10 year old female beagle just diagnosed with Cushings - Ginger has passed

I truly believe that you did. For weeks after Lena died I would all of a sudden pick up on scent of the lotion they used to clean her before they gave her to me after she had died. At first I didn't know what it was, then it hit me...and I knew she was still with me.

You know, they say that a person’s sense of smell connects directly to memories in a really unique way…

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But why do smells sometimes trigger powerful memories, especially emotional ones? The short answer is that the brain regions that juggle smells, memories and emotions are very much intertwined. In fact, the way that your sense of smell is wired to your brain is unique among your senses.

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So if smells can trigger memories, maybe it can go the other way and memories can trigger smells, too? After reading what you girls have written, I went upstairs to the cupboard in the bathroom where we’ve always bathed the dogs. There in the back, I’ve always left the last bottle of shampoo that we used on Barkis. Even when he was all grown up, we still used a puppy shampoo on him that smelled so sweet. During those early years after he died I’d sometimes go and open the bottle, and for an instant I felt like I was back giving him a bath the day he first came home with us. The feeling was so real and so powerful. I hadn’t opened the bottle in years, though, and today the little bit of shampoo that was left was all dried up. It didn’t really have a smell any more :-(((. But I closed my eyes and thought about all our puppy baths and it was as if I could still smell it anyway. Like you say, Joan, it’s like he was right there with me and maybe he really was. Today it’s been 17 years since Barkis left us. 17 years! But for an instant, his sweet dear self was with me yet again. So thank you, girls, for giving me this little gift today, too. It means an awful lot to me.

Colleen, I know there’s got to be so much about these days right now that are still so hard and feel so raw. But even though it brought a tear, I so hope that Ginger’s scent this morning also felt like a gift to you, as well.

(((((((Big hugs to you both!))))))))))

Thank you both! Yes!!! It did bring a sweet comfort and memory. Bittersweet which I will gladly welcome..
Hugs, love and prayers..

24 weeks and my selfish self still wants her back. I think I always will. I think we all always will. Their little, happy, unconditional loving lives are way too short.
Oh to have one tenth of that unconditional love.
So many lessons learned from my sweet Ginger. I thank her every day! Hope this finds you and yours well.
Blessings and hugs!

I forget when I stopped counting the weeks...now it's years and I still think of her every day. I totally understand, if only I could hold her against my heart again.

Hugs, hugs and hugs...

I am a sobbing mess today!! Today is Ginger's birthday.
Her first in Heaven. Would have been her 17th here..
If only.....

MY GIFT

A miracle, a tiny blessing,
At my feet I saw you resting,
As the other pups took off to run and play.
I didn't know that day you'd be mine,
But it was meant to be from that time.
Because you picked me that cold December day.

Watched you grow and play and run free.
Full of love so unconditionally.
A cherished gift from Heaven God did send.
You filled my days with love and laughter.
As I cherished every chapter.
I couldn't turn the page to read how it would end.

But I could see the tired in your eyes,
Should not have come as a surprise,
But it broke my heart to know the time was near.
I tried denying what I was seeing,
With every fiber of my being.
But the truth ran down my face in tears.

You were my everything, my lifeline
I begged and prayed to have some more time.
But I guess it was a selfish thing to ask.
I'm thankful for each day that we shared.
I pray you know how much that I cared.
With every breath I'll wish you had a longer dash.
Ginger
Sept. 1, 2004 - March 7, 2021

Now I'm a sobbing mess...what a beautiful poem. Every word reminds me of my precious and how hard her first birthday in Heaven was...her first everything in Heaven. I wish every day that I had had more time with her.

Oh Colleen, what a beautiful, beautiful poem and what a perfect loving tribute to your little girl. I’m in tears, too. A love this strong and powerful and beautiful will never die, but I know that doesn’t the hurting. My heart is with you, dear one.

Marianne

6 months.... just doesn't seem possible. Some moments feel so raw, so close, others it seems so long since I held my little girl. I know I mustn't go there, but lately I have been wondering if she ever thinks of me. I am mixed with emotions. I want her to, yet, I don't want her to because I would never, ever want her to be sad and that is not what Heaven is....

Thank you so much.. she was so special. Really struggling with depression and guilt this month. Perhaps with it being the 6 month mark and her birthday month.
I have such great memories, so much hope and assurance knowing I will be with her again.. but it is the " todays" that are hard to get through.

Awwwww Colleen, I sure do understand. Our heads and our hearts can definitely travel along different paths, and the pain from the absence of such a treasured companion can have a poignant life of its own. The pain can reappear when you least expect it. Sometimes subtle, sometimes breathtakingly sharp. My own heart is with you as you navigate the challenges that each new day brings. And please know that we all join you here in loving memory of your dearest little girl, today and every day.

