Have I finally found my friends? (Palmer has crossed over the Bridge)

Hi Susan..........I have been away from the site for a while dealing with Zoe Claire and everytime I come to check in it was getting harder to do as we know our girlie is doing her best to continue her time here with us. Our thoughts and prayers are with you and your family in this extremely difficult time Palmer is playing on rainbow bridge free of all pain.
Hugs always,
Heather and Zoe Claire xoxoxox

Susan, I share your pain and loss. I am so very sorry to hear the news. I am glad that your son could make it down in time and the three of you were there to send our newest angel to the bridge. Please know I will be thinking of you all and sending alot of love. We'll be here for you when you feel like coming back. Hugs, Kim

Susan, I am so very sorry for your loss and I too am glad that your son was able to say goodbye to Palmer. I don't believe there is any thing tougher than letting our babies go so my heart goes out to you and your family.

Godspeed sweet Palmer.

Glynda

Susan,

I'm so sorry to read that you lost Palmer.:( My thoughts are with you and your family.

Take Care,

Susan,
I am so sorry for your loss. The pain is incredible as you said in a previous post. I hope your memories of Palmer will help you through the pain. One day you will think of Palmer and the tears won't well up and spill over. One day you will be able to speak of Palmer and not cry. Until that day remember that Palmer loved you with all of his heart and that is why we cry. Someday when you are feeling like remembering Palmer's antics you can come here and tell us all, we would be more than happy to listen and share too.
Take Care,
Christy

Dearest Susan,

Tears roll down my face as I read your posts about Palmer. Thankfully your son was with you today; I am sure Palmer knew and was pleased that you were all gathered with him.

This decision is never easy, even when we know there is no other option some small part of us holds onto the hope of a miracle. Then the time for miracles is gone. And we are left to face the coming days under a blanket of grief and pain so heavy it can bring us to our knees.

Many of us understand your pain and share it's burden with you. Please know we are here any time you need to reach out, or need a soft, safe spot to land, or to scream, or cry, or whatever...we will be here for you.

Susan, you were the best mom Palmer could have had and you worked so hard on his behalf to make sure he was getting the best of care. Don't let those little voices tell you any differently.

We will be keeping you and your family in our thoughts and prayers.

Our deepest sympathy,
Leslie, Squirt and our angels, Ruby and Crystal

Susan I write this with tears in my eyes. You were the best mom Palmer could have ever hoped for and I hope you know that and know that he knew how much you loved him. Godspeed to our newest angel.

Love and many hugs,

Thank you all. I know you all understand the struggles we have had.

One tale to tell-when we got Palmer, we were at the beach but still living in Arlington. Our son did not come down with us that weekend but bid us farewell saying "Don't let the fact that I'm not there with you stop you from getting a puppy."

We chose Palmer from three of one litter. He had "that" look in his eyes. He had soul. When we drove back to VA on that Sunday, poor little Palmer had no idea what was going on. I held him most the way.

When we got to the house, Ryan came out to meet his new "brother." I set Palmer down on the sidewalk to the house. He was all coal black then....actually brindle-he had some gorgeous brown hair mixed in with the black. He walked to the edge of the sidewalk and stepped into the grass. As his little paws touched the grass, he immediately raised them. He had never been on grass before. It fascinated him.

This afternoon we got the results of the final test that was run on Palmer.

" Diagnostic findings and information:
cPL - remains very elevated at 710 ug/L (normal < 200)"


His numbers were not coming down. He had very bad pancreatitis, a lesion on his liver (type unknown) and his kidneys were breaking down. He has not eaten in over 2 weeks, for the most part.



Today he had a hard time looking anyone in the eyes and his eyes were pleading "Please help me." It was very peaceful. It is so very hard. This will take quite a while to adjust to. He was such a sweet dog and such a good boy.


Thanks for listening. I can't take anymore of this right now.


-Susan

Honey,

You answered his plea with your love, giving him the greatest gift we have to offer - freedom from their broken, worn down, painful bodies.

Tonite, Palmer's eyes are once again bright and dancing, he is bouncing around like a puppy, and running to his heart's content. For this and so much more, your boy is so grateful to you.

Hugs,
Leslie and the girls - always

Susan,

My heart goes out to you and your family for your loss. I know the pain is unbearable but you made the right decision as much as it hurts. God Bless.

Linda x

I'm so sorry for your loss and the heartache it has left in it's wake. Be gentle with yourself.

Sincere condolences....

Dear Susan,
I've been absent for a bit, I am so sorry for your loss. I share in your heartbreak and tears.

