"Mah Boy" Keesh the Wonder Dog

Hey puppers. Today marks the 10th month you have been gone but the heartache is just as raw as the day you left. Everytime I come on this forum and read about another furbaby that has passed, it breaks my heart and I relive again your last day with me. Never thought that this would tear me apart so badly, and if you can die from a broken heart, you being gone will do it. I have tried to get myself back together, but it isn't working and no matter where I go you are foremost in my thoughts. I still cannot go to a store without losing it if I see the pet aisle. Therapy isn't going to help, it isn't going to bring you back. I don't know why I can't snap out of this, I am trying.. but something else happens the reminds me of you and throws me right back to where I was and I try to start all over again. Mommy misses you more then she ever missed anything in her life. Even lighting your candle will put me in tears.. so I'm wondering if I need to stay away from here for awhile or is this therapy? I don't know, all I know is that it doesn't get any easier without you....

Oh Judi, I am so sorry for this pain that still rips your heart apart. Absolutely, you need to take whatever action feels best to you but I selfishly hope that you will not leave us. If so, you will be dearly missed while you are gone and you will be welcomed back with open arms whenever you return once again.

One thing I am wondering is whether you have thought at all about the possibility of sharing your life and your home with another dog. Never to replace Keesh, because that would be impossible. But to return companionship and purpose to your days and nights. Honestly, I don't know that you will ever get over losing Keesh. No matter how much time passes, that wound will always remain. But devoting time to care for another soul may lessen the time you have to dwell on that pain.

I say this only because I found that was the only thing that helped shift my own focus forward, and away from my pain over losing my Barkis. Of course what helped me may not be at all helpful to you. But I cannot resist talking over the possibility. I will not ever get over losing him. Over ten years later, I still cannot walk down a babyfood aisle without being reminded of those final days when we were desperately trying anything to tempt him to eat. Those memories still haunt my heart. But so thankfully, they are tempered with the fact that the next stop after the market is the pet store where I go to pick up a new bag of food or a bottle of dog shampoo or a new toy. There is a balance of pleasure to offset the pain, and that gives me purpose and direction in the here and now.

Again, I would never be so presumptuous to think what was helpful for me would necessarily be helpful for you. But I am so grateful to have my two girls alongside me now, and I do believe I would have continued to grieve for Barkis endlessly had not baby Peg arrived (very unexpectedly!) to demand my attention and ultimately to also claim my heart. So it is just a thought to throw out to you because I am so sorry to see you suffering so mightily for so long.

Whatever you decide, Judi, we will always be here for you. And we will always be here to honor Keesh.

Many hugs,
Marianne

I most certainly understand Judi. It has been over two years since Buddy flew and I still crumble each time we lose one of our precious pups. :o It is very hard at times for me to be here too. In fact, some of the threads are harder than others for me to respond to and I am much more vulnerable now than I was before losing Buddy. I have been damaged beyond repair and although I'm healing, my heart has been changed forever.

Like Marianne, I needed another fur baby. I needed to feel needed and adopting Rosie saved my sanity. I was in a very unhealthy, dark place. A place where I was mentally, physically and emotionally shutdown. Rosie arrived at 3 pounds and was entirely dependent. I had to get up and function. I had to take care of her. That's when I started to eat and sleep and the sun started to shine again. Rosie save me from myself. She will never replace Buddy, but she is loved and special in her own right.

I am not saying that another dog is the right thing for you or will ever be. However, your heart is so pure that when the time is right you will love again. I am sure of it!:p

Please take care of yourself and know that your K9C family cares for you very much and will always honor Keesh here.

Big hugs,
Kathy

Thank you once again for your kind words and thoughts. I thought about getting another dog, but there are 2 things that stop me. Although I am in a dog friendly townhouse, there is absolutely no place for that dog to exercise outside other then me walking it. Guess I'm spoiled... I'm used to opening a door and letting the dog out into a huge fenced yard, without worry. Here there is a ridiculously small deck and that's it. This place is so badly built that if I sneeze the guy behind me grabs the kleenex and if I leaned over the deck at the side I'd bang heads with the neighbour if he's having a bbq. Don't know what I was thinking when I rented this place other then price. The other obstacle is at this time I just could not go through another death of an animal... at least not yet. It is inevitable at some point.. but I can't do it. I thought about getting a cat.. although I'm not a cat person at all ( there has only been 2 in my life I actually liked) but I don't have a clue how to look after them. I know how to correct a dog.. but nothing about a cat. I will plug along, but I'm glad to hear that I am not completely crazy or alone with how I feel when I hear your stories. Thank you. I think I was actually traumatized by the vet and how she euthanized him.. or maybe I'm just using that as an excuse, but that is the worst memory I have.. he was actually (not gasping) but his cheeks puffed out as he was breathing slowly... horrible, horrible experience and to be on the floor to boot.

Judi, you know your own heart the best of anyone, so it is totally true that you need to wait to find another companion until/if the time comes that you feel ready. However, if that time comes, here's another thought for you. A Maine Coon Cat might be a perfect choice for you because the breed is described as being very playful and dog-like in behavior.

Quote:

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"The dogs of the cat world" - that's what people call Maine Coons because Maine Coons seek out and enjoy the company of people. Maine Coons make great companions as they are a friendly, playful, natural breed with an affectionate nature. Their dispositions remain kittenish throughout their lives and some people say they continue to grow until they're about four years old. They are big, gentle, good-natured goofs.

