Lena, Teacup Poodle w/ adrenal tumor - Lena is now an angel

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Originally Posted by Squirt's Mom

Dear Joan,

I haven't talked with you but I have followed you and Lena daily. My heart is shattered to read this news and I know your Soul is in pieces today. You feel lost, consumed by guilt and questioning everything, the pain almost more than you can bear. But you are never alone; not only is your family here by your side, your sweet Lena is as well. Her body may be gone but her Spirit is strong and present. She will be with you all your days. And one day, when your job here is done, that precious little girl will be waiting to fly into your arms once again. I have no doubt that our babies wait for us and that we are reunited for all eternity. A love like the kind we share with them can never die.

My thoughts and prayers are with your and your family in this trying time.
Our deepest sympathies,
Leslie, Trinket, Brick, Sophie, Fox, and all our Angels

RAINBOW BRIDGE

Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge.

When an animal dies who has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge. There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together. There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable.

All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor; those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by. The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.

They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent; his eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster.

You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.

Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together....

Author unknown...

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Thank you, Leslie...I do believe I will see her again, and all the others who have gone before her. I can see them all sitting together catching up, even with the ones she never knew. My dad is probably holding her, or my Aunt Maureen...they may be fighting over her. Our Monsignor Hartman died a few days before she did...he was from the God Squad, I don't know if you have heard of him, but we knew him personally. He used to come to our home and have religious discussions with my husband. I'm not sure if it was before we had Lena or not. But when I heard the sad news about his passing, the first thing I prayed was that he would be there to take care of her if she should die and this was even before the crisis of the last couple of days. It was strange because when I texted my brother that Lena had died, he wrote back that Father Tom had paved the way for her. Father Tom officiated at my brother's wedding and also baptized his triplets. I want to believe it.

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family, two-legged and four-legged. You are a strong person, Joan, but know that you can lean on us as much as you need.

Marianne, I have uploaded a picture of Lena in her prime and the way she always looked at me, and to me. It's called Lena's new haircut #4. Please use that one on the Memorial page. I have been looking at pictures for hours and even though they make me cry, some of them have made me smile when I remember how much she was loved by all of us. It is still so quiet here...the others are sad as well, I think, or maybe just processing. I don't know, it could be my imagination.

Dear Joan, this photo of Lena is precious and beautiful. The link is now all completed, and thank you so much for sharing it with us.

Even though the other doggies are quiet, I am thinking it will have helped them that they had a chance to sniff Lena and to realize that her spirit had left her little body. Things are different for them, of course, but I am thinking that they will no longer be expecting her to return. It will take time for them to sort out things amongst themselves, though, too.

It is such a sad loss for all. :o

Marianne

Thank you, Marianne...

Hi Marianne, she died on the 19th, not the 17th.

Oh Joan, I'm sorry. I'll fix that right now. :o

Oh Joan, I'm so dreadfully sorry to read this. I haven't posted, but I have been reading this thread, and hoping / praying that little Lena would get better.
You really did everything you possibly could for her including making the hardest decision ever to say goodbye and free her from pain.
Thinking of you,

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Originally Posted by labblab

Oh Joan, I'm sorry. I'll follow fix that right now. :o

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Thanks, Marianne...it is a really nice picture of her...it's hard to remember how healthy they looked sometimes.

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Originally Posted by mcdavis

Oh Joan, I'm so dreadfully sorry to read this. I haven't posted, but I have been reading this thread, and hoping / praying that little Lena would get better.
You really did everything you possibly could for her including making the hardest decision ever to say goodbye and free her from pain.
Thinking of you,

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Thank you for your kind words....

Hi Joan. I would like share a story with you. Maggie was my husbands pride and joy. When he was home, I didn't exist in her eyes. She followed him around everywhere and only laid on his lap when we relaxed at night. When my husband passed, Maggie went into a depression that lasted for months. She would just eat, sleep and sit by the garage door waiting for him to come home. She was usually really energetic and loved to play with her brother and toys but that all stopped. When I took her to the vet the vet explained to me that dogs understand death more then somebody just suddenly missing. If I had brought her to the funeral home to say goodbye, she would have not have gone through that terrible depression. So you did the greatest thing when you brought Lena home and allowed them to say their goodbyes! They will miss her but they will understand the loss better. Hope this helps! You're in my thoughts and prayers.
G - Maggies mom

