Lena, Teacup Poodle w/ adrenal tumor - Lena is now an angel

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by marinaliz

I was away for a couple of days and I just read for your loss. I'm at a lose for words, I don't know what to say… This must be so hard for you. I'm sorry for what you are going through. I wish I had the right words to comfort you but I believe that only time will make it easier for you. She may be in a better place now…R.I.P. little princess...

---

Thank you...I know. My brother sent me a whole you tube video on making the right decision about when the time comes, but it was all about being there when they are put down. He meant well, but boy did that bring back the guilt of not having been with her. I just can't get past that.

I can accept that it was her time, just looking at pictures I can see how much she changed and I can see the pain and confusion that started to show in her eyes compared to how she used to look.

I just can't accept that she went by herself surrounded by strangers, not with the one who loved her more than anything. I am so afraid that she was looking for me or waiting for me to come back. I wish I had stayed, then they could've just come and got me and I could've held her in my arms while she died...I just can't seem to get past that.

Oh Joan, of course I cannot know what was truly in Lena's mind that night. But truthfully, given how desperately she was trying to breathe, my guess is that her conscious mind and energy were totally focused on her own little body as the end neared. But then, if we can trust in the experiences related by humans brought back from the brink of death, at the actual moment of passing her spirit was connected with you and all her loved ones regardless of physical separation. You were with her at that moment of release because of the abiding love that filled her dreams and her memories and the very core of her being, even as the bright light beckoned her onward.

I know you wish so much that you were there to hold Lena. But my guess is the loss is more yours than hers because she made her passage knowing without doubt that she was loved. The far harder task falls to those of us who are left behind -- making peace with the aching wish to be able to hold our babies again for yet one more time. It breaks our hearts to think that even one precious opportunity was missed, and especially there at the end. I wish it weren't so, but I'm afraid this will hurt for a long, long time. But Joan, not because you failed Lena. However, you didn't get the chance to hold her and say goodbye yourself. Maybe in the coming days, though, you can find a different way to honor Lena and bid her farewell that may bring a bit of peace and comfort to soothe your aching heart.

Big hugs,
Marianne

My mind knows this, Marianne, but my heart won't let me accept it right now. I miss her every second :(

Your loss is so new and overwhelming right now. :o It has taken me oh so long to process my Buddy's passing. Even now, a few years later, it's still tough. It wasn't until I was able to accept that I did the best I could with the knowledge and resources I had at the time. Would I have done anything differently, most certainly, but I did my best and that's all anyone can do. There are always going to be regrets, but Buddy would want me to find peace with my decisions and I'm sure that Lena would want the same for you.

Big hugs,
Kathy

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Budster's Mom

Your loss is so new and overwhelming right now. :o It has taken me oh so long to process my Buddy's passing. Even now, a few years later, it's still tough. It wasn't until I was able to accept that I did the best I could with the knowledge and resources I had at the time. Would I have done anything differently, most certainly, but I did my best and that's all anyone can do. There are always going to be regrets, but Buddy would want me to find peace with my decisions and I'm sure that Lena would want the same for you.

Big hugs,
Kathy

---

Thanks, Kathy...I am trying so hard to accept it the way it went down. It just seemed to happen so fast. I thought I would have more time, but I am still reading all the posts and seeing all of the other problems that she might have gotten and luckily didn't. I go back and forth.

I know we would've done anything we could have to make her well again if that was at all possible. I am relieved that she doesn't have to go through all the vet visits, which I know frightened her; I am relieved that I don't have to give her pills anymore, which she was starting to be suspicious of; and I know she was uncomfortable and seeing her confused broke my heart.

I know it was time because I would never let her suffer and I think she was beginning to. What I need to get past, is not being there with her. But when I held her in my arms after I got there, and looked down at her sweet face, she looked healthy again...there wasn't any of the stress in her face that I had been seeing for a while, so I know she was at peace.

As I have been reading and rereading a lot of these posts, I am noticing that a lot of the Cushing's diagnosis come after dental work. I know Lee had symptoms for at least a year before, but after her dental work is when everything started to get worse.

Within 2 weeks of her being knocked out for cleaning and tooth extractions, she exhibited exaggerated signs.

Is there some correlation between dental work and Cushing's?? Or dental work and contributing factors to the symptoms of Cushing's?? I have been wondering this since the beginning, but now it just seems to a huge question in my mind....

Hi Joan. I think the link you are noticing between dental work and Cushing's diagnosis relates mainly to abnormalities noticed on lab work performed prior to dental work being done. Most vets require blood chemistry panels to be run prior to sedating dogs for dental work. Among other things, this is to ensure that liver and kidney values are within normal range prior to administering anesthetic agents. For many dogs, this may be the first time that comprehensive blood panels have ever been run on them. If the lab abnormalities that are classic to Cushing's appear on those panels, the vets then scratch their heads and start questioning owners about other overt symptoms to which not a great deal of attention had been paid previously. Suddenly, things get scrutinized a lot more closely. And then, we're off and running...:o

Although Lena's situation might have been different, I don't think that dental work generally causes or accelerates Cushing's -- it's instead that pre-op dental labwork is a common way in which blood chemistry abnormalities are first revealed, and then other issues are more closely scrutinized as well.

Marianne

Her blood work didn't show anything, Marianne, at least as far as I was told. The next blood work done 12 days later after her drinking increased to a point where I was shocked, and I took her back, is where it came back so bad.

I was just wondering...I know it didn't cause the Cushing's because she obviously already had it. I just wonder if the dental work exasperated it and pushed it into overdrive.

I guess I'm still searching for reasons...the sadness is turning into fury now.

I'd forgotten that you'd said that Lena's pre-dental labwork was fine and then two weeks later there were serious blood abnormalities. If you are really wanting to make sense of the labwork, the best thing would be to request copies from your vet so that you can see what the actual results were.

Cushing's does not typically suddenly become acute or worsen such that lab results drawn two weeks apart would show drastic differences. It that is truly what happened for Lena, then perhaps something else occurred in conjunction with the dental work. Perhaps an infection spread from her mouth to another location in her body, perhaps even to her heart? Perhaps the anesthetic agent did some unexpected harm to her liver or kidneys? I don't know -- just tossing out some random thoughts. But if you are really wanting to trace the steps, I think getting copies of all of Lena's recent labwork is the place to start.

Before doing that, though, the question I'd want to ask myself is, "Will pursuing these questions help me, or will it make me feel even worse to dwell on memories of these last couple of months?" If you think it will help, then we will do our best to try to sort out the information. But I know for me, dwelling on confusing results or inadvertent mistakes that might have been made would not make me feel any better. At all. So I just want you to make sure this is the route you want to go before requesting those records and tracing back through Lena's illness, OK? :o

Marianne

I'll have to think on that. I will probably just blame myself for that too. When all is said and done, it really doesn't matter. She's gone and nothing will bring her back to me.