Lena, Teacup Poodle w/ adrenal tumor - Lena is now an angel

Thanks, Marianne~

My first Mother's Day without you, my precious...always the first to kiss me in the mornings. How I miss you, Lena. Almost 3 months and I still miss you as much as the day you left me. I love you with all my heart, Lee, forever and always.

First are always so hard and especially when one of your babies isn't there. :(

Sending you big hugs Joan!!

Thanks, Sharlene.....

I hope you had a good day, I know how you feel. They say it gets easier with time but I still can't see that or feel that. I silently talked to Bandit all day yesterday. Hugs to you

Quote:

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Originally Posted by budindian

I hope you had a good day, I know how you feel. They say it gets easier with time but I still can't see that or feel that. I silently talked to Bandit all day yesterday. Hugs to you

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Same to you...I was thinking of you yesterday and hoping that Sammy was keeping you busy.

It hasn't gotten easier...sometimes I can't believe I still have tears left...I cry for her all the time. Every time I start to talk about her I see the "oh no, she's going to cry" look come over everyone's face...and I do.

Dear Joan, my own heart is breaking for the pain that you are suffering. Losing a spirit as precious as Lena is not something that we ever "get over" (as many thoughtless people are quick to urge). We just have to force ourselves to walk through each and every day, baby step by baby step by baby step.

I do want to speak to one thing that has saddened me so much on your behalf, though. From replies you have been writing to other folks, it seems to me as though you are blaming yourself for Lena's death because you chose to treat her with the Vetoryl. To this day, I still feel such remorse over certain decisions I made about my own Cushpup's care. In truth, it is entirely possible that mistakes were made, and in hindsight, I would have done things differently had I only known in advance what was going to happen. But that's the rub -- we can never know in advance. We do the best we can with what we know at the time. That's all we can ever do.

I suspect that saying this won't make you feel any better, at least right now. But I hope that with time, you will find a bit more peace and acceptance in knowing that every decision you made for Lena was 100% out of your love for her. Some of the decisions did not turn out the way you had hoped, but that is not your fault. Truly it is not. If only we had the power to be all-knowing, but that is not a power we humans can ever have. We do have the power of love, though, and no dog was ever blessed with more love than Lena.

Finally, for whatever it is worth, I am personally doubtful that it was the Vetoryl that caused her respiratory failure. It sounded as though the vets were aware of cardiac weakness as well as the possibility of a clot having been thrown. Both of these issues would more likely be the result of Cushing's itself, as opposed to the Vetoryl. If anything, you would hope that the Vetoryl would stave off both of these issues. From reading your thread, Lena had both good and bad days while taking the medication. It just seems more likely to me that her tired little body was no longer able to carry on in the face of the demands that the disease and her age placed on her heart and lungs.

But again, that is just my own thought, and probably will not change how you are feeling at all. I just hate to see you blaming yourself for giving Lena the medication that we all hoped would help her. No doggie could have asked for a more loving mom or a more precious life.

Continuing to send you so many hugs from across the miles.
Marianne

Thank you, Marianne...it's not that I don't think the Vetoryl doesn't work because obviously it does. It's just that it doesn't seem like it was the right decision for Lena.

I have days where I know that I did my best for her with what knowledge I had at the time. I just wish that I had found this forum sooner...I've learned so much more here from all of you.

Dear Joan, it`s so easy to see how heartbroken you are. And my heart breaks for you. Lena was such a precious little baby. I have feelings much like you. I`m not even sure if Tammy really had Cushings. Even though her cortisol was elevated and there was some hair and skin issues, she never had most of the cushing signs. Not the signs you would expect in a cushings dog. So Joan, I really understand. I wish I had found this site earlier too. But on the other side, we do the best we can with the knowledge we have. And of course most of us trust our vets completely.. I see nothing you did wrong. I see a loving mom who did everything in her power and knowledge to help her baby. It will not be easy,it will take time but please be kind to yourself. Lena would like that. She knows how much you loved her. Brianna

Thanks, Brianna...my mind knows this....I'm just waiting for my heart to catch up.

I really appreciate your support and understanding. Please know I am here for you, too.