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Originally Posted by onlyg

Hi Joan. I would like share a story with you. Maggie was my husbands pride and joy. When he was home, I didn't exist in her eyes. She followed him around everywhere and only laid on his lap when we relaxed at night. When my husband passed, Maggie went into a depression that lasted for months. She would just eat, sleep and sit by the garage door waiting for him to come home. She was usually really energetic and loved to play with her brother and toys but that all stopped. When I took her to the vet the vet explained to me that dogs understand death more then somebody just suddenly missing. If I had brought her to the funeral home to say goodbye, she would have not have gone through that terrible depression. So you did the greatest thing when you brought Lena home and allowed them to say their goodbyes! They will miss her but they will understand the loss better. Hope this helps! You're in my thoughts and prayers.
G - Maggies mom

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Aww, poor Maggie...I'm sorry. I wish I could just accept it like they do.

I am tortured thinking that I should have stayed and been there when she started arresting, or had them put her down right away. She was reaching for me from the tank, and when I opened it she kept licking me and kept trying to get into my arms, and I don't remember if I picked her up or not. I think I was afraid to because of all the trouble she was having breathing.

I am so afraid that she felt like I abandoned her and it's paralyzing me with sadness today.

I truly believe that if you had to make the decision, you would have always second guessed that maybe she could have pulled through. She took that decision from you so you wouldn't have to feel that guilt. She knew you would be devastated so she waited for you to leave before she gave up the fight. Dogs always unselfishly love us and she unselfishly loved you till the end. I hope you can somehow find peace in knowing that she did that for you! I know how paralyzed with sadness you are right now and that is okay. You suffered a great loss but please don't let guilt invade that sadness. She was so blessed to have you as her mom and you gave her 15 great years and didn't give up on her when she got sick. You did everything you could have possibly done. She is smiling down on you right now bragging to all the other doggy angels about how good she had it! Big hugs to you and remember she will always be there in your heart until you meet again!

Thank you, I am trying to believe that. I'm trying not to second guess myself, but it is so, so hard. I just want my baby girl back.

I have to go back to work on Monday, and act like a grown-up and be professional, but I am so afraid that I will just cry...I still can't stop, I don't really want to stop. I miss her so much.

This is the only place I can express how much I am hurting. I know that everyone who knows me, knows how much Lena meant to me. The joke was always that no one wanted to be around me if anything ever happened to her. No one has abandoned me (yet), but there are just a few who will continue to let me cry.

Joan, I just checked in today and read about Lena. I am so very sorry and I know how deep your grief is. My Amanda (also a poodle) had adrenal surgery 16 months ago. She has advanced heart disease and I am thankful for every day she is still with us. Amanda has been hospitalized several times now for CHF the last only a few weeks ago. It is so hard to have to leave them there but they need the continuous drip lasix and the oxygen. Please don't second guess yourself. Being at home listening to them cough, watching them struggle to breathe is like torture. I know you want your baby girl back. And who can blame you for crying. You are so filled with overwhelming sadness. You loved Lena with all your heart and nothing can fill the void she has left. You will have your baby again one day. Until then take what consolation you can in knowing how much you loved each other and how you fought to keep her healthy and happy. She is healthy again now, and one day she will run to her mommy's arms as you are both filled with joy! I will hold you and Lena in my heart and thoughts!

Claire
(Amanda's Mom)

Thank you, Claire...your kind words help. I hope Amanda improves and I was thankful for every day since her diagnosis. I think I knew because of her age that this wasn't going to give me as much time with her as I wanted.

Joan

So sorry for your loss!:( I just came back here to see how the other pups were doing and was very saddened to see this.:( Hang in there and know you did everything you could do for her! Sending thoughts and prayers your way!

Thank you for your kind words. Today will be my first day back to work. I am dreading it. I was lucky to have the weekend to mourn, but it went by too fast. I hate to leave my other guys today, they have been such a comfort to me...surrounding me with warm bodies and nudges and kisses. It helped to have them to wrap my arms around and cry on.

Coming home and not having Lena at the door with all of them is going to hurt so much. She has always been the first one I look forward to seeing.

But I don't know how I would've been able to leave this morning if she were still here, worrying that she might throw another clot and not be able to breath while I was at work. So maybe things have gone the way they were supposed to.

