So very sad

Hi Dawn,

What wonderful, emotional memories you have with your baby. Thank you for sharing them here. I join Marianne in sending you compassionate hugs.

Shana

Beautifully said Dawn. She was indeed a true love.

Dear Dawn,

What precious memories of your sweet girl during a most difficult time. So often those memories are a double-edged sword. One edge allowing us to laugh and smile again while the other cuts deep, reawakening the agony of our loss. But we cherish those memories regardless and in time they do bring more joy than pain, becoming all the more precious as a result.

You were a good mom and I know she is so full of love for you still today, watching over you with all the devotion you showed to her.

Hugs,
Leslie

My dear sweet Dawn,
It took a lot of courage and pain to post. Enfolding you with love,compassion, support. In memory of sweet Kiki. The loss will always be there. When you love so deeply, you fall even harder.
Love Sonja and Apollo

Marianne , Shana, Sharlene, Leslie and Sonja, Thank you. Your words of comfort made me feel better.

It has been almost a year and a half since my baby had to leave me. I am so very sad and unhappy. I still miss her so much. I cry every day for her. I just want her back. I want to hold her, tell her how much I love her. Look into those beautiful eyes. I can not move on with my life. No one makes me happy like she did. I was not happy before I got her and I am not happy now. I don`t know how to live without her. How does a person live again ?

Oh Dawn, that is such a hard question :o. I sure wish I knew the answer, but I guess it is probably different for every person. I am so sorry that you have yet to find any relief from your sorrow. It will soon be a year now since I lost my Peg. I have both good and bad days, it seems. Some days are just harder than others, when the memories and loss come flooding back. But I am lucky, in that I do have good days, as well. And that gives balance to my life.

I can't give you any reason for that. It just is, and I am grateful. Having Luna in my life does help a lot. She needs me and I need her, and that is really a gift.

I admit this is my head talking -- trying to think rationally -- but I do honestly hope and believe that there are future possibilities for joy in your life, Dawn. Even though it doesn't seem like it now, I do believe things can still change for you, perhaps even when you least expect it. Until then, I continue to send you my warmest wishes and tons of hugs.

Always in loving memory of your sweet baby girl,
Marianne

Oh dearest Dawn,

For me, with time the pain became bearable, it never really leaves me, just kinda hovers and certain things make it come to the surface. I do have a lot more happy times than sad ones especially when I'm reminiscing about my boys, I still miss them very much. One thing that has helped me move on is giving a forever home to a rescue dog, I've chosen to adopt older dogs that have an unlikely chance of being adopted out.

Oh Dawn, please know we are here for you and we always will be.

Love and hugs, Lori

I also feel that it is different for everyone. We feel so very deeply for our babies and that pain can be unbearable. There is no time limit as far as working through our grief.

Personally, I needed to be needed. I could not function until another baby joined my family. I needed a purpose to get up and face the day. I had to care for a tiny fur baby who had no one else. A 3.2 pound ball of fluff who changed my life. I ached for Buddy and still do. That has not changed, but my little Rosie helped me to heal. Another dog is not a replacement, or the right choice for everyone, but was the right choice for me.

Try to pick one beautiful thing per day to be thankful for. Whether it be a sunset or butterfly, etc. It's the little things that show us that life goes on.

Big hugs,
Kathy

Quote:

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Originally Posted by mommyslittlegirl

How does a person live again ?

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Dawn, you've remained in my thoughts over these past couple of days, and I'm going to throw out a suggestion that may not sound at all like a good idea to you. But on the other hand, it just might. I've been thinking about what a caring and loving person you are, and now that your baby is no longer in your arms, so much love must just be bottled up inside you. My very elderly mom has always been a believer that "doing" is the best cure for the doldrums, and I guess I must have inherited that belief from her. Because I can't help wondering if your spirits might rise if you could find a useful way to help care for somebody else in need.

Of course my first thought is an animal, since as you can see, that is the avenue that has helped several of us here. I totally understand that you may never feel as though you wish to adopt another animal yourself. But an alternative might be volunteering at a shelter or rescue. If working directly with the animals would feel too hard, I'll bet you could help with answering phones, or processing paperwork, or fundraising -- things like that will still help save furbabies' lives. Or perhaps there's an entirely different area in which you could volunteer some time: a hospital, or a shelter for people, or a food bank, or a clothing consignment store. There are so many who are in need of a helpful hand and a caring smile. And you have so much love to give, Dawn.

