Holidays can be hard...

Wel, I won't be much help because I am just sitting her with tears in my eyes thinking all of our heart dogs no longer here with us.

Can't even think of one kind or witty remark:o

Like Molly, Zoe did not care much for Halloween but oh Thanksgiving and Christmas were biggies for her.

I never bought her a costume, though she would have worn it happily.
Koko hates any clothes with the exception of his ratty old puppy coat.

Marianne, I think your hubby is a keeper:) What a touching idea.

Ok, done rambling and off to dry my tears.

Absolutely hubby gets an A+ what a great idea.

Lately I've been so busy with the kids moving in and trying to get all that sorted, not getting to bed till 1 - 2am every night that I haven't had time to think about halloween or much of anything else. Now though, we where just saying we need to go buy candy and it was bitter sweet. Grandson's first halloween costume but I started thinking, how weird that I don't have to make arrangements for keeping molly entertained or from going crazy when the door bell rings this year. I don't have to rush home to make sure she is all settled before trick or treating starts or that the streets are semi cleared for her last walk of the night. It brought tears to my eyes. So much is different, in just the little rituals we have done for years for molly at halloween. :( I miss it. I want it back damn it.

Yes, it would be wonderful if we could have it back...I am trying so hard to appear normal, when all I really want to do is SCREAM that it is just not fair...my darling girl never did anything wrong; she was the sweetest, best behaved dog I have ever had and she should have lived longer. I know it never would have been long enough, but it should have been longer.

Yeah, it's the broken rituals that are the kickers, I think. And that's why the holidays are ten times harder. Even this morning, I still mourn just the everyday ritual with Peg. Compared to Luna, she was much more high maintenance...multiple meds, putting on her sling harness to help her walk, having to spend a long time outside until toilet chores were finished. Luna bolts down her breakfast, races out to pee and poop, and that's that. And then I'm left looking around and longing for the shadow of my shiny black dog. Every morning and every suppertime and every med time. I'd be so willing to resume Peg's daily ritual once again, if only I could and if only she had not gotten so bad.

And then when you layer the holiday rituals on top of the daily ones, boy it sure does get tough. :o :o

Yesterday I put Peg's orange collar around her box so as to be ready for Halloween. It didn't make me feel any better :o. I had to shorten the collar to make it fit, and right after I did that I was sorry. I wished I had left it just the way it always had been for my big girl :( :(.

Now that it's done and all ready, though, I'm hoping I'll feel glad I did it by the time Halloween night rolls around.

I think I rearranged Squirt's little shrine 50+ times before I finally convinced myself it would never be "right" because that empty blinged out collar and that limp harness and those little Cairn figurines and all the rest were not my Sweet Bebe. No matter where I put those things or how I set them up, they never would be. So I made it as nice as I could and shut the door. :(

I think you are very wise, Les. I was falsely hoping this would somehow feel "good" but you've made me realize there's no way that was going to happen. It is just not an option that's on the table. But we can still honor her in this way, and surely that's important in its own right. So now I'm back to thinking it was the right thing to do. Thank you for helping me get there.

Holidays are hard when all family members(whether two or four legged) can no longer be together.:o

Buddy loved Halloween and all holidays. He was absolutely positive that everyone that came to the house to trick-or-treat, came to see him. He always wore a costume that drew tons of attention from everyone. He loved it!

Awww Kathy, I love seeing your avatar of Buddy again in his thunder lizard outfit. ;) :o :o :)

I'm already missing Peg so much today, of course :(. But I'm bustling around trying to get the house and food ready for tonight.

Hopefully Bud and Peg and everybody else will have a grand party of their own tonite. But how we wish they were still here.

Well, we made it through Halloween night. For the most part, things were OK and since our friends were here I stayed pretty focused on hostessing and the trick-or-treaters. Luna also did OK, but actually kind of went off by herself most of the time instead of hanging out with the humans. She always depended on Peg to be the leader when anything out of the ordinary was going on, so maybe she was feeling a little uncertain about things.

