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Thread: Holidays can be hard...

  1. #371
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    Default Re: Holidays can be hard...

    103 monarchs!!! Lori, that is awesome

    And I love the idea of Misty being a little wolf — what a cutie pie she’ll be!!! I love everything about Halloween, but for sure the best part is opening the door to the Treat-or-Treaters. (Ummmm....well maybe except for the candy...;-).

  2. #372
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    Default Re: Holidays can be hard...

    Whoops, I’m one day late in wishing our Canadian members “Happy Canadian Thanksgiving!” But the sentiment is sincere, even if the timing is a bit off...;-)

    Best wishes to all our family north of the border!

  3. #373
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    Jun 2012
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    Default Re: Holidays can be hard...

    Hi all, sorry I missed checking in on Thanksgiving! But happy Canada Thanksgiving to all.

    We had a good thanksgiving, just had Daniels mom over. She spent the night on Sunday then we cooked on Monday and ate and ate and ate some more.

    I hope that all of you are doing okay. I've missed you tons.
    I'm making some career changes to a new position at the company i work for. Hopefully things will, after I learn this new job, then allow me to get some life/work balance back. Something that has been sadly missing. cross fingers.
    Sharlene and the late great diva - Molly muffin (always missed and never forgotten)

  4. #374
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    Default Re: Holidays can be hard...

    Hey Sharlene, it’s so great to hear from you, and especially to hear about your job change. We’ve got our fingers crossed, too, that your job demands will ease up — we miss you SO much around here!!!

    Sooooo...Halloween has come and gone. I love Halloween, but I’m afraid it turned out to be an anticlimax this year. I decorated just like always, and we planned to have our usual friends over for dinner and to hand out candy. I’d already decided to bestow the honor of wearing the orange collar onto Luna. The orange collar was Peg’s — Luna (and Barkis before her) had always worn purple. But Luna’s 11 now, and somehow I just felt like it was finally right to adorn her with the orange this year. I felt like Peg would have agreed and been proud of her little sister.

    But the day before, the weather forecast was atrocious. Heavy rain, wind, and a temperature drop of about forty degrees :-(. I figured there wouldn’t be hardly any kids at all. Plus, I felt overwhelmed trying to straighten up the house. I still have so many unopened boxes of my mom’s things strewn all over, we look like hoarders :-((. I know our friends would totally understand and not care. But still. So at the last minute, we decided to just meet at a restaurant to celebrate our friend’s birthday (she’s a Halloween baby). We had a very nice dinner, but all four decided we would rather have been at our house, like always. Rain or no rain, boxes or no boxes. So next year, I think we’ll be back on track, no matter what. And hopefully Luna will still get her chance to wear the orange collar (fingers crossed for that, too!).

    In the face of loss, I’ve decided it’s really hard to tell in advance which rituals feel better to keep the same and which feel better to change. Now I know it’s better to keep Halloween the same. We’ll see how Thanksgiving turns out. We’d been staying home these last several years because my mom didn’t feel physically able to make the drive to Tennessee where my brother lives with his family. So she and I cooked together here. Mainly me cooking now, but my mom still always made the dressing and pumpkin pie. This year, hubby, Luna and I will head up on up to my brother’s. In this case, I think it will feel better to be surrounded by family up there than to be cooking alone and seeing the empty spot at our table here. But I dunno. We’ll see. That’s all we can do, I guess — give things a try and see how it goes. I’ll let you all know, and in the meantime, I’ll be wishing you all the best, too.

    Marianne

  5. #375
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    Default Re: Holidays can be hard...

    Well, Thanksgiving is now behind us. We ended up staying home after all, as the Tennessee folks were hit by the flu. So I ended up having to face what I had wanted to avoid — the empty spot at my table where my mom should have been. The rest of the holiday week was basically fine, sometimes even good. But Thursday was not good. Really not good. At all. For the heck of it, I decided to sit in my mom’s chair, myself, to see how things looked from her perspective. I hoped it might help. It made things a little different, but it did not make things better. But at least the first Thanksgiving without her here is done. I lived through it and it’s over. I know things can never be the same again, but maybe next year will be better. I sure hope so.

  6. #376
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    I hope next year is better for you as well, Marianne. These anniversaries are odd; one would think they would progress naturally from really bad to easier and easier as each one passes but for me that has not been the case. A woman who lost her daughter, who was my age, told me when Gia died that the 3rd year would be harder than the first...and she was right. Why I don't know. Once that was behind me I expected things to get easier and easier and some years they have been. This was not one of those years. For some reason this 13th year has been an especially hard one. I still find comfort in the belief that she is with Squirt, Trinket, Brick, my dad, and so many others but this year I found an extra measure of comfort in my own aging because each day that passes brings me one day closer to being with Gia and them all once again. I pray you find the anniversaries in your life pass more and more easily with much comfort to be found in each one.

