Happy birthday, Jasper!
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Happy birthday, Jasper!
Tina, I feel sure Dakota planned a very sweet day for her little brother. Happy, happy Birthday indeed! And so many beautiful candles shining so brightly, their glow reaches to the sky!
But not such a good day for you, my friend. I remain so sorry for the pain of your loss. My thoughts and well wishes remain with you always.
awwwww Happy Birthday, Jasper! You and Dakota keep watching over your mom and let her know from time to time that you both are still by her side.
I'm sure Dakota and Jasper are together doing their doggie thing. It is the best way to imagine them, running and playing and having doggie chats.
Hi Tina,
Just dropping by to let you know I am thinking of you. :)
Shana
Me too! I miss you! xxxxoooo
Kathy
Today it is 6 months since my boy had to leave me and I still can hardly write the words. I miss him terribly and I feel like I will never be happy again, or even able to just be at some level of peace. I barely got myself to work today and have been crying since I got home. I keep waiting for this overwhelming feeling of sadness and emptiness to lessen even a little bit, but it just doesn't. I'm still just devastated. I know you all understand.
Thank you so much for your posts and kind words dear friends. I miss everyone so much, but a lot of the time I can't even bring myself here. I just fall apart when I read about the recent losses. I haven't been able to post, but I read when I can, and have been silently grieving with all of you.
Bubba, Mama is beyond heartbroken and can't believe it has been 6 months since you left. Life is so incredibly hard without you by my side. I love and miss you to the stars and beyond. Smooches and nose bumps my precious boy. Ever on angel. xxoo
Hi Tina (waving wildly!),
I have been watching for your return. I knew you would be back. ;)
Yes, grief sucks!! We love so deeply. It's been almost 4 years and I still hurt deeply for Buddy. I wish I had some loving and healing words of wisdom for you and all of us. Please know that I have remained here for you, sweet Dakota, Jasper Boy and Shelby. You have never been alone. We have been by your side always.
Big soothing hugs my dear,
Kathy
Oh Tina, I'm here, too, sending warm thoughts and consoling hugs to you from across the miles. I'd give anything to think of something we could do to be more concretely helpful to you. But as Sharlene just wrote elsewhere, the heart wants what the heart wants. We know what your heart wants. If only it was possible for us to grant you that wish...
Always here for you, and always in loving memory of your precious boy.
Marianne
Hi Tina :) It is good to see you back here and able to post occasionally. It's good to have a place where you can say what it is your heart is feeling and know that you will not be judged for feeling as you do and that in fact, there are people who care for you and understand completely those turbulent emotions of loss.
HUGS
My baby boy has been gone a whole year today. I don't even know how to describe how much I miss him. Somehow I thought the heartbreak wouldn't feel quite so razor sharp after this amount of time, but I can't honestly say that. I know his beautiful spirit must be all around me, but I keep waiting for some sort of sign so I can be sure. I still struggle immensely every day with his loss, and expected to be more adjusted by now.
I made it through the first Thanksgiving without him. It was horrible, remembering how incredibly sick he was at this time last year. Holidays sure aren't enjoyable now.
I miss you all so much. So many times I have come back here to post, but just haven't been able to yet. Maybe one day.
Ever on my beautiful precious angel. Mama loves and misses you to the stars and beyond. xxoo
The holidays are so hard without them. This was our second Thanksgiving without Lena, and it was just as hard as the first. Like you, I miss her all the time. She just loved the holidays! From Halloween through New Year's. She was a part of everything, so everything is a reminder.
Jasper is around you even if you don't feel it or see signs. When they are so much a part of us, they are never really gone....that's what I believe.
Hugs to you...
Oh Tina, sending so many hugs to you across the miles! Although it must have been so hard for you to post your note today, I’m so grateful you did so. We are always here for you, always. We will never forget Jasper, and we welcome the chance to send you our love and support on this milestone day. Holidays can be so hard, and anniversaries especially so. When they’re paired together, I think the knife cuts even deeper. But onward we go, one more baby step at a time. It’s times like this that I especially treasure the blessing that our dear Leslie, “Squirtsmom,” uses as her signature line:
I know that so many things changed for you so profoundly one year ago today. But love never dies. The love you share with Jasper remains true and strong. And we love you, Tina! Welcome back, today and any day that you wish to return to us.Quote:
”May you know that absence is full of tender presence and that nothing is ever lost or forgotten." Anne, a Corgi mom.
