Have I finally found my friends? (Palmer has crossed over the Bridge)

Hi-
Just checking in. I've been fighting pneumonia for the last 7 days. I finally seem to have the upper hand.

A neighbor just got a puppy. It's a pure bred-but I don't remember the type, right now. Her name is Zoe and she just bounces from one spot to the next. She's very inquisitive. It's great to have one around.

I just filed the remaining papers for Palmer.......the final bill, all those test results for the last month, etc. I tried not to focus on them.
When Palmer was here, he was almost always with me. If I got sick, he'd be curled up right next to me. I really miss him. We got this really nice card from a neighbor's sister.....she had met Palmer on one of her visits. On the front it says "A pet is a special part of your family who will always have a special place in your heart." One the inside it says - They are gone from our sight,....but never our memory, Gone from our hearing....but never our hearts, Gone from our touch....but their presence is felt, and the love that they gave us never departs.

I have looked-I know it's on the site somewhere........does anyone have the poem, or writing that is written from the pet's point of view-The one that says something about at the end you gave me the greatest gift.......I know that's way off, but I'm sure some of you will know what I am talking about. I'm struggling with having given the vet the permission to inject Palmer. I "know" what I did was best, I just am having a really hard time without him. The last ten days of his life went really fast and I didn't really have time to prepare myself for losing Palmer.....I'd thought about it, but it really did take me by surprise. I'm feeling badly about not having recognized how he wasn't eating, sooner. Not that I could have changed anything.

It's just rough sometimes.

-Susan

One of the poems on this page may be what you are looking for.

http://www.petsonthenet.co.nz/poemsanticipatedloss.htm

Jenny

Susan, I am sorry to hear that you are struggling but it does take time, try and remember the good things about Palmer. We are here to hold your hand and to listen so keep posting okay?

Although I have not had to do this with a dog I have had to make the decision to end my cat's life at 18 and my horses life at 22 and as hard as it was at the time now that I look back I can see that what I did was a gift to them so that they were not suffering anymore.

Hope you feel better soon,

Love and hugs,

Hi Susan,

Here's another collection of poems that might contain the one you are looking for (I'm thinking it might be the one entitled "The Last Battle?"):

http://www.petloss.com/poems/poems.htm

My heart aches for you over your lingering questions and pain. I will never forget my own days of searching and doubt after my husband and I made the decision to release our Cushpup, Barkis. Not that it helps in any way to say this, but I do believe that the questions and regret are inevitable when we make this final decision on behalf of our beloved companions. "Was it really the right time -- should we have waited -- did we wait TOO long?? -- did we give up when there was more that we could have done...:( :( :("

The only answer that I can give you is the answer that I repeated in my own mind in order to comfort myself: you made your decision out of your love for Palmer, and therefore it had to be right. In those first days without Barkis, I would walk alone around his favorite lake and cry. Out of desperation, I made up this little mantra that I kept repeating to myself. "We loved him dearly. He had a wonderful life. We didn't let him suffer." I would say that over and over with every step. And finally, over time, the pain of those last frantic days and hours started to drop away and I started remembering some of the good times every time I said to myself, "He had a wonderful life." But it took a long time for the doubts and the regret to recede. They still remain to this day, but they are tucked much farther away, finally overlaid by the happier memories and images.

When we release them, the emptiness that is left behind is so sudden and so profound. It is a huge space to try to reclaim and it is so natural to mentally replay the ending in the wish that things could be different. It is a testament to how much we loved them and how much they will always mean to us. I remain so very sorry for your loss.

With many hugs,
Marianne

Hi Susan,
Some of my guilt had to do with not letting Lady go sooner....did I keep her too long....just because she had such a great appetite and she and I were so good at getting all that medication into her, pills and insulin too.
But I know that I did the best that I could for her and we had 13 fascinating years together.
Talking together on this forum about this part of our journey helps us all....take care,
Jo-Ann & my Dollydog angel