    Hugs,
    Leslie
    "May you know that absence is full of tender presence and that nothing is ever lost or forgotten." John O'Donahue, "Eternal Echoes"

    Death is not a changing of worlds as most imagine, as much as the walls of this world infinitely expanding.

  7. #377
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    Leslie, thank you so much for your reply. Throughout the years, the thoughts you’ve shared about your own grieving have been so full of meaning for me, too. What you’ve written today is another help. I’ve always been one to hold expectations about how things in the future are gonna seem or feel. The older I get, the more I realize how useless — even damaging — those expectations can be. I think you’re 100% right about this, that there’s no straight line ahead. And the sooner I let loose of the expectation that there *will* be one, the easier it may be for me to regain my footing after an especially bad patch. Right now, the image of “black ice” came into my mind. The kind you don’t even see before you hit it and go spinning. Some things this year didn’t sadden me anywhere near as much as I expected. Other things have carried such hurt. Thursday was one time when the expectation and the reality matched up. It was not a good day. But there’s no telling what next year will bring (or tomorrow, for that matter...). Live in the moment, Marianne, live more in the moment! Is this a lesson I can take to heart? I’d surely like to try.

    Thank you again, my friend. And I’m sending you tons of hugs in loving memory of all your angels, especially your precious Gia. Love is forever. I do believe that with all my heart.

  8. #378
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    Default Re: Holidays can be hard...

    She always says the right things...even in her poems. I find great comfort in her posts and in her faith that we will be with them again.

    "Black ice" is exactly what it's like...all of a sudden. Some days I can skate across without falling and then other times, down I go and anything will make me cry.

    I miss my dad, especially around Christmas. He loved Christmas! It was usually just me and him decorating the tree, mostly me while he directed . And I miss my mom, even though she's still here. There are times I'm trying to remember something and I automatically think I'll ask her, but she doesn't remember anything anymore. I'm not even sure she knows who I am. Funny, no matter how old we get, we still need our parents.

    I hope you're feeling a little better, Marianne...
    Joan, mom to my Angel Lena, Doree, Gable, Cooper, Angel Phoenix and now Sibble.

  9. #379
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    Default Re: Holidays can be hard...

    Yes, we never know when tears will flow. We had record breaking cold last winter. Since moving to the condo, Zoe’s tree has to be stored in the garage, which I have been told is a big no no for pre lite trees. I was sure I would be out shopping for a new tree this year but apparently Zoe still needs her tree because every light quickly lite up, still burning brightly. I burst into tears of thanks. By all accounts that tree is getting older and older, stored in sketchy conditions and should not work any more.
    Marianne, Thanksgiving is hard and I can relate to the empty seat. I hope it is less sad next year. I avoided hosting for two years because of empty chair, finally gave in to Kate and hosted this year. I too was acutely aware of missing my mom at our table.
    Leslie, you are so wise and always find the right words of comfort. I so admire your ability.
    So hear we are for another holiday. I hope you all find comfort and peace this season. May all your lights shine brightly and you hold close every memory and tradition.
    I lost my Lucy work dog in October. She was almost 13. I bought a light for her at our humane society. May it be the brightest light ever to reflect her amazing spirit.
    Koko, bless him, is still traveling around town and just enjoyed a ride in a glass elevator which he thought was really cool. I could not stop laughing.
    I hope you all gather memories until you have the most beautiful bouquet.
    Love you always
    love,
    addy, zoe and koko


    My little dog - a heartbeat at my feet. ~Edith Wharton

    Memory is the power to gather roses in the winter

  10. #380
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    Default Re: Holidays can be hard...

    I hope you all gather memories until you have the most beautiful bouquet.
    Oh Addy, I just burst into tears when I read that! Good tears, though, because it is the most perfect wish of all — sooooooo perfect. Thank you so much for that. I’m trying to muster the courage to put up our Christmas tree today, and what you’ve written really helps. I’m so happy that Zoe’s tree still lives!

    It’s wonderful to have you stop back by again. I’m so sorry about Lucy. I know this is another great loss for you. But I’m so relieved to hear that Koko is still going strong. I love picturing him in that glass elevator! He must have been thinking, “So this is what the squirrels see when they head up their trees!”

    Wishing you the best, and again, you’ve brightened our day just by stopping by!

    Love ‘ya,
    Marianne

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