As I say, these are just some thoughts I wanted to offer out. None of them may feel like a good fit for you. And for sure, none of them will replace the love -- and the sorrow -- you feel for your baby. But sometimes just being busy can provide some moments of peaceful distraction, and there are so many souls in this world who need help. Your time and your caring would be such precious gifts for any person or animal to receive. And the act of giving just might lift your own spirits as well. As I say, just a thought...;)

Marianne

Dear Dawn
The pain, the loss,the regrets can overwhelm us. Even after over 4 years I still have guilt, miss him everyday. Like you Apollo changed my world, opened me up more,etc. No one can take that pain away. We try to find a way to go on. The loss will always be there. Many of us pass the love on to another fur ball to ease the pain. My little rescue Ariel,helps me cope with the loss. Once you experience the joy of having a fur ball. You are never the same. There are so many rescues out there that would love to be with you.
No one can tell you what to do. We can only share our experience strength and hope.
Love Sonja,Apollo

Hi Dawn, i guess you just learn to live with the loss, the pain itself just seems to remain like a dull ache in your heart.
I've immersed myself in outside activities to try and distract myself from that loss, but it doesn't really go away, at least for me.
My heart hurts for you. :(

Thank you all for your sweet and caring replies. They brought tears to my eyes. I felt like people care about me and how I feel. . They shared the love and ( guilt, regrets ) they feel for their precious babies . The pain of the loss of their babies and the missing them. Just like I do with my baby. They offered hope and great suggestions. I am so glad many have chosen to open their hearts to other furbabies. I can not at this time. It would not be fair to that furbaby. But I will look into other suggestions ones have made. If I am part of this big, loving and caring family, I am so grateful. Dawn

Quote:

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Originally Posted by mommyslittlegirl

If I am part of this big, loving and caring family, I am so grateful. Dawn

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You most certainly are part of this family and will always remain so.

((((HUGS))))

My precious baby , it has been two years since you had to leave me . November 16 .The pain is still so much there. I still cry every day for you . I will cry for you the rest of my life . I find myself going to all the places we use to go , parks, downtown ,antique stores ,the Rose Garden were you would chase the lizards in the bushes .So many memories .I sit alone on the benches .I can still see us walking ,you in the lead. I smile and tears fall . I would give anything in the world just to do these things again with you ,to hold you in my arms ,to tell you how much I love you, to kiss you and feel again the love we shared ..Thank you for being my baby ,teaching me the true meaning of love , to laugh , that life was fun filled with adventure . For comforting me ,teaching me responsibility and to cook. Mommy will love you and miss you forever .

Dearest Dawn, holding you in my thoughts and my heart today. And picturing your precious angel baby in my mind’s eye, through all your beautiful loving memories. She was perfect, and will forever remain so.

Sending so many hugs to you across the miles, my friend.
Marianne

awwww, Dawn, I know only too well what you mean and feel. No matter how many babies come into our lives there are those that are oh so very special and when they must leave the void that is where they used to be cannot be filled. I hold fast to the belief that one day I will hold them and all my babies again. And when that day comes, we will never be parted again.

My thoughts are with you on this anniversary none of us want to have.
(((((((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))))
Leslie

Oh, Dawn...I know how you feel. Lena is gone 1 year and 9 months tomorrow and I still cry every day. I never thought I had so many tears in me. She absolutely loved this time of year, from Halloween on through Christmas. The prep, the food coming in, the decorating! I know she knew it was a special time. She just loved the holidays...now it makes me so sad that she is not here to enjoy them.

