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And what about the pain he leaves behind on his loved ones for the rest of their lives. To me a suicide is the most selfish act one can inflict on their loved ones. I wish he'd used that courage(?) to go on with his life as hard as it may be instead of ending it.
My dear Leslie, my heart aches for you. I wish I had some healing words to offer but I am really struggling this week, too, and especially today. I am having such a hard time mobilizing to do much of anything other than worry. I am going to try really hard to pay attention to Addy's wise guidance about finding something good in this day, though, and I so hope you will be able to, too. I will come back later and tell you my good thing and I'll be watching for yours as well, OK? So I'll see you later, my friend.
Marianne
((((((((Hugs))))))))
Dear Leslie,
I so understand how you feel. There is such an emptiness,hole in our heart and soul when we lose them. Comfort for you . Dear sweet Squirt.
Hugs Sonja and Angel Apollo
(((((Huge loving hugs))))) for you, dearest Leslie.
Leslie,
I wish that I/we could take away of the pain of loss, all the longing for things to be as they were.
Since we cannot, I will wish for you to find some peace in each day, the one good thing that makes the hurt not so bad.
hugs
Sharlene and molly muffin
One good thing....Squirt got to have a real house again for almost 2 years to the day. A promise kept.
Hi hope you are feeling a bit better. Big hugs. They leave a hole that just isn't filled.
Kathy has been my guardian angel today and came up with a whole list of good things to remind me of on Peg's (Luna's ;)) thread. But I'm back here with a good thing for us both, Les: All the goodness and kindness and support that have been showered upon us by our K9C family today. How lucky we are to be cared for by so many very special people. :o :) :)
Wishing us both more peaceful dreams tonight.
Leslie,
I have those days too.
I absolutely LOVE the bird feeder! It's gorgeous!
This video gives a great description of what it really means to suffer from depression. I encourage everyone to view it please.
http://www.upworthy.com/in-response-...ard?g=5&c=ufb1
Hi Leslie
I hope today brings you some sunshine and a little lightness in your heart, sending big hugs xxxx
I hope today is a better day for you.I forgot to tell you how hard I laughed when I looked at one of your links and I could hear one of the pups "talking" in the background. Which one was it?
I also thought of one good thing for you today - that is if Trinket nibbles at your toes:):):):):):):):)
Thinking of you Leslie, and sending love and big hugs from me and Jasper.
Thanks, ya'll. I seem to have suddenly regressed to a state more like those first few days - roaming around crying, wanting to scream. In my roaming, I fell again and in trying to protect the shoulder I twisted and hurt my back instead this time! :rolleyes::D So I spent most of yesterday in bed.
But ya'll don't worry. I am not one who believes the darkness in us should be feared, shoved down or gotten rid of. Instead I believe it is part of the whole, the balance to the light in us. So to me, these dark times are simply part of who and what I am. The Darkness is to be honored just as is the Light, for the combination makes the whole. One or the other holds sway at times but for the most part, they color my world pretty equally. I also believe these times serve a purpose, bring a lesson I need learn, or make me aware of some facet of my being I need to understand and embrace. Yes, I want to be with my beautiful girls more than just about anything else...but I still have a job to do and promises to keep for now. So I will continue to Dance my Life as best I can; sometimes that effort will be great, at other times it will be minimal, but the Dance continues none-the-less.
And Marianne, you are so right....we are ever so blessed to have such an amazing, loving, supportive family here at K9C.
Oh sweet Leslie, you always know exactly the right thing to say to help us to feel better. Unfortunately, I don't have your very special gift, so bear with me.
It has been over 13 months since buddy moved on. Most days I am doing okay, but when I'm not, I'm really not! The dam bursts and I totally fall apart.:( It hasn't been long since Squirt joined the others at the rainbow Bridge. Give yourself time to grieve sweetie.
Now for a little story because you are so great at stories..... I received a cutting of a Plumeria (from a dear friend who has since passed) many years ago. I planted it, to but it did not bloom. I frankly didn't think it was ever going to bloom. When a Plumeria gets ready to bloom, a stalk grows out of it. When it opens up, it starts to bloom. Dozens of fragrant flowers burst from that one stalk. It will continue to bloom for a good month. Last July, a couple days after I lost Buddy, I noticed that a stalk was growing out of my Plumeria. I pass this bush going in and out of the house every day. The stalk continued to grow and in another week or so, I had beautiful and fragrant Plumerias bursting forth for the first time. It continued to bloom the whole rest of July and part of August.