Hi guys-
Jenny-I think that may be the poem....if not, it's really close. Thanks.
I'm feeling pretty comfortable with taking Palmer to the vet the last time.
The more I think about it, the clearer it becomes. That morning went by so fast........but I had noticed how Palmer didn't want to look anyone in the eye-very unusual for him, and how he just wanted to be close. Don't bug him, just let him be near.
About the not recognizing the not eating sooner....we really kind of did...we just didn't put it all together. Had we been able to do that I think the only difference would have been that all of that testing would have happened sooner.....and maybe we would not have had the last 2-3 weeks that we enjoyed with Palmer. This was going to wind up where it did no matter what.
Marianne-it has been helpful to reread where you wrote that I had done the right thing because it had been done out of my love for Palmer. I would not have gone ahead at that time had I not been comfortable with my decision...in that it was the best and right thing to do. The little guy was just worn out. He hid his aging really well.
I gave him a bath when we brought him back from the hospital. He never liked baths, but he tolerated them. Boy did he like AFTER baths! He would run around and tug at the towel, bark and act like a mad dog!:D I made that bath as quick as I could....I knew he would feel better to be cleaned up. After the bath he ran just a bit. Then he hopped up on the recliner I was sitting in, worked his way up to the back of the chair and sat on my head! He stayed there until I encouraged him to come down to the seat portion of the chair.....I didn't want him falling off the back of the recliner.
If we came inside from having been out, when it was raining or snowing, whenever he got wet - he went crazy also. He turned back into a puppy and would run and bark and pull at my shoes.
The evenings are still the hardest. It gets so quiet then and I let myself think about Palmer. I read a number of the poems that were on the links provided (thank you all) and was really struck by the theme that some had about how you could let yourself cry but not to let it go on too long. That your loved one would be upset if they knew how their parting upset you. That the fun times, the precious times and the silly times were where I should spend my thinking.
I don't know exactly when it was...maybe nine months ago, maybe a year, and I got a call from the vet that basically said to me that Palmer would never make 17 like Peaches had. The vet didn't say that to me....it just "hit" me. After I hung up the phone (I was stretched out on my bed and Palmer was at the opposite corner, as he always was,) he walked over to me all on his own, put his paws on my chest and looked me in the eyes. We then got him to get on top of my chest and talked for awhile. It all just seemed to be a message I was getting... and he knew it.
I have another funny story.....If I would be stretched out on my stomach-either on the floor or on the bed- Palmer came up to me and started "digging" on my butt! I have no idea what he thought he was doing, he just seemed to think it was fun. We were very fortunate to have so very much time that we could spend together....the two of us.
When I would sit at the computer he would get in his bean bag, He'd go around in circles, fluffing it up. He'd be content for awhile and then he would decide I had spent enough time on the computer. He would come to the front of my chair and look up at me. I'd pick him up and, with him on my lap, keep doing my computer stuff. Then we'd reach a point where that was really uncomfortable for me and he'd get down. He'd go back to one of his fluffy beds. Sooner or later, we wound up going somewhere where we could stretch out together.
That last day, or next to last day, I thought he'd enjoy going for a walk. He always loved the idea of going for a walk , but unless we were going to ride down to the boardwalk to walk.....where he could greet his friends, he lost interest in the walk very quickly. There were times his arthritis would bother him so bad that I'd pick him up and carry him home. That last time I asked him about going for a walk, he got excited for just a moment or two and then he sat down. He did not want to go for a walk.That was not a good sign. So we cuddled together on the recliner.
I just want him back..........
but some of the poems and some of you wonderful friends have talked about how once over the bridge, they are young again, nothing hurts and they run and play. One of them read how when I would cross over the bridge that Palmer would be playing with his friends, but once he spotted me he would run over and act all crazy as he always did when I returned from somewhere. He won't forget me.
We're coming up on one month tomorrow. I will think of Palmer as he would run around the house, in the yard, and chase my son. Ryan is the only one who has enough speed to stay ahead of Palmer, at least for a little while.
He was so sweet, so soft, so comfortable. I am so very fortunate.....and kinda sad.
-Susan

Susan,
Oh honey, just wish there was something to say to give you some comfort or ease your suffering. Just know that we are all here for you, now and forever, whenever you need us.
Enjoy your precious memories of Palmer, and know that he is always with you, carried in your heart forever more
HUGE (((((HUGS)))))
Jane, Franklin and Bailey xxx

Dearest Susan,

My (((((hugs)))) go out to you today and will continue.

Take your time, there is no set rules for grieving such a tremendous loss. You will continue to think about the last day, the last minute and the sadness you feel; but as the days go by, the smiles will come more often when you think about your wonderful life together. Your sweetie pie will watch over you.

Take care
Terry

Hi Susan,

This is one of my favorite poems -

The Fourth Day
by Martin Scot Kosins

If you ever love an animal, there are three days in your life you will always remember.

The first is a day, blessed with happiness, when you bring home your young new friend.

You may have spent weeks deciding on a breed. You may have asked numerous opinions of many vets, or done long research in finding a breeder. Or, perhaps in a fleeting moment, you may have just chosen that silly looking mutt in a shelter ... simply because something in its eyes reached your heart.