Marianne

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Originally Posted by gingerbread

but it is the " todays" that are hard to get through.

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I understand completely...
Tomorrow Sept 26 is/would be, my little girls 15th birthday.

My heart seems to beat a little harder on these days, and I tend to go back thru those "goffy pics" and remember the moments behind them.


But underneath the tears is a smile, and a sense of thanks, because I can remember the happiness we shared.
And the shared unconditional love... on BOTH sides

Lena loved Fall...she would watch the leaves blowing around, sit and watch me decorate the front yard, cuddle up under blankets in the gazebo. All these memories flood into me as I sit outside and think of her. I close my eyes and picture her and Doree strolling around the garden together, or buried under blankets watching the fire. I have a sweet picture of the two of them sitting side by side in front of the fireplace in my front room, the matriarch and the baby. Now Doree is the matriarch and Sibbie is the baby...strange. Lena would've been 20 last March, she's been gone almost six years and I still miss her every day...

Thank you all for so much understanding and love.
It gives me more comfort than you know.
I am thankful I can come here and share knowing I will never be judged, or just told to get over it, it's just a dog. Those comments cut me to the core, but I also know a lot of people do not understand the bond we have with our pups. Blessings to all.

33 weeks... my precious Ginger has been gone. I think at times we have more days in a row that we can look back at the happy times. We still have our moments, we always will... she is so missed... she loved long walks on fall days.. one day I will be able to walk those walks, but for now they stay reserved for memories.
Hope you and yours are well.

17 years ago today, my( our) life changed forever!��❤.. you came into our lives a 5 month old precious tiny pup. So needy, so loving, so full of life. We celebrated 16 birthdays and 16 " welcome homes" with you! 15 Thanksgivings and Christmases! We are indeed grateful and thankful for every single day. You filled our lives with so much joy! It was so fulfilling to be so needed, so loved unconditionally. Miss you every single day Ginger...

Oh Colleen, out of all your anniversaries with Ginger, I can only imagine how especially poignant this “Gotcha” Day must feel to you. That moment of time when you came home bringing Ginger — it separates two huge eras of your life. And for sure, the days after were the sweet ones filled with love. I know how much you must be missing her, especially today.

Sending huge hugs your way,
Marianne

Yes, we are more today!! Thank you for the comments and hugs. They are most needed. A lot of anxiety is hitting with this and knowing March 7th is right around the corner.
Blessings to all... grieve as much and as long as you need. We are not cookie cutters. Everyone is different, everyone has a unique relationship with our babies. There is no right or wrong in grief, as long as our kindness and understanding remain for others.

All these anniversaries can be so tough. Not only their actual arrival but the simple knowledge they are coming can be devastating. I can promise you, tho....it does get easier with time. For me, the pain never leaves, it has become an integral part of me. But those pains no longer feel so heavy. Someone recently shared an article on grief that hit home with me (it may have been you who shared this!). It talked about how our grief never really grows any smaller with time, it is never less than it was....but over time we grow bigger around it so that the grief doesn't seem as big and heavy as it once was even tho it is the exact same size. WE are the ones who grew and learned to make that grief a part of us.

I know your precious Ginger is so very proud of her mom and dad.
Hugs,
Leslie

Leslie, thank you. I had not seen that article but I love it.
Thank you for sharing it. I believe that to be true, our pain and grief never leave or become less. The part about us growing around it was a new way to look at it. That gives me a little more comfort. Thank you so very much.

Here's a link to the article. It helped me a great deal after reading it.
((((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))))

https://whatsyourgrief.com/growing-around-grief/

Thank you so very much!
Hugs back to you and yours.
Colleen

Hi Colleen and Leslie! I absolutely agree that there seems to be a lot of comforting support offered by the “What’s Your Grief” community, so I’ve added their website to the main resource thread on our “In Loving Memory” subforum:

Where to Find Help When You’re Hurting

I’ve listed the website as a link in the post that opens the thread, and I’ve also added a reply at the end of the thread that includes a graphic of Lois Tonkin’s model re: “Growing Around Grief.” This way, we’ll have the links permanently archived so that we can easily direct other folks to the website in the future. Since this model has been a comfort to all three of us, I feel certain that other folks will appreciate it as well…

Marianne

Good idea, Marianne! Thank you!

