Buddy, The Mighty Lizard Hunter - Suspected Pituitary Macro Tumor

Hey Kathy, here too sending hugs and praying for peace....so glad you got his blanket that smells like him....

Mel,
I'm not sure if the administrators will be able to post the video clip of Buddy smiling. I would be happy to send it to you directly. Please send me your email address via PM and I'll forward it on. It's okay if you do not want to share your email address.

Course I will you silly one. Will send it to you in a bit. My Tara used to smile when she woke up and found me every morning. Used to warm my heart that she was that pleased to see me

Dear, sweet Kathy,

After my daughter died I didn't want to live. I had no reason to live. She was the only person who really needed me and she was gone. Vibrant, beautiful, present one day, and gone the next. It felt like I was no longer needed by anyone. Every breath I took felt like a betrayal, like a cruel joke, like stealing. The few memories I have of the next two years aren't pleasant. One night I woke up on the couch with a butcher knife in my hands - I don't remember going to the couch nor getting the knife nor what my thoughts were, tho I am pretty sure what my intent was. I don't know what stopped me that time or any of the other times. But something kept my hands stilled - and that also felt like betrayal, a cruel joke, stealing. I had no right to draw breath when my child no longer could. I had utterly failed her on every level.

Buddy is your child just as much as Gia is mine. You are a mother who has lost her baby boy and there is no pain like this in the whole world, none. It is incomprehensible, incomparable, and indescribable to those who have never lived through it....and you will live through it just as I have. You will face those "firsts" as they come with terrible anticipation, fear and anguish - then cry when they pass with fresh pain. Then you will face those "seconds" with a tiny bit more ease, and the "thirds" and the "fourths" and on and on and on. At some point, you will look through your tears and see Buddy looking back at you - and you will know he has never really left, that he has been by your side the whole time, just waiting for you to be able to see him. You may see him as white feathers floating down around you from nowhere, or a bloom on a bush that shouldn't yet be blooming and you will know it is your sweet boy showing himself to you, telling you that he is alright now and that he loves you as much as ever - that he needs you to keep fighting as much as ever. And, as impossible as it is to believe today, that he is grateful to you for taking his pain, confusion, and fear away, for sparing him the horror that was to come, for giving him freedom from his failing vessel.

For now, you grieve as you need and let us grieve with you. Let our tears mingle with yours, let our prayers rise with yours, let our strength and hope sustain you. In the mingling, we honor Buddy's life, we honor Gia's life, we honor the lives of all those we love and have lost. We need you, Kathy, as much as you need us right now and we will not leave you now or ever.

Our deepest sympathies,
Leslie, Squirt, Trinket, Brick, Sophie, and our Angels, Ruby, Crystal, Tasha and Josie

"On this side of The Bridge, time is painful, but it gives me a chance to live and love on."
Jeanne, Kiska’s Mom

Any sleep at all for you Kathy? I hope you managed to doze a bit or at least just rest in bed. I see the nighttime duo Mel and Trish were there to help get you through.
Today won't be easy, that's for sure.
I keep looking at all Buddy's photos..and showed them to my girls who also shed some tears.
I can't eat at all when I feel terribly sad so I can understand that you don't feel like having anything...but I agree with an earlier post..(was it Marianne's?) who suggested Carnation instant breakfast... a yogurt or a milkshake...just something that will give you a little bit in your stomach.
I would love to see the video of Buddy. Do you still have my email?
Thinking of you Kathy...I know you are feeling lonely...
everyone is here for you...
Barbara

Dear sweet, Kathy, I am just seeing this sad news this morning and I want to tell you how incredibly sorry I am for your loss. My heart aches for you. Buddy was so incredibly fortunate to have you for a mom....you knew him like the back of your hand and he knew that you would know when he was ready to be released from his pain. You made one of the most selfless decisions we parents ever have to make in our lifetime. I realize that it's of little consolation at this moment, but please know that many, if not all of us, know the pain you are in right now and also know that only time will bring you relief.

The Budster is gone from the physical world but he will be with you always, as will your k9c family. Don't ever forget that you are not alone...we are here for you and we will always remember and honor your precious Buddy.

Godspeed sweet Buddy, The Mighty Lizard Hunter.

((((Big Consoling Hugs))))

Glynda

How did you teach Buddy to smile on command? That is amazing.
I looked at your albums last night. The pictures are so dear and precious.

Hey Kathy, I'm back and I don't think I can attach your video in its present storage form. But maybe one of the other staffers can figure out a way to convert it to an uploadable form. So stay tuned...

Checking in on you Kathy. I hope that you got some sleep.

Good morning :) awww, I want to see the smiling Buddy. I bet that is real cute.

