Holidays can be hard...

[labblab]

So now I guess I will just stop planning anything, live in the moment and go with the flow, whatever I do.

I am so dreading Thanksgiving without Zoe barking at the table and being so excited. I try to banish the thoughts from my mind and just not think about it. Sort of going through the motions without too much thinking involved.

Firsts are hard.

I think going with the flow is an excellent strategy. As well as not dwelling on the painful thoughts. They will come up on their own, but the trick is to release them on their own, too. At least, for me, that is the trick. Not to latch onto the thought and the pain and hold on and hold on and hold on. Like endlessly rubbing a sore in your mouth with your tongue.

There is a phrase my husband and I both use in relation to playing instruments (for me it is keyboard, for him it is stringed instruments). The phrase is "muscle memory." It always seems like a bit of a miracle to me when I memorize a song and can play it effortlessly without the music. But we call that "muscle memory" -- when the notes become physically encoded in some way and our fingers just know automatically what to do. The truly odd thing is that when I use my brain again and start thinking about what I'm playing, the whole thing usually falls apart. The brain consciousness overrides the physical consciousness and short-circuits everything.

I am really good at letting my brain short-circuit things.

So I will project my own self onto you, and tell you that I think going with the flow is an excellent idea. Let your body and your heart lead you through the holidays. Who knows, you may end up heading off in a surprising direction by trying something new or by repeating something old that still ends up feeling comfortable after all.

Carpe diem. Savor the moment. Isn't that what our puppies lived by? Of all the life lessons they could teach us, I sure hope I can grasp that one before it is too late.

And absolutely, firsts are d**n hard.

Marianne

[Budsters Mom]

Right back at you with the hugs Marianne. Your sweet December baby brought us the gift of you. Thank you Barkis for sharing your mom with us.

Yes, The last holiday season was my first without Buddy. I did not want to do it without him. My heart was not in it. I wanted to skip it altogether and just start up in January. As it turned out, I ended up too sick to do much of anything. Be careful what you wish for. You might just get it.

Starting things off with a giant bear hug from me, in honor of my Barkis and the joy he always brought us at the holidays. He was a December baby, as was my dad.

[labblab]

Oh Kathy, I am LOVIN' Buddy's Christmas avatar!!

[mypuppy]

Oh Marianne,

The title of this thread could not be more appropriate. Ever since we released our sweet girl, the silence is unbearable. This will be our 2nd holiday season without our girl. But last one was the hardest. I have been missing from the forum for quite sometime now, and I just could not find the right time or words or even the time to open up. But it has been long overdue, and I am in a better place to let it all out.
In November, 2013 I was dx with invasive breast cancer (almost a year now). I couldnt bear to tell my girls the horrible news and risk spoiling the little magic we still managed to carry in us that Christmas, specially after just losing our Princess, so I decided to wait to tell them until after the holidays.
I underwent a bilateral mastecomy in January, 2014, chemotherapy from February through April and 33 daily rounds of radiation from May through July. I never thought I would pull through such emotional and physical pain, for this has been by far, one of the longest and trying journeys I have ever been dealt. I never questioned the "why me" as much as just the "why". Many times I thought to myself well yeah "why not me". If this is where I was meant to be, there must be a higher and bigger purpose for all of it, and time will tell what that is. For now, I am going strong again, getting my energy back, and just truly grateful for every single day--goodness, Im aliveee! We must rejoice in that and i am focused on each precious day, and less focus on the dark side of my journey. I think the only one thing that sticks out for me is the fact that I had to lose my girl 2 months prior to my starting my journey. That "why" I will always question. Why did she have to walk out of my life when life seemed to be walking out on me? Why, then when I needed her the most? Oh sweet Princess, I always wonder if this ride could have been more bearable with you at my side every step of the way? But I guess it just wasn't meant that way.
My dear family, I am so relieved to finally come here with courage to tell my story, because you are all still so dear to my heart and always will be, and nothing can ever change what a special place in my heart you all occupy. I love and have missed every single one of you and your furbabies, and I am sorry for my long absence.

And I am sending all some very tight hugs for old times sake.
XO Jeanette

[mypuppy]

Ps: i also wanted to wish my sweet girl an early 12th birthday on November 21st. I pray you are soo at peace and happiest again. I miss your big smile the most. :-)

[molly muffin]

Jeanette! You sweet, sweet lady. I'm so glad you felt like you are finally in a place where you could share what you have been going through. Sweetie, you know we are Always here for you. Through thick and thin, the journey goes on.
I so wish that Princess could have been there with you to give you physical comfort, but I am sure that she was watching out for you.

This year you have something special to celebrate during the holidays, survival. That is pretty powerful magic by itself.

We have missed you and hopefully you will come back and let us know how you are as we are worry wart aunts you know.

Big hugs and a Happy Birthday for the lovely Princess. Always cherished, never forgotten.

hugs

[molly muffin]

Kathy, I too think Buddy's avatar is just adorable! His personality just shines through. Such a sweet baby. I know that no christmas holidays will Ever be the same as it was when he was with you.

hugs

[Budsters Mom]

Thank you ladies. Buddy was such a go with the flow kind of dude. He let me do whatever I wanted and was a great sport about it. Rosie on the other hand, is a not in this lifetime kind of gal. She's more likely to tell me to wear it first, then she'll think about, if it doesn't look too stupid. Lol She isn't going to do anything just to make me happy. The girl has standards.

[labblab]

Omigosh, my dear Jeanette!!! I can't tell you how it warms my heart to see you here. And double, tripley so after hearing what this past year has held for you. I don't know if you know this, but our Janis ("Altira") has walked a similar path with breast cancer during this year. So truly, you are sister survivors and as Kathy says, holiday magic.

Of course we will join you in wishing sweet Princess a Happy Birthday. Our special girls, both of you.

I do understand why you have been away, but I am ever so grateful that you've returned to us. Nobody gives tight hugs quite like you do, Jeanette. Nobody!!! I've been missing them and feel such warmth and joy this evening upon your return to us.

With much love, always!
Marianne

[Spiceysmum]

Dear Jeanette,
You are the bravest person I have ever had the pleasure to meet and even though I have shared this journey with you I have sometimes wondered how on earth you have found the strength to get through each day, I'm sure you have wondered the same thing! You are an inspiration to your family and friends and everyone is so thankful that you have been so strong this past year and are coming out on the other side of it the same cheerful, loving and giving Jeanette we all know and love. I wish Princess could have been with you through your journey but I know she will have been looking down on you and willing you to get better. She will always be with you.
Happy 12th Birthday for Friday Princess and keep watching over your Mom. 🐶💝💐
Love always, Linda 👸x