Squirt - my Queen has crossed The Bridge

Leslie:
Thinking of you and praying that you are able to go on and do more good for other babies that need your help and love. Not an hour that passes that you are not in my thoughts. Blessings
Patti

Leslie, I am so sorry. I know I cannot help, but I do care, so very much. I hope you may soon find some respite from your pain, as I know the desperation I myself feel when I am trapped in sorrow or regret. It seems as though there is no way forward, and no escape in any direction. The walls close in and I can find no relief. I hope though, with time, your tears will clear your vision and unburden your heart, at least a tiny bit. Until that time comes, we remain here with you and for you.

Thinking of you Leslie! Sending you hugs and strength

love
Sharlene and molly muffin

Oh Leslie,I am so sorry. As for what you are now experiencing, I probably would expect that to be the case because the shock is wearing off and reality is setting in. That part is really hard and will last a while.

There is no easy way to deal with grief. So I would say go ahead and scream and cry and get it out.

And know that we are all here, we wont leave you and we all care.

Big hugs Les, much love

Oh Leslie, I know that there is nothing I can say that will take away the pain but we are thinking about you and dear Squirt. I just hope that one day there will be more good memories than pain.
HUGS

Memories -

Squirt and her littermates were the result of a clandestine meeting between two show dogs – a male black Cairn Terrier and a female black and white Long Haired Chihuahua. The owners of the parents were livid and wanted the pups aborted but the son of the woman who had the bitch was dating my daughter at the time and he begged his mom to let him find homes for the pups instead and she agreed, grudgingly. Gia got first pick and she chose Squirt. When the pups started eating regular dog food, the owner of the bitch told her son to get them out or she was going to drown the pups. So at 5 weeks old, Squirt was delivered to us. When she was handed to me, she was so tiny she fit in the palm of my hand and I said, “Why! She’s just a squirt of a dog!” And so she was named.

Gia was out of town with friends when the puppy was delivered and was gone for a week. By the time she got home, it was too late – Squirt and I were tightly bonded. Squirt was so tiny she would completely disappear in the grass of the yard unless it was shaved to the dirt. When we went out she would navigate the yard like a flying rabbit – leaping over the grass only to disappear in it when she landed. The neighbors and I would stand at the fence laughing our butts off at her leaping around the yard, having a blast. I was terrified Squirt would get stepped on or one of us would roll over in the bed and smother her so we slept in a recliner for the first couple of months. She started out lying between my leg and the side of the chair but as she grew she moved to sleeping on my legs or belly. When we moved to the bed she continued to sleep right next to me until she was around 6 years old when she started sleeping near my feet or head. Looking back, this may have been one of the first signs of Cushing’s – she was too warm sleeping next to me or under the covers like usual.

For the first 6 months of her life, she went everywhere with me…and I mean everywhere. I wore Big Smith overalls most of the time back then and they have nice deep pockets and a big bib. She rode in my pockets most of the time but sometimes wanted in the bib. We went grocery shopping, to my doctors, to WalMart – everywhere I went, Squirt went. My boss was so tickled when she discovered why I was suddenly wearing overalls to work all the time (as Assistant Registrar for a university!) that she allowed Squirt to remain as the Office Mascot. Plus she knew me well enough to know that if she balked she would be training a new registrar. ;)

Squirt went to work with me until she was around 6 months old when she became territorial about the office and staff. She wouldn’t have harmed any of them but she greeted everyone that came in the door snarling and barking her head off, hair bristled like a porcupine. We all knew that the moment that person took a step forward Squirt would tuck tail and run to the nearest safe person but the one coming in the door did not know that and many were frightened. So for a while she was banished to my office with the door closed. But that did not sit well with her and she started barking at every little sound. She was bored with her suddenly limited space and stimulation so I found myself spending much of my time keeping her occupied instead of working. So little by little, I started leaving her at home alone. She did very well; she found ways to entertain herself without being destructive and was able to establish her own “territories” in the house, which suited her just fine. She continued to go to classes with me and visit the office frequently, something she always truly enjoyed.

