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Thread: My sweet Darla

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
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    Rhode Island
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    Default My sweet Darla

    I lost Darla on 9/24 and my heart aches for her. Sometimes I feel o.k., then I see something or think of something that reminds me of her and the sadness creeps in again. I try to keep strong for my kids and my husband. I feel as though they shouldn't see me cry or they think it has already been 2 1/2 weeks and I shouldn't be crying anymore. My kids seem fine (they are 9 and 7 1/2). I miss her and think about her often. I feel as though I killed her. I made that decision to end her life, not her. I will never get that image out of my head, her taking the sedative, trying not to lay down, and then the dr. comes in to administer the drug. It was the worse thing I have ever witnessed. Her poor little brown eyes looking at me, I was with her the whole time, talking with her, looking her right in the eye. I told her I was sorry this happened to her and that I loved her. She suffered so much and I wanted her to be at peace. I just couldn't run any more tests on her poor little body, but I'm always thinking what if I had tried this drug or done this procedure...would it have worked. I feel like I let her down. Does she know that I loved her enough to make this tough decision for her so she wouldn't suffer any more. Does she think I just didn't care anymore and "let her go". What an awful place to be in, as I'm sure many of you can relate. I miss her and wish I could have done more. As I sit her alone crying I wonder when the pain will ease. When will I be able to talk about her without crying. You all were so nice and helpful when I was going through this, I guess you are the only people who truly understand what I am going through. I thank you from the bottom of my heart for being there for me.
    Sarah

  2. #2
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    Apr 2009
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    Default Re: My sweet Darla

    Dear Sarah,

    Thank you so much for beginning your new thread so that we may continue to walk alongside you. You have definitely come to the right place, since so many of us here have shared our pain and our burdens of guilt and questioning (and continue to do so...). So many people in the world have no idea as to the depth and strength of our connections with our pups. They cannot imagine the responsibility we feel for their care and their comfort, and they cannot fathom our pain over the loss. But everyone here does truly understand. And we will stay with you, and try to help in any way that we can.

    Sarah, having shared the pain and the guilt myself, I do believe that your feelings are very natural. Saying that will not make them go away, or change how much they hurt. But I just want you to know that you are not alone. And that 2 1/2 weeks is barely enough time to even realize that Darla is really gone -- it may be many, many more days and weeks before the tears start to be replaced by happier memories of the earlier days when Darla was healthy and full of joy and energy. But I promise you that the day will come...and that you will someday be able to smile once again over the good times, and the bad memories will start to fade further away.

    I do believe that Darla knew, without a doubt, how much you loved her. And I am sure that the fact that you remained by her side at that hardest time of all -- looking into her eyes and her heart and soothing her -- was her final earthly memory and your final gift to her. And it is undoubtedly much easier for me to say this than it is for you to accept right now, but sometimes just because a treatment or a medication or a procedure is possible -- it does not mean that it is the right decision for every animal and every person to endure it. Sometimes the right decision is to offer peace and solace and the release from pain and suffering. And so out of the difficult choices you had before you, you did what seemed best and right for Darla, knowing her and loving her as you did (and still do). Not one of our pups would ask for more than that. She is at now at peace, and I hope that, with time, you will be able to find comfort in knowing that.

    I will close for now. But please do remain with us, Sarah!

    Many (((hugs))) of welcome to you here on your new thread. And many (((hugs))) in loving memory of sweet Darla ~
    Marianne

  3. #3
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    Default Re: My sweet Darla

    Sarah, if it would not make you feel too sad, I would love to hear more stories about Darla's life with you (and Rascal's, too!). How she came to join your family, and any of the special things she did that you loved (or that maybe also drove you crazy???). I would love to read anything that you would care to share with us...

    Marianne

  4. #4
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    Apr 2009
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    Default Re: My sweet Darla

    Oh, Dearest Sarah,

    That adage of "We take on the pain so they can be released of their own," is so very true. Oh honey you did not "kill" her, you set her free, you made this decision from your heart that was filled with love for Darla...this is love and devotion and you have nothing to feel guilty about.

    I know Darla knew she was loved and you expressed your love to her even until the time God gave Darla her angel wings.

    Oh Sarah, we understand your pain, we have been where you are now...the guilt, the what ifs and the buts, and in time it does get easier. Everyone's grief time is different, so don't rush yours or think that yours is taking too long...grieve as long as you need to...we are here for you always.

    Love and ((((hugs))))
    Lori
    Last edited by Harley PoMMom; 10-12-2009 at 08:08 PM.

  5. #5
    Join Date
    May 2009
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    595

    Default Re: My sweet Darla

    Sarah, I have no words that could possibly ease your pain. I know there are none, but just want you to know I am holding you close in my prayers and thoughts.

    Lot's of love and hugs,

    Shelba and Suni

  6. #6
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    Apr 2009
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    Arizona
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    Default Re: My sweet Darla

    Dear Sarah,

    I, like you and many here have experienced and are still experiencing your pain, the wondering, the what-if's. It is obvious that you loved Darla so much to release her from her earthly pain.

    As Lori has referred to, and written to me by Terry and it really helped to comfort me when I think about it.

    "Zoe's mom (Sue) has a saying that rings true for me and I hope it will offer some comfort to you both - "the relief from pain is theirs, but only when we have the courage to make the pain ours"
    I still get all teary eyed when I read it or think about it but it holds so true, but is yet still so painful.

    Thank you for comming back to us and sharing your feelings, I hope it helps even if it's only for a little bit. We are here for you, we are a shoulder to lean on whenever you need one. We do understand your love for Darla and we understand your pain.