Seems we are in this group unwillingly of grieving the loss of our babies. I know how you feel, like too many of us now here on this forum. They rip our hearts apart when they leave us, and the wound never heals completely. You are not alone in your grief and mourning....I know that isn't much comfort, but we certainly know how you feel. I only hope some of the days get easier for you. It has been 3 years on the 14th of Nov. since "mah boy" left. One day your good, the other day it's like it just happened. I swore I would never get another dog for 2 reasons. One they just wouldn't be like the special good boy I had and 2 just didn't want to replace him. I have re-considered and this spring hopefully will be welcoming a new fur baby. Even now the thought of it sometimes makes me hesitant, but I know many on here have welcomed a new one to the family and haven't regretted it. Hang in there....

Thank you Marianne ,Leslie , Joan and Judi. I really appreciated the encouragement , support and love i felt from your replies . I know you all understand well the pain . Thank you again and I hope everyone had a nice Thanksgiving .

Today I feel so sad. Baby , you are my true love , my valentine .My heart hurts so much because you are not here with me . I remember the heart shaped sugar cookies with the pink and red frosting with sprinkles . How you loved them . Your eyes would sparkle and you would do your dance . How I would laugh . You are my funny little valentine forever. Mommy misses you. I just had to express my feelings and I thank this site so very much.

Awww, Dawn. Lena used to love those kind of cookies, too. Well, to be honest, she liked any kind! None of the holidays seem right anymore, do they? They were always a part of everything. Maybe our babies are sharing a big dish of cookies today, dancing and smiling. Wouldn't that be something to see....

Hugs to you, dear Dawn~

Oh, sending big hugs your way, too, Dawn. I love picturing our babies at a giant cookie party today — thank you, Joan! It is so hard when we miss our babies so much. Every time we write about them here, though, I feel like we are honoring them. So we join you today in honoring your sweet baby girl. And I’m so glad you’re allowing us to do so.

Always in loving memory ~
Marianne

I know the feeling, those little things that they loved and that every time you think of them you can't help but remember all those things they loved too.
They were loved, they loved us and in this life, that is a very special gift indeed.

Thank you Joan, our babies are so much alike. You always know what to say. .I like the thought of our babies sharing that big dish of cookies. Marianne , thank you for your words of comfort and for honoring my baby You are always here to offer comfort to others. Thank you Sharlene . You are right. Our babies give us the greatest gift of all. Their love. Thank you baby for loving me. I love you forever.

November was the second year since my baby has been gone. Since than I have felt a great sadness which I can not get rid of. .This is not a dream .She is not being fixed up so she can return to me . It has finally hit me . She really , really is gone. I will never look in those big beautiful eyes of hers again, hold her or tell her I love her. My life with her was like a beautiful book . A love story between a lonely girl and a tiny white poodle. In the first chapter it is a Sunday morning and this young brown haired girl anxiously awaits for her neighbor to bring her this promised tiny toy poodle. The moment had finally arrived. It was love at first sight . the girl and poodle bonded instantly. The girl is no longer lonely or sad. She knows love and joy for the first time in her life. The chapters continue . There is the first haircut , the first trip ,first park and so many fun adventures. Time moves so quickly. Over half of the book is finished and the days change a little. More days are spent on short walks, enjoying tea rooms, sitting on park benches and just enjoy being together. The book moves along and one day the girl hears some heartbreaking news . Her world is torn apart . But yet among the sadness and pain , she is still happy, her love is still with her. Than comes the final chapter and the book ends. The book will be loved and cherished forever as long as it is in possession of the original owner . It will remain dust free, no worn cover . There will be no yellowing or torn pages , no creases , no bent corners. Another book will be written . There is no title and the pages are empty .

aw Dawn, I know too well how you feel. I have my own books. This Nov it will be 12 years since my daughter had to leave and in May, 4 years since Squirt joined her. Squirt saved my life when Gia died and when Squirt told me she had had enough, it tore my Soul into shreds. I do find immense comfort in the belief that they are together now once again and waiting for me.

People like you and me are special. So many are unable to feel such a depth of love for any living thing, even their own families much less a dog. I am sure you have been told the same things as I - "get over it", "it's time to move on", "she was only a dog". What they don't understand is that we HAVE moved on, life forced us to, but we will always carry that love and that grief with us because you just don't "get over" a love like that....that our babies were never "only a dog". Our babies gave us a purpose, a foundation, a whole bright and beautiful world when we most needed it.

