Dad of Lulu - sweet Lulu has crossed The Bridge

Thanks Sharlene, so I will have two posts now. This one on the job front. I am not going to dwell on the Saturday lunch meeting. I will occasionally send out an email to Joe, the guy I saw. The reason being he has led me on for three years about a possible job, and I think the statue of belief is a bit long in this case. You can't expect someone to wait on you that long. That plus the first thing Joe said was how much he was paying his Indian programmer, it was $2/hour.

On the school job, all I can say is that it is re-listed as they didn't care for the four they interviewed. I am going to re-apply and try to convince them that I am managerial and can improve and I would by taking college courses in the evening to be better. I will have to work on this to at least get an interview. I'm not sure how to proceed, but will think on it. The new deadline is in two weeks. And that is all I should say as I probably found out more than I should have about this from my sources.

I had to wait a bit, the post enforcer doesn't like me to be too quick. On grieving now. I thought as I walked this morning thinking of Lulu, how it would have been for Lulu had I passed and left her. She would have been devastated I'm sure as well as our cats Nellie and Molly. Nellie has become like my interim dog now, as she brings her snake everywhere. She has adopted our last cat's cloth snake toy and she brings it to us at night and downstairs during the day. She brings it close to where I am, if that be the living room or the family room or even the basement.

Now what I read on grieving the first part of guilt. I will report on the second part perhaps tomorrow. Some irrational thoughts on guilt are I should have done this or could have, and of course that doesn't matter now. But I have thoughts that better preventive care or more aggressive and attentive therapy may have prolonged Lulu's life. But it's easy to analyze 9-11 after it happened and say what we could have done before hand. I am happy that Lulu had over two years of quality life after she was officially diagnosed with Cushing's Disease.

I am happy that I got to document her life here and provide a written history and fortunate that this site has that as a record. This is useful information for future dog owners and hopefully as treatment gets better for all animals and people will benefit tomorrow as we have benefited today.

I could say that our economic situation may have been a hindrance but we did have help with the vet bills and a friend paid the testing and expenses at the vet the last year. So Lulu had the best of care and I feel the quality of life was good.

Not only that she was happy in spirit if not body right to the end, with a ride in her favorite truck and went fairly peacefully with the people she love.

Will continue with part II of grief tomorrow.

Have a great night! I might watch a movie or tv show tonight. I do feel a bit better on the job fight, and though I still might not get the director job I am going to give it the old college try.

I meant to post this too, but we got a card from my step-dad adn step-mom today and they sent us 100 dollars for another dog. That was nice of them. They said they would try to send more too. They didn't have to do that, but I guess we will have to get Stella soon. I hope Lulu will approve. I know my Susie, Barry and Joey approved of Lulu so I believe she would.

$2. an hour, that isn't worth the work you'd have to put in. I'm sure there has to be something else out there.
Drat on that Director job. :( I can see where they might Want mangerial experience, but if you're willing to take night courses, then maybe they would be willing to give you a chance.

That is sweet of your stepdad and stepmom. I'm sure they know how much Lulu meant to you and Moo and just want you to be happy. Stella will come, when Stella comes, you know how it is. :)

Hang in there!
hugs,
Sharlene and Molly Muffin

Well he is willing to pay more, but he does say he has to pay less now though he could pay more or bonuses. But when someone mentions outsourced programmers, I remember trying to help someone who got his software from overseas, it was a disaster. I wouldn't touch it, because it was scattered everywhere on his hard drive. But I don't hold much luck for his lawsuit he has on a patent. He told me about it, and it had to do with using MAC addresses for his cameras, but I don't see how that can be patented. That is a logical way to identify computer components other than using the local IP addresses of a device. My dad got involved with lawsuits and it was a very tough battle, and I had another boss that had litigation. They both lost, whether they were right or wrong. I didn't tell Joe about those cases, I just know enough to be realistic.

On guilt (Part II). It's normal to think what if I had done this, or I should have done this. Guilt is a big part of grieving for a pet. You know I think back to times walking and when Lulu was with me, which was 95% of the time I walked. I always would say I am older now when I last thought that I was also older, but I still felt very alive as did Lulu. Though as she was slowing down she didn't run as fast. I missed that, but accepted it. You know we are never ready to let go. We would lover our pets to live to be 30 years old. But to what if; we could do that to no end. Perhaps our pets would live another six months, maybe longer, but we don't know and I know I gave our Lulu the longest life 99% of us could. And in the case we did make a mistake or an accident happened to a pet of ours, we know that we are human and we aren't perfect. That has to go a long ways in the grieving process.

Well I have one more part to this part, so stay tuned ...

Part III (Guilt) Remember Me

Remember me with smiles and laughter,
For that's the way I'll remember you all.
If you can only remember me with tears,
Then don't remember me at all.
~ Michael Landon

That says it all. And with Lulu, I remember her on a trip with the family, Moo & me, she grabs her green stuffed bone toy, or her blue cow toy or a handful of other toys. The truck had a minimum of three dog toys at all times. All it took was me cleaning my glasses, putting my ring on and she knew we were on a road trip. I remember her yellow pig, purchased in Menomee, Wisconsin and there is a picture in her album at the motel that evening. We bought it at Walmart.

The time I walked behind the house in the neighbor's woods, and I waited a few minutes, she came in that woods, she knew where I was, even though she hadn't seen me, and they say animals aren't smart!

Up until a year ago, Lulu would gallop to catch up to me on a walk, but as soon as she came within three feet she always sped up so as to pass me before slowing down.

The walks we had at our motel room in West Branch, Michigan that she enjoyed being at with us.

Those evenings I filled in at Adult Education in Port Huron in the evening, Moo said that Lulu would go upstairs get on the bed and look out the window down the driveway and look for me.

Moo talk Lulu to kiss. Ask Lulu to give you a kiss and she would give you a quick nip at you nose.
Many other days of happiness, some 3500 days plus of pure happiness with our Lulu!

At dawn this morning I started to dream. In my dream I walked over to the upstairs office window, that over looks the pond. I pulled back the curtain, and there running with all of her might was a beautiful, healthy, strong Lulu.I have not dreamed about her since she got her wings. It shocked me awake, then I heard her bark. I started to cry because I realized that she had chosen to enter my dreams on the 1 month anniversary of her passing. We lost her 4 weeks ago today. It has been the longest month of my life. I feel so blessed to have seen her one more time and to hear her strong bark. What a blessing. I miss her as much today, as I did on the day she left. But now, I know she is happy and healthy and strong once again. Running around God's pond and waithing for me.
Love, Moo

That's great. It seems that time has in some ways passed by at an amazing rate and in other ways has just dragged on and on. I can never decide. :(
Dreams are a good thing. I know that!

hugs,
Sharlene and Molly Muffin

Oh Bob and Moo, thanks for sharing these precious memories and your dream. They warm my heart and bring tears to my eyes, too. No king nor queen could be richer than are you two, spending those wonderful moments of life-well-lived with your princess.

Many, many, many hugs coming your way,
Marianne