But when you bring that chosen pet home, and watch it explore, and claim its special place in your hall or frontroom - and when you feel it brush against you for the first time - it instills a feeling of pure love you will carry with you through the many years to come.


The second day will occur eight or nine or ten years later.

It will be a day like any other. Routine and unexceptional. But, for a surprising instant, you will look at your longtime friend and see age where you once saw youth.

You will see slow deliberate steps where you once saw energy.

And you will see sleep where you once saw activity.

So you will begin to adjust your friend's diet - and you may add a pill or two to her food.

And you may feel a growing fear deep within yourself, which bodes of a coming emptiness.

And you will feel this uneasy feeling, on and off, until the third day finally arrives.


And on this day - if your friend and God have not decided for you, then you will be faced with making a decision of your own - on behalf of your lifelong friend, and with the guidance of your own deepest Spirit.

But whichever way your friend eventually leaves you - you will feel as alone as a single star in the dark night sky.

If you are wise, you will let the tears flow as freely and as often as they must. And if you are typical, you will find that not many in your circle of family or human friends will be able to understand your grief, or comfort you.

But if you are true to the love of the pet you cherished through the many joyfilled years, you may find that a soul - a bit smaller in size than your own - seems to walk with you, at times, during the lonely days to come.
And at moments when you least expect anything out of the ordinary to happen, you may feel something brush against your leg - very very lightly.

And looking down at the place where your dear, perhaps dearest, friend used to lay - you will remember those three significant days.

The memory will most likely be painful, and leave an ache in your heart -

As time passes the ache will come and go as if it has a life of its own.

You will both reject it and embrace it, and it may confuse you.

If you reject it, it will depress you.

If you embrace it, it will deepen you.

Either way, it will still be an ache.


But there will be, I assure you, a fourth day when - along with the memory of your pet - and piercing through the heaviness in your heart -there will come a realization that belongs only to you.

It will be as unique and strong as our relationship with each animal we have loved, and lost.

This realization takes the form of a Living Love -

Like the heavenly scent of a rose that remains after the petals have wilted, this Love will remain and grow - and be there for us to remember.

It is a Love we have earned.

It is the legacy our pets leave us when they go -

And it is a gift we may keep with us as long as we live.

It is a Love which is ours alone -

And until we ourselves leave, perhaps to join our Beloved Pets -

It is a Love that we will always possess.


Hugs,
Leslie and the girls - always

Jane, Terry and Leslie....thank you for your words of encouragement and support. I guess if we follow and are true to our own hearts, we can't go far wrong. I'm nowhere near ready to "move on" from Palmer...nor do I want to be. It is so reassuring that those many of you whom have shared really know what this is like.

Leslie-I now have a new favorite poem. What you shared is absolutely wonderful. I thank you. (I hope you were able to copy and paste that :) )

It's really nice to feel that Palmer's spirit is still here.....and will be here.

It's one month. It's a beautiful day. Something physical is missing, but all seems much better now. I still want him back. :( I know that is but an indication of my deep love for him and his for me. I wouldn't have missed this ride for the world. The tears still are coming and with your encouragement I will just let them run their course.

I thank you.

-Susan

Susan,
There will always be a slight sadness in your heart but it will not be as great as the gladness having had Palmer in your life gave you.

The Last Battle


If it should be that I grow frail and weak, and pain should keep me from my sleep,
Then will you do what must be done, for this -- the last battle -- can't be won.
You will be sad I understand, but don't let grief then stay your hand,
For on this day, more than the rest, your love and friendship must stand the test.
We have had so many happy years, you wouldn't want me to suffer so.
When the time comes, please, let me go.

Take me to where to my needs they'll tend, only, stay with me till the end
And hold me firm and speak to me, until my eyes no longer see.
I know in time you will agree, it is a kindness you do to me.
Although my tail its last has waved, from pain and suffering I have been saved.
Don't grieve that it must be you, who has to decide this thing to do;
We've been so close -- we two -- these years, don't let your heart hold any tears.

-- Unknown

It is very sad that we all fight so hard to keep our wonderful companions healthy and happy but we can't win the last battle. I am a warrior when it comes to this battle, but I also know that Dexter couldn't have gone any further. He gave it his best and so did I. Just as you and Palmer gave it your best. Don't let your heart hold any tears.

Christy

Hi Susan!
Been away for a while but now am back - minus a gallbladder!!
Just wanted to check in and see how you are doing. I am so glad to hear that you are enjoying some smiles again. I read your stories about Palmer and you had me laughing out loud. Especially the story about him sitting on your head. What a guy!!
Please take care of yourself. Remember, your furrbaby is only a thought away.
Love,
Carrol

Hi Susan

Just wanted to say how sorry I am for your loss. You are in my thoughts.

