Squirt - my Queen has crossed The Bridge

Just saw this happened...
So very sorry for Squirt...
Hang on...

Leslie I am so sorry to hear of Squirts passing. You were there for me right from the start and I always loved hearing your stories about Squirt - they made me laugh and cry. I also understood all too well the worry and fear in your voice.

By far the hardest part of owning a dog is what you are dealing with right now. We know that when one of these angels comes into our lives it will leave us broken hearted, but while they are with us they teach us so much - most of all unconditional love.

Love and hugs dearest Leslie,

Oh Dearest Leslie,
I was so saddened to read about Squirt. Words can't truly express how sorry I am. Across the cyber miles, I send the biggest ((((HUGS)))).
Fly Free Sweet Angel Squirt....go meet others who have gone and await you with open arms at the bridge. You will forever be loved, cherished, and missed by all who were so lucky to have known you.

I'm very sorry for your loss of Squirt. I have followed you and her for many years and I know the heartbreak you feel. But Squirt is running free, healthy and spry at the Rainbow Bridge.

Bonnie and Angel Criss Ann

Hi Leslie

Popping in to send you some hugs before I head to bed... hope your taking care of yourself and the rest of the gang is doing OK. Thinking of you xxx

Dear Leslie,

Praying for you and the gang for a painful but necessary transition to the life without Squirt who now lives only in your hearts. Hugs. Song.

Stopping by to give you hugs. Thinking of you.

To say “Thank you” is never enough. I hope you all know how very much I appreciate each and every word. To hear you say that Squirt touched your life in some way, that she brought a smile to your face and laughter to your voice is priceless to me, a tribute to my Queen that is immeasurable. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

The babies are alright. Fox never got to know Squirt well so has not been affected. Trinket has been depressed, not eating Thurs. and little more Fri., but is better now, tho she still sometimes searches the closet and places Squirt used to lay, and is a bit more clingy than usual. Brick, sweet thing that he is, said his goodbyes while Squirt was still here. He would lay by her side or sit with his back touching hers often her last couple of days. He knew. He slept more than usual Fri. but is back to his normal self now. Sophie was the hardest hit. It finally occurred to me that she has been around Squirt her whole life and lived with her the last 4 years, first in Sardis then here when she moved in with us. There is no question in my mind that she sees Squirt. Thurs. nite she was stuck to me like glue, her ears down, her tail tucked and from time to time her hackles raised and she would whimper. She was like this all Thurs. nite and most of Fri. morning, then she calmed a little bit but remained clingy and more nervous until yesterday. Yesterday her appetite was back and she played with one of her toys. She stills sticks closer than she used to and often acts as if she sees something, watching it move, physically reacting. Say what you will, she sees Squirt.

I wish I could tell you my Sweet Bebe’s passing was easy – it was not. Her little body was in worse shape than I thought. Because of the Cushing’s, age, and all the meds she had been on, her veins were shot. They kept collapsing and tearing when Doc tried to give the injection. I held her head and told her it was alright, but it wasn’t; it hurt, she cried out once when the vein blew. I lied to her. It wasn’t alright. This memory, these images, these sounds keep me from being able to talk. I open my mouth and a black vomitus of guilt, what-ifs, why-didn’t-Is, regret, self-reproach and raw red agony comes pouring forth. I want her back. I want a chance to change my mind, to tell Doc “never mind”. Most of all, I have wanted forgiveness from Squirt.

Night before last, I was sitting in bed in my usual manner and I saw Squirt’s tail passing by below me as if she were going to lay on her rug by the bed. Her tail was up, held high instead of tucked between her legs like it has been for most of this last year. I thought to myself, “She’s feeling better tonight”….and then remembered why that was. Yesterday morning I was on the front porch watching the sun come up and storm clouds roll in against a pink sky. As I watched the clouds, there came Squirt in cloud shape. Her head was down, mouth open in a grin, ears pricked forward, her back legs were tucked up under her belly, her back arched and butt up, her tail up and blurred as if wagging. It looked like she was doing her silly little happy dance – a bouncy, ground-slapping, hopping, twirling run she would do when very happy about something. I have prayed to all who would hear for a sign that Squirt was alright now and that she could forgive me one more time. I believe these visions are my answer.

I am once again shattered, large pieces ripped away that cannot be replaced. Wounds, old and new, lay open, the lightest brush excruciatingly painful. In spite of the many treasured ties to this time and space, to this Life, it is the promises made to the Dead that hold me here. So I will again stitch the wounds closed and cobble the remaining pieces together then learn to walk in this new world. In time, I will be alright; I’m a survivor so I have no other choice.

Again, thank you all. Your support eases me, sustains me. Thank you most of all for loving Squirt.

(Sorry, I can't seem to bring myself to sign this)

I'm so sorry Leslie. I'm crying and my heart is aching for both you and Squirt along with yours. I'm praying for you that you will stay strong and with time to get past this immeasurable painful moment in your life.
I'm so sorry, Leslie. Many hugs.

Thank you very much for talking to us when it's so very difficult for you.

Oh Leslie, my heart is breaking for you and the pups. I so wish we could take the pain away.
What a wonderful image of Squirt doing her happy dance in the clouds now that she is free of illness.
HUGS