Sending you lots of big hugs Kathy
Sharlene and Molly Muffin

Am floating still. Work is being a pain but still around

Thank you all so much ladies.

Leslie, your message was so perfect. You always know exactly the right thing to say. It cut to my very core. :o

Addy, I didn't teach Buddy to smile. :)He smiled at everyone from the time he was a very small puppy. Strangers would think he was a vicious, but the truth was he was just smiling.:) He was very easy to train because he was very smart and always aimed to please. He had an extensive vocabulary. I commented on his smile every time I was blessed enough to get one, which was many times a day. He finally associated the word smile with what I wanted him to do.

Regarding the smile video... Administrators may not be able to post it because it's not in the proper format for the forum. I will send it to anyone that requests it. If you'd like to see the video, please send me a PM with your email address. Yes Barbara, I still have yours and will send it shortly.

Big hugs Angels,

Buddy was always terrified of the sounds of fireworks,thunder and firecrackers. I would sit with him on the bathroom floor for hours with the fan going, so he couldn't hear those sounds. I would cuddle him and talk to him and he would remain calm as long as I was in there with him. This will be the first Fourth of July in 10 years that I have not sat in the bathroom with him for most of the night. I could actually go see the fireworks this time, but I don't want to. I just want Buddy back so we can sit out the fireworks together.:(

My Barkis always shed horribly, just like Peg and Luna do now. I would always complain about all the fur that went flying around the house. After he left us, I didn't vacuum for days and days and days. I couldn't bear for that remembrance to be gone, too. And I wondered through my tears why on earth I had ever complained.

It's amazing how the sacrifices aren't really sacrifices at all, isn't it? And how expectedly we discover all the nooks and crannies of our hearts that totally belong to our babies.

Awww Kathy, you have a first holiday so soon, that just isnt fair.:(:(
I understand why you would not want to go see fireworks. Did your neighbors fire them off too? Ours used to, hubby would get upset because one year one landed on our roof:eek::eek:

My whole life was centered around Buddy's schedule even when I worked. I had to get home to let him out because he could no longer get out the doggie door anymore and wouldn't have an accident in the house. I had to be around for several small meals a day due to the hypoglycemia. Then there was meds and allergies. There was this little guy who really needed me. We needed each other. And now he's gone.

I forced myself to go out and do some errands today because my folks needed a few things. One of the stores I went and had Buddy crackers on sale. There was a sign up on the end of one of the aisles. Are you kidding me? I went to the pet store to return unopened dog food. Buddy specialty allergy formula costs over $60 a bag. The canned formula that I have been mixing with his SEB cost almost 3 dollars per can. I had some of those to return also. I broke down and cried when I had to tell the checker why I was returning food. I had receipts, why did I have to tell her?

Yes Addie, the kids in the neighborhood shoot firecrackers most of the night. They terrorized Buddy so much more then the big fireworks a few miles away. Dang kids! Having said that I used to shoot off firecrackers when I was a kid.I never even thought that I might be upsetting any pets. The kids probably don't realize it either or just don't care.

Hi Kathy
I am up getting ready for work, I usually have a rule not to log on here in the mornings or I end up late!! But a later start this morning and I have made an exception as I wanted to check how you are doing... glad you are here talking to everyone. xxx

Hi Trish don't let me make you late for work.:p

Oh No!!! I have not been on the board in a little while. You have been thru so much. It makes my heart hurt for you. I am so sorry that Buddy is gone. He was such a great dog & you are such an awesome mommy.
Hugs to you. I know this is going to be such a difficult time for you. I am so sad.

RIP Buddy, The Mighty Lizard Hunter... I hope you are chasing all the lizards you can see in heaven.

Haha I usually do a pretty good job of being late myself!! Maybe that sign was a sign in itself?!?! We have fire cracker night on Nov 5th, they are on sale for a few days prior. Then you cannot buy them the rest of the year. I hate how they upset our pets too. Everyone seems to make sure they last with the blardy things getting set off for days, week and sometimes right up to New Years. But yes you are right, we did as kids without a thought to the pets. Every year there are calls to ban them and just have public displays as so many kids getting maimed with burns, or even eye injuries but they have not succeeded yet. Buddy gets to see them from up above this year without all the horrible bangs scaring him!!

Fireworks/firecrackers are banned for sale in California. However, they are easily smuggled over state lines or brought in from Mexico. The only ones that legal are public displays. That doesn't stop every kid in the neighborhood from shooting off firecrackers all night!