Although Maine Coons are highly people-oriented cats, they are not overly-dependent. They do not constantly beg for attention, but prefer to "hang out" with their humans, investigating whatever activity is going on and "helping" when they can. Generally, they are not known as "lap cats," but they will probably stay close by, following you from room to room and waiting outside closed doors for you to emerge. A Maine Coon will be your buddy, but hardly ever your baby."

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This sounds like a perfect pet to me, and I've been giving some thought to looking for a cat like this when the time comes for us to add another family member, especially because apparently Maine Coons generally get along really well with dogs. I did grow up with cats and already love them, so that makes it a more likely possibility for me. But after struggling now for some time with mobility issues in our 80-pound arthritic Peg, I am anxious to find somebody who I can lift, easily transport, and who doesn't need daily outdoor exercise. Since I've been thinking about this myself, the moment you mentioned "cat," I couldn't resist telling you about this particular breed. I don't think training would be an issue at all -- cats are really pretty much self-training animals, and are actually much easier to care for than dogs because they don't require outdoor potty breaks, specific feeding times, or organized exercise. Can you see I've already thought about this a lot for our own house and as a playmate for Luna?? (although hubby will have to be diverted from getting another big retriever in the future...:rolleyes:).

Anyway, just some more food for thought to throw out there if the time comes that you feel as though you might be ready to welcome another furry companion.

Marianne

http://www.k9cushings.com/forum/albu...pictureid=5726

Judi, it's a pic of Stella and Elizabeth May who are bffs. Who'd have thought that happening. My daughter picked Ellie up at Elizabeth Park where she used to work in May of 2011 hence the name Elizabeth May. ;) Someone just left her there in a carrier.:( We think she's a mixed Maine coon as she's rather small for a Maine coon.
I'm sorry to say it but I was NOT a cat person all my life and I still don't call myself one but I love Ellie. She was thought to be about 8 months old when she came and she was so playful and such a delight.

Fast forward, when it's a snack time she is in line with all other pups so I have 8 eyes all looking at me and waiting.:)
A few minutes past dinner time, she's in my lap demanding her dinner. Also she sometimes comes over just to be cuddled. My daughter always carries her around or holding her as Ellie is her cat. Other than her flying hair she's just so cute and as Marianne said acts a lot like a dog only much smarter. Very early on she struck up a friendship with Stella and they became bffs and it still continues. They have their special way of playing with each other and it's very funny to watch them play especially when Ellie gives Stella little jabs which usually happens toward the end of their play while Ellie sitting on her condo. :D
So I totally agree with Marianne's description on Maine Coons. I don't remember ever trying to house train her, really. She or he will be a very good companion who doesn't need a yard or a lot of supervision yet still very affectionate and smart. Ellie is also an angel when I give her a bath, totally. Just give it a thought.

I'm so sorry you are struggling so much over Keesh. The thing is that the hurt never leaves you but isn't with you as often as time goes by. I had a Chi more than 35 years ago who I still can't talk about with anyone including my own family and the thought of her still brings tears in my eyes. So yea, the hurt never goes away. It's just less frequent, much less frequent now. I really hope you consider a coon.
Hugs, Song.

Judy, 10 months isn't long when we lose part of our heart and soul.
It is well over a year and quickly approaching two years for Zoe.
I dont allow myself to look back too much, the pain is still terrible.
I can talk about her and remember her non Cush years but if I have to flashback to the last few years of her life, it is agonizing pain.

Give yourself time.

Hey, your townhouse sounds like mine. A small patch of grass, I have no idea what Koko will do come winter.

Big hugs sweetie.

Follow your heart.

Dear Judy,
What you are going through is normal. It is too rough and painful for you. You lost part of your self when Keesh died. It has been three years since Apollo died. I was a mess the first two years. Like Addy, when I remember the time before cushing, I can feel good inside. But when I think about the last few years with Apollo's brave fight with Cushing , I break down. I tried to through some of his medical records away the other day , I just broke down and cried. I could not do it. When you love and are loved so deeply, you fall even harder. Love Sonja, Angel Apollo ,Angel Karma, Ariel

Really rough day today for some reason, but.tonight a black and white cat that I've seen 4-5 times walked past the small front porch of my house. I made a few noises and over it came. I gave it some chicken, went into the house to get more and it followed me in. It went throughout the complete house including the basement checking things out. It followed me wherever I went too. Purred, rubbed up against me, but the sad thing about this cat it roams all day that I know of and I'm not sure if it has a home around here. It's pretty skinny, but I think young too. I would have kept it, but I know nothing about fleas, etc. and with not knowing what to do with a cat other then kitty litter -LOL- I couldn't keep it. If this progresses... I'll borrow a cat cage, take it to a vet to get checked out and I can see a new kitty around here in the future, maybe. It used my front mat as a scratching post, but I think it's someone else's. Wonder if they'll miss it.. :D:o:rolleyes:

LOL Put a flyer up and say found cat, or something.

Cat car isn't that difficult if you decide to go for it. If not this one then maybe adopt one. There are always tons.
Be aware, kittens can be both adorable and a handful. :) Been there done that.

Some days are definitely hard and will continue to be but having an animal in the house, might give you some company too.

huggers