Alivia was recently diagnosed with Cushing's - Alivia has passed

I am still in disbelief that Alivia is gone. I looked back at my very first post in April 2011, when Alivia was first diagnosed with adrenal tumor related Cushings. I was a mess and had no idea how I would proceed. Addy was the first person to welcome me here (followed soon after by MANY kind, caring, amazing people). So ironic that Zoe passed away just one week after Alivia. Both of them fought so hard and pulled through so many things. Two little, furry white fighters. Addy welcomed me here and Alivia returned the favor by welcoming Zoe at the bridge.

Anyway, looking back at the beginning and the decisions I made, I do feel like I did the best I could for Alivia. I chose not to have adrenal surgery on a small, elderly dog with other health issues and I think that was the right decision for Alivia. In my heart I felt she would not have survived that surgery and I still believe that. I also chose not to specifically treat the Cushing's and I believe that was also right for Ali. She had nearly three years of life after her diagnosis, and most of that was good. There were long periods of time when she had no Cushing's symptoms at all.

Alivia died just 10 days short of her 16th birthday. That was three years longer than both her mother and littermate - neither of whom had prior health issues.

I miss Alivia terribly, but her last couple days were not good. I am relieved that she is now free of pain and in peace. The inscription on her urn says, "Until we meet again at the Rainbow Bridge".

Oh Mary Beth, I remember those early days and all the conversations of Dr. Peterson, to treat or not, all of it, both of us discussing our pups issues, back and forth. Right now to me, it seems so long ago.

I believe you always did the right thing for Ali and the fact that she lived for 16 years proves it. You have no second guessing to do though it is a natural part of grieving.

It gives me great comfort that Ali took Zoe under her wing now. Both of them with the most beautiful eyes, turning all the male pups heads.

Zoe lived just shy of 4 years after diagnosis even with all her other health issues. Her IMS kept reminding me of that in a gentle way.
So I remind you of Alivia and how living to 16 years old is no small feat especially with the quality of life Alivia had.

Pangs and waves, the website about grief called it. How grief comes in pangs and waves. It is the hardest part, the dang pangs and waves.

Give Maxwell a cuddle from Koko. Our boys will bring us through the loss of our girls, just like you said.

Sometimes it is good to review and see how hard you worked to give Alivia the best life possible. You know you did the best in your heart, but sometimes, it's nice to see the logic that walked side by side with the heart.

Alivia had a life Full of love and fun and adventures and nap times and cuddles, toys and warmth. All the wonderful things that come when a dog as a good life and is well loved.

hugs
Sharlene and Molly Muffin

Addy, you are right, it all seems to have begun FOREVER ago. So many tears since the beginning of it all. The grief does come at unexpected times.

I know that Alivia lived a good long life and could not have been loved any more than she was. Sharlene, you are so right that it is sometimes very hard to align the heart with the mind, but I am hopeful in time it will happen.

Maxwell is being such an angel and is definitely a huge comfort. He has always been a bit of a mamma's boy and loves to snuggle up close to me. He does seem to be sleeping more than usual still. He is going to be 14 years old in August, but he has always been so active and healthy that I tend to forget he is a senior dog, too. He and Ali used to sleep in their beds in the entry way while I was at work. Now he goes upstairs and sleeps in my bed during the day. Apparently he only slept downstairs to be near Ali because the steps had become hard for her to go up and down much. He was being protective of her, I think. Max is getting the extra attention now that he has always deserved.

We are supposed to be getting a huge snowstorm. They are saying between 6 and 12 inches tomorrow evening. I am planning on spending the entire weekend (and possibly Monday, too!) at home, relaxing....at least in between cleaning up and doing some laundry! I think I may have to have a glass or two of ChocoVine, too! Anyone want to join me? ;)

Leslie, I want to thank you again for this: "It's not that we are granted the "right" to decide when it is time for them to end their suffering, it is a responsibility we bear, born out of our deep love for them." That has helped more than I can begin to tell you.

Chocovino sounds like just the thing for a cold windy night.

As soon as we get back from the movies. "Wolf of Wallstreet" this evening.
Molly is in charge. Hope the house is still standing when we get back. Party girl that she is. :):)

hugs,
Sharlene and Molly muffin

I'm up for some Chocovino, MB. Koko is a mama's boy as well. He and Maxwell can "I want Mama" to their heart's content.:)

A toast Mary Beth, to good times and bad times, past and future, joy and laughter, heartache and tears. We have had it all dear friend.

Hugs and love to you,

chinck, chinck:):)

Mary Beth,
Max may be sleeping more due to being depressed that Alivia is gone.
I'm so glad that you're helping each other through this.