Denise & Bonnie
xxx

Hi Susan,

You have such wonderful memories and stories about Palmer. How about copying the ones you wrote here and writing some more? You would have a great collection of tibits and thoughts of your Palmer which you could look back through and read whenever the need arises.

I bet you could write one memory or thought a day for quite awhile. :)We love reading them, you tell them so well.

All our love and hugs,

Addy and Zoe

When Palmer was 6 or 7, he had already recovered from his knee surgeries. His knee was no longer popping out on him.
We have one of those higher beds. It was too high for Palmer to get up there on his own, so I got a set of those carpeted steps that they sell for pets. Those worked great until the past 2 or 3 years when his jump was not quite as high and he kept hitting his knees on the foot board when he climbed the steps. (ouch!!) After that happened a number of times, I started lifting him up and off the bed. He was able to go down the steps longer than he went up the steps.
Well, this crazy dog was mad! He would get frisky while he was on the bed. He would decide he wanted to run. He'd suddenly take a flying leap off the end of the bed, and except for missing the cape, he was stretched out just like Superman! That was quite a jump since the bed is at least 3 times as tall as he was.
He'd be off and running and acting crazy. If you didn't have shoes on, but had socks on, he was going to attack your feet. If you dropped a sock, he was off and running and there was no catching him. He'd just shake his head with the sock in his mouth.....and almost be laughing at you.
I may be repeating myself-at bedtime, when the lights went out, he'd snuggle up against me or Bob. He'd stay there until he got cold and then he'd move up between the pillows. Next change would be to go completely under the sheets. He'd stay there until daylight. If it got too hot under there, he'd come back out.....and start the process all over again. One morning, I was awake but my eyes were still closed and all of a sudden I got this big kiss!! I opened my eyes and there was his little head resting on the corner of my pillow....looking so loving, with his deep brown eyes.
Because of his presence on the bed since forever, I guess, going to bed has always been kind of special. He knew when I came in that I would bring a little treat. He'd patiently wait for me to get settled and then I'd feed it to him in tiny pieces....because that way he would chew it. If you gave him larger pieces he swallowed them after only one or two chews. When we got through with the treat, he'd turn around and put his back against mine. For some reason, Palmer always wanted to have his back to you. No matter where he settled down, I'd be looking at his back. I'd like to say he was guarding me, but I know that was not the reason. I don't know the reason, but I often thanked him for sharing his butt with me!!
So-going to bed now is very sad. Every night I cry a little. I even put off going to bed because of that. Then when I wake up, sometimes I am sure I hear him at the foot of the bed. That was his morning spot. I get caught by surprise sometimes because I look expecting to see Palmer....and he's not there. I've even thought I heard him.
We're going away for a week. I'll be thinking about all you wonderful people....even though I won't be writing here. I'll get back to you when I return. Hugs and hugs to all of you and great thanks for all your comfort.

-Susan

Safe travels, sweetie! Try and enjoy the trip. ;) Just remember you have many folks here who love you and are looking forward to your safe return!

Hugs,
Leslie and the girls - always

Susan,

Buddy has been gone for a while now and I have found that those sharp pains when I remembered things about him are not there any more. Sometimes it is a dull ache but mostly I now remember with a smile. I still think of him often and probably always will because he was such a big part of my life.

Palmer was connected to you and that tie is not easily severed. Times change and we move on but those memories are yours, I hope soon there are more smiles when you think of him,

Jenny

I think Palmer is visiting you in spirit and that's why you sense him while you are half awake. He is letting you know he is okay . . ..

I love your stories,

Love and hugs,

Hello friends and happy New Year!!

I'm bummed out, so I thought I'd stop in here. I had foot surgery on 12/15 and now have two pins in two toes and some kind of metal object in my big toe. They won't come out until the end of January. I'm supposed to stay down with my foot over my heart 24 hrs./day except for potty trips and eating meals.

We have been in contact with some folks in our attempt to get a Schnoodle. We thought we had one on the way, but the litter turned out 1 fewer. We now have first pick in a litter that's due around 1/18. I didn't realize they doc the tails of these puppies. I don't think I like that. I can get one with the tail not docked, but I have to pay in full by birth......so no judging based in personality. We live at the beach so there are not the resources there are in a metropolitan area for finding a new pup.

Once again I am experiencing a really rough time about Palmer being gone. He knows it too........I've felt him around.