Thank you so very much.
Blessings, Colleen

49 weeks and my First Valentine's Day without my precious Ginger...I always got her a new toy, or something special on Valentine's Day ( actually almost any day I went to the store she got something ��).
I am so thankful I did and I cherish the last toy I bought her. It is a small stuffed dog with a ribbon collar with hearts on it and heart pattern fabric lines it's ears. It will forever be so special.
The anxiety got to be a bit much so I reached out to my doctor. With Ginger passing, my dad a few years before, my mom battling dementia.. It was overwhelming. Fortunately I have a very compassionate and understanding doctor and the medication has helped some.
I encourage anyone struggling to reach out to someone, any one. There is no shame in needing help.. we were not put on this earth to walk it alone. I am so here and happy to chat.
Happy Valentine's Day.. may you all know how much you are loved!

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Originally Posted by gingerbread

I encourage anyone struggling to reach out to someone, any one. There is no shame in needing help.. we were not put on this earth to walk it alone. I am so here and happy to chat.
Happy Valentine's Day.. may you all know how much you are loved!

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Colleen, thank you so much for your Valentine Day’s gift to our family in the form of your post! I couldn’t agree with you more. At several points in my own life when I’ve felt overwhelmed by events or issues, I’ve sought out trusted counselors who provided the support I needed to regain my footing. Just as you’ve written, there is no shame in needing help. And once we’ve been helped ourselves, we can pass that gift onward by offering our own help to others. Ginger’s lasting gift to our family was bringing you here to us in the first place. Thank you for remaining here with us now, and with contributing your caring thoughts whenever you post.

First and foremost, though, take good care of yourself — Ginger would want that, and you surely deserve it!

What wonderful memories to surround yourself with, Colleen! I've kept several of my daughter's toys and things for the comfort they bring.
I'm proud of you for reaching out when you realized your plate was a bit too full. It happens to all of us at one time or the other and I am so glad you found the help and understanding you needed to help you thru the valley. But remember, when you feel yourself standing at the edge of the hill down into the valley that you have friends here reaching out a hand to help any way we can....even if it's nothing more than to offer a ear to hear.
Hugs,
Leslie

Thank you both... I usually do pretty well handling things, but I was struggling too much. I knew with March 7th just around the corner and the 1 year mark of Ging passing( which I still can't believe), The anxiety was really starting to increase. I was worried about a strong downhill spiral when I was already having problems coping.
I know it's going to hit and hit hard, but it is expected.
I am learning.. it's ok to not be ok... this journey is unique to each of us, yet connect us with a bond unmatched.
In supporting one another, we are also supporting ourselves so our walk through grief, loneliness, emptiness, anger, hurt, and depression is a little less
stressful, a little less hard and a whole lot more tolerable knowing we are not alone.
Bless you all. Have a great weekend.

52 weeks!!!! 1 year!!!���� I still have trouble accepting it. Can't believe it. It seems like it was just a few weeks ago, yet so very long since I held you, fed you, gave you a bath, took you for a walk, or a ride. Gave you kisses and stroked your long soft ears. I didn't know a heart could break twice along the same fault line until today.. I miss you Ginger, my baby girl and best friend. Forgive me for the times I lost my patience.. it wasn't many, but they still hurt.
You knew all my secrets and loved me anyway.
Mom always, always loved and loves you. Forever little girl! You are missed every single day! You filled a void no one else ever can.
... love mom..

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Originally Posted by gingerbread

52 weeks!!!! 1 year!!!���� I still have trouble accepting it. Can't believe it. It seems like it was just a few weeks ago, yet so very long since I held you, fed you, gave you a bath, took you for a walk, or a ride. Gave you kisses and stroked your long soft ears. I didn't know a heart could break twice along the same fault line until today.. I miss you Ginger, my baby girl and best friend. Forgive me for the times I lost my patience.. it wasn't many, but they still hurt.
You knew all my secrets and loved me anyway.
Mom always, always loved and loves you. Forever little girl! You are missed every single day! You filled a void no one else ever can.
... love mom..

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Colleen, holding both you and Ginger in my thoughts today. It’s a rainy evening here, and I just now lit a candle to honor sweet Ginger. The raindrops seem like tears falling outside my window, but the candle’s glow is so comforting here inside my room. I am hoping the same may be true for your heart. That the loving forever memories inside your heart will help balance the sorrow of your loss.

Sending many, many hugs your way on this milestone anniversary and in honor of your precious girl.
Marianne

Marianne,
Thank you so very much. I, too lit a candle for my Ginger. We were rainy last night and this morning. Today cold, windy and overcast. I feel the warmth of the candle you lit to honor Ginger, as I feel my own. Yes, the rain at times is so much like tears falling from Heaven. I knew today would be hard, just didn't know how hard it waa going to be. But Ginger was worth every tear, every heartache every sleepless night. The fond memories and hood times are slowly creeping back in.
Blessings to you all.
Colleen

Good afternoon all!
54 weeks without my sweet Ginger by my side.. I so ache for her companionship. Those beautiful brown eyes, so full of love always! She lives on in my heart and forever will.. the best of the best! It is not uncommon to long for her, to miss her deeply, to talk to her daily and still feel regrets. The deeper we love, the harder the grief, and the stronger the longing to want to change the outcome.
Everyone's journey is different. It is there's to travel, but it doesn't mean you do it alone. Please don't hesitate to reach out. It is not a sign of weakness. It is one of the strongest moves you( we) can ever make.
Hugs to all. Be blessed on this gorgeous spring day.
Colleen.