Hugs, hugs, and more hugs.
Marianne
Dear Tina,
Your words join the" Eternal Echos" of my own losses, those wounds that will never heal. Over the years I have found comfort in the works of John O'Donahue, who is actually the author of my signature line Marianne posted. Two poems in particular bring me peace. The first is the Blessing for Absence, where that line came from:
May you know that absence is full of tender presence
and that nothing is ever lost or forgotten.
May the absences in your life be full of eternal echo
May you sense around you the secret Elsewhere which holds
the presences that have left your life.
May you be generous in your embrace of loss.
May the sore of your grief turn into a well of seamless presence.
May your compassion reach out to the ones we never hear
from and may you have the courage to speak out for the
excluded ones.
May you become the gracious and passionate subject of your own life.
May you not disrespect your mystery through brittle words or false belonging.
May you be embraced by God in whom dawn and twilight
are one and may your longing inhabit its deepest dreams
within the shelter of the Great Belonging. (Eternal Echoes 275)
The next is titled Beannacht and is the poem I turn to most when grief overwhelms me as it often does:
On the day when
The weight deadens
On your shoulders
And you stumble,
May the clay dance
To balance you.
And when your eyes
Freeze behind
The grey window
And the ghost of loss
Gets into you,
May a flock of colours,
Indigo, red, green
And azure blue,
Come to awaken in you
A meadow of delight.
When the canvas frays
In the currach of thought
And a stain of ocean
Blackens beneath you,
May there come across the waters
A path of yellow moonlight
To bring you safely home.
May the nourishment of the earth be yours,
May the clarity of light be yours,
May the fluency of the ocean be yours,
May the protection of the ancestors be yours.
And so may a slow
Wind work these words
Of love around you,
An invisible cloak
To mind your life.
(To Bless the Space Between Us: A Book of Blessings)
While we cannot take your anguish from you, we are here to share it with you when ever you feel alright to be here....and I know how difficult that can be. Know you do not have to face this alone, that we are here always, and always hold you and your precious baby boy in our embrace.
"May the nourishment of the earth be yours",
Leslie
Leslie, thank you so much for your beautiful thoughts and these poems. You have given a great gift to us all. I’ll return and read them over and over once the tears have cleared from my own eyes...
Sending you warm thoughts and comfort.
Angie
Yes Tina, we miss them sooo much! Thinking of you, Shelby and our sweet angel, Jasper Boy.
Hi Tina! Just want to say hello and send you a big hug. I don't know how time passes so quickly it feels like sometimes and at the same time feeling like an eternity. :(
We miss you and we miss Jasper.
hugs gf
Hello Dear Friends,
I have been meaning to check in for quite a while, it is still so awfully hard. Thank you all for your ongoing support and kind words. Leslie, thank you SO much for the beautiful poems. I have been back often to read them, sometimes daily. Although I cry every time, the words do seem to bring some sort of peace.
I miss my boy so so much, I don't know if it will ever be better. I don't burst into tears in public or at work for the most part, so I guess that is better. I've been going to a pet loss support group from time to time. Sometimes it helps, sometimes it doesn't. Every day I try to find something to appreciate or look forward to. Kind of like Addy's one good thing. It's all still one day at a time, just like when he was sick.
Today is 10 years that Dakota has been gone. It's so hard to believe, and at the same time it feels like forever. I hope she is looking after her brother and keeping him close. I miss them both so much.
Mama loves and misses you baby boy. I know you hear me talking to you every day. You are never out of my thoughts and are always in my heart. Ever on my precious angel. xxoo
Love and hugs to you all,
Tina xo
I have no doubt Jasper and Dakota are together, running free in the Rainbow Fields, elated to be united...and always watching over their beloved mom. They hear every word you say, see every tear that falls, and each in their own way send what signs they can to let you know they are still by your side and will be til that day when you are all reunited.
Hugs,
Leslie
I think that is how I prefer to think of them too, Jasper and Dakota together.
hugs tina
Hi Tina, I've missed you!
I did read your posts on the Dakota's and Jasper's threads several days ago. I have been unable to respond until now. I am very sorry about that.
I truly wish that I had a magic wand that could erase your pain, leaving only happy memories. Unfortunately, it is not within my power to do so.