=Susan

Update-I have had to back out of the Schnoodle adoption. :(

-Susan

I'm sorry it didn't work out, I know you must be disappointed.
I had foot surgery 3 years ago and was on crutches for 7 weeks so I sympathize with you on that as well.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Palmer's Mom

Update-I have had to back out of the Schnoodle adoption. :(

-Susan

---

Susan, I'm so sorry! Are there any other possibilities on the horizon?

Marianne

Marianne-thank you. Yes we are working on other possibilities....ones more locally. I have to go for a doc appt. I'll update you later today.
Thank you for your kind words.

-Susan

Awww Susan,

I hate that things are so tough on you right now. :( BUT there is no question in my mind that one of these days a baby is going to catch your eye and everything will fall into place so fast as to make your head spin. Good moms always find the babies they are meant to have. ;)

Please let us know what the doc says if you don't mind sharing. I hope the news is better than you expect!

Hugs,
Leslie and the girls - always

Hi Susan,

Sorry about the new pup, I hope you find one soon.

I know a person with several foot surgeries and they have all been tough to go through but very worthwhile in the end. Hoping they are for you as well.

Scott

Boy-my gang just doesn't let me down!!:D:D Thank all of you for your support. I hit a very, very low spot last night.:( My son is even a bit worried about his Mom. He told me once, as part of a very serious discussion we were having which involved personal trauma, that I was the strongest.......woman........ Then he thought and restarted his sentence. "You are the strongest person I know." Man, that was HUGE for me to hear. Well last night, I sunk even lower than I had been earlier in the day and we got a phone call from him. He talked with his Dad for a good long while and then he asked to speak with me. I started crying and said "I'm just having a really, really tough time right now." Then I said....."If I am the strongest person you know, we're ALL in trouble!!!":) He laughed, I laughed and he said "well at least you're joking now."

Having to tell the schnoodle people "no" just crushed me. This place is an 18 hour drive from here and we had mapped out this nice trip that we were going to take on the way down that that would involve about 6 days and visiting with friends we never get to see. The puppy place will ship the puppies, but I had read up on that on the internet and had come away with the feeling that I would never ship a puppy in a plane's cargo area.
(That's how this plan for a long drive down trip got started.)

The litter of puppies is due in 11 days and I had first pick. I noticed from their very extensive web page that some of the dogs had their tails "clipped"/docked. I started looking into that.....I didn't like the idea. I asked them about it and they told me it was done in the first 3-5 days of the puppie's life. I asked and they assured me they used a local block, which was what my vet had cautioned about when I asked her opinion on docking. It is a very controversial issue from what I read and she confirmed that. I asked-to get them to not dock a tail, the puppy had to be paid for in full, at birth.By 3-5 days, their little eyes aren't even open. How in the world could I inflict this barbarianism on such a sweet little, defenselessness thing? In addition, to have to select the one pup so early,I would have no idea as to true color or personality. The two dogs we have had each had "that something" in their eyes which drew me to them. I want to see that connection with a puppy before I make my 17-25 year commitment. (You think I"m expecting a bit much there, with the years expectation??!)

I contacted them , told them it broke my heart to have to tell them now was not going to work for me. I asked to have my deposit returned which they said they would do because the very first litter I signed up for came up with fewer pups than expected. Even if they keep the deposit they've earned it. I have asked them questions every day about the pups, the process, how they do this and that.

So I "lost" my new pup. We started checking around and found 3 possible sources for acquiring a pet. Those three sources would be rescue pets (puppies) and there is another place or two listed in the teeny tiny local ad magazine which offer some hope.

We went back to the foot doc today. This all came about because one year ago-almost to the day, I had foot surgery on both feet at the same time. I cannot wear heels due to pain they cause my feet and if my gorgeous 31 year hunk of a son gets married, I'd rather not be walking down the aisle in my Reeboks. At that point, there was the pain issue when trying to wear an elevated shoe and there were a couple of toes with bad arthritis, plus there was a small bunion. (You didn't know I was going to write a novel, did you?:rolleyes::o:eek:

In the ensuing year, I have not healed well. My big toe feels like it is broken. My arthritic toes, on both feet, started taking hard turns toward the outside of my feet. It was very disappointing. I've known this doc for years and years and he has performed several minor operations on my feet. I had to go back to VA in order for him to do this. I did consult a local foot surgeon but his recover sounded longer and his procedure less appealing. So-doc #1 never could get me comfortable with my feet. He could not find out what to fix and he finally suggested I get a second opinion. I went back to the doc here that I had consulted with and, long story short (too late) chose him to try to fix things. (My bunion had even come back!!) He would do only one foot at a time. He would straighten the crooked toes, leaving a pin in them that would stick out the end of my toe for 6-7 weeks. He put some kind of "rod" in my big toe to straighten that out. He sent me home and after a one week follow he told me to come back in 6 weeks.