My goodness....those anniversaries never get any easier. Tho I will say that with time the birthdays and passing days aren't quite as painful as they used to be. Maybe that's because I am getting older and that means the time I have to wait to be reunited is getting shorter by the day. I have pictures of Squirt around my home and I talk to them all the time. It helps a teeny bit on the worst days and on the better days it makes me feel as if she's just in the other room, listening. I see Squirt and my daughter in the Cardinals and Dragonflies and that helps most of all because I believe my beautiful girls are present in these other forms and coming to check on me, to let me know they are ok. I hope you are also finding little ways to keep your precious Ginger close.

Hugs,
Leslie

Oh yes! She surrounds me everywhere! She is beside my chair on a shelf just for her. She is with me when I walk where we walked. Her love forever there. In the cardinal's that visit and the gentle breeze. I kiss her good morning every morning and tell her goodnight every night and how much I love her and will see her soon.
Thanks Leslie. Big hugs!

Oh Colleen,
I know these anniversaries can be very, very difficult and it is also the small everyday things that get us too. I work mostly behind the scenes here at K9C and my heart still aches after loosing all of my doggies over these years. I do encourage you to keep posting. Grief can last a very long time and I truly think that one day you will find yourself suddenly smiling with some of the memories or even laughing at some of the funny antics of your sweet Ginger. I know my little Mytilda would do the funniest things just to make me laugh....she would do them and suddenly look at me saying ha ha I made you laugh.
Big (((((hugs)))))
Terry

56 weeks!! My heart is not ready to let go over the weeks yet and say year. Terry, thank you for your comments. Grief is a very long process indeed, especially when you have other issues you are dealing with.. we are all unique, no walk is the same, but we all share a common bond. I will keep posting. It helps me, but I hope it will in some ways help others. I do smile more with her memories, and we remember the stubborn, silly things she used to do. She was definitely a one of a kind! She rarely barked unless she hit a bunny trail while we walked her, or she saw something outside at night she could not identify. Too many times it was an empty grocery bag stuck on a low branch. When she needed out she would just go to the door and stand.. the only noise she would make was a low "uumph" after standing there and not being noticed.
I am feeling better now that the medication is working.. thankful that I have the support here and with others around me too! Both are key.. learning I can't solve everything all at once, and somethings never and that is ok..
Have a blessed week.
Colleen

59 weeks my little girl has been gone! Sundays will always be hard. I do cherish every single moment we had with Ginger. I know we are very fortunate to have had her. Loved her for 16 years! Much more than others have and I am forever grateful. My heart aches for all who have suffered this loss. It is a very hard and emotional experience. The grief at times seems unbearable, as do the regrets. Please know, even though this is a journey you will go through, your experiences will be unique, but you are never alone. Everyone has their own way of dealing with situations, with stress, grief, guilt, there is no right or wrong ( as long as we do no harm), and there is no set time limit. Allow yourself all the time you need, but know someone is always just a text away.
I continue my journey and will the rest of my days missing my precious Ginger, but remembering all the wonderful days and years she had. All the funny things she did and all the love she gave unconditionally! Healing takes time and it's okay to not be okay!
Sending blessings to all!
Colleen

There is a wild flower named Erigeron annuus, commonly called Fleabane Daisy, that grows in my yard each spring. They were blooming big time in April of 2014, one month before my beloved Squirt passed. One of the last pics I have of her is standing in a patch of them looking over her shoulder back at me. I cherish that pic soooo much because shortly after she really declined. Now when those daisies appear I call them "Squirt's flowers" and mow/weedeat around them for as long as they last because I can see her face in every bloom.

Honoring our memories are a way of that deep, irreplaceable love alive forever. I have no doubt that Ginger and Squirt and all our other precious babies who have gone ahead hold memories in their hearts that keep us alive for them too.

(((((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))))
Leslie

I had a garden flag made of Gable with snow on his face and in the background. It was too late for this year, but it will be hanging in the front next Winter. He loved the snow so much and died before any of it this year. I have it hanging on my fireplace screen and he is looking at me every day. I'm going to have one made for Lena, too.

Leslie, that picture of Squirt would look lovely hanging in your garden.

The website is Zazzle.com...

And Colleen, I know what you mean about Sundays...I feel the same on Tuesdays and Fridays.