Holidays can be hard...

[gingerbread]

The Holidays are upon again..
How I long to see those 4 little feet rustling through the piles of leaves. Leaves so deep all I can see is a happy little face and tail standing erect! How Ginger loved making all the noise she could in those leaves..
Next week she would be right by my side in the kitchen as the ham and Turkey cooked.. waiting for me to " "accidentally" drop a small piece now and then. Those big brown eyes waiting in anticipation. The Holidays truly are the hardest, the most empty... cherish every moment with your precious pups, your families..
Blessings to all, Colleen

[labblab]

Hi there Colleen! Yep, the holidays can truly be so hard. And of them all, I think Thanksgiving has been the hardest for me ever since my mom died three years ago. I know I've talked about this before, but she was such a wonderful cook and baker, and sharing Thanksgiving with her was always such a special joy. In recent years while she was still alive, we'd only hosted small gatherings at my house, but having her alongside me in the kitchen was such a blessing. She knew just how to time everything, and even towards the end when she didn't feel like doing the cooking herself, she'd sit on a chair and coach me as I bustled around. And she *always* still made the pumpkin pie herself, with crust from scratch. Her special added ingredient was molasses. This week, when I see the molasses jar on the shelf, I still just want to cry.

Of course, COVID hasn't helped things. Because we felt afraid to travel in 2020, it was just hubby, Luna, and me here at home. Boy, I missed my mom so much I swore that we had to do something different last year. So we packed up Luna and ourselves and drove up to spend the week with my brother and his family in Tennessee. Given Luna's frailty, the traveling and hotel stay was stressful. But Turkey Day itself, spent alongside our larger family, was a relief to me. I had no cooking responsibilties, and just got to socialize and eat! We'd likely be doing a repeat this year, except Luna is now far too fragile to travel at all. And I don't feel like trying to coordinate with anybody else here locally. I totally realize this is my bad, not even to try to make things cheerier for myself. But I just don't feel like it. Said no depressed person anywhere, anytime: "Let me schedule a big group activity that I have to be cheery and "up" and responsible for!!" So it'll be hubby, Luna, and myself once again. Since I have absolutely no expectations, though, maybe the holiday will turn out OK after all. I do love to eat, and since I'm only cooking for ourselves, I can make exactly what I want to. And having Luna here with us yet again for another Thanksgiving is absolutely a gift that I shall not overlook. But for the most part, I'll just be piddling around the house this next week. So if anyone wants to stop by here to chat, I'll be available. And I do definitely hope that the rest of our K9C family has as safe and satisfying a Thanksgiving celebration as they possibly can!

Marianne

[gingerbread]

Marianne,
Happy Thanksgiving... I am truly sorry how difficult this time of year is, especially today for you. I do so understand about the molasses..
Any time I went to the store I had trouble in the potato chip isle. My dad loved Pringles so any package of them brought me to tears. Still can at times... Same with Ging and the pet food isle.... I.....Just.... can't...yet.
It is just Ron and I today. Will possibly go over to see momma and my sister for just a little bit this evening.
I am so glad Luna is enjoying another Thanksgiving with you both! So, so special.
Sending hugs and love to you..
Colleen

[addy]

Happy Holidays to my forever family!
This time of year can sometimes be such a struggle. The empty chair, the unused leash still hanging near the door.
Sadness that we will never have another Christmas with those we loved and lost.
The sadness comes because we are not satisfied with the new Christmas, it just cannot compete with Christmas past. Some say, well then, make new traditions. That can be hard to do if you are older, perhaps not having the same resources or health or for any other number of reasons.
Recently, my husband had eye surgery and has to sleep on his back surrounded by pillows so he does not turn on his eye.
I have been “camping” in our bedroom on a less than desirable air mattress for over a week with another week to go, so very exhausted and stressed. I thought I could forgo putting up Zoe’s tree. I was concerned I might hurt myself trying to move our dining table and lift the heavy tree sections. I set up a tiny table top tree and after four days found myself so sad, fighting back tears. I knew I had to do one good thing and that I had to be very careful trying to do it.
Somehow, I managed to slowly inch the table over 4” giving me barely enough room for the tree and very slowly and carefully lifted the tree sections, taking breaks in between. Long story short, Zoe’s tree stands in all its glory one more year. In hindsight, it probably was not the smartest thing to do but I found a way. It was so important to me as this will be my Koko’s last Christmas. I have stopped crying and even though the holiday will not resemble Christmas past in any way, I have my Zoe’s tree for my darling, loving Koko.
Be kind to yourself, find one thing that can make you smile, to find a small bit of joy and then maybe even though the holiday is different, even though the holiday is sad, the memories are not quite as painful. Maybe we can make it through.
Love you all.

[labblab]

Oh Addy, I can’t tell you what a comfort it is to read your post on my Luna’s thread, and also your reply here. It’s been ten days now since she left us, and I still can’t believe she’s really gone. Please know that even if you accomplish nothing else today, you’ve already taken care of *your* one good thing by writing to me and to our family here at a time when I needed it so much.

The sadness comes because we are not satisfied with the new Christmas, it just cannot compete with Christmas past. Some say, well then, make new traditions. That can be hard to do if you are older, perhaps not having the same resources or health or for any other number of reasons.