But our losses also give us a gift - a gift of understanding and compassion, even empathy, for others who grieve as we do. It's not easy for me to come here, ever, much less day after day. But it is one small way I can honor my beautiful baby girl and my Sweet Bebe - because I can understand how someone feels when they find out their pup is sick, when that day comes that they lose their precious baby. Not everyone who has been part of our family here can do that - they just can't keep coming back here. But they have found other ways to use their pain - fostering, volunteering in shelters, working with a rescue to help place babies in furever homes and so on. They open their books and add another page, one that starts out, "Because I love you so I am going to do these things in honor of you." I believe one day your tears and anguish will lead you to the place where you find a new purpose too, a reason to open your book and add another page, a page honoring your sweet Kiki.

Until then, know we are always here for you. Our shoulders will always be a safe place to fall. Our hands always reaching out to yours. Our tears falling with yours in understanding and shared pain.

Hugs,
Leslie

Dear Dawn,

I wish there was some way to help you with your sadness. I can see that little girl and her toy poodle.

Lena's two year anniversary was last month. It still seems so hard to believe. Like you, I kept hoping it was a dream and she would come back to me, whole and healthy. I dreamed about her last night for the first time in a long time. She was in the clouds and I could see she was looking at me and she looked young and healthy again. I've only dreamed of her three times, unless I am in such a deep sleep and she's there and I don't remember. We were so close, she has to be there.

I don't think your baby would want you to be so sad. Lena used to get so upset if I was sad or mad. She would hop around my ankles barking and doing anything she could to distract me...and of course she always could. I would pick her up and all would be well. That's what I remember when I'm upset, me holding her in my arms, against my chest, breathing into her poof and kissing her ears, her face, her neck...and her sighing that contented sigh I loved so much.

Dear sweet Dawn
I wish I could take the loss and sadness away. I read you beautiful story and the tears flow. It has been over four years since Apollo left. I find my self talking about him often. And on occasion cry at night when all is silent.
Love Sonja
ANgel Apollo and Karma, Ariel

I'm going to just send you some big virtual hugs Dawn and hope that somehow each day there is one thing you can find to smile about. Just one.

Just wanted to stop by and say hello to my friends here that provided support and comfort to me. I still CRY every day for my baby. Time can not stop the pain . .For the ones that have lost their precious babies , a big warm hug. . For the ones who have babies fighting this terrible disease , a big comfort hug. Thank you my Cushing family .

Sending you tons of loving hugs.

Hello Dawn, so nice to see! Hugs to you, lots and lots.

Hey Dawn, tons of hugs coming your way from me, too! Thank you for your sweet and loving thoughts to all our family. We surely do send the same warm wishes back to you.

Marianne

Hi everyone. Came back to my friends here to say hi . Was sadden to hear about the loss of the sweet pets I remember. And the ones I don’t. I thought after the years passed, the pain in my heart would lessen . But it doesn’t. Every day I think of my baby . And many days , tears come to my eyes. Love you all

Oh Dawn, it’s so good to see you once again! We will never forget your precious baby girl, either, and all the joy and love you two shared. No matter how much time passes, I do believe that love lasts forever. For so many reasons, these past couple of years have been very hard for our family and the whole world. And you’re so right, the loss of more of our sweet companions has made things feel even harder. But then come mornings like this, when the return of a special friend like you brightens up the day. Even though I know it probably tears at your own heart to return here at times, it feels like a hug to me when one of our family members checks back in. So I thank you for returning and posting, and as always, I send you my best wishes for the days ahead.

Love, Marianne

My heart goes out to Dawn. It has been over 9 years since Apollo,,s passing. The love and support of this group got me through the tough times. Thank you all. Love Sonja and Angel Apollo.

Oh Sonja, it is so special to see you back here, too! We’ll never forget you and brave warrior Apollo, either! This has become a special day for me, seeing both you and Dawn here. Take good care, and thank you so much for stopping by. I know it’ll mean a lot to Dawn.

Oh my, tears are flowing seeing you, Dawn, and you, Sonja. Our precious Kiki and Apollo, never forgotten, always loved.
(((((((((((((((HUGSTOBOTH)))))))))))))))))))))
Leslie