Mary Beth:
I too think Max is grieving over Alicia and is depressed. I am sure the amount of time they lived together with you has impacted Max. I am so sorry you are going thru this. Every time I read about someone's baby passing, it reminds me of Tipper's mortality and what this will do to me. My heart goes out to you and Max. Blessings
Patti

Maxwell has never been an "only" dog. Alivia was 2 years old when I got Max and she spoiled him rotten. She cleaned his ears every day and let him have whatever he wanted, even food she was eating! She was always very patient with him and if you didn't know any better, you would have though Max was the alpha. But, if he really pushed his luck and she lost her patience, one little snarl from Alivia would put Max right in his place. So, I know this is very hard on him, too. He is getting lots of extra snuggles and attention to help him (and me) get through the loss of Alivia.

Patti, there were times when Alivia had absolutely no symptoms of Cushing's. During those times, I had to back away from here and just forget about the disease and enjoy her just being a "normal" dog, without being reminded of her mortality. I also didn't want the disease to define Alivia and it never did. Cushing's may have contributed a little to Ali's death, but at age 16, it was not the cause.

We are in the midst of a snowstorm here. We've gotten about 4 inches so far today and it is still coming down. They are predicting 4" to 12" through tomorrow. At this point, I am hoping for the 12", so I have an excuse to stay home tomorrow and hang out with Max! :D

Addy,

Loved our virtual toast!!! It has been quite a ride, dear friend!

Sending hugs and love right back to you.

Mary Beth:
I know how you are feeling and know the weight of your heart. I am glad you got to enjoy your sweet baby for 16 years, that is an accomplishment, and testament to your care and love. For once my home town will get more snow maybe than where I am now!! Hope you get to stay home and play hooky Blessings
Patti

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by MBK

We are in the midst of a snowstorm here. We've gotten about 4 inches so far today and it is still coming down. They are predicting 4" to 12" through tomorrow. At this point, I am hoping for the 12", so I have an excuse to stay home tomorrow and hang out with Max! :D

---

York, PA is supposed to get that snow storm too, so far we have had only rain...I am so tired of shoveling!!!! :mad::eek: Come on Spring!!!

Hugs, Lori

The Way I Feel

They say there is a reason,
They say time will heal,
But, neither time nor reason,
Will change the way I feel.
No one knows the heartache,
That lies behind my smile,
No one knows how many times,
I have broken down and cried.
I want to tell you something,
So there won't be any doubt,
You're so wonderful to think of,
But, so hard to be without.

-Author Unknown

Mary Beth:
So very true and so very sad. You have 16 years of love invested in your baby. They say you never get over something like this, you just learn to live with it. I wish I had the magic wand to take all your pain away. I can imagine how heavy your heart is. I am praying for you and sweet Alivia. Blessings
Patti

Sending you hugs!
Sharlene and molly muffin

Ohhh I want to join in the "clink clink" and chocovino... (if I knew what that was) think I have asked before.. chocolate wine maybe which actually sounds a bit ick :)

That's a lovely poem, hope your day is going ok today xx

Trish, you are absolutely welcome to join in on the "ChocoVine" toast (Sharlene, Lori and Patti, too)! ChocoVine is Chocolate wine and I thought the same as you...that it does not sound good. You have to try it! It is delicious!!! Like dessert in a glass...that warms you up. :p

I do feel the way that poem says...okay moments and bad moments. She was a huge part of my life for nearly 16 years. It still feels very surreal that she is gone. I haven't been able to put her bed and things away, yet. Just today I finally opened the envelope with the paperwork from the pet funeral home that cremated her. There was a beautiful letter, a copy of the Rainbow Bridge poem and a form to fill out to have her obituary published on their website.

I am so grateful for Maxwell and that he is in good health.

I loved the poem Mary Beth, it is so fitting and true. I am happy you have Maxwell, thank God, you have Maxwell, actually because I know right now you both need each other so.


I think I know the day you must have had yesterday. It is the day I am having now.:(:(:( There is a pain in our hearts that goes on and on.

I'm thinking we may need a whole lot of Chocovino:):):):)



love you

Beautifully said for us all. Thinking of you
Hugs Sonja and Angel Apollo

Mary Beth:
Thank God for Maxwell. He could never replace your precious Alicia, but he is there to lessen the anguish you are feeling. There is no doubt, and science has proven it, that animals grieve too. I will be in your shoes one day, so I know how hard not must be carrying on with your life. Blessings
Patti

Mary Beth:
I just wanted to let you know I was thinking of you and hoping you are doing well. Blessings
Patti

Dear Mary Beth and Maxwell,

Thinking of you both and hope the weather is good for you to enjoy the weekend.

Koko says woof to Maxwell. I send love and hugs.