You’ve put my own feelings into perfect words. I’ve been kind of hard on myself, lately, thinking that I’ve been spending far too much time living in the past in recent years. But the reality is that I truly have lost so many dearest relatives and friends during this time. Dear ones who cannot be replaced, and will never be forgotten. And yes, what with the social isolation of COVID, it’s felt so much harder to even find safe ways to fill my time outside of the house — let alone to try to forge genuinely meaningful new relationships.

I know there will still be joyful days ahead for me. But maybe it’s OK to flat-out acknowledge that my *most* joyful days may indeed be behind me now. And to come to peace with that, knowing that there’s an arc to our lives and that I’m now closer to the end than to the beginning of mine. And that it’s OK to treasure memories on days that I’m too tired to try to search out new experiences.

And in the vein of treasuring memories, I can’t tell you what peace it gives me to know that Zoe’s tree is up and sparkling once again this year. It restores precious memories of Zoe for me, and also memories of a time when our family here was so much more active. And dearest Koko — our K9C dog around town! Knowing in advance that this will be your last Christmas together, oh my, how poignant it will be. Please give our sweet boy a giant hug from me. Treasure every moment you have together. I know you will. So much. And know that we’ll be right here by your side, too, whenever the time comes that you may need us.

Thank you again, my dear friend, for writing to me and to us all. And best wishes for the merriest Christmas that this week can bring to you and to your hubby, Koko, and the rest of your family.

Love always, Marianne

[labblab]

And Christmas morning is here. In the midst of both joy and sadness, Christmas morning is here once again. A day that is given to us only once each year, no matter what. On this bright cold morning, I’m sending wishes of Christmas hope to warm the hearts of all our family, especially those of us who are needing those wishes the most. Do take care and do stay safe. And may we all find comfort in knowing that love is forever. ❤️

[Harley PoMMom]

Merry Christmas to you, dear Marianne, my thoughts and prayers are with you.

[labblab]

Well, a new year has begun for us all…whether we feel ready for it or not. An empty house is not how I would have wished to greet this morning. But yet, I’m trying to find peace and express gratitude for all the gifts I *have* been given during this past year, including spending many more days with my sweet Luna than I would have imagined possible last January 1.

To all our K9C family, I send out my love and best wishes. Wishes of comfort for those who need it, wishes of happiness yet to come even when it seems so hard to imagine. Once again take care, stay safe, and Happy 2023 to all my dear friends.

Marianne

[gingerbread]

Hello all and kinda Happy New Year.. I am reading a lot of the above and am touched and in complete understanding of each of your posts. I will repost my poem for all of you at the bottom of my post.
Holidays are extremely difficult to maneuver. You want the joys, and yet sadness fills more thoughts than joy. You want peace, yet a restlessness stirs inside longing for holidays years ago. The normal we had will be no more. We all know that, and yet long to change the outcome. We try to balance the emptiness with the thankfulness but it is definitely a difficult balancing act and one that dips from side to side quite often. I cannot believe we are coming up on Ginger's passing 2 years ago and Dad's Birthday this Tuesday making it almost 7 years since he passed. Also lost a dear cousin just days before Christmas. I have laughed and cried all within the matter of minutes. I have felt like it was yesterday Ging was still here, and then it seems like years since I have held her, bathed her, walked her, took her to McDonald's. I just still plain miss her and want her back! That is the " normal" I long for! But reality sets it and I know it cannot be. We can still long for those times, not one thing wrong with that! We grieve deeply, miss dearly because we loved and have known a love so strong. That we can be forever grateful for! Does it help dry the tears? Nope.. does in mend our broken hearts? Probably not. But we can support each other, lend an ear or a hand and let each other know it's ok not to be ok. Our circle of grief does not disappear, it only grows larger so we can make room in our lives for it. I love you all and send hugs and prayers always. Blessings, Colleen..

Empty collar,
Empty chair.
Hard to believe
You're both not here.
Lump in my throat
Tears in my eyes
You both were
My hardest goodbyes.
A little piece
Here and there,
Holes in my heart
That won't repair.
You took with you
The very best.
Of my heart
And left the rest.
I'll try to fill it
Best I can.
Unconditional love,
Lend a helping hand.
But no amount
Will fill those parts,
Reserved for you
Deep in my heart.
So thankful for
The time we had.
Miss you Ginger,
Miss you Dad!

12-23-21

[Joan2517]

We lost our chihuahua, Doree Darling, yesterday morning. Her 18 year old body just could not take it anymore. I had so hoped that she would just drift off in her sleep, but that wasn't happening. Hubby finally agreed that it was time...it was really way past time, but as soon as he said "maybe" I called the vet's office and luckily my vet was on duty and said he would do it if we got right down there. My husband didn't even have time to think although I knew he would start to change his mind. She was in terrible shape and the vet let him know that she was miserable and it had to be done. He couldn't stay in with her, but I held her head and told her how much we loved her and how good she was. She was so tiny, but again, the silence is deafening. I know that Gable, Lena, Andee and all the cats were there to greet her and she can see again; walk without any pain again; remember everything she forgot; and she is free of the mammary gland cancer that she was diagnosed with right before Thanksgiving.

I must say that this has been the most dismal holiday season I have ever had. I miss all my babies...there are only two left now. The last time we had two dogs was 2005. We have been crying all day. Not a good start to 2023.

Hopefully things will get better.

Happy New Year?