Rest in Peace sweet Palmer. You are our newest and brightest star in the sky.

Susan,
I had to smile at the story of Palmer's feet and the grass:D. They do the funniest things as puppies. Dexter used to bark like crazy at pine cones.:p It's been 2 years since he passed and I still miss him, I won't lie to you. It has gotten easier, and we have adopted 2 pups from great rescue organizations. I still wish I could have him back, but I've gotten together a memory book and now I smile with the tears. Palmer will alwas be in your heart. He was a lucky guy, some pups never experience the love that he did.
Christy
We LOVE reading the stories.

Susan and family,

I am so sorry for your loss. My thoughts are with you.

Carol

Susan,

I am just hearing this evening and am so sorry for your loss.

Scott

Hi-
I have been reading the very nice thoughts that have been expressed. They are very helpful and I thank you.

Day #2 is perhaps a bit better.

I have this boulder in my stomach. I so miss my buddy. It's so hard to believe he's gone. This came on as such a surprise and went so fast. Looking back we can see that it's been a good month or more that Palmer did not feel well, did not eat well, did not play with chew toys as he always did.

-Susan

Hi Susan,

Thanks so much for checking back in with us. I can only imagine how hard this has been for you, given how quickly everything has happened. But I am so glad to know that things are feeling even a tiny bit better for you today.

I also want to make sure you know that you have some private messages awaiting you. There is no rush whatsoever in your reading them. But just to let you know that they are there.

Has Ryan still been able to stay with you over the weekend? I know how grateful you are that he was able to be with you when you all bid Palmer farewell.

Please keep touching base with us, OK? And please share any more stories that come to your mind. It is a special gift for all of us to get to read about our Cushpups at ALL the stages of their lives...

Continuing hugs,
Marianne

Hi Marianne,

Thanks for the heads up about the messages. I hadn't thought to look there.

Ryan is still here and will be leaving tomorrow afternoon. He and I got in the "cool" tub today and played catch, talked, splashed and laughed. He's been a big help to me keeping my mind occupied. The three of us ate dinner and talked about Palmer. Bob said the tears can be gone, with things better, then you get these waves. That's how it is for me.

I'm blank on the stories right now. I am sure they will come in a few days.

It's been such a help to come here and look for more encouragement.

Thanks.

Big hug back!

-Susan

I have added one picture of Palmer. It was taken just before we left for the vet's office.
-Susan

Palmer always had this way of sashaying about. His tail was up and curled around. He walked with pride. Sometimes he had a look of mischief.

When he was younger, Palmer had a little trick. Bob would get in to take a shower and leave his slip-on slippers outside the door. Palmer would sneak in and grab one slipper and madly dash out. I'd hear Bob say "Palmer has my slipper!" He never chewed the slippers, he just kind of gummed them. He liked the game.

And socks! Palmer would almost take a sock off your foot. If he got a hold of a sock, he would madly run around. And you could not ever catch Palmer. If you stopped, he would stop and gnaw on the sock. If you moved toward him, he was off and running.

One Christmas we set up a mini-train on our dining table. The table is round and the train track just fit around the edges. It is glass topped. When we ran the train, Palmer ran around the table trying to catch it, barking at it all the way.

And of course, he loved unwrapping his presents. The paper was always better than whatever was inside. He loved the sound of paper ripping. Any time one of us had a present to open, we'd let Palmer do the unwrapping. It kind of made it into two presents.

He was such a sweetheart.

Because of your beautiful memories, Palmer will live on in your heart and never really be too far away. Allthough you may no longer be able to touch him, your wonderful memories will allow you to close your eyes and remember how his fur felt, that wonderful smell when you buried your nose in his fur.

I am so sorry for your unexpected lose. The pain is so bad because the joy was so great.

How lucky you both were to have each other.

Addy

What wonderful stories Susan - I love the image of the train and opening presents. You have some great memories of a special little boy. We love stories!!

Love and many hugs,

Hi Susan,

Thanks for coming by and sharing your stories of Palmer's life with you and your family. Those precious memories will bring you comfort and joy as the days go by. Hold fast to them when the pain grows strong and know you are not alone.

Hugs,
Leslie and the girls - always

Hi-
It is finally getting to be a bit more bearable. No tears so far today. Yesterday was a disaster!

I've ordered a flower arrangement to take to the vet. It's made out of white football mums and looks like a poodle. They have to get the mums, so I won't get it until Wednesday. I also got her a special card to go with it. She and her staff have been invaluable.

It helps to come "in here" and see words of encouragement.