Hi Mary Beth

Popping in to see how you are doing and to find out what cocktail is on the menu for this weekend!! I looked in our supermarket and no sign of chocovine here in NZ! Hope your have got through the week ok and Maxwell is giving you lots of loving, big hugs to you all xxxx

I'm really missing Alivia. The grief seems to come in waves....sometimes unexpectedly. Sometimes I can't help it and I picture her last moments. As hard as that is to remember, I don't want to forget anything about Alivia. It still all seems surreal, except that she is not by my feet.

What I never realized before was how much Max followed Ali's lead. Max is younger and so never lived without Alivia before. He does not ask for ANYTHING. Nothing. Ali would go to the door and bark to go out when she had to potty and Max would go with her. Ali would paw at their water bowls if they were empty or if they were the least bit dirty. She was fanatical about having perfectly clean water at all times. ;) She would insist that it be refilled with clean water if there was even a crumb in the bowl and would bark to get my attention if she had to. Now I have to remember to check Max's water bowls to make sure he has clean, fresh water. I have to remember to let him out at regular times or his little bladder would probably burst. It is strange that he doesn't ask for anything at all. The sweet little guy is so incredibly LOW maintenance. He is being really good and so extremely cuddly. I can't even imagine how much harder this would be without him. But, he is still sleeping a lot and I wonder if that is his way of dealing with grief or if his age is beginning to show (he will be 14 in August).

Hi Mary Beth,

I'm sure it is hard for Max too but at 14, that is 14 years that Alivia took care of him. She made sure he went out because she did, she made sure his water bowl was filled. He never Had to ask, I doubt that he knows how. Alivia just took care of him, so I am positive that he is missing her a great deal and not sure what this new world without her is really all about.

I'm glad he is a cuddler though, that is exactly what you need right now. A little body that says mom I'm here, take care of me, I don't know what to do, so just love me and be there for me.

It makes me cry to think of the changes that Alivia's passing has brought to both of your life and the hole that she left.

Sending you lots and lots of love
Sharlene

We have the same thing, Koko always followed Zoe and he does not ask for things either. It is so quiet in our house. Since I have been taking Koko on short walks and playing hide and seek and puzzle he has perked up a bit. He just holds his toy hot dog in his mouth all the time like it is a pacifier. He too is low maintenance.

Mary Beth, our girls were so larger than life, it leaves such a emptiness. I hope they are having fun playing together. They are probably trying to decide which one of them is in charge:):):)


Ilove you

You are so right, Sharlene.

Addy, I never realized how much the dynamics between Zoe and Koko and Alivia and Maxwell were so similar! I hope at the bridge Ali and Zoe do not have to decide who gets to be boss! ;)

Addy, I was reading your post about how some people don't get it. I will share the conversation with my boss that took place on the Monday morning, immediately after Ali had died on Friday. I was at my desk working. Not crying or being disruptive in any way. Just not my usual happy self for obvious reasons.

My boss came in that morning and walked by my desk and said "How are you?"
Me: "Not too good."
Him: "Why?"
Me: "Because my dog died on Friday" (which he already knew)
Him: "Well, she was old. Not like my dog, who is 7 years old and in the prime of her life and is dying from cancer" (his dog is 11, not that it matters)
Me: "Would you like your dog any less if she were older?"
Him: "Well, your dog was old. Old dogs die and you have another one."
Me: "They are not interchangeable"
Him: "Well, the last thing I need around here is a mope a dope. If you are going to mope, go home."

I wanted to slap him. I have worked with him for NINE years! No empathy whatsoever. There was no need for any of it, either. If he could not manage a simple "I'm sorry.", he should have just walked by and said NOTHING. His comments were cruel and I can honestly say, I lost all respect for him as a human being in those few minutes.

Oh my god, Mary Beth!! What a horrible thing to have your boss do to you. What the H%# is wrong with people!! I'm shocked at such insensitivity by some people. Especially a boss who should know better than to treat his staff like crap. grrrrrr I'm furious on your behalf and just want to walk in there and tell him off.
People can really suck and be mean when they want to.
You just go right ahead and grief and do your thing. They will have to adapt to not having a constant cheerful Mary Beth and if they don't like it, too bad. Haven't seen cheerful attitude while suffering personal loss of life written into any contract yet.

grrrrrrrrr
love
Sharlene and molly muffin

Oh Mary Beth, what your boss said and did is absolutely despicable. How uncaring! And you are right, so unnecessary. He should have just walked away and said nothing. Even if you had been crying at your desk, it was uncalled for.

I know there have been times during Jasper's illness where I have been less than my usual cheerful self at work, and I have noticed that it is not very well received. At all. That is very discouraging, and I feel that I have to keep up a front a lot of times, which is very draining.