I left the Halloween decorations up until today, but will now swap them out for Thanksgiving. Once again, though, things aren't quite right and I'm feeling pretty low this morning. Complicated by the fact that Luna has been having some off-and-on GI issues for a couple of weeks now which is very unusual for her. I went ahead and took her in to the vet this morning because my home cures aren't solving the problem (some vomiting and loose stools). I really wasn't all that worried before heading in, but after he weighed her and she's lost nearly four pounds for no good reason, I'm feeling a lot less happy now :o. So we're doing bloodwork and stool sampling, and I've got some metronidazole and probiotics to give her. And probably it is nothing serious at all, but I just feel paranoid so soon after losing Peg. So my heart is even heavier this morning, especially because at the vet's I was awaiting alongside a sweet man with his sweet old dog who was probably not going to be making the trip back home again. :( :(

Just all-round a crappy morning, guys. Thank goodness I can come here and talk after having a bit of a cry.

Boy, do I know that paranoid feeling, Marianne...anytime any of them are not feeling well, I get very panicky. Poor Luna...she may just miss Peg. Gable hasn't been himself since Lena died...almost the same issues, vomiting and loose stools. Had him checked out and nothing showed on his blood work. I'm going to scan them and post to see if you guys see anything that the vet didn't.

I hope it is just Luna missing Peg.

I did the same thing yesterday...took all the Halloween decorations down and started with the Thanksgiving. Another one that Lee loved so much...the turkey cooking (I would move her bed to the kitchen doorway so she could guard the turkey while it cooked in the oven); then when my husband took it out she would park herself under the butcher block just waiting until he started carving and would give them pieces. One year she ate so much turkey, she slept through dessert, which she just loved!

But it will be Sibbie's first and we are going to have 14 for dinner and I will smile, converse and make believe that I am not thinking that last year was Lena's last Thanksgiving, and this is my first without her...it's going to be tough.

Big hugs Marianne and Joan and all the others who are missing their babies this holiday season.
It isn't easy, these first, and I don't think the seconds are very easy either truth be told.

Oh, Marianne. I'm sorry to hear that Luna has not been feeling well. Definitely sounds like you had a crappy morning. :( Big hugs.

Aw Joan, poor Gable. I'm glad his bloodwork looks okay, but I bet you're frustrated at not having an answer for what's wrong.

Holiday firsts, indeed. I offered to host for my family this year, though I haven't had any confirmations back from my 3 brothers. Only mom and dad, so far. It will be a first for two of them without their doggies too... at least, I expect so. My youngest brother's pom, Bailey, has been gone for months now. My other brother's pit Aiden (aka Boo) hasn't been well for quite a while but last I heard, he wasn't yet willing to let him go. And of course, my baby, Visuddha.

We had intended to take down the Halloween decorations this weekend. My husband got most of them, but not all, and none of them are put away yet. Maybe this next weekend.

A www Marianne, those were lighter days indeed and I remember them well and am so thankful to have those memories. I'm hoping Luna will be feeling better soon. Our work pup Lucy went through a bad spell after we lost Rocky. She now has a puppy named Bob she plays nanny too and is feeling better though I think she gets fed up with his pestering:)

I was thinking back to those early days remembering how you all helped me figure out how to get mom home after she fell and broke her pelvis. Talk about a group effort to move mountains to have her sit next to me at the table.

Thanksgiving marked the beginning of the end for Zoe and as we approach it again it looks like it might be the same for mom as we discuss hospice care for her.

So this year all those dearly loved traditions will be set aside as our families lives adjust to the new traditions. Gosh it is hard to give up those traditions up but the realization and thankfulness that I was able to give them to all ou family is something I hold dear and I think lay the framework for future traditions. I know not all will embrace them but I do know my Kate holds them close to her heart.

And that is a great gift. Those traditions are the fabric of my being and though they change they don't change who we are but reinforce us, strengthen us.

So we will all hold each other's virtual hand as we find our way through the holidays and I know we will all be just fine because we have each other

This is the hardest part of any year for me but this year is especially hard because of a number. 10. Nov. 30th will be ten years since Gia died. 10. How does a mother live 10 years longer than her child? How does that happen?