Have I mentioned that Bob has changed his mind about a new puppy? We won't do anything for awhile, but maybe after the year end holidays we'll start to think about it. I told him it was lucky for him that he changed his mind, because that was going to be WWIII!

I also have the wonderful memories of Palmer playing with his remote control car......and the pictures. He barked and barked at that thing. Since it was kind of large, the only way he could figure out to attack it was to put his mouth around the huge rubber wheels.

We were so lucky.

-Susan

Susan,

Yes each day gets a little easier. Having you tell some stories about Palmer makes me feel like I really knew him. Every dog has special traits but each one has some special ways of their very own. These memories are yours to treasure and hopefully soon you will only smile when you think of them.

Jenny

Hi-
Well-it's one week today. I'm doing better. At least now I can look at his pictures. Of course, I really miss him. This evening I'm going to gather some of his stuff....treats, chew toys, etc. We are going to just box all of his stuff for now.

I saw a man walking three dogs this afternoon-they looked to be Lhasa Apso's which don't look unlike Palmer. At first I was kind of excited, then I could tell I'm not ready for anything like that yet. (Not that I expected to be.)

It was Palmer's face that caught my heart. Those deep brown eyes. The little smile he could show. I'm walking around with his collar in my pocket, just to feel close to him. I am having all the "usual" things reminding me. Like many animals, Palmer was convinced that there was another way for me to get out of the bathroom. If he was with me, we both went in. If he wasn't coming, I'd close the door. Before long there would be a scratch at the door. Sometimes it was an emphatic scratch. We got to where I could call out "Sit down....I'm coming." When I'd open the door, he'd be sitting right there. I kind of expected to see him as I came out of the bathroom yesterday.

We have left his toy basket and toys alone. It's a good sized wicker basket. Every so often, we'd corral the toys and get them all in the basket. Before long, Palmer would be picking them out, one by one. I told Bob a few days ago that I didn't want the basket touched yet. It has several toys on the floor near it. Palmer would sometimes take every toy out looking for one he knew had to be in there. One at a time, out they'd come. Sometimes he'd grab the side of the basket and tilt it over. Sometimes he dragged it out 3 or 4 feet. Once he got what he knew he wanted, off he would go with that treasure.

Palmer never liked chasing a ball and bringing it back to have it thrown again. You could throw it, or a toy, and he'd dash off madly after it. When he returned with the prize, he would not come to you. He wasn't going to give that toy back to you if you were going to throw it away.

He was kind of an independent little guy. He would get a toy out of the basket, go over to an area of the room that had lots of space and he would throw the toy up into the air. He was pretty good at that. Once I found a toy on the top of the kitchen counter. If I threw it up in the air, it did not get much of a response. But he would toss it up quite a few times and then he would stretch out with the toy in his mouth. He was quite content to lay their like that for quite some time.

Oh, how I miss him.

-Susan

Hi Susan,

Thanks for writing about Palmer, it helps me to get to know him a little bit better each time. It's funny how we remember so many special little things that they did. Palmer will live on forever in our hearts and memories.

Looking forward to hearing more about your wonderful boy.

Hi Susan,

These memories are so bittersweet, aren't they? I was thinking about how Crys used to chase her hind legs the other day and actually laughed at the memory...and then I cried. But the important thing is my first reaction was one of joy and I hope one day soon you will have the same reaction to your lovely memories of Palmer.

Hugs,
Leslie and the girls - always

Palmer sounds like he was a great companion. Isn't it funny how they have to follow you into the bathroom. It's not an interesting place, but they come in anyway, just to be with us. Dexter used to leave nose prints on the front windows from watching what was going on in the neighborhood. I didn't wash those prints off the window for a good 9 months. I still have his favorite toy. I still miss him, but that is a good thing - much love was shared between us. Your stories are wonderful, thank you so much for sharing.
Christy
At Christmas Dexter loved the boxes, he would grab a box and take off ripping it to shreds and spitting it out all over the house. Whenever a box came into the house he thought they were his. He wasn't hot on socks, but gloves OMG. He used to steal garden gloves and winter gloves. One winter he found a glove in the snow, what a prize that was!

Hi,

Some of the behavior you describe reminds me of my Zoe, she is mostly Lhasa, maybe those are Lhasa traits!:) When I look at your album, I can see right away, Palmer knew alot of love. You can sense it in your photos.

One day at a time, Lynne and I hope each day your heart has less pain.

Addy

One day at a time like Addy said - words of wisdom. I love your stories of Palmer and the image of you carrying his collar in your pocket. That must help to some extent and its something I will try when my girl goes.

