Squirt - my Queen has crossed The Bridge

JEFF! :) It is so good to hear from you! :cool::cool: I hope all is well in your world these days. Yes, you would certainly understand where Squirt and I are now and thank you so much for the prayers.

I am better, more range of motion, less stiffness, less pain. I may have to go see the doc about my arm, tho. After I use it for a while my hand starts to hurt really bad, burning, and goes partially numb so there seems to be some nerve damage there. I have some exercises from PT given to me for bursitis and tendonitis in that arm a few years back and have started using them again. If the hand continues to have problems, I'll go see the doc - makes typing difficult at times. ggrrrrrrrr :rolleyes:

Squirt is shaking this morning, like she's cold, just trembling all over. The snow storm missed us, going further south than expected so we are dry here this morning. I carried her out to the yard, she did her business then just stood there with her head and tail down waiting for me to pick her up. She was shaking badly then....and it is bitter cold out there but she hasn't stopped shaking after being back inside for an hour. Not as badly as she was outside but still shaking.

Yesterday she woke up feeling pretty good but tired quickly. She walked down the hall to get a drink of water, even tho there is a water bowl in the bedroom, and when she headed back to the bedroom she was walking so very slowly. A couple of steps then she would stop and stand for a while, then a couple more steps and stop. I went and picked her up and carried her back to the bedroom - she was grateful for the assist. It's getting where I feel guilty if I leave the bedroom because she follows me and it's obviously hard on her to keep walking all over the house. She prefers that I stay in the bedroom where she prefers to stay so I try to be in this room as much as possible.

Seeing her coming down the hall like that yesterday caused all my tenuous hope to flee. A pretty big part of me, bigger than I realized, had started to believe she was going to stick around for a long while yet. Those moments when I see my old girl still there give me enough reason to believe she is immortal. Then the moments come when I know she is fading and reality hits HARD, so hard. I don't care for this reality. I managed to get the kitchen cleaned yesterday and while wiping the stove top I saw all these little crusty spots and couldn't imagine what they were....then I remembered standing at the stove crying. The little crusty spots were tear salts. Tear salts are on everything these days. They are recognizable because I clean them off of my glasses over and over every day. There hasn't been this much tear salt since my daughter passed. How do our bodies supply so many tears and not dehydrate? So many things I don't, can't, understand these days.

Oh Leslie, I believe we are getting your storm. :o

I have no words of wisdom, but just want you to know that you and Squirty remain firmly lodged in my heart, every single day.

Stretching my arms out to you from across the miles.

Leslie,
We're here. Always sending hugs and kisses.
I'm so sorry that Squirt isn't feeling well.

Try to enjoy the time that you have with her. Get as many snuggles and kisses as she can stand. Xo

Still keeping wide arms for you and your little girl. ((((HUGS))))

Leslie,

I can't help but cry when I read your posts. I feel the same terrible, gut-wrenching things when I see how old and sick my dog really is. Reality is hard. Reality knocks you on your ass when you feel strong. I wish so badly that our dogs could live as long as us and be with us forever. It's not fair. Squirt has such an amazing and strong spirit. Don't lose faith.

Hugs and love,

Meg and Abby

Also, in terms of the shaking, I called my vet because Abby is doing the same. I was told that Cushings dogs have a hard time controlling body temperature and are extremely sensitive to low temperatures. Here in Pittsburgh it is 10 degrees and my dog has been shivering very very much. I put her in a blanket and try to warm her. The shivering eventually stops. Just takes love and patience. Hang in there xo

Oh Leslie, my heart hurt reading your post. :o (((((HUGS)))))

Oh Leslie: I am so sorry and think of all these dogs every day. My heart aches for you and my tears are flowing as I read your posts
. So happy Squirt is still making it and you are feeling better. Hold her as long as you can. You helped me so much with CoCo. Love, JoAnne

Wanting to return the love and hugs, Leslie.

Just read Squirt's bucket list, tons of huge and loving hugs being sent your way...love you and Squirty very much.