I look at my grandsons and am so very grateful they are here. In their eyes I see her, in their laughter I hear her, and in seeing and hearing my heart both glows and shatters over and over and over. So many things I feel a great pressure to be sure they hear, hopefully understand and believe, but at least hear about their mom who loved them both so dearly. The best gift I think I can give Gia now is to do my utmost to make sure her boys are friends as well as brothers so that as they grow and age they know they always have each other. Ten years. One is driving now, the other not far behind. Ten years. Have I done enough for them, for her? No, not near enough.

I miss her so. No words can express my longing to see her again, to hold her again, to hear her voice and see her eyes dance again. I could always pick Squirt up and talk with her about her Sissy but no one here now knew Gia. So I sift through memories and longings alone since my Sweet Bebe had to leave, adding those memories of her to those from Gia. My greatest comfort is knowing Gia and Squirt are together again.

I miss my girls so very very much.

I can't imagine 10 years without either of my children. My daughter faces that reality every day with my oldest grandson, Josh, who has Chronic Granulomatous Disease. The only cure is a bone marrow transplant which we are desperately trying to avoid because it is not fool-proof. He's only 8, but has lived much longer than we thought he would when we received his diagnosis when he was just 2 weeks old.

As sad as I am about Lena not being here this year, I don't want it to ruin Josh's Thanksgiving because we never know what next year will be like...and he loves Thanksgiving just like his grandpa does. He loves the traditions and the crowd of family. He always wants the turkey leg even though he never really eats it! Halloween is his all time favorite, though...my little ghoul.

My heart goes out to you, Leslie...holidays can be really hard.

Hi to all!
I just figured out why I'm off balance having now read today's posts. Palmer has been on my mind a lot. And Bailey is about to turn 6. So Palmer has been gone quite awhile now.
Bob and I are a very small family. Ryan and Ellen will go to Colorado for Thanksgiving this year. They will be here for Christmas. It just finally hit me how it's going to be the first Thanksgiving with Ryan not here. I mean, I've known-after all I did make the reservations for us to go out to dinner. Oh that sounds depressing. But it's just the two (three-Bailey) of us now. We aren't going to go through all that work to cook a turkey just for the two of us. We will cook one at Christmas, I hope. Sometimes Bob makes prime rib standing roast at Christmas.

I am so sorry all of you are suffering your loses.The holidays used to be my favorite time of year. It's not that way much now. Bailey has no idea of how doggies are supposed to act with wrapping paper, etc. She is so unusual from our other dogs. She doesn't especially like being stroked behind her ears. She has allergies, so she always wants a back scratch. She hears the end of a roll of toilet paper coming and I toss her the cardboard core. She dashes away like mad and drops it after going 20 feet. And that's the end of it. Chasing ball for her means I throw it, she goes to retrieve it (really happy) and then she brings it "around" me. She won't give it to me to throw again unless I grab it.

My Mom died 30 years ago. My Dad died two years later.....and that was the end of all the grandparents. Bob's parents died within the two years between my folks passing. I didn't really get to see up close what this getting older business means. Yet I learned this past year, that my maid of honor is now in a nursing facility. She has early onset Alzheimer's and one of the first things to go was her speech and her eyesight. Except for the Alzheimers she is pretty healthy....so it's a matter of time. It has already been six years. It was only upon learning about this that I learned that ending our friendship about 5 years ago was due to her trying to hide her illness. We'd been friends since 1963. Tragic.

Boy-I came in here with the intentions of trying to add compassion to all the losses I read about today. I'm sorry for dumping. It sure doesn't feel like the holidays are coming.

-Susan

Aww Susan, no need at all for an apology. This is exactly why the door to our holiday house is open each year, so we have a place where we can be real with each other. In all the other houses, we have to put on smiles, or cook, or chat, or entertain, or be social, or act happy happy happy. But we don't do that here. We don't pretend things are fine when they're not. It's wonderful when we do have sweet things to share, but we hug each other when we don't.

I am always so grateful for you all, but never more so than this year since I am struggling, too. Thanks so much to Addy for what she has written because it lifts me up whenever I think about it. Thanks so much to you all for sharing what's truly in your heart.

Quote:

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So we will all hold each other's virtual hand as we find our way through the holidays and I know we will all be just fine because we have each other.