Love your stories of Palmer - he was quite the character!

Just a thought - before you get another dog you could perhaps offer to dogsit. I told my groomer and now I always seem to have any extra pup at my feet which I love because both of my girls are quite independent. The bonus is they are all small non shedding dogs because those are the ones that are frequently groomed. That way you get used to the idea of another pup even though you aren't ready yet and you also are helping out someone who can't or won't put their dog in a kennel. The pups I babysit become part of the family and its hard to see them go - also its a little extra grocery money!!

Love and many hugs,

We packed up all of Palmer's things today. :( I gathered the stuff last night and had a rough time. The actual packing went okay. I had washed all his toys and pulled together shampoo, food, treats, etc. I had just recently gone shopping for Palmer and we have a lot of money tied up into the toys, treats, food. Bob wanted to give it all away. He finally went along with packing it all up. If the food expires, we'll throw it out later. He said some of the stuff had January expiration dates. I told him I was not going to wait 3 years for the next puppy. Last week, when he said he had changed his mind about another dog, he said....not right away, maybe after the first of the year. Well, I agree with that, but I think soon after that I may be wanting to adopt a furry creature.

We had a "block party" this evening. A neighbor has a 2.5 year old Yorkie and I asked them to bring him out. His name is Harley-his dad rides a Harley. The last time I got close to Harley, he was just a few months old. He was bouncing around as puppies do and was so tiny. Well, today, he is still "bouncing" around. He's hyper! He peed on my shoes a number of times, he was so excited. :eek::eek: He play bit me.....and you just couldn't get him to pause for a second. That's not the kind of dog I want!

Another Palmer story-every night he would try to "fluff up" the sheets and/or the bedspread. When he was reprimanded about that, sometimes he would go under the bed and try to "fluff up" the rug. He knew better than that, but we could never truly break him of it. He also "fluffed up" our sofa and a recliner. The sofa weathered the action, but the recliner has a number of holes in the fabric now. It's kind of strange because he never did any digging outside.........except for............

I was pulling weeds out of the garden and came upon a worm. Worms are good-they aerate the earth. Well, I pointed this worm out to Palmer. When he finally zoned in on the wiggly little creature, he tried to get the worm to play. :D It really blew his mind when the worm went into the earth. :confused::confused: He could not figure out where it had gone. We played this game a couple of times, but it was only in the last year or two that I thought of it. He had so much fun! :D:D:D

Whenever he saw an insect......say a fly got inside......if he could catch it, he'd put it in his mouth and immediately spit it out. If something was crawling on the ground/floor, he would paw at it and paw at it.

Another "weird" thing-you'd have thought he had an eyesight problem.....if you gave him a little cookie, he would paw at it....but he never quite hit it. He just kind of stuck his paw out several times and pull at the treat. Eventually he'd hit the treat and, of course, it would pop up off the floor. I never got why he pawed so "off the mark." I know his eyesight was outstanding because of the things I would see and watch him discover.

Then there was this game we played. I'd give him a treat or a bone to chew. He wouldn't get right on it. I would say "I'm gonna get it!" and slowly move my hand toward the item. You'd get within a few inches and his cheek met your hand. If you pressed on beyond that, he started this guttural growling. He was kidding...and knew I was kidding....but it was a game he enjoyed.:D

When he was a puppy, we were in the backyard. A yellow jacket was buzzing around us and he kept chomping, trying to catch it. Well.......he did :eek::eek::eek: and he got stung. Boy was he unhappy. I tried to stop him in time, but he was too quick for me.

Then he had this - what our vet called a- "backward sneeze." It seemed kind of like an asthma attack. They didn't happen often, but they scared him when they did. Then he would panic and make it worse. He learned quickly to let me pick him up and massage his throat. In short order, the gasping/sneezing would stop.

And did I ever mention that at around age five he had to have both his knees operated on? His knee caps kept popping out and caused him great pain. The doc went in and made the ridge where it should sit a bit deeper. He was fine after he healed. But bringing this little guy home from that....he had to have one of those plastic cones around his head to keep him from bugging the stitches. He did not like that AT ALL. We would carry him wherever he needed to go-to another piece of furniture or outside to do his business. Since both knees were done, he had no way to squat and not have great pain. In very short order, he taught himself to stand on his front legs only and take care of business. It was amazing. He was such a smart dog.

