Alivia was recently diagnosed with Cushing's - Alivia has passed

So sorry for your loss. Thoughts and prayers for you and your precious Alivia.

Most people (but not all - more on that later) have been very kind and sensitive to my loss. Alivia was fortunate to have two very caring vets as her primary care providers. As I already said, her regular vet came into his office on his day off just to be with Ali in the end. I e-mailed Ali's specialist to let her know what had happened and I wanted to share her response:

"I am truly sorry to hear that news. I'll be thinking of you and of course I'll never forget sweet Alivia - and, yes she definitely was a fighter! You always made decisions in her best interests and it sounds like you did that in the end as well. My sympathies..."

This vet and her assistant spent 15 minutes sitting on the floor with Ali at her last appointment a few weeks ago. She always said if she could get a JRT exactly like Ali, she would. Anyway, her note was comforting. I am having such a hard time. My heart literally hurts.

Of course your poor heart hurts, how could it not, it has been broken. :(

It is good that the people who knew what she was going through, what she had survived, your vet, your specialist showed compassion and understanding. It's always nice to know that they get it. I think those two certainly do.

Sending love your way and healing strength
hugs,
Sharlene and Molly muffin

Thinking of you and Maxwell today, Mary Beth and hope the pain eases a bit. I think we lose a part of us when our heart dogs leave us. It will hurt for awhile.

Big hugs and lots of love

Today is a bad day. I think of Alivia's big, dark, soulful eyes and how she looked at me with complete and total trust. And, then I think - I had her killed. What if SHE did not want to die??? Did I betray her trust?

I'm no expert but after my experience which somewhat mirrors yours I can say I think you are going through the normal grieving process. Please know there will be better days ahead. You are in the beginning and I know you can't imagine this ever getting better but it will. I know I had to go over and over the circumstances that caused me to make the same decision about Cooper. I still second guess myself but ultimately I know I did the right thing for him. I have relived that day over and over and there were so many tears. I still tear up from time to time but it's really gotten better. You did what you felt was right for Alivia and I'm sure she knows that. Time heals but I know it doesn't seem like it right now. I'm so very sorry for your grief, my heart goes out to you.

Awww Mary Beth, your vet of how many years agreed with your decision. Part of what makes all of this so hard is we think did we do it too soon or not soon enough? You always did the right thing for Ali and belive with all you heart you did the right thing now.

I am so sorry you are having a bad day and I wish I could tell you there wont be any more but grieving is a process that is on its own time.

But please know we are here for you and I am sending SUPER BIG hugs, sweetie.

Try to lock up the guilt in a drawer. Open a drawer and say very loudly, GUILT GET IN THE DANG DRAWER NOW, then slam it closed.

Leave it there just for tonight. You can always let it out tomorrow if you want.

Sending you love and hugs Mary Beth.
Sharlene and Molly Muffin

Thanks everyone. I have a picture of Alivia about two weeks ago and she had no tear stains. On the day she died she had tear stains. It was as if she was crying and it breaks my heart. I know she was in pain and I know there was nothing more I could do for her. She had 2 of the best, most caring vets anyone could ask for. They both were really attached to Ali and took a personal interest in her and both agreed it was the right thing for her. But, that is the logical side. Unfortunately, my heart isn't always so logical. I keep thinking what right do I have to decide to end a life? I just hope Ali knows that my decision was based on my love for her.

Maxwell is having a hard time, too. He is eating normally, but he is sleeping ALL the time. I took him to the pet store last night and he picked out a new toy and some treats (he taste tested them from the bin first!) and for a little while he was his usual happy go lucky self. But, now he is back to sleeping constantly. I am trying to give him lots of extra attention and he is being very snuggly. I know he is grieving, too, but if he doesn't improve in a few days I'm going to take him to the vet just to make sure there is nothing else going on. He has always been so healthy and acts MUCH younger than he is, so it is hard to believe he will be 14 years old in August!

Mary Beth,

from the information that you've shared with us, I also believe that you made the best decision with Alivia's interest first. I've been where you are now and it SUCKS beyond belief. What I do know is that when it came time to make that decision, there were no alternate treatments or anything to ease the pain. It was time.

Does Max get along well with other dogs? It might help to bring him to dog parks or to visit friends who also have dogs so that he gets some non-human play time.
What about an adult dog training class? Something to keep you both busy.