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Thank you, Marianne.

Thanksgiving week is here. Some things are the same, but much is also very different. A very important someone is missing, and that changes so much for me. But I am very thankful for all my friends here, and I'll be thinking of you all with gratitude as this week unfolds for our families.

Marianne

We are here Marianne. Of all the bad feelings that come with this grief, I hope you never feel alone. Not for one second.

Well, will be strange for us too because not only am I not cooking anything, we are going to Mom's room to eat with her and then out to my brothers.

So Mariannne, I'll sit next to you for dinner if you sit next to me:)

Argh, hubby has me tell mom we were handed lemons so we need to make lemonade. Not sure I feel like drinking lemonade right now;)

As hard as it is sometimes, we will be thankful for the memories.

Is it January yet? It will be light out again at 5pm on January 21st.

Ok, so I've been thinking of bringing out Zoe's tree for Christmas. I swore I would donate it after she died but hubby said wait.

He wants to celebrate her life and see the beautiful birds and have it stand tall and beautiful in tribute to her.

Not sure I can do this, but thought of all the darling fur babies we have lost this year and well, I guess it will stand in tribute to all of them so think that thought is giving me the strength to face Zoe's tree:)

That sounds like such a beautiful thing to do! Lena loved the holidays..I had almost decided not to make my shortbreads this year because she loved them so much, but maybe I will in her memory. Not sure yet...

I've been crying all day. I just have not been able to stop. I hope that I will cry enough so that I can get through Thanksgiving without crying at the table. This is so friggin hard...

Thank god we have this holiday place to come to. I've been super teary for the past week. So much is different, so much I wish wasn't different.

Awww, Susan, it sucks as we get older and lose those who mean so much to us. My dad had alzheimers, it's definitely rough. I lost my mom and my dad within a couple years of each other. The last time they where here was for Thanksgiving and had a lovely time. Then they planned to go to my sisters for Easter in the spring. That didn't happen. My mom passed away unexpectedly and my dad literally went down the road of alzheimers as soon as she passed.


Thinking of Zoe's tree. Such a lovely thought Addy.

I think it is the tree that is getting to me. We've talked about when to put ours up and all I can see is that empty sheepskin rug of mollys without her on it. Daniel wouldn't let me wash it after she passed. She loved laying under the Christmas tree on that rug. It was her place.

I wish all of you happy Thanksgiving. It's nice to have some place to come and share with others who understand.

So, Group hugs! We're going to need lots of those.

Addy, I'm definitely sitting next to you if you'll have me :)! And Kat, how's about you on the other side :o?

Thinking this morning about Lena's shortbread and Zoe's beautiful tree of birds and Molly's sheepskin...all such direct connections to your hearts...will it feel better to tuck them away or to bring them out in honor? Maybe impossible to know in advance, and that's the really hard part.

When it comes to Peg, there are two things that will be very hard. The first is "her" tree ornament. But I will need to put that on the tree no matter how hard it makes me cry. It needs to be there because it's always been there since her first Christmas, and it just needs to be there in her honor. That way, she'll still be with me in spirit.

The second thing will only be a memory. It sounds very silly but it had been a ritual since her first Christmas when she was just three months old and such a happy puppy. I had a big purple towel that I was using to dry her off after she'd been out in the rain and we were playing a game, "where's the puppy?" where she'd get all tangled up in the towel and then burst out. We had music playing and just then "Away in a Manger" came on, and I smiled and play-acted that Peg was the baby Jesus wrapped in swaddling clothes as I held her close in her purple towel. For ten Christmases after that, no matter that she had grown to 80 pounds, at some point during the holiday I would swaddle my baby Peg and hug her close to me in that royal purple towel. Yesterday I noticed her towel in the linen closet, and I thought, oh what will I do this year? Will I just leave it there, or will I bring it out and set it in a special place where I can touch it if I need to or want to when we play the carols. I don't know yet. I don't know which way my heart will turn. I guess it will just take some time to find out.

You ladies mind if I sit with you?