I feel sorry for his poor dog. In my mind, people like him don't deserve to have a dog.

Big hugs,
Tina and Jasper xo

That is just darn right out and out mean and disrespectful of your boss, Mary Beth and I am so sorry you had to experience it.:(:(

I know we will get through it all some how. Big hugs to you and Maxwell, Koko says woof to Maxwell. Is Maxwell eating ok? Since Zoe is not here at meal time to get all happy and excited, Koko could care less about it.

Alivia and Zoe- the girls probably decided they will take turns being boss:):);) ha, I can just see and hear them taking turns " woof, hey it is my turn, "Arf, no today is my day";):D:D:D:D

Tina- I know exactly what you mean. If we are just quiet and doing our job, why is it a negative?

Big Hugs

It was even more awful than what I posted. I was shocked at how cruel he was being. It was like a knife through my heart that he just kept turning and he wouldn't shut up. I kept thinking to myself please just stop it, just stop. The next day he attempted to be super nice to me (in general, not about Ali), as if he may have realized how mean he had been, but he never apologized. He is going through some professional issues...had recently been fired as CEO and will only remain on as a consultant. So, I will no longer be his assistant and have gone back to the Legal Department and now have a new boss. None of that justifies how mean he was, though. Like I said, he should have just said NOTHING.

Sharlene, I was so shocked at the words coming out of his mouth and you are not the only one that was angry on my behalf!

Tina, even weirder is he is an animal lover and has taken off work to go to vet appointments with his wife for both his cat and dog. He just has no empathy for others.

Addy, Max is still eating but not with the "gusto" he had. I had a couple friends over last night and they commented on how different Max was being. They said he seemed very reserved and like he lost his "spark". He is definitely grieving. I am giving him extra attention and taking him for car rides more. He perks up for a bit, but then goes back to being a little "off".

Thank goodness my FRIENDS and family have been very kind and understanding during this time. They all realize how important Alivia was to me.

Nah, that jerk is not an animal lover. He is an arrogant, self-centered, toxic narcissistic A-hole. :mad::mad::mad: He expressed no concern over his own pup's situation but rather it sounds like he is POd because a dog of his dared to get sick. :mad: I'm glad you are not working under him any longer.

Leslie, you are probably exactly right and not the first person to call him narcisstic when I've told this story. My best friend tells me that I tend to let people off the hook too easily, making excuses for their behavior when there is no excuse other than your very accurate description of him. You are also absolutely right about what he said about his own dog (and that he did not even know how old she is!). It was kind of like he thought I got my money's worth out of Ali and he wasn't getting it out of his! When I had to take a vacation day because of Alivia being sick, I would never tell him that because of the attitude and remarks I would get. Over the years I have let a lot of things slide because really what choice did I really have?! Professionally, he treated me well and I got good reviews and great raises. But, I am very glad he is no longer my boss because I can no longer look at him through my rose colored glasses. I said on Addy's thread that there seemed to be 3 types of people when it comes to a loss like this, but my (ex) boss may be in a class all of his own!

Mary Beth:
What a jerk that man is, I am glad you do not work under him anymore. Leslie had a spot on description of him. You should not have to put up with that after losing your dear baby. I know how you must feel and understand the continual heartbreak over Alivia she was with you for all those years, I give your credit even being able to go to work, as I probably couldn't. Blessings
Patti

I know that not everyone "gets it" about our furbabies, but they shouldn't impose their unfeeling opinions on those of us who do have warm and fuzzy's about our animals and consider them a part of our lives.
We have a girl in our office who has cats and those cats are her life. I always try to stop by her desk and ask how they are and see pictures. When my molly hurt her back, I sent a general email out to the office and said, I won't be in till it's better, working from home. I'm lucky that was an option for me, and not sure what I wold have done if it hadn't been.
Poor Max, I'm sure he Is grieving and feeling a bit lost over all. It's a different world for him too without her. All you can do is what you are already doing, give him that extra attention, take him places and let him interact with other people and dogs as much as possible to get his socializing in.
hugs
Sharlene and Molly muffin

OH MY GOODNESS, that boss is sure a jerk!! :mad::eek::mad:

We are here for you Mary Beth and certainly understand how you feel, and remember you have every right to grieve, and as long as you need to.

Sending huge loving hugs, Lori

Mary Beth,
Fix his arrogant ass and report the incident to HR. I certainly would.
Hugs!

God, some people have rocks for brains. Unbelievable they think that it is OK to say stuff like that. Just ignore the ignorant shite, glad he is not your boss anymore. I can see why he was demoted! Big hugs for you Mary Beth x

Hope you have a decent week, Mary Beth.

Sending hugs