Squirt was very intelligent and learned anything presented to her quickly. She was completely house broken by 8 weeks old and the only times she had accidents afterwards was when she was left for too long (16 hours because my hubby decided to get drunk instead of come home) or she was sick. She knew all the commands and complied every time it suited her to do so. If treats were visible, compliance was swift and perfect. :D She was not too thrilled with leash training though. But once she realized the harness and leash meant a trip somewhere outside the fence, she quit fighting and quickly became a joy to walk. She wore the same harness her entire life and every time she saw me getting it out, she became excited until the last few years when she associate it the with same she did rides – with the vet.

Squirt had lots of toys, as any spoiled rotten dog does, but she treated them differently than any other dog I have ever known. There were only a couple of actual store-bought toys she would play with. Her play toys were old socks with knots in them. She had a very strong maternal instinct and I sometimes regret not letting her have one litter. Her toys were her babies, especially the ones that squeaked. One of her territories was a dog bed in the middle bedroom and one of her hard fast rules was – thou shall not remove her babies from that dog bed. Every squeaky baby was designated to her bed in that room, along with a few others. I would take the toys out of the bed, scatter them around the house, and she would gather them all up one by one, carefully checking each one, and put them gently back in the bed. The whole time cutting her eyes, full of reproach, at me. Other dogs might dare to get one of those toys once, but it would be only once – Squirt was a fierce “mama” to her “babies” and she didn’t back down one little bit over them. By the time she decided they were grown and a nuisance, those toys were almost as pristine as the day they left the store. For the rest of her life, she would alert anytime a toy squeaked.

Squirt was a well-traveled pup. During her younger years and my healthier years, I was a Road Trip Queen. Given the least opportunity, we were on the road – no destination most of the time, just traveling back roads to see where we landed. She has been all over ARK and a great deal of TN, MO, OK, TX, LA, MS, and KY. We went through NM on our way to AZ to get Trinket. She was an absolute delight to travel with and the perfect hotel dog. When arthritis and Cushing’s appeared, traveling was not as enjoyable for her as it used to be but she continued to want to “ride” until the last few years of her life.

One Little Candle

I lit a candle tonight, in honor of you
Remembering your life, and all the times we’d been through.

Such a small little light the candle made
until I realized how much in darkness it lit the way.

All the tears I’ve cried in all my grief and pain
what a garden they grew; watered with human rain.

I sometimes can’t see beyond the moment, in hopeless despair.
But then your memory sustains me, in heartaches repair.

I can’t wait for the tomorrow, when my sorrows ease.
Until then, I’ll light this candle, and let my memories run free.

~by Sheila~

Leslie.....what a beautiful tribute to your precious Queen! My first Chihuahua was also named Squirt....for the same reason! He was a tiny little thing...barely 3 lbs fully grown! Oh how they wrap themselves around our hearts!

Thinking of you and praying the days and nights become less painful to endure! Remember the good times and treasure the memories you will carry with you! Thank you for sharing your sweet love with all of us!

Hi Leslie. I'm sorry it's so rough. It won't always be, I promise. Do you like listening to music? Sometimes it helps me if I put on music to play in the background. In this case I would not cue up sad songs but songs that I found to be more uplifting. I find music can do so much to lift my spirits and I don't think about turning it on often enough, except for when I'm in the car.

Another thing I learned to do some time ago was to stop by my local grocery store and pick up one of those $6 premixed bundles of flowers or go by my florist and get one single rose for $3.50. They'll usually toss in some greens and some baby's breath for you and it can be so uplifting to see this perfect bloom just open up over the next several days, get to enjoy it's aroma. The red ones don't last very long but the others can last for a week sometimes if you keep taking a fresh cut of 1/2" off the stem each day. For me it just kind of reaffirms that life is going to go on. Beauty is still around us. It puts some peace in my world for a moment or two.

Meanwhile, I'm here along with the others to listen and to hug whenever you need it. I hope you get some quality rest soon. And I agree-let the screaming come out. Get those bad endorphins outta there!
xoxo
Susan

What an excellent journey and life you and Squirt had together. The travels, the adventures, the caring, it all lends itself to a total that is markedly lessened by her passing.

Squirt was unique in many ways and her connection with you was strong and unbreakable. Such a gift is truly to precious.

Sending you big hugs Leslie
love
Sharlene and molly muffin

Thank you so much for sharing your precious memories of Squirt with us Leslie.