Squirt loved Christmas. All the lights and colors and activity thrilled her no end. Not to mention getting to travel and see people she loved so very much, like my brother, Mark. Christmas was always so very special to Gia and me....so many memories. Thanksgiving was always my dad's favorite but it is the hardest for me - Gia left 4 days after Thanksgiving so this once joyous season is now a battle to survive year after year. But like Addy said, we are grateful for the memories, both individually and collectively. I am so grateful to know my girls are together...and I'm grateful to have a place to come talk about them both.

Thank you for the image of a shared tree, Addy.

Hugs to all.

Hey Les, of course! Pull up a chair, girl, anywhere you want. ;)

It's hard enough to get through the holidays when we are missing loved ones, generally. But when a specific holiday is linked so directly to a loss...well, I can't even imagine how much harder that makes things. We are very grateful to have you join our table at a time when it must be so especially hard to venture out at all.

So sit yourself down, and help us decide what we're gonna eat tomorrow. Shall we potluck it, people? Or should we order in? (you know, you really can't ever go wrong with pizza, even on Thanksgiving...maybe turkey pizza?? :eek:).

;)I usually end up at the angry teen table. The table where our young Americans text each other the entire meal about their lame parents who made them come. Bear in mind that they are sitting about 4 inches from each other. They never say a word, just continue to text nasty comments or emoji's. I wanted to get in on the fun last Thanksgiving, so I pulled out my iPhone and texted the angry teen on my right. I received an eye rolling and furious emoji, with a, "Never do that again", comment. I almost fell out of my chair in hysterics. ROFL :D:D:D It is obvious how much my great niece and nephews love me!;)

Wishing you all the best holiday. It is not about the decorations, perfect dinner. It is a time to be grateful for the small stuff, the people in our lives, the precious memories we have of our fur Angels. All my relatives live in Austria, my brother lives in Ohio. So it is just me Mom and Doug. Instead of focusing on the big family I do not have, I try to be grateful for the family I have. I am grateful for passing Apollo's and Karma's love to our adopted babies Arial and Kristen. They will never replace my Apollo and Karma. But they enrich my life . They have challenges to overcome. I am grateful for all the love and support you all have given me over the years. Andy-Zoe, Sharlene-Molly, Leslie-Squirts mom, Budster's Mom, Dawn -Kiki, too many to list all of you.
Mom is 85 so I know time is running out and try to embrace the time we have. Love Sonja and Apollo

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!

Thank you, Glynda!!! :)

Well, it's morning after. My day was very similar to the way Halloween felt. I was hostessing again, but only for five of us so it was not an overwhelming group. I was so busy during the middle of the day that I was really just focused on getting the food on the table and making sure glasses were full. And then, of course cleaning up. So many hours of prep, what feels like a few minutes of actual eating, and then hours of cleanup :rolleyes:...

Luna was a very good girl, but again, seemed a bit lost without her big sister leading the way.

It was early in the morning and later in the evening, when all the work was done and the house was quiet again, that I was thinking so much about my big girl, my shiny black dog. Love you and miss you so much, my angel. I will never forget our holidays together because you always made them so special, and I thank you so much for sharing your life with me.

Happy Thanksgiving (day after) to all.

I guess that is the good thing, that everything involved in a holiday keeps you so very busy, there is little time to feel those pangs of anguish. Until the quiet moments, then it is unavoidable.

Big hugs to all.

Happy Cyber Monday.....(if that's your "thing")!!
I didn't realize the gang was all here. I vote for pizza with pepperoni.
Our thanksgiving dinner out was okay. Just not very festive. But then we left there and went to an outlet mall and made a killing on 5 things we needed to get....that brightened our spirits.
Addy-YES! bird tree!
Hugs to all.
Susan

The Christmas tree was put up today. It brought back memories of how very easy Buddy was. He was a person in a pint sized dog suit. He never bothered the tree or any decorations or ornaments. He was too busy doing his jobs, which were hunting those pesky lizards, chasing critters out of the yard and those nasty birds who invaded his air space. Most of all guarding those that he loved.

