hour goes by, that I do not think of her and miss her, her unconditional love, her caring heart. The need to be needed is immense. The most painful tears are not the ones that fall from your eyes and cover our faces, they are the ones that fall from our heart and cover our souls. Prayers, love and hugs to you both... special prayers for Cooper.
    Blessings always, Colleen

  7. #497
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    Jan 2016
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    Default Re: Holidays can be hard...

    Yes...all that and more, Colleen.

    Hugs and love to you, too...
    Joan, mom to my Angel Lena, Angel Gable, Angel Phoenix, Angel Doree, Cooper, and now Sibble.

  8. #498
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Location
    Georgia
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    Default Re: Holidays can be hard...

    Well, I guess itís time to gently ease the doors shut again on our 2022 holiday house. But if anybody continues to wish to write more, either now or at any time in the coming year, please feel free to do so ó the doors here are always left unlocked!

    When we did reopen them last October, I never expected that I would be needing so much comfort here, myself. But I guess itís often good that we canít predict the future, because otherwise my Halloween and my Thanksgiving spent with my sweet Luna would have been so overshadowed by what was to come. Living in the present has always been a tough challenge for me, and right now my present definitely sucks. But Iíll remain forever grateful for all the good holidays of the past, and hopeful for good holidays yet to come.

    At any rate, as always, I wish to thank everyone who has joined us here this year. So much. And Iím truly hoping that 2023 will bring at least some measure of peace, comfort and joy to us all.

    Love, Marianne

  9. #499
    Join Date
    Mar 2014
    Location
    Colorado Springs,Co
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    213

    Default Re: Holidays can be hard...

    Much love Marianne.. always available to lend an ear.
    Blessings, Colleen

  10. #500
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    Jan 2016
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    Glen Cove, NY
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    Default Re: Holidays can be hard...

    We are always here for you, Marianne...and not knowing sometimes, is always better.
    Joan, mom to my Angel Lena, Angel Gable, Angel Phoenix, Angel Doree, Cooper, and now Sibble.

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