My Pug Scoop (Precious Scoop has passed... )

I don't remember if it was the emergency doctor on the night Scoop passed or if it was the IMS(I talked to her on the phone that night) said something about an autopsy and they way she put it she thought it might not give an answer. I keep running it through my head that maybe I should have asked more questions about it. That night was so unbearable I wasn't thinking at all except that my Scoop was gone. I wish I knew what happened that caused his death. Maybe I could come to terms with it a bit sooner. I don't know. I keep thinking if this could have been prevented. I just feel the need to know and it is driving me crazy. Just dealing with Scoop not being here is hard enough. I was thinking the blood infection was too bad and that's what caused his passing but if the culture shows in wasn't a factor then what was?

On Monday morning I talked to the IMS on the phone. We had been talking about her doing an abdominal ultrasound sometime soon. So she asked if she should do it that morning. I said OK. When I got there to visit Scoop the IMS talked about the results and said she could repeat the blood culture to make sure nothing else was growing and she said she could aspirate the pancreas and send that out too. So that's what we were waiting to find out the results.

Do many people have autopsies done? At first I didn't even realize they did them on pets. I just have this overwhelming need to know what happen that took my Scoop away from us. This just sucks!

Oh Vicki, I hate it that you are tearing yourself up with these questions. I know it feels really, really important to you to try to figure out exactly what happened. But even if you were somehow able to know, I'm wondering how that would change things for you. Whatever happened was outside of your control, and reflected a catastrophic medical problem for Scoop. So even if you could pinpoint exactly what went wrong, it was neither your fault nor anything that you knew to prevent.

Instead, you truly went to the ends of the earth to try to help Scoop. There were really no stones left unturned as far as treatment options -- you had seen to that. So whether or not you are able to know the exact problem from which Scoop could not recover, it was not for your lack of love or lack of trying.

So truly, before you continue to beat yourself up over finding the cause, I beg you to ask yourself how it will really change things if you somehow can find out. It won't change your love for Scoop, it won't change your lives together, it won't change the lengths to which you went to try to help him, and sadly -- it won't change your heartbreak over missing him. He would want you to take care of yourself, Vicki, and not punish yourself with endless questions for which there may never be answers. Please hold Scoop safely in your heart, and know that HE knows you did everything within your power to heal him. But for whatever reason, this was his time to be released.

Marianne

So very sorry to hear the sad news about Scoop. Please don't blame yourself because you did everything you possibly could and more, and that is all that anyone can ask.

Aww, Vicki, I did not mean you should have an autopsy done. Marianne is very wise in her words to you. How will it change things? Please dont tear yourself up like this. Sweetie, it is not your fault. It just is not and you have to believe that.

Thank you for everything said. At first I was feeling guilty that it might have been my fault but I am not looking at it that way anymore.

Marianne, your words make sense to me and I know what you said is true and I thank you. This is what I hate about myself. I have such a hard time just letting things go and I know this will nag at me for a long time. Probably the rest of my life. That's just the way I am. I can't change it. I wish I could. Just like I couldn't let that tumor go. I just thought it had to be the cause of his eating problems. I just think if I would have the answer maybe I could find a wee little bit of peace sooner than later. Things just don't make sense and it is so frustrating to me.

They say hindsight is 20/20. If I would have known that problems with your different organs, pancreas, liver, etc can cause picky eating I would have had those things checked into sooner. I kept assuming it was caused by the tumor, which it could have been but I could have had other things checked into sooner. It turns out the tumor PROBABLY wasn't causing the eating problem at this time. I probably would have still done the radiation thing but after checking into the other issues months ago. Maybe that would have made a difference. Scoop's vet did mention scoping but she said it will cost this much and that's not including biopsies but never said it might be a good idea to help his eating. Maybe we could have gotten to the bottom of his diarrhea problem. He had that for 4 months, poor baby. She tried different things but nothing worked. Same thing when he had the head tilt. She said I know of something to check for a ruptured eardrum. Well it took weeks till she finally checked it. It just feels like the vet should say this and that and get it done. After the diarrhea started it took a couple weeks to try this one med. Then it would be weeks later till it got talked about again. It seems like things just took too much time unless that's just the way they do things. I guess I should have been pushy about things but I didn't know what was going on. I guess I can take the blame for not insisting on going to the IMS on a regular basis.

This all started because of Cushing's. Things were going along fine with his diabetes but when Cushing's started it was down hill. It was a year ago last July when the ear and eye infections started and that was the start of everything going bad. With everything that Scoop had been through this past year I just feel the need to know what it was that happened.

He was such a good boy about everything. I love him with all my heart and I wish things would have not ended like this. He was so very special.

