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I think it does help to talk about it but it's so tough to get the words out. Remember you have all your friends here who love you and people who have been through similar tough times.
You just have to put one foot in front of the other. Some days will be worse than others, try not to beat yourself up too much as you loved the little guy, you never in a million years would have done anything to hurt him.
Big big hug
Love
Mel
Xxxxxx
Last night I had trouble falling asleep. Then all of a sudden I was awakened and couldn't fall asleep right away again. I had a nightmare that Scoop had fallen off of something and I quick rushed to pick him up and then I woke up so startled and scared. Now I don't feel like sleeping again tonight.
I miss my Scoop so much. I was always with him. I want him here with me.
Hugs back to you Mel.
I just can't help thinking if I would have done things differently he would still be here with us and I would be holding him.
I thought the same Vicki. I think it is part of grieving.
So sorry you had a nightmare. It's hard enough to get to sleep as it is.
Mel-I better shut the computer off and try to get some sleep. I have a dentist appointment in the morning. Maybe I will turn on the TV and try to fall asleep. Thanks for always being here. I hope you can enjoy your holiday.
Big hugs and be safe.
Let us know when you are back.
Dear Vicki,
Just dropping in to give you mass hugs and healing energy. Scoop loves you so much! He is thankful for everything you did for him and for all the time you had together. Your kind of love transcends every dimension. He will be with you always. I know in my heart that that is true. I also know that Scoop would want you to be happy. Xxxxxxx
Ok babe, will ping you a visitor message or post here as soon as I am back.
Lots of love and hugs
Mel
Xxxxx
Dear Vicki:
I am reading your postings and crying as my heart is breaking for you. Please, I know it is hard not to do, but don't blame yourself. You were struggling for so long with a way to help Scoop out of this terrible situation. You did everything within your power to get him the best treatment you could. I don't think there is any right decision with this horrible disease. As I look back over the last 11 months of my life, it has been devastating to say the least. I remember my life being decent, and being happy before Cushings entered the picture. It has been the downfall of both Tipper and me. I can just burst into tears at any given time, so I have basically isolated myself because people do not and will not even try to understand how a dog can affect my life like this. Tipper is my family, my best friend, my confidant etc. all rolled into one. The thought of not seeing her sweet face because of the ungodly disease kills me. I know the deep dark hole where you are at. I lost my last precious dog to cancer, and blamed myself for the decisions I made. It took me years to actually function normally. I still have nightmares about her. I don't think I can go on without Tipper, it will be the last and final blow to me. God Bless you Vicki that you may find your way out of this deep dark hole. I am praying for you and your precious Scoop in heaven.
Patti
Oh Vicki,
I think it is as Mel said, part of the grieving process, if only I had done this, or not done that, everything has risks and we have no way of having guaranteed outcome. Even Koko's dental has risks to some degree with his partially collapsing trachea, anesthesia, etc. The important thing to try to remember is that you fought for Scoop every step of the way, every decision was made out of love for him and because you tried to do right by him.
We can all play arm chair quarter back, I do it with Zoe all the time, I think it comes with the territory.
But Vicki, please do not blame yourself. Scoop would not want that for you at all. Of that I am sure.
Big Hugs and much love
Hi Vicki
I just read your last few posts and my heart is with you.The blame and regret and second guessing everything is part of grieving as Mel said.I still am in that place sometimes and it's a horrible place to be!
I don't know that much about Cushings but I read everything you did for Scoop and you did everything you could-you made all the RIGHT decisions.Please don't doubt yourself.I only know how feeding tubes affect people but I've never seen anyone get an infection from one.It is an easy procedure that is done quite often with relatively no complications.The intestines are considered "dirty" so bacteria is already there-the only thing I've ever seen with a feeding tube is that occasionally the skin around the insertion site becomes a little pink.I can almost say with certainty that the feeding tube did NOT cause any type of infection.Feeding tubes are a great way of providing temporary nutrition while people/dogs are recovering from an illness that prevents them from getting adequate amts of nutrition.You did the right thing and gave Scoop every possible chance of recovery.
I know the loss is unbearable and I wish I could take your pain away.We love them so much that when they go,we always beat ourselves up and think that there MUST be something we missed.From the sounds of it VIcki,you did everything for Scoop and made all the right decisions for him.Its good to get your feelings out there and talk about it.We are all here for you.Big hug to you and thinking of you.
Love,
Patty