I will miss her every second of every day...my sweet, precious Lee.

Thinking of you today!! I know how difficult it is for you going back to work. I am praying for you to have the strength to make it through. Just remember to take one day at a time!

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Originally Posted by onlyg

Thinking of you today!! I know how difficult it is for you going back to work. I am praying for you to have the strength to make it through. Just remember to take one day at a time!

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I'm so busy catching up, it is not as bad as I thought it was going to be. And to make everything even more complicated, my 7 year old grandson in in the hospital. He has Chronic Granulomatous Disease and is fighting something that the doctors at Cohen's Childrens' Center have not been able to figure out yet.

He just got back from the NIH in Bethesda on Thursday where he was supposed to have a colonoscopy, but they couldn't do it because he had a fever. So they had to come home and the fever got worse and he has to be admitted to the hospital if his temperature reaches a certain point.

This has been a hell of a week for all of us!

Sending healing thoughts for your grandson, Joan! I remember going back to work after having to let Maggie (my first Cush pup) go. The busier I was, the better. The hardest part was having my co-workers coming by to express their condolences-I was thankful that I had a private office so I could close the door when it got to be too much.

Wow. It really has! I'm so sorry. I will keep all of you in my prayers!!

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Originally Posted by judymaggie

Sending healing thoughts for your grandson, Joan! I remember going back to work after having to let Maggie (my first Cush pup) go. The busier I was, the better. The hardest part was having my co-workers coming by to express their condolences-I was thankful that I had a private office so I could close the door when it got to be too much.

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Oh, I know...that's what I was dreading most, even though it is nice to know that they all care, because I knew I would lose it. I only broke down once so far, but going home today will be hard. Her sweet little face won't be there when I look inside the window as I have for 12 years in this house. Everywhere I look, inside and out, just hits me all over again.

My husband even called crying a little while ago when he looked at all the albums I had been going through over the weekend. My son had a dream about her last night and said that she was sitting on the couch with one of our other dogs who had died a few years ago, and she looked great and happy. They were both wagging their tails and he said she looked better than she had in years.

I wish I could dream about her, but I think I am so deep in sleep, trying to escape, that I can't just yet. But looking at the picture in her album on this forum of her in her xmas dress this year, and comparing it to the one we used on the memorial page, I can see how much she had deteriorated. You can't see her eyes, but what you can see of them, she looks far away.

I guess I got so used to it that it just looked normal, which it most definitely was not.

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Originally Posted by onlyg

Wow. It really has! I'm so sorry. I will keep all of you in my prayers!!

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Thanks, we could sure use them!

I just got Lena's blood workup from the ER the other night, not that it matters now, but it is in her album. I don't know if it shows anything. I guess I'm still looking for something to explain it all.

Oh no I am so sorry to hear your grandson is in the hospital and they still can't figure out what is going on :(

It will be hard for awhile, and there is no time period, it's different for each one.
It's just really, really hard. People try to make you feel better and they mean well but it isn't always the thing you need.
It sounds like your husband too is missing her and grieving and that your son, is missing her and well, she was a heart that beat in the family. So lean on each other and remember when her eyes where bright and her limbs strong and she ran and played and jumped for joy to see you. I think that is how Lena would want you to remember her.

Hugs

Thanks, Sharlene...Joshua will have an abdominal sonogram either tonight or tomorrow, and he will have a test in the morning to check and see if his adrenal glands are working due to the long term steroid use and the fact that he has been almost tapered off. So a blood draw in the AM a shot of a high dose steroid to give the adrenal gland a jolt and then a blood draw 1 hour after that. Since nothing seems to be showing up positive for anything this all might be just a colitis flare up..

Talk about weird...if I hadn't read all of this kind of stuff on this forum, I wouldn't have a clue what all of this meant (even though my daughter has tried to explain it to me a million times).

It seems so quiet here...but I realized tonight that it's not that it's quiet, it's that I am still listening for her and because I don't hear her little footsteps, or her drinking, or her breathing, I am interpreting that as silence....it's just that I miss everything about her.

I was away for a couple of days and I just read for your loss. I'm at a lose for words, I don't know what to say… This must be so hard for you. I'm sorry for what you are going through. I wish I had the right words to comfort you but I believe that only time will make it easier for you. She may be in a better place now…R.I.P. little princess...