I hope the PT does you good Leslie...I had 35 sessions in order to avoid surgery on my leg! Kind of extreme, but less trauma then getting cut and "rebuilt". I hope Squirt stabilizes and is comfortable, for whatever time she has has left to enjoy with you. I know exactly what you are feeling...you want to stay right by their side and it hurts to leave them alone. When my first Aussie had Cushings so many years ago, we had to isolate her in the kitchen...just too many accidents. The poor girl cried and cried. It broke our hearts..so out came the air mattress and I slept with her in the basement during those last few weeks. It's tough, I know.

I've had a lot of ups and downs over the last year...my Mom passed away exactly one year ago today. That really threw me "off" for several months. Even the dogs were wondering "what happened to Grandma"? Eh, such is life. Mom loved all of the dogs over the years, even though it eventually became impossible for her to give them the kind of attention she would have liked (due to parkinsons disease). So, enjoy them while you can...lots of hugs and kisses!

Be well.

Jeff & the Girls

Tight hugs from me here too Leslie and precious Squirt...

I love you both.

Xo JeAnette

My heart is heavy reading your post. Lots of hugs love and prayers being sent to you and Squirt.

Leslie, Lots of love and hugs to you and Squirt.

Squirt is doing ok...not as well as she was earlier this week but ok. Mom, on the other hand is bad sick with another abscessed tooth. Just didn't want anyone worrying if we arent' here for a day or so.

Oh no! Not another one Leslie. :( you must feel absolutely awful, are you on the antibiotics and this one I suppose will have to come out also :(

hugs to you and an ear tickle for all the babies

Sharlene and Molly muffin

Love and healing prayers for you and Squirt. Love, JoAnne

Oh no Leslie! You can't get a break it seems.
It's Squirt's turn to take care of you now :)

Thanks! I'm functioning today. Still very weak and wobbly but much better. I was very close to septic this time according to the ER; had I waited til morning as I had thought I would have to, it would have been much worse. The ER is about 10 minutes away but it took me four tries and an hour or so to get there once in the truck. I kept having to stop and heave and let my head stop spinning. Twice I got out and sat on the side of the road because I was sweating profusely and could not cool down even with the windows open. They wanted to admit me but I refused so they gave me an AB shot with something for the nausea in it and sent me home with another round of ABs and pain pills. This is the 3 abscess since just before Christmas, the second in this tooth, which I am trying to save. My dentist says this one can be saved via a root canal....I just have to come up with $700 and hope the tooth (and I) survives meantime. I'm not sure how many more abscesses I can stand, tho. As much as I HATE to lose another tooth, these infections are taking me down quickly. On top of all the other stresses, recurring infections in my head are just too much.

Yesterday Squirt was off her feed again. Could have been because she wasn't getting to eat what she usually does. Her menu is cooked and in the fridge but I got sick before I could put it all together. None of them have been eating their usual - I've been giving the ones with teeth kibble and the ones with few or no teeth soaked kibble. No telling what all my babies have been thinking the last few days. I've been so unstable I've been terrified of falling on one of them so I put them in a room by themselves when I am up moving around to protect them. For two days I crawled to the bathroom instead of trying to walk for fear of falling on them. BUT I am stronger and was able to give them all a more normal breakfast today and Squirt ate it all happily.

Leslie,

I am so sorry to read you have been so sick. Mouth pain is the worst and it sounds like you were at the extreme! Sounds awful! I hope you are feeling better really soon and are able to get that tooth taken care of before it causes you further problems.

Oh gosh Leslie. This sounds quite horrible. I hope the antibiotics help out soon and you will be able to get the tooth taken care of.

hugs,
Sharlene and molly muffin

I wish you could get a break, Leslie. How is your arm?

Man, when it rains it pours sometimes.

Just been catching up on Squirt and you and hoping that you'll be able to get your tooth sorted really soon - look after yourself.

OWWWWWWW! I am so sorry Leslie. :o Tooth pain is the worst! I hope you are able to get it taken care of quickly. Xxxxx

Leslie,
was there no one around who could give you a ride? That's so dangerous hon. Ask a neighbor next time, please.

Poor babes are probably wondering where you were and I'm sure that they sensed your not feeling well.

Why do the infections keep reoccurring? This sounds nasty, but frequent gargling with warm, salt water helps.