Now we come to this year.…… This year three stalks started to grow around July 1st. I have had beautiful Plumarias blooming all of last month and probably will for a few more weeks. This morning, when I was leaving the house to do errands I noticed an enormous yellow and black butterfly sitting on one of the Plumeria flowers. It was one of the biggest butterflies I had ever seen! I froze as if to stop time. That precious gift was overwhelming. I sat on the porch with Rosie and we watched that butterfly for about five or six minutes, before it eventually flittered away.
I am convinced that our babies remain with us forever and show themselves through nature. Gia, squirt, and all the others are with you Leslie, every minute of every day forever. Stop and notice the beauty around you and you will be sure also.
I am so sorry that your shoulder is still giving you fits and that you fell again. I am worried about you. Depression is very serious. We love you Leslie and we are always here. xxxxooooo
Here I am to give you a hug to start your day.
I think being outside is very healing. Feeling the sun on our faces, the gentle, warm breeze tickling through our hair. That is my one good thing today. I just did that:):):):)
Huge loving hugs from me as well :)
Dear Leslie
Know you are not alone. There is nothing I can say to make it better. Squirt is was and always will be inside you and a part of you ,both your girls will be. They are the center of our world and give us a purpose and meaning and so much more. When we lose them it is like the bottom fell out, we fall in a deep hole and the pain and grief consumes us. We here all know to well how that feels. Sometimes we need to sit and confront it. Seek support, do what comforts you,write about it. It is almost two years since I lost Apollo and I still struggle and miss him every day and want him back.
Hugs Sonja and Angel Apollo
Thinking of you and babies today. I hope this is going to be a weekend of "light".
hugs
Sharlene and molly muffin
Hope you are doing OK Leslie...I know it's hard. I was going back and reading some of your Squirt stories and having a good chuckle. She clearly had lots of terrier in her...God knows I've seen a lot of that in my Aussie pups.
On a positive note, my friends who recently lost their Pom just got a Silky pup. She was just having a real hard time of things w/out her baby. Having said that, she knows she cannot replace the baby she had. But, she can love another.
It was kind of funny in that I did not have the heart to tell her about all the "terrier troubles" that will be in store for her. I don't think she realizes that Silkies are 50pct Aussie Terrier and she thinks my latest Aussie, Pepper, is a real handful. She told me she did not want a "rowdy" dog. I just bit my lip and smiled. I can already tell that this little Silky has lots of spunk in her. Sweet, but feisty, as a terrier can be. It will be interesting, to say the least.:)
Hi Leslie
Just wanted to pop and to let you know I am still thinking of you and all the great work you do with your pups!!! Hope life has a little more sunshine in it for you lately. Big hugs xxxx
Thanks, ya'll. I'm a bit better. Fake it til you make it, right?
Jeff, you are so right...your friend is in for a surprise! I don't think I've ever met a non-rowdy Terrier pup of any breed - or Terrier mix for that matter! They all seem to come with an extra load of energy, stamina, and a penchant for adventure, or mischief in some eyes! :D You only have to look in their eyes to see how full of it they truly are! :p
I'm getting the good at fake it till you make it 😄
I hope you are managing to hold your own Leslie I think of you and squirt often x
I made three glass sculptures over the last couple of weeks and put them out in Squirt's garden this morning. The fairy sculpture was initially going to be for sale at the craft show next month but I decided Squirt would enjoy her. ;) The plants that are there so far are Blue Vervain, Angel Trumpet, Iris', Cannas, wild Daisy, cultivated red rose, wild pink rose, wild pink Dianthus, Blue-eyed grass, a dark yellow Black Eyed Susan-looking flower that volunteered which I haven't ID'd yet (under the suncatcher or sparklie as I call them), an Easter Lilly, Goldenrod, and Monkey grass. A Cypress Vine, or Hummingbird Vine, is also taking off to the back of this section, climbing into the trees and Honeysuckle. The Blue-eyed grass and Monkey grass were already here as were the Goldenrod, which most folk see as an evil plant but it isn't at all. ;) The roses both wild and cultivated came from cuttings; the Angel Trumpet was given to me as cuttings as well along with the Easter Lilly. Iris' came from the old family place in Mississippi where my mom grew up; the Canna were given to me by my honorary daughter. The rest I have dug up in the wild and transplanted. It will be a few years before everything is fully mature and by then I hope this little section is cram packed full of color!