Rosie, known as Monkey Girl, is the complete opposite. She is fascinated with everything that is new, different and sparkly. She couldn't stay away from the Christmas tree if her life depended on it. For the last few years, the tree has been safely tucked inside of the dog pen and Rosie has been out. I was hoping that we could do it a little differently this year, meaning not penning the tree. Within seconds Rosie had manages to crawl under it and attempt to pull off all the pom-poms from the tree skirt. So, once again the dog pen went up! She then sat there at the fence and shoved her paw through the bars attempting to get to the sparklies. It is funny, but makes me miss my sweet Buddy even more. Rosie is tons more work, but also a whole lot of fun.

I want them all back! Each and every one of them remains special and so very loved.

Dido to everything you said. Apollo would get so excited he'd rip open his present, Karma's and any present in his sight. Miss my boy. Ariel is so different. Wishing you all a blessed holiday season.
Love Sonja,Apollo

Hey Kathy, I'm wondering the exact same thing -- whether or not the tree will need to be penned this year without Peg here.

We have discovered that a couple of "issues" that we had always assumed were Luna's doing must have actually been Peg instead. Like who was gnawing holes in the Afghan covering the couch, and who was the "barker" when there was any neighborhood activity during the night. :o :o

As a team, the girls could not be trusted around the tree. Whether or not that will change this year, we don't yet know. But of course, I'd take the ex-pen anytime -- in a skinny minute -- if it meant having Big Girl back again...

Lena never bothered the tree, she just liked to sit in my lap and look at it, or I would hold her in my arms while I put the ornaments on. Cooper, on the other hand, used to pee on it! I had to put scat mats around it to keep him away. And my big boy, Gabe, never does anything wrong....

So far Sibbie has not tried to take the bottom ornaments off (even though I have caught her staring at them). She had a temper tantrum when she saw one that looked like a ball and couldn't get it off, so I moved it where she couldn't see it. If she decides to bother the tree, I'll just put up her doggie fence around it.

It is already starting to get to me that Lena won't be here. Last night we had a fire going in the front room and Sibbie lay down on the floor in front of it with one of her toys, and it looked so familiar. It hit me that it looked just like Lena when we were in Williamsburg. I had made a Christmas card out of that picture. I showed it to my husband and we both started crying and talking about her. I was surprised to find that he must miss her as much as I do, he always listens when I start, but hasn't talked about his feelings. I'm not sure if that made me feel better or worse....

Oh yea, this Christmas is going to suck.

The other night I lost it. We were trying to clean up the house, just get things in order with winter starting and I said to put the basket with the kids scarves and gloves on the bottom shelf of table at the entry way. This is also where mollys suitcase of coats is kept and still is there. So I picked it up and said, here take it downstairs for now to my husband, then he says, well what is in it and our daughter is saying no leave it, it's so pretty. By now I am hugging that suitcase to my chest like I couldn't let it go and they just keep talking at me, what in it, whats in it, leave it. I finally buried my head in that suitcase and just burst into tears and said it's mollys coats and sweaters, thrust the suitcase towards my husband and ran for the bathroom bawling.

And here I am at work, with tears flowing down my face just typing about it. Geeeezzz I have two meetings coming up in 20 minutes, one of the phone with customers and managers and another right after with a company VP. I can't do this with tears.

Her special sheepskin rug, still not washed because hubby won't let me, is under the tree where she always lay on it. Giselle the cat, who is daily getting the crap beat out of her by the other cat and so has kicked in my protective nature, sleeps on it when she can. That feels okay to me, but it will always be mollys and I wish like hell she was there.

crud, got to go fix face. laters

Aww, Sharlene...I know. Lena's Christmas dress and t-shirt are in my bedroom where I can look at them...we finally found her baby pictures and I feel like a weight is off my shoulders...I just keep looking at them. All of her favorite dog beds are being used, they could probably be thrown out, but that will never happen.

Everyone is putting their orders in for shortbreads, but just the thought of making them without her sitting next to me while I prepare and bake, is making me not want to do it. I put all her ornaments on the tree, including the new ones "no longer by my side, but forever in my heart"...it sucks.

I thought my husband didn't understand, but I know now that he does, so maybe I don't have to hide while I'm crying anymore. It still shocks me that she is gone.

Hugs ladies......