Lena, Teacup Poodle w/ adrenal tumor - Lena is now an angel

My first Halloween in 13 years without you, my precious. It just wasn't the same, Lee. Sibbie was good, restless at first, but settled down after a while. You and I would sit there for hours, until it slowed down. You just enjoyed sitting with me and watching.

It was hard and I started to cry and then Sibbie turned around and started kissing me and I knew you were with us. Josh and Alex came and she got all excited, the way you used to. We went in after a couple of hours...I tried, but it was too sad for me. I wanted Sibbie to continue our tradition and we did okay. Maybe it will be better next year, we'll see.

But this is the beginning of all our holidays, Lena, and each one will be hard to deal with and accept that you are gone. I'll decorate, cook and smile, but my heart will hurt and I will be thinking of you the whole time and wishing that you were still here with us, and not just in our memories. You will always be in my heart, Lena...always and forever.

sending you love and support. When you have loved such an angel it is hard.
Love Sonja and Apollo

Thank you, Sonja. It is, isn't it...and so hard to talk about with anyone, except here where it is perfectly natural to continue to grieve...no end date, no "you should be over it by now".

My sister cried for a year when the old dog that she inherited from a friend of mine who she used to dog sit for, died. She only had her for a couple of years, but was having such a hard time accepting her death...even she doesn't want to hear me and I get that look. I may have to remind her of that year that I listened and cried with her every time she needed to.

I am so glad I found this forum, my safe haven, where I can talk about Lee and listen to all of you talk about your babies and know that what I'm feeling is okay.

Halloween was definitely weirder this year without molly. I can relate to that.
In fact, other than taking our grandson out and meeting up with a few neighbors, I wasn't at all interested in the whole trick or treat thing this year.
We attended parties and had fun, did the office party thing, but when the door bell rang or was knocked on and there was no molly to raise hell, I didn't even want to go over. My husband and daughter basically opened the door all night and I avoided the area.
Our lives are changing without molly and I don't know if that is a good thing or a bad thing. Probably a bit of both.
I do sympathize Joan. it just sucks in a very basic sort of way.

I know, Sharlene...it must be so hard for you not having other four-legged creatures around to distract once in a while. I don't know how I could cope with complete silence, even though Lee hardly ever barked (unless she wanted something).

Maybe its a good thing that your family has moved in with you at this time...grandkids are a great distraction! When I'm busy with my two, I can't dwell and have to pay attention, but she is never completely out of my thoughts...everything is before and after Lena.

I'm dreading Thanksgiving....

It is good that the family is here. Never a dull moment. More likely is, are there any quiet moments. :)
Cats carrying on, baby everything, multiple dinners, cooking, clean ups always on going it seems. Just in general, family chaos, as is normal. It does leave me looking to find some quiet spot to hide out and have some me time, but those aren't actually very abundant in this house.
I was asked again today if we are getting another dog soon. I was like not right now, maybe later. Just too much of everything here right now for me to even think about it, although I do check the rescues often. ;)

Happy Thanksgiving in Heaven, my precious. You were missed today, Lee...so much. Gable guarded the turkey cooking in the oven for you...he also stuck close to me, watching. I made it through the day without crying. I did cry myself to sleep last night and woke up with a terrible headache and swollen eyes, but your father never noticed and by the time everyone got here, no one could tell.

Matthew missed you and even though he thinks Sibbie is adorable, he did say that there would never be another you; that you were one of a kind; and that he missed his "little friend". That made me so sad because you always let him hold you and you were always so comfortable in his arms...I know he misses you.

You were right here though...in the big room with us. I kept busy and knew I would write to you after everyone left. My first Thanksgiving in 15 years without you. If you were still here, we would be on the couch together in a turkey coma...you would wait for me to finish cleaning up and then we would cuddle up and watch TV or read. I am on the couch now, with the TV on and missing you, Lena.

You always made me happy; everything was okay as long as you were with me. It's different now. I still do what I have to do, but my heart is just not in it. I'm tired all the time from crying or trying not to cry.

I looked at last year's pictures and after dinner you were sleeping in the bed in the hallway, not joining us at the table. Even in the picture of you and Matt I can see now that you looked different. You weren't feeling well and staying by yourself a lot. One more thing that went unnoticed.

I love you with all my heart, Lee...and I always will, my precious little angel child. Love, Mommy...

Beautiful memories, Joan. I hope they provide you some comfort.

Hugs.

Thank you, Shana...I hope the same for you.

(((((Hugs)))))