Blardy hell girl, that is a scary story. Hope your feeling better today. Gosh I hate to think of you stuck on the road like that, honestly it sounds like you need a few shots of the IV ABs, can they do it at home for you? I know we have a home IV programme for cases like this, as we used it briefly for my Dad with his infection. You gotta do what you gotta do, but that story does worry me so hopefully a good report from you tomorrow xx

Leslie:
Hope all is going well today. If I lived near you I would come and take the babies out for you. Sorry you can't catch a break from all this. Blessings
Patti

Thanks ya'll! Yes it is scary and living alone makes it worse. :o Everyone who could have helped was either sick themselves, working, doesn't have a vehicle and couldn't get here, or was out of town. I have always been independent and preferred living alone...but it is getting scarier the older I get, especially with these reoccurring infections that come on so fast and get very bad quickly.

As for why they keep happening, it's a combination of things. I have had problems with my mouth all my life. My gums were diseased when my parents got me at 6 months of age; I had a severe overbite that required surgery on the jaw bone and a head brace to pull it back in line as an infant ( one reason my TMJs are failing); my gums had to be lanced three times for my teeth to emerge. My dad was a dentist and he kept on top of my gums til he no longer could then my baby brother, also a dentist, took over. After our mom passed in 2009, baby brother disowned Mark and I, and fired us all as patients. I couldn't afford a dentist on my income so my mouth care has been nothing other than what I could do at home - which obviously is not enough. On top of these things, add incredible stress, lack of good nutrition because I either forget to eat or don't eat right when I do eat, medications that dry my mouth out terribly allowing for infections, minimal sleep (mostly napping thru the night), sedentary lifestyle, and more stress. The mouth issues are only part of the story - my whole body is in rebellion, rising up in anger at the neglect and abuse it has been subjected to. I have fallen head first into the caretakers nightmare - ignoring my own needs. :o:rolleyes:

OMG! Trinket and Fox are playing and SQUIRT tried to join it, play snapping at Trink! :cool::cool::cool::cool::cool: See....things like this make my mouth unimportant! ;)

Oh Leslie, I feel so helpless as to what I cano do to help you. I truly wish there's a way that we can help you in some way other than sending you our prayers and healing thoughts. I know I can't even take care of myself with the kind of problems you've been having much less taking care of many more fur babies on top of that.:eek:
Everyone knows you are a strong and strong willed, amazing person and mom but your suffering has to turn the corner for the better soon because I don't know how much more or longer you can physically or mentally take it all by yourself without some kind of help and I do mean even you, Leslie. Please get better soon and I will pray that some kind of help will come your way.
Sending love and hugs to you and Squirt and the gang. Ginger & Song

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Squirt's Mom

I have fallen head first into the caretakers nightmare - ignoring my own needs. :o:rolleyes:

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I fell into this a few years ago because I was so focused on everyone else's needs that mine seemed unimportant, but eventually realised that I needed to look after me too, because if I didn't there'd be no one to look after everyone else.
Please, please, take some time to look after yourself so you can be there for those who need you.

Leslie, I'm sorry to hear you are having so many issues with your mouth.
Hope you are feeling better soon.
Take care.

Leslie, I too have battled many mouth problems like yours! If you can get your hands on some, get some chlorhexidine mouth wash (it is a prescription). Yes, it stains your teeth, so don't swish it all over your mouth, just take a qtip, dip it into the solution, then hold it onto the infected areas once a day. I brush/floss my teeth 5-6 times a day and see a periodontist every 3 months. I have the most high-maintenance mouth ever and have spent thousands on my teeth.

Also, if you are anywhere near a dentistry school or university, they offer amazing prices on having cleanings done, because they are students.

Leslie:
I am hoping once you get this issue straightened out that it will be the last one that plagues you. I know what you are going thru as I go without things and always care for the ones I look after before myself. It is just a natural thing for me. I am always last. Too bad all your helpers have issues of their own and cannot come to your aid. Hey I'll pack up the troops and drive down to get out of this blizzard! It is really bad this morning, we have so much snow from over nite and wind that is unreal. Take care and be careful. Blessings
Patti

Saw my GP this morning, finally. I've been trying to get in for a couple of months but with weather, the fall, funds, the abscesses making me so sick I just haven't been able to. I had an appt with him about 2 mos ago but woke up in the wee hours of that morning with a virus and had to cancel. The girl in the front office wasn't very nice when I called yesterday but it seems I wasn't the only on since a gentleman was reading them the riot act when I walked into the clinic for talking to him "that way". And Doc apologized first thing when he walked in if they had been less than professional with me - he said they were all really overwhelmed right now.