In short order, my feet started to swell. Both of them. The skin on the top of my feet looked nasty. I went back. They did their thing and they suggested I see my Internist.....I might have blood clot(s.) Oh goodie!!:rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes:

I was sent for a sonogram. The woman there had had a bad day/life. It was nearing the end of her day and she didn't like that they added me to the schedule. Now-when I had a sonogram when I was pregnant, they put this goo on this hand held piece and just rolled it over my tummy. Not only was it cool, it was not uncomfortable at all. THIS WITCH pressed so hard down onto my thighs, calves and groin, that I was almost in tears. I've since learned I should have asked for a different technician.

Anyway-blood clots were eliminated as a possible problem. They ran a series of blood tests which came back mostly in the range expected. The sent me back home to continue to be on my back with my foot elevated above the level of my heart. You can't do anything that way.....at least I can't. I don't have tv in my ceiling, so watching tv didn't work, as I was on my back. We went back today...the third visit with the backup doc, and we all feel the foot is looking much better. I another 4 weeks all that hardware should come out. I know the two pins will slide out, but I don't know what's going to happen with this shaft thingy.

I checked earlier this week in a local pet shop about how one obtained a puppy in this rural area. She gave us 3 different possibilities. After the doc today, we tried, unsuccessfully, to find the possibility she was most enthusiastic about. We'll try again soon. There are ads in our local little "ad book" which comes out weekly. That's how the neighbors found their springer spaniel (with papers)---the one I puppy sat for shortly after losing Palmer.

It came down to realizing I would not really be ready for such an extensive car trip in 8 weeks. I didn't like the docking. I didn't like having to make my pick based solely on color. That little voice in my head, after getting some advice form my son, was telling me that I was trying to force this to happen. I'd prefer to rescue a puppy, if I had the choice. It will work out the way it is supposed to. That has always been the way for me.

So-with the foot, with suffering deaths of 3 important people in the past 8 weeks, without Palmer, with Palmer's death (those are two distinct issues), I just got beaten down. On top of that, for some reason - yesterday I was having memory issues. I was asking my husband a question about my foot that was the exact same question I had asked him whle we were in the doc's office. He was looking at me weirdly. I'm having great trouble sleeping like a regular person. My doc thinks it is partly due to my low level of activity, by necessity. So when we couldn't find the shelter we were looking for, on top of all the rest, I just couldn't take any more.

Two of the funerals I was unable to attend due to the foot. I didn't like that. Fortunately for one of them, it was video recorded and I could watch that just as if I had been there. That was helpful but upsetting also. This was the 30 year old girl who died suddenly.

So there you are. That's what has been going on and that's where things stand. I'm very pleased with the way the foot is looking. I can't bend the toes yet, so I don't know if the low heel shoe issue is resolved. The bunion seems to be gone and seems to be staying away this time. And-if this does work out well, we will have to address the other foot as well. It is not in as bad shape, but it needs repair work also. But you can bet, that won't be happening until at least fall!

I'll update you on my quest for my new puppy. This is beginning to feel like fun now. That's how it should be.

My deepest thanks to all who are encouraging me here. It means so much.

-Susan

Susan you have been through so much - I know that little puppy is going to find you soon. Fingers crossed x x x

Love and many hugs,

Omigosh, Susan, you have had so much to deal with during these past few weeks. It is no wonder that you have been feeling down in the dumps. You would be abnormal if you DIDN'T feel blue right now! But I absolutely agree with your decision about the schnoodle adoption. Even though it is so disappointing, it will be ever so much better in the long run to take a time-out so as to make sure that you connect with "your" puppy when the time is right. And just from a logistical standpoint, might it be a bit of a blessing in disguise to allow yourself a bit more healing time before assuming the role of "puppy-wrangler" once again?

Since I've only had Labs, I don't know about smaller breeds -- it may be much easier to corral them when they're puppies. But clearly I had aged during our nine years with Barkis, because when we brought home baby Peg after Barkis died -- I couldn't believe how much time and energy it took to stay on top of her antics (and toilet training and chewing and nipping and racing around the house...:eek: :)). For the most part, it was a "good" busy, but it was definitely BUSY! So even though it's disappointing, maybe there can be some pluses in a brief delay.

But definitely keep us updated, OK? Both about your foot and also your journey to find your pup!