You are so very special to me Tina. You were one of the many angels to stay with me throughout my darkest days and nights. You even would get up for a potty breaks and join in on many conversations to keep me company. That fact remains dear to my heart and always will. When I posted seveal years ago thath Buddy was the light of my life, that he was all I had, you truly understood. I knew that you felt the same for our dear Jasper Boy and sweet Dakota. Our heart dogs, our babies, our loves.
I so wish I could be of more support to you. I still struggle myself at times and it's been several years since Buddy flew. Sometimes it feels like forever. Other times, it seems like just yesterday.
I guess, the point I want is make is that you are not alone. Never alone unless you want to be. We do understand and know that there is no quick fix. We love deeply and grieve just as deeply.
I would love to hear from you more often, but do understand that coming here isn't always easy. Even now, losses cut deeply into my soul.
With much love dear friend,
Hi sweet Tina! I’m hoping that perhaps one day soon you’ll stop in again. I know it may still feel hard to do so, though. Mainly, I just want you to know I’ve been thinking of you. For some reason this morning, I’m especially missing so many of our old friends here, and you’re right at the top of my list! So hopefully my well wishes will cross the miles to you and you’ll feel a mysterious warm hug today. That’ll be me — secretly letting you know your K9C family is always right here by your side ;-).
Love, Marianne
Oh, Dearest Marianne, I have been thinking of you too. Thank you so much for your sweet words.
I went to look for our thread and was surprised to find it on page 2, and then saw that there was a recent post. I don't know why, but I don't get the alerts anymore when there is something new posted to our thread. I noticed it quite awhile back and rechecked my settings then, but I still don't get them.
Today it has been two years since my precious boy had to leave me. I have had an awful day, and wasn't going to post, but then decided to come to the forum. And then I see your lovely words. So many times I have tried to just check in on everyone, but then my poor shattered heart takes over. And yet I find such solace here even though it's so hard for me to come. I don't know if that makes any sense or not.
Today has been very hard but yesterday was especially rough remembering how sick he was two years ago and how I had to leave him home alone that day to go to work. The memory of that haunts me and I am so sorry. It was the day after Thanksgiving and I was just sick that I couldn't stay with him. Even though I didn't have a choice, it tears me up still and I don't know how to forgive myself.
I still keep waiting for some sort of tangible sign from him that he is here with me. I know he must be. I'm still struggling with everything so much.
Bubba, Mama loves and misses you so, and I talk to you every single day. You are always in my thoughts and heart. Smooches and nose bumps angel. Love you to the stars and beyond. Ever on my precious boy. xxoo
And love and many hugs to you Marianne, and to the rest of my special family here. I hope you all are doing well. I miss everyone so much. Thank you for always being here for me, it means more than you know.
Love,
Tina xo
Awwww, Tina. Two years, such a long time to be without them, and yet it feels like yesterday. Lena will be gone three years in February, and like you, I talk to her every day. This was only my second Thanksgiving without her and it seemed so much longer than that.
That first night I had to take her to the Emergency Clinic, I knew something was wrong that morning, but I couldn't figure it out and I had to go to work. I still feel guilty about that. I will always wonder if I had stayed home and taken her to the vet that morning, if she would have lived longer; or if I had stayed at the ER the next night when I had to take her back and been there, maybe she wouldn't have died. It still kills me that she died without me being there with her, the dog of my heart, my little angel.
Coming to the forum breaks my heart so many times. Feeling the pain and heartache that we all feel for the others as well as our own, is really hard. Some threads are too hard for me, hit too close to home, and I just can't write on them, but I read them and follow them. My husband says I'm a masochist, but I need to be here. My last moments and thoughts of my baby are here; the people who truly understand my heartache and grief are here; and the friends I've made and grown to love are here...so I stay.
Many hugs to you, Tina...
Huge hugs coming your way from my house. Those would of, could of, should of's can really mess with your head, believe me I know but somehow realizing that I loved my boy with everything I had brings me some comfort, and I know you loved Jasper in that same way so hope it will bring you some form of solace.