    I also look forward to hearing more about your wonderful life and times with sweet Darla. Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.
    John (Roxee & Rozee's Dad)

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Mar 2008
    Location
    Marathon, ON.
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    532

    Default Re: My sweet Darla

    Oh Sarah,
    It's only been 2 1/2 weeks....it's been almost 5 for me. I have had guilt for keeping Lady too long and guilt for letting her go too soon. If I'd let her go sooner or kept things going longer, it wouldn't make it any easier to bear this pain and loneliness. I know that I didn't let her down...I let her go, so she could be free from the misery that her life had become.
    For the first 24 hours after Lady passed, the image I had in my mind was of her flying over the ground towards me, feet not touching the ground, ears back, smiling the way she had done so many times as she raced towards me. When we were together like that, nothing else mattered, the whole world could have disappeared and it was the most beautiful, comforting image that I could have had at that time.

    Some pets have spent their last few days on earth in a clinic, with the hope that there was something that could be done so they could live longer. That would have been h--l on earth for Lady and she never had to go through it....I would never have put her through that.

    My family had a cat that even cat-haters loved. My son was 13 when we had to let her go (cancer) and he went with me to the clinic and then was with me when we got home. He was such a comfort that night, mourning with me. The next morning he was much more at peace than I was and his explanation was that I had known Muffin longer than him and that it would take me longer to feel better! If your children see your sadness maybe that story will help explain things to them.
    I know that someday we'll be able to talk about our dogs without tears..... I just don't know when that day will be...
    I, too, look forward to hearing more about Darla....and when I'm ready, I'll be able to tell you more about my Dollydog angel.
    Jo-Ann

  8. #8
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    Apr 2009
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    Sterling, VA (NOVA)
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    Default Re: My sweet Darla

    Sarah,

    Oh my... you poor thing.....

    they think it has already been 2 1/2 weeks and I shouldn't be crying anymore.
    This is just so sad to me. I lost my Niko in July. Not a day goes by that I don't cry for him. I don't see an end to the daily crying for many many months. Even after that, I know I will cry for him for the rest of my life. When you lose someone you love so much, no one should be able to make you feel so judged - even your family.

    Helping your baby make the journey is a VERY difficult thing. Many people cannot bear to make the choice and / or stay with their babies. I have tried to view it as a gift we can give them, to end their suffering. It is still so hard. Helping release Niko was the hardest thing I've ever done. I feel, though, being there with them through the end gives them comfort.

    I'm learning to not second guess myself so much. We all did the best we could for our babies and we are so critical of ourselves / our actions after wards because we loved them so very much. We wanted to do all the right things and the reality of it is, we did do the right things and I have no doubt that each of our dearly departed knows that. If only we could trust in ourselves as they trusted in us.

    I still second guess some of my actions, but I am doing it less so now. I realize that different choices may have bought him OR cost him only hours. I can only be thankful for the time I DID have.

    I wrote the poem below about 2 days after I lost my sweet boy. The pain of being the 'decision maker' is an incredible burden... I know. My vet had warned me that he wasn't going to 'leave me' and that I would likely have to make the choice. My heart goes out to you and I do hope you are able to find some peace to heal. You should not feel rushed.

    It hurts to be the one
    That had to make the choice
    Your life rested in my hands
    I had to be your voice

    I hope you will forgive me
    I had to sever the tie
    I knew you wouldn’t leave me
    You would never say goodbye

    Our bond will never be broken
    I told you many times
    Even though you’re gone
    Your light forever shines

    Until we are together again
    I will miss you so much my friend
    I know I will go on for now
    Until my days here come to an end

    And when I leave this earth
    I have you to look forward to
    I will again get to embrace
    My love that is so true

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Mar 2008
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    Marathon, ON.
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    532

    Default Re: My sweet Darla

    Thanks for this poem, Bettina. I knew that I wouldn't be "lucky" enough to be spared the decision. Somehow I knew that Lady wouldn't leave me on her own....living where we live made it too much of a gamble to leave it too long. Making the decision for us spared her any more suffering....
    Jo-Ann & my Dollydog angel

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
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    Georgia
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    Default Re: My sweet Darla

    Dear Sarah,

    I've been thinking about you and Darla a lot during these past couple of days. And a thought occurred to me that I wanted to share with you. This is something that helped me back at the time that my Cushpup died. I would never ever presume that it would feel helpful to you, too. But I just thought I would throw it out there, anyway.

    I'm a person who really dwells on things that upset me. Back when my Cushpup died, even though people told me that I shouldn't feel guilty -- it was impossible for me to change the way that I felt, and it seemed as though I could find no relief from the pain.

    Back then, we had no other dogs. So when I went on my daily walks without my boy, those were probably the times that I felt the very worst. I finally made up this little "mantra" in my head, and I'd repeat it over and over again as I walked: "We loved him dearly. He had a wonderful life. We didn't let him suffer."

    I'd say this to myself every time my mind drifted back to the guilt. It only helped a little to begin with. But over time, what I discovered was that every time I said, "He had a wonderful life," I'd have a picture in my mind of him doing something he loved, when he was happy and healthy. And slowly but surely on my walks, I finally ended up with more happy images than sad ones.

    This may seem kind of silly. And as I say, I'm not thinking it would work for ANYBODY else. But my hope for you is that, with time, you will also discover a way that helps you to replace the sad thoughts with happier memories. I do believe that is how Darla will always remain alive in your mind and your heart, and it is a precious gift she would want you to have.

    Marianne

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