One day we were in the living room....in the afternoon. When we got up for the day, there was a little cookie that remained on the bed. He had no interest in it earlier, so it just stayed there. That afternoon he looked at me and you could almost see the light bulb go off in his head. He made a beeline for the bedroom and returned with his treat. He had remembered all that time about it being in there. That often happened with chew bones we gave him. They were a several day project. We'd see him go off into the bedroom and, sure enough, he returned with the bone in his mouth and a very proud sashaying walk on the return trip! :)

I'm smiling more and crying less. It is getting more bearable. I sure wish he was here, though. :(:(

-Susan

Boy he sure was a smart cookie . . . . I agree about the puppy thing - they can be a lot of work and I did not have time so I got Desi at 3 from her breeder after she was done her show career. I highly recommend it if you are busy like me.

Or you could dog sit . . . . for a bit.

Love the stories - he was quite the character. Also glad to hear that it is getting easier for you even just a little bit.

Love and many hugs,:):)

OMG,,the worm story has me rolling! You have enough stories to write for BARK magazine! I am so glad you are remembering the good times.
Christy

Christy- It WAS funny to see. I wish I could have gotten a picture. It was the only times I ever saw him with dirt on his nose. It looked so funny. This wet black nose with this brown stuff smudged on it.:cool:

Bob and I were out yesterday and several times we saw dogs. Bob noticed all of them and even stopped to look at one. I think he never realized how much Palmer meant to him. He got so impatient with Palmer. I wonder if now he wishes he'd had more patience. Palmer was just being a dog....a very lovable dog....who at times wanted his attention!:)

When my husband and I got married I came with 2 Boxers. He had only had 1 dog in his lifetime and that was when he was a young child. He didn't have much patience with my boxers and we had some moments when I think he was pretty much jealous. When Dexter passed away, my husband actually shed some tears. Nine months later when Sophie passed,my husband cried, really cried. Now with the 2 dogs we have he is very loving, caring, and much more patient.
Dexter caught a toad once. He walked around the yard drooling so I ran down and thought he had a rock in his mouth. It was a toad,,,he didn't hurt it just carred it around. I took his little pet away from him and gave him a bone. That toad looked pretty shocked when I set it down.

When you are ready remember there are so many waiting to be adopted and loved.
Christy

Hi Susan!
We have just returned from out of the country and I came to your thread to see how our Palmer was doing. I was thinking of you & him while we were on our trip. I can't begin to tell you how shocked and devastated I am to learn of Palmer's passing. I am so sorry I was not here for you at that time but so glad that the rest of our incredible family rallied around you. .....Now that I have dried my tears and blown my nose........You were absolutely the best Mom in the world to Palmer and he took all that love across the bridge with him. As you remember him, he remembers you as he runs with the wind in his face through the fields of heaven with all his friends. May God bless and watch over him.
On a happier note, I LOVED the stories you have shared and look forward to many more. I have to tell you, in my retirement:rolleyes:, I have a part-time job in the children's department of our library. I really think you have so many great stories that perhaps actually doing a little book, when you are ready, may be a great healer for you and a great gift to the children who would read it - just a thought to park away at the back of your mind for now.
For now, our love and thoughts are with you and your family. Please keep posting and let us help you through this time in whatever way we can. Take all the time you can for yourself now and let the grieving process run its course. I think Bob is wise to say to wait a while before thinking about another puppy. Others have made great suggestions about ways to get a "puppy fix" when you need it right now. It will take some time for you (and Bob) to get "centered" again and in a place emotionally where you can open your hearts fully to another very lucky soul. And what a tribute to Palmer that will be!!:)
All our love, prayers and thoughts are with you and Bob. God speed Palmer - run fast and free.
Love & tail wags,
Carrol & Chloe

Hi Susan,

I so enjoy reading your stories about Palmer. I remember when you and he first joined us; I fell in love the first time I saw his pics! He's always been so special and it is nice to get to know him better through your memories.

You and Palmer have taught me so much and it is a real honor to share in these delightful memories with you.

Hugs,
Leslie and the girls - always

Susan,
I'm so sorry for your loss. Healing hugs to you and yours,
Love,
Jane

Dearest Susan
I am glad we could help in some small way.
Palmer was blessed and rewarded for his wonderful soul by having received your love but also received God's love by having been granted a quick and peaceful passing. God does grant favors to his special ones.
Remember, the pain of the loss of our beloved furry friends is left with us but our angels are now without pain and suffering. Keep that thought and I hope it brings a little peace at this difficult time.
Take each day as it comes and one day smiles will replace the tears. Palmer will always be missed but he will be missed with tears of laughter at the memories of happy times.
Our love and thoughts are with you. Please keep in touch.
Carrol