Here are some pics of how it looks today -
http://i752.photobucket.com/albums/x...ps721dcbc6.jpg
http://i752.photobucket.com/albums/x...ps317395be.jpg
http://i752.photobucket.com/albums/x...psccb80ec4.jpg
http://i752.photobucket.com/albums/x...ps0d71d75e.jpg
http://i752.photobucket.com/albums/x...ps740b0f79.jpg
Awww Leslie, I love those!! What a gorgeous spot you are creating for your girl, so very pretty... just like her!!
I can see how you would easily sell, but I am like you and would want to keep them all to decorate the garden!! xxx
What a beautiful garden for Squirt. I love it all. I would want to keep all the sculptures too. They are beautiful, Leslie. You have a special talent.
It is also so special to have plants from your homestead in Mississippi. Irises are so wonderful in the garden but then the whole list of plants you named are wonderful.
They will bring you great joy and joy to Squirt as well.
Big Hugs
Squirt's garden is absolutely beautiful.
There's no such thing as 'terrier troubles', it's just that life with a terrier is 'interesting' ;)
and once you've had one, there's no going back!!
Leslie, what a lovely garden you made for Squirt and that's the prettiest birdbath I've ever seen. She will love it.:)
I loved the photos Leslie. Thanks for showing and sharing with all of us, Squirts lovely garden. It is lovely and I'd have to put the lovely sculptures in her garden too. I know it is her you were thinking of when making them all. :)
hugs
Sharlene and molly muffin
I love your sculptures. You are so creative! Every time I go to the thrift store, I think of you when I see old vases, plates and bowls just lying around. What a waste.
Thanks ya'll! Not sure how much talent it takes to glue pieces of glass together but it is fun! :) As you might have noticed I don't lean toward the manicured look - I much prefer the wild abandoned look, no order, just random placement then see what the plants want to do. Most of these will spread either in their spots or by seeding that area so it should get fuller and fuller as time passes. And of course a wild abandoned garden matches Squirt's wild abandoned hair and personality! :D
The little herb garden around back is doing well, too. This morning I transplanted an Elder tree back there from the pot where it was first placed. So far there is Spotted Bee Balm, Yarrow, Echinacea, Cardinal Lobelia, Boneset, Skullcap, and Blue Vervain out there - all but the Skullcap brought in from the wild. The St. John's Wort that Squirt helped me find was cut down Sun but I found the roots amazingly and have put them in the herb garden. Whether it will survive or not is questionable plus it got cut down before the seeds matured so I hope the roots were still viable. We will see. There is another SJW that volunteers all over the place around here that does have some medicinal uses but not like the perforatum and I haven't been able to determine which one it is - there are 100's of differing SJWs!
It may seem odd but I always ask Squirt to go be with me when I'm working with plants in any way, whether in the wild or at home and I believe she is there. Things like being able to locate the roots in a field that had been bush hogged tell me she is by my side. I found the ribbon I had tied on the plant to help locate it but it was loose. The roots were found about 8' from the ribbon. I just don't think I could have found 3 small dried up roots in a field about the size of 8 acres without Squirt's help. I miss her more than words can ever tell but things like this help me know she is still and always will be by my side.
Beautiful sculptures Leslie! And such a lovely garden for Squirt
Ahhhh yes, but you do have to decide which bit to glue together... talent for sure :D:D I am so with you on the natural garden design, I love it!!
THE SILHOUETTE
The silhouette stands boldly
at the end of the hallway
ears erect, eyes like jewels
the tail, it softly sways.
This wouldn't be the first time
I've seen her stand nearby
her image clear as crystal
from the corner of my eye.
Her visits I don't share with some
who think I've gone over and beyond
the grieving time they deem I need,
they say I should move on.
I sometimes pity people who
have never felt just cause
to share the bond between two souls,
one with hands and one with paws.
The silhouette reminds me
what the others say is wrong
for as long as breath goes through me
there exists our mighty bond.
When the Keeper calls me home
and the Bridge gates open wide
our bond will deepen ten fold
as we walk through side by side.
You see, I am the lucky one
as I've been truly blessed
for someday we'll walk together
as eternal silhouettes.
-- Terri Onorato
This is beautiful! :p Tears flowing.
Wow Leslie, my mom would've loved the angel sculpture!
Beautiful!
I've always heard that terriers can be a bit crazy. Dachshunds are stubborn and Daisy sure fit that perfectly. I was more stubborn though so it worked :-)
I always do my research when getting another pet. I don't like those surprises.
Dear Leslie-
My heart is with yours as we read this beautiful poem, reflect, share tears, honor the bond, the memory.
hugs
How beautiful,heartfelt.
Sonja and Apollo
Always in our hearts.
I was so sad to see this I am thinking of you and hopefully sending comforting energy your way. T_T