We hide from fireworks in our house too! I am sure for a long time you will see reminders of Buddy, but that is only because he is sending you reminders of his love for you and reminders that there are so many of us out here that need you and all that Buddy has taught you. I had such a happy moment when I watched Buddy's video...I fell in love instantly! Stay strong!

xoxox,
Kerry (Millie's Mama)

Trish,
I will send you the video now of smiling Buddy.:)

OMG HOW ADORABLE!!! I think Buddy would have done handstands if you had asked him to get those treats :D:D:D Awwwww I am off to work with a smile on my face to match that grinning Buddy, thanks for sending it Kathy, so precious :) See you tonight sweet xxxx

ps have a little snack and a drink won't you... :rolleyes: (can't help myself sorry!)

Don't let them work you too hard Trish. What are you bringing home for dinner? Isn't it Thursday where you are? It should be fresh fish tonight! Yum! I could actually eat a little bit of that!:)

Kathy:
I watched Buddy's video over and over again. How cute and precious he was on there, what a star. I am so glsd you have video of him. I try to take some of Tipper every day.That is a funny thing about the fireworks. Tipper can tell the difference between them and thunder, I guess by the atmospheric pressure before the thunder. She never winces during the fireworks. I sent for some treats from Vetri Science called Composure, for when it rains. My vet suggested Rescue Calming Remedy, the reviews were good, but it has too much alcohol in it so I got the other brand. I basically got Tipper to lay down most of the day, to get her pressure down. I am missing the posts by you on what Buddy would be doing. This is a crushing blow to the group, but I can't and don't want to imagine how you are feeling. You can send the white van and the little white men to come get me after they leave your house. Somehow we need to get people together to stamp out this disease. Blessings
Patti

Kathy
I haven't been on here in awhile and was so shocked to hear about Buddy.My heart breaks for you and the tears are flowing.Hearing of you holding his frog and blanket broke my heart.Its been 2 months now for me and I still can't walk by the dog hooks without closing my eyes and breathing in Fella's scent from his collar and winter coat.We all know what you are going through and you are never alone.I too felt like my babies were all I had in my life and so few understand that.Your love for Buddy led you here and I do think that is their final gift to us.Love,support and friendship literally from around the world 24/7-an amazing gift that I am forever grateful for.My heart is with you and so saddened to hear about your precious Buddy.
Love,
Patty

Thank you all! Patty, I hope the Three Musketeers are doing well!:)

Scented candles/warmers...I have always loved them. The food kind not the flowery kind. I have found them to be very soothing. When Buddy joined the family as a pup, I soon found out that he was full of allergies which could trigger asthma. I stopped burning candles or spraying anything smelly in the house. I probably had more than 20 large jarred scented candles at that time. I always get candles for gifts, particularly from the kids at school for various occasions. 10 years have passed. The candles have kept coming. I have continued to store them away. I thought about them today and opened my cedar chest in my bedroom. I counted 64 jarred candles. I then went to a spare bedroom. In that closet, in a box, there were another 30 plus jarred scented candles. If I burn candles every day for the rest of my life, I will never burn all of those candles, more less any others. It is weird the changes we make for our babies and we don't even mind.:o

No, we love them so much. I don't think we even really notice

Just wanted to let you know I am back, work became very nuts. Still doing bits, have no idea how I will get it all done before Friday when everyone keeps asking me things!

Sending you a hug
Mel
Xxxxx

Maybe I shouldn't ask you anything then.

Kathy:
I would get out a bunch of the candles and light them all in honor of Buddy. Blessings
Patti

Mel,
why don't you go ahead and go to bed. You were up really late with me last night and then had to work today again. There's enough angels around here to check in on me. Of course they are not you, but they are pretty great!;):)

Yes Patti,
I have already lit one of the candles as a tribute to Buddy. I can't lite a bunch of them because they are all scented. That would be an aroma nightmare and not much of a tribute.;)

I don't think I would be able to sleep. It was quite bizarre this morning I woke up at 07:00 our time exactly bolt upright like someone had poked me!

I want to stay here, I think we all become so attached to each others pups, it's comforting to me to know we are here together even if we aren't together

Ps -I didnt mean you asking things, work actions you can ask and talk to me whenever we are friends, these lot I am talking about are not!

I just don't want you to think that you have to stay out of some sense of duty. If you want to stay, that's great!:) xxxxx

I never do anything in my own time I don't want to!

I won't be here after Saturday for 2 weeks. Not sure how I will go without knowing how you all are!

You need the break Mel. Go and have a wonderful time! That is an order!:D Yes I will miss you, but I want you to go.:) xxxxx

I am looking forward to not working. Have a gazilioon things to pack yet. None of that done tonight. Can't be arsed to move now :D

Sent you my address so I can see the little smiler xxx