Mira, 7yr old Husky - Cushings ruled out; liver cancer (Mira has passed)

That is so sweet thank you!

I haven't forgotten you Mira. But you know that. I keep remembering the moment I let you go. The last time I touched you. And the moment after that, that I can't say yet. Everytime I think of you it's that movement. You weren't ready to go. You didn't know it was the end. God it hurts. I feel so bad.

Remember I told you my little green clock on the table beside me had suddenly quit working right after midnight. It was the first moment of what should have been Mira's 8th birthday. And I wondered. Surly it's just a low battery. But then the next morning it was working again. It was still Mira's birthday. And it could still be a low battery. But I wondered. I told Bud about it to. He seemed to wonder a bit too. But then he said it must be a low battery. Odd though cus it continued to work for a long time. Weeks. Finally about a week and a half ago it quit. It was sad cus i had hoped it wasnt low batteries but i wasnt surprized when it quit again. I sadly told Bud. *

A few days later i bought a new battery. And much to my dismay it still didnt work right. Its a digital clock and parts of the numbers didnt light up. I had grown very dependent on this clock to let me know what day it was. *I only ever used it for the date. I messed with it for three days! Trying to get it to work. I *cleaned it and fiddled with it. It was no use. It was broken. Now I'm thinking my so important little clock had started to die on Mira's birthday. Started to die just like my little Mira. That sure made me sad.

I needed this clock so I began looking for a replacement on the Internet. I looked for three days. There was nothing like my little green clock. I tried *again to get it to work. I tried different batteries and fiddled with it again. I've had it for years and it still looks new! But still only parts of the numbers would light up. I just couldn't seem to give up on it. My little green clock started to die on my Mira's 8th birthday.

I looked at her picture beside me and I said. Why did it start to go bad when it did? Was that you Mira? Well if it was and you made it do that when it did, then show me. Make it start working again on Kira's birthday. I put the fresh battery back in it and kissed it and set it up on a shelf to wait until Kira's birthday on March 27th. There's no way it was going to start working again.

That was about three days ago. A little while ago I looked up on that shelf where I had set it aside. The numbers appear to be working. I'm afraid to touch it. This clock is clear, it could be diseving. I picked it up. The numbers are working. But it's not set. Maybe it's just a flook. Maybe the minute I touch the buttons it will just mess up again. But I had to try it. It worked. It worked perfectly. No evidence of a short or faulty buttons.

Now I sit here and look at it flashing the date at me and Mira's picture so near to it. I speak to her picture and think maybe she does hear me, maybe she does know what I'm feeling. And maybe the little green clock will quit again tomorrow.

I know it didn't start working again on Kira's birthday. But when does god ever allow for clear signs from the here after. We can't prove it exists for just this reason. So it not being the exact timing I asked for to me seems almost irrelevant. Or wishful thinking.. Time will tell (ha ha). Will my clock fail again or will it carry on for years to come?

It's funny mom... When I asked Mira to fix my clock I thought about tell you. So I would have a witness that I really had asked for this. But of course I didn't. For lots of reasons. One being that god doesn't allow clear answers. If I told you it might not be allowed to happen. And you know even if it does quit again this is still something, maybe it will happen because I told you about it now. I once asked for a sign with all my heart for months and months after Sigh died. And this horrible black cloud hung over me the whole time. I promised myself not to ever do that again. It was a horrible place to be and I never saw the slightest sign from Sigh. I did have that very odd dream but as hard as I was trying to link to him I just figured the power of my mind created it. So with Mira I was not looking but I had started singing happy birthday to her before I noticed the clock.

Anyway. I did not ask for this, it was just given to me. I'm so sorry little Mira...

Oh, Janis,

Tears are just flowing, falling off my chin in rivers. Mira and your mom, together, reaching out to you through a little green clock - what a wonderful gift! I think they knew you needed to feel them now, not in a few days - they needed to touch you now, not later. You called in your pain and they came to ease your heart, to let you know they have never left your side, that they are always watching over you.

I believe when our time comes to cross The Bridge, we will be filled with an understanding that encompasses all. All our questions will be answered, everything we could never grasp will be clear, we will see things as they truly are, unhampered by human emotion or intellect. A pure, clean, limitless awareness.

It was this awareness that your mom and Mira have attained that told them you needed this sign now. I believe this was a healing gift from them to you - a tangible sign you can see and touch so you will know they are together, that they are ok, and that they still love you more than you can ever know on this plane.

If the lights in that little green clock go out today and never come back, that is alright - it has served it purpose. And it had a secret purpose that went far beyond what it's manufacturer ever intended - as a conduit of pure, unadulterated love sent to bath your soul in light and peace.