Marianne

Hi Susan,

First let me say how sorry I am that you have been having such a horrible time of things. You, my dear, have had a tremendous amount of emotional and physical turmoil to deal with and I want you to know that even the strongest thread that holds the family together is allowed to unravel sometimes so don't beat yourself up.

I work in rescue so I might be just a bit biased but I LOVE YOU for deciding to rescue a puppy. In my opinion, nobody should buy from a pet store nor a breeder who is churning out designer dogs. Also in my opinion, designer dogs are bred for one reason and one reason only and that's money. Millions of designer dogs die every year in shelters so I could just hug you for chosing to save a life.

I also love you for your position on tail docking. I share your opinion and admire you for standing up for what you believe. Tail and ear docking are unnecessary procedures that are done strictly for the sake of the human eye. It is bad enough that purebred breeders still do it but why in the world would anybody do that to a mixed breed dog like a Schnoodle. Most civilized countries have outlawed these procedures; however, as long as the AKC retains these as breed standards, the mutiliation will continue. Even the American Veterinary Medical Association and more than a few animal welfare organizations have been unable to get the AKC to budge on their position. :mad::(:mad:

I also share your disdain for shipping dogs in cargo hulls. That's such a horribly scarey ordeal for animals. Our rescue doesn't normally adopt to out of state homes but we have made a few exceptions in the last few years. The few dogs who were transported were flown in cabin with a volunteer. We've also been fortunate to have secured a few transports with private pilots and commercial airline attendants thru www.pilotsnpaws.org, who flew our rescues for free to their new homes. These people are incredible and volunteer their time and money to save rescues and get animals from point a to point b for medical treatment.

My brother in law just sent me an email about his new puppy. He thanked me for finding the little guy and said everybody loves him but he had forgotten what a pain in the butt a puppy can be. This is a mastiff mix puppy so he is going to be a bigger pain in the butt than usual. :D:D Yes, puppies can be a lot of work but they are so darn cute and who doesn't love puppy breath? One of the best things in life is watching your puppy go from a snuggly little furball whose cuteness melts your heart and makes you go aaaawwww; to a gangly goof ball, who trips over feet that look like they should belong to "Bigfoot"; to a teenager with a "tude" and a firm hold on your heart; to a mellow guy or gal who now owns your heart and has become your best friend and most loyal companion.....hopefully, for many, many years to come. Just think, you have so much to look forward to. Lucky you.

Glynda

Well, I was all set to tell you I saw a Golden Doodle not a Schnoodle without a docked tail and his tail was very pretty!!! I saw him on my way to work and thought of you right away but when I had a chance at work I saw your post and disappointment.:o

Even the strongest need to have some slack so you are perfectly entitled to any kind of melt down you want.

Remember the saying "good things come to those who wait"? Well, I have a funny feeling that your little buster is waiting for you right around the corner. Sometimes, when we least expect it, there they are:)

Hugs,
Addy

Could you tell me which corner you are referring to? I've walked for blocks and none of the corners around here have my little buster. ;);):D:D

I so hope you are right. I'm continuing on my (now approved) meltdown. I hope to see a friend on Tuesday. It involves a day's travel, but to see her would help oh so much.

I looked into the local shelters (online) and most of what they have are 2 years + and either Pit bull or Pit bull mix. There are still some options I have not checked out yet.

Thanks to all of you. You are so helpful and so caring.

-Susan

Susan, I have an adoption pending on a little girl, poodle/Shih Tzu mix that I found on a local rescue group's website. I had been checking their website, along with the humane society for about 2 months, & like you, found the majority to be pits or pits mixes. I had also been running periodic searches on Petfinder by my zip code. As Addy said when I posted about my pending adoption, "I don't think you find them, they find you, when you least expect it." I think Addy is right as for me, it was just "Boom", & there she was.

Debbie

Hi Debbie-

I hope you're right. I never imagined this would be difficult. My foot recovery is better...but I still have to wear this weird looking boot and the hardware won't come out until 1/31 at the earliest. Until then, I'm really not prepared to take on a bouncy little bundle of fur.

I have always felt about stuff-good and bad- that things work out exactly as they are supposed to. I have never had a case where I was having a rough time when I could not look back later and see there was kind of a purpose for that, and/or that it really worked out better than I ever could have imagined.

Thanks for your insight.

-Susan :)

Hi Susan,

I applied for a dog named Rozee after looking for a dog for a year. Gosh, I wanted Rozee in the worst way. But another family beat me to her.