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Originally Posted by Joan2517

Thanks, Sharlene...Joshua will have an abdominal sonogram either tonight or tomorrow, and he will have a test in the morning to check and see if his adrenal glands are working due to the long term steroid use and the fact that he has been almost tapered off. So a blood draw in the AM a shot of a high dose steroid to give the adrenal gland a jolt and then a blood draw 1 hour after that...

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Hi Joan,

Gosh, I'll surely be thinking of you guys today and hoping that the doctors can find an answer for what is ailing Joshua! You know, it sounds as though he is having an ACTH stimulation test done. They perform them on humans just like they do on our doggies, to test for either Cushing's or Addison's. What a coincidence, is it not? :o

Sending you my warm thoughts across the miles,
Marianne

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Originally Posted by labblab

Hi Joan,

Gosh, I'll surely be thinking of you guys today and hoping that the doctors can find an answer for what is ailing Joshua! You know, it sounds as though he is having an ACTH stimulation test done. They perform them on humans just like they do on our doggies, to test for either Cushing's or Addison's. What a coincidence, is it not? :o

Sending you my warm thoughts across the miles,
Marianne

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I know, Marianne...when Jess was telling me about what they were doing, I kept thinking "why does this sound so familiar?" And then it hit me. They were supposed to do this test on Josh in May, but they figured they would do it now as long as he was in the hospital. She even has a syringe at home in case he breaks a bone or something and goes into shock...and now because of all of this with Lena, I understand it.

He doesn't have Addison's or Cushing's, it's Chronic Granulomatous Disease, but his adrenal glands have been affected by the long-term steroid use...I guess we'll find out today, how affected they are.

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Originally Posted by marinaliz

I was away for a couple of days and I just read for your loss. I'm at a lose for words, I don't know what to say… This must be so hard for you. I'm sorry for what you are going through. I wish I had the right words to comfort you but I believe that only time will make it easier for you. She may be in a better place now…R.I.P. little princess...

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Thank you...I know. My brother sent me a whole you tube video on making the right decision about when the time comes, but it was all about being there when they are put down. He meant well, but boy did that bring back the guilt of not having been with her. I just can't get past that.

I can accept that it was her time, just looking at pictures I can see how much she changed and I can see the pain and confusion that started to show in her eyes compared to how she used to look.

I just can't accept that she went by herself surrounded by strangers, not with the one who loved her more than anything. I am so afraid that she was looking for me or waiting for me to come back. I wish I had stayed, then they could've just come and got me and I could've held her in my arms while she died...I just can't seem to get past that.

Oh Joan, of course I cannot know what was truly in Lena's mind that night. But truthfully, given how desperately she was trying to breathe, my guess is that her conscious mind and energy were totally focused on her own little body as the end neared. But then, if we can trust in the experiences related by humans brought back from the brink of death, at the actual moment of passing her spirit was connected with you and all her loved ones regardless of physical separation. You were with her at that moment of release because of the abiding love that filled her dreams and her memories and the very core of her being, even as the bright light beckoned her onward.

I know you wish so much that you were there to hold Lena. But my guess is the loss is more yours than hers because she made her passage knowing without doubt that she was loved. The far harder task falls to those of us who are left behind -- making peace with the aching wish to be able to hold our babies again for yet one more time. It breaks our hearts to think that even one precious opportunity was missed, and especially there at the end. I wish it weren't so, but I'm afraid this will hurt for a long, long time. But Joan, not because you failed Lena. However, you didn't get the chance to hold her and say goodbye yourself. Maybe in the coming days, though, you can find a different way to honor Lena and bid her farewell that may bring a bit of peace and comfort to soothe your aching heart.

Big hugs,
Marianne

My mind knows this, Marianne, but my heart won't let me accept it right now. I miss her every second :(

Your loss is so new and overwhelming right now. :o It has taken me oh so long to process my Buddy's passing. Even now, a few years later, it's still tough. It wasn't until I was able to accept that I did the best I could with the knowledge and resources I had at the time. Would I have done anything differently, most certainly, but I did my best and that's all anyone can do. There are always going to be regrets, but Buddy would want me to find peace with my decisions and I'm sure that Lena would want the same for you.