Vicki:
My heart aches for you. I never wanted to hear that Scoop passed as it brings to the forefront the reality of what will eventually become my Tipper's fate. I know how much you loved and cared for Scoop, you went above and beyond leaving no stone unturned. Please don't feel guilty about not knowing all theses things as we are not Veterinarians, but just doing the best we can with research, and the help of the group. It is sad, but I truly believe that the Dr.'s today do not pay enough attention to the owners information, and don't communicate often enough with the owner. There are so many things going on at once with a Cushings dog that it is hard as a lay person to get a handle on all of it. You can't be expected to know all this. You did right by Scoop, and you did what your heart told you to do, and Scoop would tell you he is grateful if he could talk from heaven. God Bless you for all you have been through, and God Bless sweet Scoop. I wish for your sake things had turned out differently.
Patti

Patti,
Thank you. I makes me feel good to know that others feel like I did my best for Scoop. I did try so hard. I just feel like you said, there is so much going on with cush pups I don't know how a mommy can know what to do about everything. I just wish things didn't end the way they did. The vet's office is so busy with other patients I would be talking to his vet and she would say, I have an appointment waiting or this or that and we would have to stop our conversation. There were many times I felt like I couldn't say everything I wanted to. So frustrating. Well now she doesn't have to put up with me. I don't know if I want to keep going there with Raleigh but I just don't know what to do. Any vet's office could be the same way. If I do keep taking him there I think I will start to see another doctor. There are 4 in that office. It will be hard to go back there seeing how much time Scoop spent there, check-ups, tests, etc. It will make me sad and angry to walk into that place. I had to pick something up for Raleigh the other day. I dashed in and let the girl know I wanted to get out of there right away. The last time I had Scoop there was Thursday before he passed to have his tube looked at because my daughter notice sometime. It needed to be cleaned then they wrapped it. Only took a couple of minutes but because it was something noticed right before they were closing I had to pay an emergency visit. We got there 5 minutes after their closing time. I gladly did what I had to for my Scoop to make sure he was OK but you'd think they could cut you a little break. I'm so upset with losing my Scoop I'm just so frustrated with everything.

Patti, keep up with what you are doing for your Tipper. Hopefully you won't have to go through this pain any time soon. You have done so much for Tipper.

This pain just sucks. I miss my Scoop so much. Tonight it will be a week and it feels like forever since I held him and kissed his sweet face.

Thoughts and prayers going your way. You were a great mom.

KennyJ-Thank you.

Vicki:
I think I would have to change vets. All the bad experiences you had there with Scoop, and how he was treated would make me go else where. The only problem is where? I will tell you when I first moved here I went to all the vets offices and went inside and asked the receptionist if she minded me asking the dog owners a few questions. My first question was always, why do you come to this particular vet? My second was is this practice about caring for your dogs needs above money? You would be surprised what some told me. I also asked what they thought of other vets in the area. Got an earful there. Unfortunately because we live in the country my vet is the best of the lot, and he could care less about Tipper, and I know it. I go to him only because, I know more than him about this disease, and I use him for testing, RX's, emergencies, referrals etc. I just basically tell him what to do, and what Tipper needs and he goes along with it, or checks with Dechra. If he does not call me back I call him until he does, if he tells me something I don't feel is right I don't let him do it, I go research it first. I come back on here and ask everyone their opinion, then do what I think is best. My vet is only interested in money, I know that up front, so I use him to my advantage. If I get stumped I fax a letter to the IMS. and she emails me back with the answers. I would never in my life trust any, and I do mean any Dr. with my Tipper's life. I always hear them out, and go do my own research on here, and online. Then I come to a decision. I have decided that these Dr.'s consider your dog a money maker for their monetary gain, and do not really care, as your dog is a number to them. It sounds harsh, but that is the reality out there now. This is big business, and they want their cut of the pie. I am not saying there are not some good vets left out there that do it for the love of the animal, they are a small minority. I think after dealing with my vet this long he realizes he better not screw anything up where Tipper is concerned, cause I won't tolerate it. I have to give him that attitude or he would just take her for granted also. When I go in his office he knows I mean business, and knows if he gives me an answer I don't think is right, that I will endlessly research until I find the right answer. He knows if he is not sure on something to just come out and tell me that, and not try to guess on things. This has become my only way of assuring myself that I can keep Tipper safe from mistakes. When I told him I noticed a change in the way Tipper's eyes look, he told me it was old age coming on, looked in them and told me nothing was wrong. I didn't believe him and went over his head and scheduled an eye appt. with a specialist I had used for a cat. The specialist confirmed I was right and Tipper has calcium deposits from the Cushings. He said we caught it early and if need be is treatable with drops, so Tipper gets rechecked in August to see if they are worse. The specialist sent a report to my vet. The vet got it and said not one word to me about receiving it to this day, because he knew I would really let him have it, for saying nothing was wrong. I don't want to depress you, but feel others reading this should know these facts also. When I pick a Dr. or specialist for myself, I do it by asking another Dr. who he and his family go to. That way it weeds out the lousy Dr.'s. In todays world you have to look out for your babies unfortunately. It's sad but true. I hope maybe you can take some time and find a good vet, one interested in the well being of Raleigh, as you have had so much heartache already. I continue to pray for you and sweet Scoop. Blessings
Patti