Ok - the fall damaged a nerve in my neck causing the right arm and hand pain, burning and numbness. The fall strained / tore 1 or 2 flexor (?) muscles in my left hip and that's why I am having trouble using it. These should scar and heal in time. I have some exercises to do to help.

The rest (from my LIST that he read word for word!) starts with blood work today. Depending on what it shows, he will start more in depth next. The "C" word came up as a possibility to rule out. He said he was giving me some steroids to help with all the inflammation and today I am grateful for that! Antibiotics from the dentist have been picked up already and the GP said he was sending another today so I should have another round for the next abscess...which may be the last one I can tolerate!

He laughed when I told him I wanted what my dogs got when something was "off" with them - full labs, xrays/MRI/etc if needed, parasite check, and so forth! :p We talked about the stress I have been and am under, discussed the difference in depression and sadness (I am sad), talked about the changes an aging body must face and learn to deal with. When I told him how sick I got with this last abscess, he asked, with some concern, who lived with me and I told him my dogs. He wanted to know where my closest family member lived and I told him not far away, about 15 minutes, and his brow un-furrowed. :) Then he mumbled something about keeping the phone on my person when I feel these coming on. :o I hate phones and especially cells. I am an old fuddy-duddy who would prefer we were still using a rotary phone tied to the wall with wires! :p

So I feel better that I am being looked into, especially the liver and kidney, and hope for some answers soon. Meantime I have ANTIBIOTICS, fresh to start today and hopefully some on hand for later!!! :cool::cool::cool::cool:

Now this worn out old broad is going to lay down a while then think about at least rinsing the dishes in the kitchen.

AND Squirt is having a pretty good day. Her mental acuity has been a bit worse the past few days but that comes and goes so I'm not worried overly much about that right now. Her appetite is definitely back and that makes Mom very happy!

Hugs,
Leslie and the "eternal" Queen

Oh I'm so glad you finally saw your Gp. Now if you could only take a few moments to look after yourself. You really gave been thru the mill with illness and the stress of Squirt. It is pointless telling you to look after yourself, eat right etc as I know only too well you won't, but please do try :D

Well Leslie I am pleased as punch (love that expression, even though it makes no sense at all) that you got yourself looked into and taken seriously by your GP. Kudos to him for 1) apologizing for staff behavior 2) taking the time to go through everthing on your list and address it. That makes us all very happy. We like to know that you are taking care of yourself and that someone (the GP) is looking out for you too. So, kudos doc.

Glad that Squirt is eating and having some good days here and there. She tries really hard I think to have good days. It'll be great when it's spring, hmm, skip that, spring brings thunderstorms, maybe summer and things feel right again and hopefully you'll be fixed up, Squirt will still be enjoying her yard and area, and the other furbabies will be having a blast in the sunshine.

hugs,
Sharlene and Molly Muffin

hugs
Sharlene and Molly Muffin

So glad you saw a doctor! :) xxxx

Leslie,
I'm so glad that you saw a doctor and are having a thorough checkup. Crossing my fingers for you!

Thank Goodness you saw your doctor. My PT told me if I had not had to wait six weeks to start PT, I would be in a better place right now. The exercises are a pain but we have to do them or we will get worse.

There is no C word, so dont even talk about that. I know the feeling about being 'sad" and some of that comes from being in pain, Leslie, and feeling helpless because you cant carry on the way you used to right now. It is a sad feeling indeed besides the dang anticipatory grief we have.

Hold my hand, walk with me and ask for help from your family. I know it is hard to ask for help, but sometimes we have to.

Always in my heart, you and Squirt.

I am so sorry to hear of the challenges your facing.....if I was there I can clean a house and wash dishes and place fresh linens on and do wash, all while you soak in a good herbal bath of dead sea salts as therapeutic music eases your mind and flameless candles fill the room with soft soothing light. Healing the mind and body. All souls that dwell in human bodies will face challenges that effect our mental and physical health.....it slows us down, reminding you to give to you. Something I dont recall really ever hearing you have done.....so I am glady you took this time to have you cared for. You give your all to all and your compassion for animals is incredible. We need you to take care of you because you make this world a beautiful place.