Sending you comforting thoughts and love, Lori
aw Tina, your words resonate with me deeply. Four plus years since Squirt had to leave and my heart still aches for her and tears still fall often. I hope that sign you are looking for soon arrives - the ones I get from Squirt stab my heart at first then a peace comes over me knowing she has never really left. They don't come as often as they used to these days but are cherished just as much as ever when they do. The last one came in the form of a dragonfly, who are said to be messengers from the Other Side. I was driving down the road headed home when I noticed a dragonfly flitting around in front of my windshield. I was going about 25 MPH and that little thing kept pace with a fairly even distance between its body and my windshield for a long time. When I remembered what they represent, I simply said, "Hello, Sweet Bebe" and it immediately flew away. I believe with all my heart that was from Squirt and finished the trip home with a smile on my lips in spite of the tears on my cheeks. This place has been my refuge for so very long, while Squirt was sick and after. It both breaks my heart and lifts up my Soul every time I sign in. You and Jasper are among the many gifts found here and I will always treasure your time here with us.
Hugs,
Leslie
Oh my dear Tina, I’m here, too. I’m so glad you came back to us today. I know it must be very hard, but I’m hoping that coming back will bring you some comfort along with your tears. Joan wrote this so perfectly and so beautifully...
I feel exactly the same way. We are here to support one another. We’re here to hold each other up. So we’re walking right alongside you today, Tina, and everyday that you need us or want us to be nearby.Quote:
My last moments and thoughts of my baby are here; the people who truly understand my heartache and grief are here; and the friends I've made and grown to love are here...so I stay.
Always in loving memory of precious Jasper, and always here in friendship for one another.
Always.
Hello Dear Family,
Today marks three long years without my boy. I still struggle so much with everything. It's hard to say if things are really better, I think I just live a brokenhearted existence of numbness to a certain degree. I miss him so much, and the memories of those last couple of days still haunt me terribly.
Joan, your sentiments that Marianne quoted from a year ago are perfection. I could not express my feelings any better. So here I am, the only place that I ever feel any real comfort or solace. The heartbreak is still there, but my family here are really the only ones who truly understand, and I thank you all so much. I know much time has passed since I last posted, but I think of you all daily. And of course I treasure most the everlasting friendships I have made here. I am sorry I have not been able to be as present here as I would like. I don't think I will ever be able to properly express how much you all mean to me.
My precious boy, Mama loves you and misses you more than I can say. Still talking to you every day, and hoping for some sign that you are indeed here with me. I know you must be. Smooches and lots of nose bumps. Ever on my beautiful angel baby. Always in my heart. xxoo
Much love and hugs to you all,
Tina xo
So glad to see you Tina! Jasper brought you to us. Such a blessing from such a sweet boy. We miss him too! I particularly miss our late night chats with Trish and Mel. You would often log on during Jasoer's potty breaks during the night.
I don't have words of wisdom for you regarding dealing with Jasper's loss. Buddy's been gone for much longer and I still struggle with it. With loves such as ours, the pain/love remain deep. I will never be the same, and yes, I do understand.
Trish popped in with an update a few weeks ago. I was hoping you'd notice and join us for a chat. Please check in when you can. I know it can be difficult to return here. We all understand. I think of you often and will always remember your love and support when I needed it the most. xxxoooo
Oh Tina, I’m here, too, and thinking about you and Jasper and angel Dakota and little Shelby — all with love and hugs from across the miles. I can easily imagine how painful it may be to return here and relive hard memories, but thank you so much for doing so. I hope it may always bring some comfort, as well, to know how much your K9C family loves you and misses you!
Ever on, indeed, precious Jasper. Please give your mom some special signs that you’re always with her in heart and in spirit, and please know that we always honor and remember you here.
With much love, today and every day,
Marianne
Sweet Tina,
I understand that "brokenhearted existence" to the depths of my Soul. Very little time passes that I don't break down and sob for Squirt or Trinket or Brick or one or another baby who has touched my heart...including so many from our family here like Jasper. As I grow older and closer to that day when my time here is done I find myself looking forward to seeing all of them again, actually meeting some for the first time in a world other than this cyber world. Because I fully believe they will all be there in that other world.
Your precious Jasper has never and will never be forgotten by his family here; the love we feel for him and you will endure for all time. So as you shed your tears know that we shed ours with you for this precious baby boy we came to love so dearly.
Hugs,
Leslie
Tina, Just want to send you big hugs. You are missed greatly and Jasper, Dakota, Shelby and you, will always be "family".