I was so diasppointed but then I was told there was another dog I could have, she was alittle bigger than Rozee but very sweet, older too. Oh, I was not going to go look at the new dog. No, I wanted Rozee!!! My husband said, give her a chance, this new dog, this different dog, you never know, well I did give her a chance and Zoe came to live with us and she is the light of my life and she came with problems but I would never change it and I thank God that the other family took Rozee because I got Zoe.:)

It will be as it is meant to be. Sometimes it is so hard to wait.

Check out the rescue groups on Petfinder like Deb said. Just look, every day, you never know.;)

Love ya,
Addy

And I almost didn't go look.

Can someone tell me if it's possible to somehow sign up for any threads started by members in my friends list? Maybe that's not the right question. I only now saw Debbie's notes about the new/failed adoption. I'm not sure how I stumbled on it, but it would be nice to somehow get notification that a person I am used to corresponding with posts something new.

Thanks.

I just posted an additional photo of Palmer.

Susan

Hi Susan,

I am not a whiz when it comes to understanding the ins-and-outs of all the subscription features here, but I do not believe there is any way in which you can request notification of replies solely on the basis of author. In other words, you would first have to identify a thread of interest yourself, and then subscribe to it in order to request notification of further postings on that thread (regardless of author). But if I'm wrong about this, I'm hoping that somebody will be by to correct me.

For me personally, I find that clicking on the "New Posts" tab (in the middle of the upper menu bar on every forum page) as soon as I log in is the easiest way to quickly update myself as to any new threads or replies that have been generated since my last visit. Even though it doesn't tell me who has authored all the recent replies in a listed thread, it does alert me as to new activity which I can quickly check myself. Hope this may make it easier for you to spot specific threads/replies of interest to you.

Marianne

P.S. I love your new photo of Palmer! :o

Hey Susan,

When I first read your description of your foot surgeries and the hardware sticking out, I felt sick for you....then limped around all day in psychosomatic sympathy. :p OUCH!!! Bless your heart! I am such a woos when it comes to physical pain. :o

After my Crys died, I found myself looking at the Pittys, knowing I want another one but also knowing I wasn't quite ready. But I couldn't stop looking. Then one day these three little pics were emailed to me of a pitiful looking little thing - about as far from Pit as one could get! Her fur was matted, chopped and bare in spots, and her little eyes were literally hanging out on her tiny cheeks. I fell in love immediately.

After a couple of months with the rescue who took her in - Mutts N Stuff who our Angel, Glynda works with - Trinket got to come home to Squirt and I. Her eyes were removed prior to coming home due to neglected glaucoma and there was the possibility she was in kidney failure - which has not proven to be true, thank goodness! Instead, she decided to develop colitis just to keep me on my toes! :p

Trinket was not at all what I was looking for plus I didn't think I was anywhere near ready for another baby because the pain from Crys was still so raw. But Trink proved me wrong - she was exactly what I needed and she arrived at the perfect time. She weighs less than 5 pounds, but has brought tons and tons of joy, laughter and love into my soul.

Addy and Debbie are right on the mark when they say a new baby for you will happen when and how it is supposed to...and probably in the least expected manner and when you least expect it! A mom as wonderful as you will not be overlooked. Somewhere there is a baby who is looking for you and needing you as badly as you need it. When things are right for both of you, that baby will appear and you will know that is YOUR baby.

Hang in there!
Hugs,
Leslie and the girls :D - always

Hi Susan,

I so understand the pain and emptiness you feel, but I feel when that furry bundle of joy comes into your life it will help. I just lost my best buddy Saturday and each day is a challenge. One day is good and the next filled with tears. I was in the shower this morning and thought of flowers--Maddie loved Zinnias--ate them all the time so that is something that will be a tribute to her each year--I will plant seeds to grow in her honor. So many thoughts all good, but just knowing I will miss the good times together.:(:(

Take care and happy buddy looking!!!!:D:D

Leslie and the girls-I guess it's been a few days since I've been "in here." How large your heart is and how wonderful of you to see the beauty in Trinket!
I've tinkered with the odds for me getting a new puppy sooner than later......I am back on the list for the Schnoodle place. I thought the puppies were due the 10th-but no news yet. I have instructed them not to dock the tail. I am not near many resources for new puppies. What I really want is Palmer back.

Put up some pictures of Trinket!

-Susan

Marie I am so sorry for your loss. You sound remarkable resilient for so soon thereafter. I am having a rough day. They just seem to sneak up on me. I don't think having my mobility hindered by this foot thing helps either. At least I am missing some of the coldest weather.....not getting out much.

That's a great idea about the zinnias. Maybe I'll plant one of my slippers for Palmer.

-Susan