You have been truly blessed. Thank you for sharing this story, Janis.

Many hugs,
Leslie

Janis, I thank you for sharing, too. And like Leslie, I do believe that your little clock has served its purpose well.

I hope that Mira's spirit will always remain close to your heart, and that the reminders of your loving connection will never cease.

Sending many hugs in honor of your sweet baby Mira.
Marianne

(((hugs)))



Lynne, Bailey and Angel Clyde

Thank you. I'm so fancyful i know. It's nice to know that some poeple dont think im nuts. Its what i need to deal with the loss i guess.

The Little Green Clock... Quite a story. It has since stopped working correctly again. It worked for a while on Kiras birthday but faltered again before it was over. It did start to die on what should have been Miras 8th birthday. And maybe came back just for a whisper. I dont know my mom and i think it may have been my grandmother. She always seems to come around just before i loose a dog. Just a whispering in my head. She seems to know before i do. Maybe mira was a suprize to her too cus she didnt do that this time. No whispering this time. That could be my fault. My faith in god has slipped some in resent years. More so with the sudden loss of Mira one day shes happy running around seeming heathly as can be, then 22 days later shes gone. Mira... I can't believe she's gone.

I got her license renewal notice today. I wrote and told them she is gone.

Sweetie Mira. I can't believe this happened to you.

Janis,
I just looked at your video. It brought smiles and tears to my eyes at the same time. What a beautiful keepsake you have. Thank you for sharing it. Even when it is hard, try to keep the faith. Some days you just take baby steps.
Lots of hugs,
Heidi, Marco, Sophie, Sasha & Maggie
...and Friskie, Lucky, Cheri and Snicky from Heaven...

I'm still haunted by so many things. How can I ever forget those last 22 days. It's almost 3 am, baby Neeka isn't sleeping. She just crawled back into the pillow again for the forth time in the last hour. It set off one of those unexpected moments. I remember Mira those last days, I don't think slept at all. I didn't sleep much and she was always awake. I wonder what she was thinking. People think I'm over her. But when I'm alone I remember those last twenty two days. I think about what bud told me and picture it inmy head. Talking to the cancer doctor. I couldnt remember something so I went to the car for my notes. When I came back bud said Mira tried to follow me. Wanted to follow me. I know it happened cus I was recording our visit and I heard the doctor and him remark about it. Mira always wanted to be with me. But I sent her away. When I walk the dogs I play sad songs. I look at the sky and tell Mira I never wanted her to go. If she is out there somewhere it sure doesn't feel like it. She's just gone. There is nothing. If anyone wonders about getting another dog to soon. At least for me there is no problem with it. I still grieve for Mira. It's been six months but it feels much longer. And we love little Neeka to death. She brings us happiness.

Dear Janice,

So good to hear from you again but I am sorry the pain of losing Mira is still so close.

It does get better, however time does not heal all wounds, as the old adage goes. Some wounds will never truly heal no matter how much time passes. The smallest, seemingly insignificant things can rip it open again, bringing us to our knees in fresh waves of pain and grief. A scent, a sound, the expression on anothers' face, a blue flower that didn't bloom....something innocent in and of itself but devastating to our hearts. We find ourselves thrown back to the most awful of days over and over again, reliving it in minute detail, asking the same unanswered questions.

For me, the times those wounds are made new again come less often and I recover a bit more quickly as the days have passed. Those painful triggers don't always lay me low today, sometimes they're just a slap not a punch. Time has not and will not heal these wounds, it has simply given me the opportunity to learn how to look, how to listen, how to live as one of the Walking Wounded.

"Opportunity" sounds like an odd choice of words, I'm sure, but that is how I have come to see things. For every horrible, life-altering event I have survived there has been an opposite and balancing gift. But it was a long time before I was aware of this - a long, long time. Squirt's Cushing's diagnosis just about did me in; I truly lost my mind in fear. But as awful as that time was, that diagnosis led me here where I found not only help for her but friends, real friends. Her diagnosis broadened my little world, enriching it - balancing the anguish and fear I still have for her future. Because of her illness I have learned so much, not just about Cushing's but so many things, including myself.

It's only because you love Mira so much that you grieve so deeply. I think that in itself is a gift, Janis. So many people are unable to feel those depths, they cannot know the kind of love that leads to such a degree of suffering. It's this ability to love in such a manner that allows you to see your babies as more than animals; it's this ability that led you to Mira, Kira, and now, Neeka. It is this ability that will lead you through the valleys and into the light.

Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers always.
Hugs,
Leslie