Big hugs,
Kathy

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Originally Posted by Budster's Mom

Your loss is so new and overwhelming right now. :o It has taken me oh so long to process my Buddy's passing. Even now, a few years later, it's still tough. It wasn't until I was able to accept that I did the best I could with the knowledge and resources I had at the time. Would I have done anything differently, most certainly, but I did my best and that's all anyone can do. There are always going to be regrets, but Buddy would want me to find peace with my decisions and I'm sure that Lena would want the same for you.

Big hugs,
Kathy

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Thanks, Kathy...I am trying so hard to accept it the way it went down. It just seemed to happen so fast. I thought I would have more time, but I am still reading all the posts and seeing all of the other problems that she might have gotten and luckily didn't. I go back and forth.

I know we would've done anything we could have to make her well again if that was at all possible. I am relieved that she doesn't have to go through all the vet visits, which I know frightened her; I am relieved that I don't have to give her pills anymore, which she was starting to be suspicious of; and I know she was uncomfortable and seeing her confused broke my heart.

I know it was time because I would never let her suffer and I think she was beginning to. What I need to get past, is not being there with her. But when I held her in my arms after I got there, and looked down at her sweet face, she looked healthy again...there wasn't any of the stress in her face that I had been seeing for a while, so I know she was at peace.

As I have been reading and rereading a lot of these posts, I am noticing that a lot of the Cushing's diagnosis come after dental work. I know Lee had symptoms for at least a year before, but after her dental work is when everything started to get worse.

Within 2 weeks of her being knocked out for cleaning and tooth extractions, she exhibited exaggerated signs.

Is there some correlation between dental work and Cushing's?? Or dental work and contributing factors to the symptoms of Cushing's?? I have been wondering this since the beginning, but now it just seems to a huge question in my mind....

Hi Joan. I think the link you are noticing between dental work and Cushing's diagnosis relates mainly to abnormalities noticed on lab work performed prior to dental work being done. Most vets require blood chemistry panels to be run prior to sedating dogs for dental work. Among other things, this is to ensure that liver and kidney values are within normal range prior to administering anesthetic agents. For many dogs, this may be the first time that comprehensive blood panels have ever been run on them. If the lab abnormalities that are classic to Cushing's appear on those panels, the vets then scratch their heads and start questioning owners about other overt symptoms to which not a great deal of attention had been paid previously. Suddenly, things get scrutinized a lot more closely. And then, we're off and running...:o

Although Lena's situation might have been different, I don't think that dental work generally causes or accelerates Cushing's -- it's instead that pre-op dental labwork is a common way in which blood chemistry abnormalities are first revealed, and then other issues are more closely scrutinized as well.

Marianne

Her blood work didn't show anything, Marianne, at least as far as I was told. The next blood work done 12 days later after her drinking increased to a point where I was shocked, and I took her back, is where it came back so bad.

I was just wondering...I know it didn't cause the Cushing's because she obviously already had it. I just wonder if the dental work exasperated it and pushed it into overdrive.

I guess I'm still searching for reasons...the sadness is turning into fury now.

I'd forgotten that you'd said that Lena's pre-dental labwork was fine and then two weeks later there were serious blood abnormalities. If you are really wanting to make sense of the labwork, the best thing would be to request copies from your vet so that you can see what the actual results were.

Cushing's does not typically suddenly become acute or worsen such that lab results drawn two weeks apart would show drastic differences. It that is truly what happened for Lena, then perhaps something else occurred in conjunction with the dental work. Perhaps an infection spread from her mouth to another location in her body, perhaps even to her heart? Perhaps the anesthetic agent did some unexpected harm to her liver or kidneys? I don't know -- just tossing out some random thoughts. But if you are really wanting to trace the steps, I think getting copies of all of Lena's recent labwork is the place to start.

Before doing that, though, the question I'd want to ask myself is, "Will pursuing these questions help me, or will it make me feel even worse to dwell on memories of these last couple of months?" If you think it will help, then we will do our best to try to sort out the information. But I know for me, dwelling on confusing results or inadvertent mistakes that might have been made would not make me feel any better. At all. So I just want you to make sure this is the route you want to go before requesting those records and tracing back through Lena's illness, OK? :o

Marianne

I'll have to think on that. I will probably just blame myself for that too. When all is said and done, it really doesn't matter. She's gone and nothing will bring her back to me.